What is Gestalt Therapy? Here and now. So, what happens at the appointment with a psychotherapist, when he told his, often sad, story? So, the patient is confused ... He has already tried all the ways he knows to cope with the situation

Hello, dear readers of the blog site. Do you remember a lot of such situations when, for example, communication with your clients at work went on positive notes, and at the same time you managed to negotiate a deal very easily? A little? Confused? Remember what happened, but the details were not preserved in memory?

And when, on the contrary, everything ended in a quarrel, misunderstanding? Much better and more vividly displayed in memories? That's right, that's how it is for most people. This is the gestalt.

Until it is closed and "it's all in your head," it will be difficult for you to find peace, balance and feel happy. Gestalt psychology methods just help to get rid of everything “stuck in the head” and continue to live happily, enjoying it.

What is gestalt and why does it haunt us

The word itself comes from German (who would doubt, based on its sound) Gestalt. In literal translation, it means a figure, image, form or structure (you can look in Google translator yourself). In other words, it is a holistic image that is something more than the sum of its parts.

A German philosopher introduced it more than a century ago, and gave a more accurate, but less understandable explanation (it is given in the video below).

Want an example of such an image (gestalt)? Well, take the tune. After all, this is much more than the individual sounds of its components. The same can be said about the painting. This property of the psyche is to search for a whole in a disparate one.

We can mentally collect some separate things into a single image. This is how our psyche works and it has helped us survive for centuries (for example, recognizing the figure of a predator hiding in the bushes).

Most important property gestalt - striving for completion. Surely you have a better image of the film that you did not manage to finish watching in your memory. Dig into your head. And how many times have you seen when an injured athlete still strives to at least hobble to the finish line. The desire for completion is inherent in all of us.

All of this happens at the subconscious level. a common person(who does not know how to professionally delve into his head) simply does not realize all this. However, some unfinished gestalts sit very deep in the head and haunt us (sometimes all our lives), leaving their imprint on behavior. Most of all, people are prone to this, that is, with.

Over and over again, a person pulls out of his memory some problematic, still unresolved situation, and it torments him. This can last for years, often going back to childhood itself. The whole catch is that the reason for the problematic nature of this situation (the incompleteness of the gestalt) we simply do not realize which makes it difficult to get out of it.

It is like a splinter, from which we feel discomfort, but we cannot understand the root cause. Gestalt psychology it is recognized to point a person to this splinter and help get rid of it. No, not even that. Not to point out, but to teach them to find this relationship themselves and get rid of such spiritual splinters in the future on their own.

This therapy is designed to teach a person get rid of destructive gestalts on your own so that he can go through life without limping on both legs, but calmly and constructively building his future (without unnecessary unfinished psychological problems behind your shoulders).

The root cause of all problems in Gestalt psychology is that this particular person cannot live in the present and drags with him from the past all unclosed gestalts. He constantly retrieves them from memory, scrolls and suffers because he did something wrong then. To close all these problems and teach a person to live in the present is the task of a therapist practicing this technique.

A Look into the History of Gestalt Psychology

Until the 1940s, Freud's method dominated the world of psychotherapy. His German student, Fritz Perls, together with his wife, revised their views on his theory. They added new concepts and slightly changed the way they communicate with the person in the session.

« Gestalt therapy: Arousal and Growth in the Human Personality is the first published book on the subject, written by him with Paul Goodman. According to its concept and principles, psychotherapy was carried out in the clinic (more precisely, just in the apartment) of the Perls.

What was this psychotherapy? Fritz came into conflict with clients, raised a strong storm of negative emotions in them. A little later, group therapy was introduced, as he considered the individual format too outdated.

On the net you can find rare historical footage of his gestalt sessions, watching which (albeit only with Russian subtitles, and not with Russian translation) you will understand his method:

Over time, this practice spread throughout Europe. Only the attitude towards people at the session became more. Although some avid Gestalt therapists still stay old school and can afford to heat up the atmosphere.

Remember the pictures, which depict either a vase, or the faces of people who are looking at each other? Some of this becomes the main figure, and something, respectively, the background for it.

Edgar Rubin studied this phenomenon. I came to the conclusion that some situations from a person's life become the main more attention is drawn to them. Everything else fades into the background.

Incomplete gestalt - what is the essence of the problem

Gestalt is wholeness, completeness. It refers not only to the classic relationship between parents, friends, a couple. In general, to the satisfaction of desires, the achievement of goals, etc.

When someone is in a quarrel with a loved one or cannot long time finding a job is very depressing, you see. Let's look at a couple of common life situations to understand what's what.

Examples

Imagine a situation. The man really wanted to become an artist, he tried to draw, but then he abandoned this business. Time passes, everything goes as usual, but when he climbs into the closet for some things, he accidentally stumbles upon his works.

What's happening? He is upset because he remembers his desire that is not achieved. Then he walks around the apartment sad for a whole week.

Consider an unfinished gestalt on the example of the separation of a man and a woman. Let's say one of them decided to disperse. As a rule, such news will be out of the blue in the middle of summer. The person will be discouraged, upset.

Perhaps he will fall into a state of hopelessness, deepen into a depressive state. He will be tormented by thoughts that it is impossible to return everything as before, to fix something.

This the situation will remain open, if it is not worked out in the right way in your head on your own or with the help of a psychotherapist.

How does a Gestalt therapy session work?

Gestalt therapy is, in simple words, an attempt close those things and life situations that don't let a person rest.

If this is an individual session, then the client tells the psychologist about what worries him. And the therapist helps to find a way out. The main word here is “helps”, not “points” to the solution of the problem.

If the psychotherapist immediately indicates how to act, what to do, how to think, then the gestalt will close, yes. But in further similar situations, a person will again not know what to do, how to cope with himself and the world around him. So psychologist teaches to think correctly, on their own to get out of the labyrinth of turmoil.

In the arsenal of the therapist is not only the usual conversation with the client, but also many techniques. For example, there is a technique suitable for people who have an unclosed gestalt with some person with whom it is no longer possible to physically talk and solve the problem. Suppose he does not want to see him, he left for another country, or he died.

In this case, a chair is placed in front of the client and asked to imagine that the person with whom there was a misunderstanding is sitting on it or they harbor a strong offense against him. This may take some time as you need to delve deeper into the situation. After that, the client must tell the image that he forgives him, lets go, no longer holds negative feelings. Before that, he can express all the negativity to “him” - let off steam.

The principle of "here and now" in Gestalt psychology

Gestalt is what needs to be closed in order to be happy. And the principle of "here and now" is an approach to thinking that takes its origins from the philosophy of Buddhism. By the way, Fritz Perls carefully studied Eastern culture.

The therapist always asks how the patient feels in this moment what emotions and feelings he has. If a person talks about the past, the psychologist tries to bring him back to the present with questions:

What is your relationship like now?
What do you feel when you say this?
How can this situation be corrected today?
How is this situation affecting you now?

This creates confidence that the client is subject to the problem here and now. Even if it happened a few years ago.

It is very difficult for us to understand that a person must live at the moment and hour. We often get stuck either in the past or in dreams of the future.

Therefore, there are exercises on how to learn this. One of them can be done during breakfast, lunch and dinner. We need to focus on the cutlery that we bring to the mouth; in the process of chewing food; on the hand that reaches for the salt. Here and now.

When Should You See a Gestalt Psychologist?

Different areas of psychotherapy are suitable for a certain type of people and a certain area of problems, but for some they are not suitable. How to understand what you need and whether you need it at all?

Under what circumstances should you contact a professional? who understands Gestalt therapy? The answer is not at all obvious, but honest answers to a number of questions (listed below) will help you figure it out.

If you find in yourself some of the following symptoms (or several of them at once), then you should seriously think about the methods of Gestalt psychology:

Do you often experience stressful situations?
Difficulty communicating with parents/children/friends/husband/wife;
Difficulty adapting to new surroundings;
You are immersed in a long depressive state;
Are you a victim of mental or physical abuse;
Periodically there is an incomprehensible feeling of sadness or emptiness;
You have experienced a severe loss and need support;
Do you have phobias that affect your quality of life?
You cannot achieve your goal;
You cannot satisfy your desire;
You cannot start living today;
It's hard for you to define how you feel.

We need to find a psychotherapist with whom we can communicate comfortably. Don't be afraid to change a few until you find the right one. Then the effectiveness of the sessions will be much higher, and you will be satisfied with the result.

Good luck to you! See you soon on the blog pages site

You can watch more videos by going to

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WHERE DID THIS STRANGE WORD GESTALT COME FROM?

Initially, there was Gestalt psychology, which studies the dynamics of human perception. From the point of view of this science, a person does not just perceive what is happening, he structures and imposes rules on his perception. So a circle drawn with a continuous line and a circle drawn with separate points will be perceived as two circles on the background white sheet. Many are familiar with the images of a young girl and an old woman, which can be seen peering into different details of the picture. Or two profiles and a vase, which appear either as a background or as a figure. The figure protruding against the background is the Gestalt (the German word for an image, a set of details that form something whole). In the same way, we can assess the situation the way we are used to or the way we want to see it.

What does this have to do with Gestalt therapy? Fritz Perls, a talented student of Freud, who later grew up to be the no less famous founder of a new direction in psychotherapy, used the laws of perception to create a new psychotherapeutic system and humanistic ideas about human existence. He used the concepts of figure and background to denote important things in our lives.

Our feelings are a continuous process. Every moment of life can be defined at least as pleasant or unpleasant, comfortable or uncomfortable. If you perceive your state in a more differentiated way, then you can talk about feelings. AT modern society feelings that orient a person in relation to the situation are considered rather as a hindrance. It is customary to be calm, cold and collected. The manifestation of emotions is seen as a loss of control and education is aimed at ensuring that a person learns to control himself and the expression of his feelings. Going to " crusade for control over emotions ”parents impatiently demand that the child quickly cope with his natural manifestations, after which tears and crying are quite seriously considered by adults for something completely indecent. Therefore, calmness is often only depicted, being considered a manifestation of good manners in behavior.

Such calmness is a mask that is put on, for example, in order to "not show one's weaknesses" or to demonstrate "mastery of oneself." However, avoiding pain, a person “hides” important feelings and experiences in the background, “forgetting” about them ... And then to the question “What do you feel now?” The patient replies “Nothing! What should I feel?” demonstrating one of the mechanisms psychological protection. It is needed in order to protect a person from too strong feelings: mental pain, disappointment, fear, hatred, etc. Still, a person is not “empty”. And repressed, unexpressed feelings can live with him long years. The absence of a “figure”, or rather suppressed and unexpressed feelings, leads to emotional stress, anxiety, irritability, bad sleep, loss of appetite or, conversely, its excessive increase.

It is very important to be aware of the continuity of your emotional experience and accept feelings not as a hindrance that prevents you from managing your life, but as guidelines in relation to your desires. Neurotic patients, for example, are often unable to understand what their specific desires are, or unable to determine their own. own attitude to the environment so that their important vital needs are satisfied. Here one of the patients complains that she cannot determine her attitude towards young people. If she is told that others like a young man, he becomes attractive to her too. At the same time, she cannot understand why she herself does not develop stable relationships with men, why she is abandoned ...

If this mode of dealing with oneself becomes predominant, the patient ceases to orient himself in his life situation(background). People without desires suffer from depression. Everything seems unnecessary to them, they do not want anything. In order to navigate, you need to be able to “feel yourself”. Feeling yourself, it is easier to find your desires (figure). Desire is a sign of the road to the future. Desire mobilizes a person, directs in the right direction and determines the goal. And then you can make a decision - to do something or not to do something for their implementation and what exactly.

If we listen to our body (our body self), we will notice that it chooses to do what is related to its need. If we are thirsty, then our actions will be aimed at finding a glass of water ... Of course, you can say "I will cultivate the will and will not drink water all day!". However, you must admit that we will constantly return to thoughts about it ... “accidentally” find ourselves near a carafe of water ... get angry “in a different way” about ... A person who lives in accordance with the natural rhythm of the appearance and completion of a need (desire) feels clear and effective .

UNFINISHED SITUATIONS AND GESTALT THERAPY

Gestalt therapy is based on the psychological concept of "unfinished business". Very often, a patient is a person who simply leaves a problem situation in order to avoid painful feelings, to protect himself from unbearable grief or contempt, rage or sadness, i.e. without completing it for yourself.

This accumulated emotion can “detonate” at any moment and for the wrong reason. If a person does not dare to express his opinion to the boss, it is likely that at home he will “quite rightly” (and find a suitable reason!) to scold the children. And all the same, patients constantly return to those situations, or rather to those people who caused these feelings.

The continuation of a quarrel with his wife in the patient's head, the painful return to situations that arose in marriage, when the divorce was already finalized, "stuck" on childhood grievances in adulthood - all these are examples of unfinished situations. All these unexpressed feelings, unexplained relationships and unspoken words, undone deeds can live in us for many years. Twenty-five years later, the patient recalls a childhood grudge against a friend who quietly leaves to play with the children in the yard, and she turns out to be odd, superfluous. And, remembering this, he guesses why now, being already an adult, she found a lot of good reasons not to meet her, who came to visit her parents.

And no matter how successful a person is in other areas of life, it is important for him to complete precisely these situations. If unfinished business becomes the center of a person's existence, it will always interfere with his life. The patient must return to the "unfinished business" he left behind because it was so painful that he had to run from it. Therefore, behind the complaints and actions of the patient, the Gestalt therapist seeks to discover the unfinished situations of his life, to return to them so that the patient can go through the experience and complete the situation as he wants now.

LIFE “HERE AND NOW”

From the point of view of Gestalt therapy, the main problem modern man- this is alienation from oneself, from one's inner experience, one's sensations and one's feelings. Gestalt therapy differs from other forms of psychological practice in its philosophy - the philosophy of integrity, the fullness of life, living every moment in all its sharpness “here and now”.

The emphasis is on the present, on what is happening at the moment (in life or in the session) with the client. Instead of endlessly explaining what is happening to the client, the therapist encourages him to recognize and express the experiences that underlie the problematic behavior. Even if the content of the meeting at the moment are memories of unpleasant event, the main thing is the awareness of those feelings and experiences, thoughts and desires that the patient is experiencing now. What was “forgotten” is suppressed, revived and concentrated until the tension leaves the person.

The Gestalt therapist rarely asks “Why?” questions. This question is often only a variant of self-deception for patients, leading to endless chewing (not experiencing!) of the past. By answering it, they force themselves to believe that since they talk about their problems, they are already sort of solving them and growing as individuals. To help the patient stay in touch with the present, the Gestalt therapist encourages dialogue in the present, asking questions such as “What is happening to you right now?”, “How do you feel your fear?” or “How exactly are you not answering my question now?”

However, the so-called psychological defense mechanisms or resistance stand in the way of awareness and experience “here and now”. The patient unconsciously tries to protect himself from sharp and unpleasant feelings. These psychological defenses are also the subject of close consideration in the dialogue between the therapist and the client.

CONTACT AND PROTECTIVE MECHANISMS

In Gestalt therapy there is the concept of contact. This interaction with environment and people without loss of individuality. Gestalt therapists encourage patients to become more aware of their body, sensations, feelings, and their own desires. However, the peculiarities of upbringing, prohibitions imposed by society, unfinished situations prevent the experience of the present moment. There are unconscious psychological defense mechanisms that prevent people from being authentic.

It interferes, for example, with the tendency to uncritically perceive the views and standards of other people, which are alien to this particular patient's personality. Or an unconscious desire to deny one's own, often forbidden, feelings and desires and attribute them to others. This version of psychological defense is reflected in the drawing by Herluf Bidstrup, where an angry man furiously asks his relatives “Who is evil? I'm angry?". It is also possible to over-identify oneself with others, avoid awareness and even prohibit differences in relation to loved ones. It is a common disease of marriages and lasting friendships. Sometimes it also happens that the patient scolds or blames himself for what is addressed to other people and does not realize the real addressee.

Usually such behaviors escape our consciousness and block the energy that can be directed to satisfy the needs of the patient. Blocked energy is manifested in a tense posture, trembling, a choked voice and unusual gestures, turning away from the interlocutor in a conversation, etc. and leads to impotence. An observant and empathetic therapist helps the client discover where he is blocking energy and encourages the channeling of that energy into more adaptive channels.

SELF-CONSCIOUSNESS AND SELF-MANIPULATION

A universal way to cope with a problem situation is experience. Feelings most often have an external addressee, the person to whom they are directed. Most people are more inclined to avoid painful experiences than to do what is necessary to change the situation and themselves. Therefore, they find themselves in a dead end, blocking the possibility of their growth.

Many of us have a tendency to avoid confrontation and the full experience of worry, guilt, anger and other "uncomfortable" feelings. This is usually due to catastrophic expectations towards others. “Because of my anger, people may turn away from me…” or “If I start crying and grieving, I won’t be able to stop…” are fears that are often found in communication. To do this, they are trained not to feel what is (self-manipulation), but this does not give them the opportunity to be fully alive.

What will orient the patient in time, what should be paid attention to? But just for those feelings from which we run to others, more comfortable or to “not feeling anything” ... If you stop rushing in your “favorite” situation and turn to yourself, you can understand what brings us such pain, what feeling we are trying to avoid . If this is impotence, then maybe it is better to recognize it as existing for yourself and leave? Or make a plan of action. If it is an unbearable fear of loneliness, “over which” we scream at loved one so that he doesn’t leave (and he, of course, runs away ...), then it might be better to tell him about your desire to be closer, to be with him ... It is quite possible that this will be “new information for reflection” for him and pave the way for a new relationship .

Why do you need a psychotherapist? Just to stop the patient at the point of avoidance (or escape, whichever you prefer) and ask what is going on. It is at this moment that it becomes possible for the patient to meet himself, his feelings and desires.

Personal growth requires a certain amount of risk in feeling and expressing yourself. After all, it may turn out that the patient feels exactly what he condemns or what is forbidden. Therefore, the Gestalt therapist encourages the expression in the “here and now” of all the feelings that are relevant at this moment. With the help of the therapist directing attention to important details of his behavior, the person learns to become more aware of those feelings that were previously ignored. By living the avoided feelings and actions, the patient gets the opportunity to find and complete that unfinished action that prevents him from living fully and happily in real life.

ATTENTION: ORGANISM!

A lot of time in working with a client, the Gestalt therapist devotes to the physiological manifestations of the patient who is in contact with the psychotherapist. Disturbances in contact, self-restraint can be manifested by tight or shallow breathing, a change in the timbre of the voice, monotonous intonations, a feeling of a lump in the throat (they even say that these are “swallowed”, i.e., unspoken words). The observant therapist will soon notice, or try to find out, the suppression of which feelings that are unacceptable for the patient is associated with a suddenly appeared, hollow and cracked voice, intonation that has become unusually monotonous. The anxiety complained of by the patient is often associated with an unconscious “suppression” of arousal that could be used in action to solve problems.

In the same way, gait, posture and gestures matter. Even just entering the office, a person is able to tell a lot about his condition with the help of movements. One walks easily and freely, leaning on the floor, the other is sneaking, the third is barely moving his legs, the fourth is “hovering” above the ground .... Or, for example, the patient shakes his head from side to side, talking about his love, but the movements of the head negate the verbal message. Sometimes in contact with a patient, the therapist cannot catch his eye because the patient is not looking at him. Distrust of the therapist, fears towards him make the patient "blind". In the same way, in his life he does not receive visual information from other people. By ignoring them, he remains alone, receiving neither condemnation nor support.

Unexpressed feelings are often manifested by incomplete movements. Here is a patient monotonously talking about her relationship with her husband, holding right hand left. The therapist offers to release the hand, allow it to move freely and continue its story. At the same time, the hand begins to live its own life, clenching into a fist and hitting the armrest of the chair. Awareness of this movement leads to awareness and expression of the feeling of anger that has been suppressed. The therapist encourages the patient to feel his movements, looking for an opportunity to regain access to the real experience.

A DREAM IS ME TOO...

Dreams in Gestalt therapy are considered as the world of his inner experiences, and all dream situations, his characters, related to the patient or not, represent the patient himself. This is especially true of recurring, unusual and nightmarish dreams. They often contain surprising, unacceptable or mysterious images for patients. These images, not subject to logic and reason, behaving at their own discretion and, in principle, not controlled by the patient, are very important for therapy.

The Gestalt therapist encourages the patient to become a character in the dream and act out the dream situation as if it were real. When a person is immersed in his own dream, he experiences very different and exciting experiences about those aspects of his existence that he forbids himself, does not consider his own, or attributes to other people.

The patient can become the Queen Mother from her dream and replay the interaction situation with her son. At the same time, all those features of it that were not previously obvious become clear. Or, having “become a son” for a while, feel this position from within and come to the need to choose a different behavior in family life. The patient learns a lot about his sexuality by identifying with the water in the pool, the tower above it and the lonely swimmer from the dream.

Whatever direction dream work takes, it always fits exactly real relationship person with significant people his life, his position in relation to the world. A dream worked out at a session with a therapist is able to tell the patient about his inner life no less colorful and interesting than his history and his actions.

NEW EXPERIENCE

Psychotherapy is effective and useful for the patient only when in it a person meets with new experience - the experience of perceiving oneself, one's actions, relationships with other people. Such a new experience for the patient may be the nonjudgmental perception by the therapist of his feelings and desires, the exchange of feelings with another person, the acceptance that the other person differs in values and behavior, being at a loss, but without a feverish fight against it, the experience of loneliness and the experience of independent behavior. , new may be the opportunity to be weak or an open manifestation of love and tenderness, the experience of open protest and the experience of presenting oneself to others, the new may be the opportunity to live serenely without condemning oneself for it ... In a word, everything that differs from the old, problematic can become a new experience ...

PATIENT AND RELATIVES

Sometimes patients come to a psychotherapist at the insistence of relatives, and sometimes on their own initiative, carefully concealing their visits to a psychotherapist. Both cases mean that there is not enough support for the process of changing the patient from relatives. In the first case, this is, as a rule, manipulation with a patient like “Doctor, change my husband” (child, wife, mother) to make them obedient. In the second, relatives have a negative attitude towards the patient who wants to change something in family relationships or having a weakness to be treated for "something psychic". In any case, the patient will have to endure the hidden or obvious pressure of loved ones who are accustomed to a certain type of relationship and who want to return everything back to a convenient track.

Relationship restructuring is a risky process, but if the patient changes, the winner is ie. getting closer and free relationship all may be. Of course, it is not bad if the patient is supported by someone close. When this is not the case, support can be provided by friends or acquaintances who have successfully completed therapy, members of the psychotherapy group, the therapist himself.

THE ROLE OF THE PSYCHOTHERAPIST

Let us recall once again the myths that accompany the work of a psychotherapist. One option is to issue a prescription. It is assumed that the psychotherapist is a superman who sees everything, knows everything and can tell the client how to behave correctly, after which the client will follow the therapist's instructions and everything will work out.

On this occasion, there is a paradoxical statement by the famous English psychotherapist Wilfrid Bayon - “In any office (of a psychotherapist) you can always find two rather frightened people: a patient and a psychoanalyst. If this is not the case, then it is generally incomprehensible why they are trying to find out well-known truths”

This statement indicates that the psychotherapist does not have a preconceived opinion about the patient, and the patient's knowledge of himself does not always give relief and comfort ... immediately. And also about the fact that the psychotherapist does not bring the understanding of himself and his problems to the patient “on a silver platter”. And the work can be accompanied by a variety of feelings - joy and anger, sadness and pain, laughter and fear, love and hatred - for both participants in the psychotherapeutic session. This is a joint effort and joint, sometimes difficult mental work of both the patient and his psychotherapist.

Sometimes psychotherapists have to go through quite long periods during which they remain in ignorance and helplessness. The quality of the psychotherapist's work depends on his ability to experience feelings of not-knowing, incompetence and willingness to wait until something significant appears in his dialogue with the patient. Thus, he will avoid a prejudiced view of the patient and preserve the freshness of perception, of this particular person, unique in his problem.

The psychotherapist is, to some extent, a guide, an accompanying person, in the patient's search for his Self. He will never evaluate and condemn the patient, tell him what to do and how to do it. This can only be decided by the patient. But the therapist will create everything the necessary conditions so that such a decision is feasible, adequate for the patient and was made in his interests. Therefore, seeking to understand the patient, the psychotherapist patiently waits for the moment to catch the thread of the very meaning that is relevant to the patient's problem.

The emotional relationship between psychotherapist and client that emerges in dealing with a problem is very significant. For the therapist, one's own emotional responses to the client's behavior are an extremely important diagnostic tool. In this sense, a professionally competent psychotherapist should be freer than the client in understanding and expressing his feelings. The latter give him the opportunity to understand what role the client or client assigns to him in their interaction, what it is like to live in this role, how the client will react to its change ... All this is very important for understanding the client's problem ... and, of course, does not exclude simple human interest, empathy and sympathy for the client.

SPECIAL RELATIONSHIPS

So, what happens at the appointment with a psychotherapist, when he told his, often sad, story? So, the patient is confused ... He has already tried all the ways he knows to cope with the situation. And, most often, he knows himself how it would be necessary to conduct it. But it can’t… and with this “I know how, but it doesn’t work out,” psychotherapy begins.

Many patients see the cause of their difficulties and problems in other people. And, of course, with this approach, they ask the therapist to teach them more subtle manipulations in relationships with others in order to better control their behavior. Moreover, they want guarantees that people unknown to the psychotherapist will begin to behave the way he (the patient) needs. Psychotherapy does nothing of the kind. And it is simply unrealistic to cope with the crowd of relatives and acquaintances, which the patient mentally “brings” with him to the office. The reality is that another person's behavior can only change when our own changes. It is this desire for change that is the subject of the meeting of two personalities - the psychotherapist and his patient.

Some time of therapy is occupied by the "legend" of the patient - a story that he already knows about himself and how he relates to this. “Facade” information about oneself usually does not contain anything new for the patient, but this period itself is extremely important for getting to know both parties. The patient is very attentive to the reactions of the psychotherapist, he evaluates how suitable the person sitting opposite him is, whether it is possible to be open and frank with him ...

Some patients begin and, having not received the magic formula from one psychotherapist, interrupt the treatment, moving on to the next. They remain in the belief that the therapist does not understand their case. Sometimes this happens, but much more often patients consciously or unconsciously want to prescribe to the psychotherapist to some extent how they should be treated. As a rule, such a prescription does not imply their own responsibility and their own efforts in the treatment process.

Meanwhile, the doctor expects the patient to perform the difficult work of returning experiences. And then there is a reaction of disappointment, because the patient was hoping to get something just the opposite from the doctor - The best way avoidance of experiences, pain, actions. It even seems absurd that therapy invites the patient to experience something that he certainly tries to avoid. And if the patient patiently overcomes the reaction of disappointment without stopping therapy, he gradually acquires orientation in the therapeutic situation. The work of changing oneself begins to take on meaning and perspective.

Listening to the patient, the psychotherapist also determines his attitude and his feelings towards him. Despite the myths about the “superhumanity” of the psychotherapist, he is still an ordinary person and the patient can be sympathetic to him and not very (and in this “not very”, if you understand how and from what, there may be a root of the patient’s problems with others). In contact with a patient, it is important for a psychotherapist to be very attentive, not only to him, but also to himself (yes, yes!), his feelings and desires. This is the most valuable landmark in what is happening in the relationship between them. The best thing that a psychotherapist can give a patient at the beginning of an acquaintance is support for his desire to understand himself and change, as well as convey his own sense of the value of what is happening. Gradually, a special relationship develops between the psychotherapist and the patient, which has no analogues in everyday life.

Within this meeting, what is happening between them "here and now", in a therapeutic session, soon manifests itself. And these relationships are very seriously influenced by the patient's life history, his relationship with his parents - the most important people his childhood, stereotypes of behavior (this is when I know how to do it, but I do it as always), favorite feelings that he experiences in stressful situations. Many of these patterns of behavior (a term denoting a set of characteristics) are unconscious and the task of the psychotherapist is to create conditions for their awareness.

Having not received enough love and acceptance in childhood, the patient can indirectly demand this from other people (and from the psychotherapist too), and manipulate them skillfully enough to achieve his goal. But the bottom line is that he begins to completely depend on the reaction of these people and take offense at them if he does not achieve what he wants. Close such dependence is a burden, many can not stand it, conflicts arise. This behavior is often based on fear and distrust - the patient may be unconsciously convinced that others will not give him love and support, or simply “not see” that they are providing it.

So, the psychotherapist for the patient in a symbolic sense, to one degree or another, is a parent. The patient asks him for support and advice, asks to teach him to behave differently. His position in relation to the psychotherapist is different in that he perceives him as a powerful and authoritative person (what parents once were for a child) and “does not notice” what distinguishes him from his parents.

By his behavior, remarks and questions, the patient unconsciously changes the situation so that the psychotherapist does not differ too much from one of the parents in his reactions. And then the psychotherapist can feel like a “strict and angry father” of the patient or become a “rejecting mother” for a while. In their interaction, there may appear a competition characteristic of the patient in everyday life (and this is already a reflection of the relationship with the older brother), and the desire to prove to the therapist that he can not cope. This phenomenon in psychotherapy is called transfer or transfer (this term came to Gestalt therapy from psychoanalysis).

Why is transference analyzed in a psychotherapeutic session? There is a very valuable opportunity to understand and “work through” the early experience of interacting with people who are fundamental to a person’s life (parents). Exploring these relationships together can bring a lot to the patient's life, especially if the patient ends up using a large set of behavioral responses. The transfer assists the patient in understanding and accepting their needs.

This is normal and becomes an incentive to analyze the relationship, the feelings that they cause, the patient's desires and direct (!), And not indirect, ways to satisfy them. And, then, the patient can honestly come to terms with the fact that for a direct and open request, he runs the risk of receiving a direct and open refusal. Or, on the contrary, warming him, consent. And ... be glad that such a path to the fulfillment of desires does not spoil relations, but makes them warm and close.

In the event that the patient did not have the opportunity in childhood to see his parents as ideally beautiful, intelligent and worthy of love, he will be inclined to attribute the qualities of the ideal to the psychotherapist (and in life to other people), expect praise from him. And then, of course, to be disappointed, angry (after all, people are so far from ideal) and demand that they meet his expectations. And this also causes tension in relations with people and conflicts.

In such a case, accepting support or dissatisfaction from a real, rather than ideal person will mean for the patient that in time he himself will be able to support and love other people. And his ties to them will deepen. The psychotherapist faces a difficult task, not succumbing to the temptation to be an ideal, to appear before the patient just ordinary, perhaps imperfect, but real person with whom you can build relationships in a different way. The experience of the relationship between the patient and the therapist plays a large role in the formation of a mature personality. Such a person begins to better understand himself and others and becomes more attractive to others - spouses, friends, colleagues.

DEAD ENDS AND PROGRESS IN THERAPY

In the long-term work of the therapist and the client, impasses sometimes arise. The client stops moving forward and feels that the therapy has ceased to benefit him. The results of therapy seem small, at least not in line with the effort expended. The ultimate goal seems to be just as distant and unattainable. The therapist who previously seemed all-knowing and extraordinary turns out to be an ordinary and often boring person.

Strange as it may seem, a dead end is, first of all, evidence of good therapy - a close distance is established between the patient and the psychotherapist. But it develops only when the therapist and the client find themselves in the grip of a rigid role structure. Each plays his role without going beyond it, and each "justifies the expectations of the other" from the standpoint of this role. The real identity of each of the participants in the therapeutic process is temporarily hidden under the mask of a role.

This is a very dangerous moment in therapy. In favorable cases, the patient expresses his dissatisfaction with the therapist, reproaching or blaming him for not moving the therapy forward enough or for some personal qualities. This usually makes the therapy environment safer for the client to ensure that the expression of negative feelings does not lead to a break in the relationship. If the patient is "too polite to express anger", unexpressed resentments accumulate and therapy may be interrupted by the patient.

In the therapeutic space of the impasse, another very important thing is impotence. Powerlessness is a real fact of relationships, a real fact of life. There are a lot of events in life that cannot be influenced and can only be accepted. Powerlessness is inevitable and lies in the spirit of therapy itself. Interaction leads to powerlessness not only of the therapist, but also of the patient. When shared not only by the patient but also by the therapist, the experience becomes a meta-event—the two explore something that goes beyond the relationship.

The way out of this situation is often very close. You can get out of the impasse by realizing your negative feelings and changing the role structure of communication. In the course of psychotherapy, any free creative flow of communication protects against closed stalemate passages. When the patient has tied the psychotherapist hand and foot with a role structure, it is better if the role is changed by the therapist. And the more one's own personality and feelings will be in this changed role, the sooner the role structure will change. And then the patient will be able to try out a new role for himself and this will be discussed in the course of therapy. A new role for the patient, a role in which he feels differently, is evidence of undoubted progress in treatment.

GROUP GESTALT THERAPY

Gestalt therapy is not only individual work with a client. In the event that a client experiences difficulties in communicating with other people, the experience of a psychotherapeutic group can be very valuable for him. All over the world, psychological groups are a familiar element of culture that has entered the lives of many people.

The group comes in different ways. Some light up as soon as the therapist recommends it to them, others are cautious and ask for guarantees of safety .... But here the members of the group gather together and look at each other. The trainers (usually two therapists leading the group) announce the start and there is silence. Someone interrupts first and risks exposing the group to their problems. And this usually causes a completely benevolent reaction of the group in the form of questions or advice like “And you tell her ...” or “It is necessary to do this ...” As a rule, these tips do not contain anything new, he (she) has already tried all this.

But here another participant talks about himself, while the other at this time prefers to remain silent or discuss other people's problems. (in the group, everyone is free to talk about himself or be silent ...). And someone asks a question about the impression that he makes on others or complains that he is not understood in the group. So the group approaches its most important barrier in communication - the fear of self-disclosure, beginning to feel that superficial interaction does not give anything "neither mind nor heart."

And this barrier of misunderstanding in the group is overcome only when the participants begin to speak in a special, unique language of the group - the language of personal experiences and feelings. Such language may be incomprehensible to people "outside". But it is precisely this language that makes it possible to accurately describe the reality of personal and group experience. And what the group begins to discuss shifts from interaction with other people “outside the circle”, here, into the circle, in the “here and now”, to itself. The concentration of emotions and experiences is one of the features of the Gestalt group.

And then, the feelings of the group members become important for everyone, and everyone can find their bearings in what they do in relation to another person and how it is perceived by others, what attracts others in him and what repels them. Here everyone is interesting to others, because they are different. The most amazing thing is that the so-called negative feelings are expressed first: irritation, annoyance, fear, hostility ... And only after them support, sympathy, love. “You are here like a front portrait in a frame!” - they can say to a participant who does not show himself in any way. Or “Ask you what time it is?” , and you answered “Have you read today's newspaper?” - a participant who avoids expressing feelings.

What is the use of it, to come to the group and find out that you are afraid or you annoy someone? In the psychotherapy group (and in life, paradoxically) the expression of negative feelings leads to ... freedom and close relationships with people. To the freedom to be as you are, and the freedom to accept others as they are. To the freedom to talk about yourself, not worrying about whether these feelings raise or lower you in the eyes of others ... The personal history of the participants becomes genuine. But not in the sense of objective, but just subjective, subjective and ... alive. You have to see how the faces of the band members change! Excited, filled with feelings and energy of empathy…

The most valuable experience that members of these groups receive, in the description of one of the participants, looks like this

- And I thought ... I could not talk about the problems that worried me, even with friends. I thought I would die of shame if anyone found out about this. Here, in the group, I managed to overcome my fear, found understanding in people whom I did not know a month ago. And now I think I can find mutual language with others, I know how to do it...

People who come to a psychotherapy group usually have only one way to solve their problems. In this sense, a person's lack of behavioral choice is like riding a bicycle along a circular path ... past a fork in which you can get on the highway and reach your destination. And the task of a participant in a group is not only to understand the existing way of behaving in a problem situation (and the group will always help in this), but also to find a fork in the road, that is, the ability to choose other options for action.

This is the real result of the group's work - to find for yourself alternative ways behavior in a problem situation that was not noticed before. For this, interaction with other members of the group who are not similar in character, age and problems is necessary.

The value of group experience also lies in the fact that each participant, based on their feelings, formulates their desires. And these are already different desires than at the beginning (I want him to change”). These desires are reinforced by personal responsibility for choices and their actions. And then the group members say goodbye to each other and leave the circle for Big world, full of risk and joy, loss and discovery, danger and love, accepting him as he is - wrong ... alive ... beautiful ...

WHEN PSYCHOTHERAPY ENDS

When does the work of the Gestalt therapist and his patient end? The end of work on the problem will not only be understanding the role of the patient in creating his own problem, and not so much even changing his behavior. The signal about the completion of work is freedom in emotional and behavioral response (from automatic actions and stereotypes). As well as conscious personal responsibility for the consequences of their choice.

Therapy ends when the patient begins to perceive and accept the psychotherapist alive, with his weaknesses and virtues, achievements and failures, without the halo of omniscience and infallibility. This means that he becomes able to independently cope with his life and the problems that arise, acquires the ability to love and be independent, as well as the ability to choose the most suitable lifestyle, people, work ....

Working with a psychotherapist involves overcoming one's own limitations, gaining the freedom to grow and develop. And in this sense, the patient himself determines the direction of his development. Approaching without fear and prejudice what is inside him, whether it be strength or weakness, hatred or love, cruelty or gentleness, or all of these together, he becomes a real person in real world. This approach, in contrast to the myth about oneself, is noticed by the patient in terms of well-being, energy and activity that have appeared.

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