Advice from psychologists - how to cope with problems. How to turn an unsolvable problem into a solvable one

Once, on a dank gray evening, once again wiping your tears and drinking a brandy glass of valerian, you decide that you can’t go on like this. fix your life. Remembering the old grandmother's recipe for dealing with everyday troubles, you take a sheet of paper and write at the top: PROBLEMS, after which you begin to pour out your soul into a mournful column:

Love: no and not expected
Health: once was, now no longer
Work: for now, but it looks like it won't be soon
Appearance: in the trash
Perspectives: none
Nerves: to hell
Relaxation: forgot what it is
Friends: hid in the blue distance

Summing up the disappointing result in this way, you go looking for a coin in order to decide with its help whether to hang yourself or strangle yourself ... Although you need to find a way to fix your life.

There is a "Black streak" in your life. It seems that problems are falling on your head like an avalanche, deafening, blinding and fettering your arms and legs. But, unlike an avalanche that kills its victims quickly and painlessly, trouble seems to have decided to wear you out - slowly but surely. It's time to ask one of the main questions of the Russian intelligentsia: "What to do?" How to save yourself in a continuous, long stream of troubles and failures, and how, having pulled yourself together, nevertheless fix your life?

It is known that the salvation of drowning people is the work of the drowning people themselves. This also applies to those who are drowning in the waves of worldly storms. Therefore, without delay for a minute, start the rescue operation. Ten anti-crisis measures should not only keep you afloat, but also help you safely reach a safe haven. And knowing them you will understand: fix your life- it's simple!

1. Problems - in line!

One of the main signs of the "Black Stripe" is the syndrome of acute lack of time. Usually problems alternate with periods of calm and carelessness, but now they pounce on you all in a crowd, not letting you breathe. It seems that there are countless of them, and you will never be able to cope with them. It's time to remember the old Russian proverb: the eyes are afraid, but the hands are doing. And so that the eyes are not afraid, do so. Write all the cases in a column in chronological order: what needs to be done. Don't forget to include a due date. Then take a sheet of blank paper and secure it on top of the list with two paper clips so that only the very first line is visible from under the white sheet. Hang the list on the wall. Now when you're done, you cross it off the list and move it White list way down. Thus, you will not forget to do anything, the upcoming things will not scare you, and the list of victories will grow before your eyes, giving optimism and confirming that things are going, no matter what. This list alone will surely help. improve life.

2. Sleep is a magic healer

Insomnia is a frequent companion of the "black band". You go to bed, but anxiety does not let you sleep, restless thoughts creep into your head, and now it’s already three in the morning, and you are still tossing and turning awake on hot sheets, and in the morning you get up with a sore head, completely broken. The darkness is gathering around you even thicker than in the evening... Remember: nothing depresses and weakens the body like lack of sleep. Weakness, irritability, depressed mood may not be symptoms of impending depression, but the result of regular sleep deprivation. Do not let insomnia weaken you from the rear! cool bedroom, a warm blanket, a low pillow and complete silence - a simple recipe good night. If necessary, take a mild sleeping pill. Remember: the more you sleep, the faster time passes, the sooner the "black streak" will end, the more painlessly you will survive it, and, perhaps, life will get better herself.

3. Don't give up!

Do not give in to panic and defeatism! When things don't go well, there is a great temptation to give up on everything, to say: "Everything is lost! I can't do anything anymore!" - and go with the flow, meekly waiting for the final catastrophe. The most interesting thing is that catastrophic predictions, as a rule, come true: having dropped your hands and stopped doing at least something to save yourself, you, of course, will go to the bottom with a pleasant feeling of being right. But why do you need such righteousness?.. Fight to the end, do everything possible and impossible to fix your life persistence will bring you victory. Dying is easy - staying alive is hard.

4. Strengthen your defenses

Feel like a besieged fortress. Be attentive and prudent, forget the usual carelessness, do not be afraid to play it safe. Find out the "hotline" in your city. Even if you never use their services, you will at least know that you have this option in stock for the most extreme case. Show increased attention to your health: the body in a state of stress is prone to infections, may worsen chronic diseases. Do not overcool, keep a diet, walk more, take vitamins, carefully watch your teeth. Attention weakens from stress, accidents happen from inattention; when leaving the house, check whether electrical appliances are turned off, be careful on the roadway when crossing the street and when driving a car.

5. Take your own

Enjoy the quiet moments to the fullest. When the next trouble is over, and all the painful worries of this day are over, sit down comfortably, or rather lie down, relax, close your eyes and say to yourself: “At this moment I am calm and happy, I am warm, I am full, nothing hurts me, around silence, and now I can not worry about anything. What will happen next - I do not know. But this moment belongs entirely to me. And life will get better. Now everything is in order with me, and nothing can shake my bliss at this moment.

6. Humor is a strong weapon of the weak

Look at the situation with humor, and for this, look at yourself from the outside. Think about it: after all, all humor is based in some way on other people's troubles. Remember the classic examples: what good is it to get a cake in the face - however, everyone laughs ... And drunk Ippolit in a winter coat and a hat under the shower ("Oh! that unforgettable new year's eve?.. How much Semyon Semenych Gorbunkov suffered for your laughter ("I stumbled, fell. I woke up - plaster"), and the gallant General Ivolgin uttered his famous "Well, damn it, give!" not at all with joy ... Try to look at your life from the side as a comedy of manners, retell unpleasant events day as if composing a feuilleton. Bitter laughter is better than bitter tears.

7. Live in the present

Don't remember the past. Don't think about the future. Live within the narrow horizon of today. Past troubles are powerless, they can only hit you with your with my own hands. Why pour water on the mills of your enemies? Forget insults and defeats - and you will become invulnerable. Do not irritate wounds, show will, do not remember what cannot be returned. Do not scare yourself with phantoms of future troubles - there is only one future, and you compose a whole hundred misfortunes, most of which will not happen. Solve problems as they come up life got better. Having decided - forget.

8. Walk towards danger

Do unpleasant but necessary things without delay. If the decision is made, long hesitation will only torment your soul. If it's scary - you need to go towards danger, then it's not so scary. Delay will only worsen the situation. An unpleasant conversation, a surgical operation, leaving work or family - all this should be done without hesitation. Consider all options. Choose the one that seems right to you. Take responsibility. And take the plunge.

9. Helping others helps yourself.

The only way to save yourself is to save others. Find those who are even worse than you: believe me, there will always be such! It doesn't have to be people - all Live nature needs compassion and effective help. Helping those who are weaker, you, firstly, save yourself from a false and demoralizing feeling that you are the most unfortunate creature in the world, and secondly, you are convinced of your strength and ability to do something positive, because you always solve other people's problems easier than yours! Do not shy away from small good deeds, even if they are tiny. Take revenge on the evil of the whole world that has taken up arms against you: help your neighbor, help the distant. Their gratitude will be an unexpected joy, a ray of light in the darkness that has gathered around.

10. Everything will pass

Remember: everything passes. This "black streak" in your life will also pass. This thought should not leave you for a minute. Everything passes, everything passes, the morning will come, the sun will come out. When it comes to the worst, it starts to change for the better. And in order to satisfy the strict theory of probability, life will give you, to balance the "black streak", a wide, full of happiness and good luck, "bright streak". You can do it fix your life. You just need to wait!

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Sometimes it seems that the world is divided into two components. On the one hand, success, health, wealth, and on the other hand, failures, anxieties, illnesses, conflicts and lack of money. What to do if there are difficult times and life seems very hard? How to survive difficulties in life, how to overcome unpleasant events?

How to survive failure

Any person has Hard times. Someone copes with them easier, for someone, failures become an insurmountable life burden. What's the secret? Why do some people deal with life's difficulties? Practicing psychologist Carol Morgan has developed several rules for coping with failure.

We accept the situation

Our experiences occur only if we refuse to accept reality. If something can be changed, then action must be taken. But if nothing can be done, then there are two ways out. The first is to accept the situation and overcome the negativity. The second is to savor your failures and suffer.

There is no definition of "failure"

Carol advises excluding the words “failure”, “failure”, “I was not lucky again” from my vocabulary. It is worth remembering that all great people faced failure before their success. They never gave up and learned from their mistakes.

How failure looks in our eyes

It all depends on the point of view, if the trouble will be global problem, then it will fill all emotions and thoughts with negativity. Sometimes it's helpful to think that the situation is a lesson and you can benefit from it.

In most situations, external reality is ours. internal program. We like to think that circumstances change us. But in fact, they often appear because of our attitude. How to survive trouble? You can start to change yourself to change the situation.

If it doesn't work now, the best is on the way.

Carol Morgan says that often good events happen after something goes wrong. For example, being fired from a job seems like a disaster. But after the expiration of time, it turns out that this event helped to find his calling. Morgan recommends believing that everything is happening the way it should be.

Let go of desires

How to survive failure? Do not attach great importance to your desires. Many people, having not received their plan, fall into negativity. It is worth trying to be happy, regardless of getting what you want.

Let's experience joy

Morgan says that he knows a lot of people who literally forbid themselves to have fun. They are very dependent on their problems, internal chaos, that they cannot understand how to cope with difficulties. The psychologist advises to focus your attention not on difficulties, but on joys.

Avoiding Comparison

Yes, let someone have better times now, but why not look at those who are worse than you? Many people live in a state of poverty, disease, hunger. What do you have that is amazing that you can be proud of? What is worth living for in order to survive a difficult period in life?

I am not a victim

We ourselves create an image of a victim and an unfortunate person in our thoughts. It is worth taking personal responsibility, surviving difficulties, coping with your thoughts and actions. The psychologist recommends abandoning the image of the victim and becoming a winner.

Everything will change

How to survive hard times? It seems to us that there is no way out difficult situation. But there will be changes, nothing lasts forever, you need to give up the habit of thinking that everything will remain so forever.

Carol Morgan advises to believe that miracles are possible. You gotta believe it's coming soon happy events. How to survive difficulties in life? Sometimes you just have to believe in miracles.

How to deal with problems

Problems do not allow to live in peace, there is no strength left, the difficult period has dragged on. How to survive problems? Recommendations:

1. We make lists. We describe all the difficulties point by point. When information is transferred to paper, the head is freed. We rank them in order of importance. What needs to be addressed as soon as possible? What can be left to chance? What situations can we let go? As a result, there won't be too many problems. We pay attention to the most important ones and develop a solution plan.
2. Let's leave the worry. How to deal with problems without anxiety? Let worry take 30 minutes of time per day, at this time we list all the horrors of what can happen. The rest of the time is spent looking for a solution.
3. You don't have to blame anyone else for your troubles. We alone are responsible for our lives. Negativity, anger and envy of other people will only slow down the exit from difficult situation.
4. We let go of the past. We try to live here and now. No need to hold grudges. Look for patterns in events in the past. The situation has already happened, no one knows how life would have turned out, whether it became more difficult or easier for you.

Video: speech by Viktor Frankl, psychologist, concentration camp survivor. He managed to take this terrible experience as the basis of his scientific research.

Psychologists about life's difficulties

Many classics of psychology wrote about how to cope with problems, get through a life crisis. But the most famous work belongs to Viktor Frankl, he is called "Psychologist in a concentration camp." His life itself is overcoming, he survived in inhuman conditions. People were dying before his eyes, they were insulted and humiliated.

What helped Frankl survive? He followed his concept, the psychologist assures that in difficult conditions not the one who has healthy body but only one who has a strong spirit. His books and concept about the perseverance of the spirit, which helped to find the meaning of life for millions of people in the world.

So how do you deal with failure? Grow spiritually, do not give up, look for the meaning of life and believe in the best.

Many millennials have grown up with mindsets like “Go to university and you’ll have a great career” or “To be successful, you have to do what you love.” But in reality, this doesn't always work. As a result, a person has complexes, he feels insecure, cannot make decisions and thinks that he will never achieve anything. The Huffington Post collected the opinions of psychologists on the most common problems of this generation and how to deal with them. "Theories and Practices" retell the main thing.

“I can't make a decision.
What if my choice turns out to be wrong?”

Millennials can study at best universities and hold prestigious positions, but many of them still doubt their ability to make decisions. When it's time for a major change (for example, it's time to change jobs or move relationships to new level), it is difficult for them to make a decision. As San Francisco psychologist Sarah Griffith explains, young people face the problem of too many options. Studies show that if a person has too much wide selection, this often puts him in a stupor. In such cases, Griffith reminds his clients that there is simply no single formula for success, so you should listen to your desires.

"It's hard for me to refuse,
especially to my parents"

Due in part to overprotective parenting, many millennials try too hard to impress others and feel deep guilt when someone is denied something. To deal with this problem, Empowered Connections Maryland Clinical Program Manager Deborah Duly recommends starting small and gradually getting used to the fact that periodically. “Use gimmicks, such as phrases such as “I don’t know if I can promise something. I will contact you next week,” she recommends.

“Will I ever earn enough to live on my own?”

Millennials worry all the time about whether they will ever feel financially secure. This generation was hit hard by the 2008 crisis. Due to the economic situation, more and more young people are forced to live with their parents. This leads to a whole host of problems. “Many of my clients are worried about their own financial situation or about the financial situation and debts of a potential partner when entering a relationship,” says Dallas family psychologist Liz Higgins.

She advises talking directly to your loved ones about financial expectations, values, and differences. “Often millennials just want to feel validated by partners and have clear income communication,” she says. “In addition, many of them feel that the financial situation controls them, so my work with clients often focuses on teaching them not to be afraid of difficult conversations and trust their instincts when it comes to monetary restrictions.”

"I feel helpless
because of everything that's going on in the world."

Many millennials are overwhelmed by the daily deluge of terrible news, with questions about inequality and socialism hurting them the most. According to Chicago psychologist Rachel Keyzes, their attempts to influence the situation are quite successful, but not always: “I advise millennials who are demoralized by the situation to pay more attention to change for the better and use their actions, words, influence and financial resources to support the processes they believe in.”

"I feel like an impostor"

“Millennials grew up in a culture where everything is compared, so they constantly wonder if their real life outside of social networks is up to the level of others,” says Jess Hopkins, a certified personal growth instructor. Social media posts by allegedly more successful friends make it very difficult for a person to stay in their own rut and move at their own pace. Instead, many millennials try to be better than their peers and try to constantly prove their worth to the world. Such behavior can provide only temporary self-confidence; in addition, many complexes appear in this way. In cases like this, Hopkins tries to convey to his clients the idea that they are valuable in their own right, without proof of their own importance, like “likes” on Instagram.

In life you have to face large quantity varied problems. It's an endless chain of ups and downs. It seems that in most cases the problem can be dealt with, but not everyone quickly gets back on their feet after a serious failure. Sometimes it hurts too much. But it's incredibly important to keep moving forward. Here are five useful tips that will help you get through the traumatic experience more easily and teach you to look to the future with confidence.

Remember the hard times in life

It may seem like a bad idea, but it's not so simple - the thought of failure evokes sadness, but at the same time it helps to understand that any difficulty can be overcome. You were able to move on with your life. It usually seems that the problem broke life forever, so remembering similar disasters is very important. You become stronger with each new experience. Allow yourself to draw strength from your past, this is your priceless baggage.

Write or tell how you feel

Get away from the situation

Can be hard to accept rational decisions, being at the very center of the problem. Of course, you shouldn’t run away from difficulties either, but you don’t need to plunge into a difficult situation with your head - this way you lose the ability to normally weigh all the arguments and sensibly assess your situation. This happens more often than you would like to admit. Try to abstract in every difficult situation, think about everything that happens calmly. Take a break. If you have tense relatives or colleagues around you, spend some time alone with yourself. Sometimes all it takes to solve a problem is just a little breather and a break for reflection.

Remind yourself that you are not alone

It's so easy to withdraw into yourself and feel completely alone, but remembering that someone who absolutely loves you is nearby is much more difficult. Sometimes such a person is not around in real life, but you can find support online. Whoever you are, there are people who care, who are ready to listen and support. Sometimes strangers can understand you better than you can. They also had similar problems, they understand your emotions. Maybe someone else is in the same situation as you right now. Just find this person.

Accept the situation and become stronger

No matter how difficult it may be, you should accept the situation and come to terms with what happened - the past cannot be changed anyway. It doesn't matter who is to blame for what happened. Just accept what happened and move on. Now you have new experience which will help to deal with the same problem in next time. You will be stronger and will not repeat your mistake. Life goes on, time never stands still, the main decision you can make is the decision to move on. Don't look back, everything has already happened. Just consider that now your character has become stronger, and be proud of yourself. You have experienced a difficult moment, but it does not define you or your whole life. Get out of it life lesson and don't dwell on that memory any longer. Ahead of you is completely new life not related to this issue.