Everyday communication. Reception

Difficulties in communication arise for many people for completely different reasons, which can be combined into 4 large groups: misunderstanding, fears, disgust and the problem of interest. In this article, we will look at them in detail.

Misunderstanding and communication difficulties

Misunderstanding is the biggest group of problems that cause difficulties in communication. In case of misunderstanding, people simply cannot establish contact, which is why the algorithms by which people build a conversation begin to fail. In order to continue communication in such a situation, too much effort is required, and if a person does not have a strong enough motivation to continue contact, then it is easier for him to interrupt it.

Misunderstanding the communication model

We all know that in different situations need to communicate differently. We communicate with the boss in one way, with subordinates in another, with close third, and so on.

It's kind of like a key. Sometimes people confuse such “keys” and begin to communicate with loved ones as with subordinates, with the boss as with a close one, and with subordinates it’s also somehow wrong.

This can manifest itself in high expectations from people. When a person begins to demand that he, being in his position, does not have the right to demand.

Or, on the contrary, instead of a rigid and formal relationship, he begins to behave familiarly or begins to share his personal with those with whom this is not expected.

In such a situation, people instantly catch the discrepancy. First, they look at the person with bewilderment (is he sick?), And then write him down as a fool, sometimes forever.

Lack of understanding of formal and informal rules

In every community, in every social stratum, there are many rules. Some are written down and brought to everyone without fail, and some rules are unspoken. It is not welcome when someone breaks any rules, even if they are not written anywhere.

In case of violation of the rules, other people begin to feel some hostility. Why is this happening? The fact is that the rules are one of the factors that determine who is ours and who is a stranger.

If a person violates some important norm, then other people immediately understand: “He is not of our circle”, “Savage”, “Random person”, “Some strange” and so on.

The rules should be treated very carefully.

Misunderstanding of non-verbal signs and hints

It's perfectly normal that different people love to chat different topics. Accordingly, the topic of conversation may cause someone a negative reaction. However, it is usually not customary to openly inform a person that the topic is inappropriate. In this case, people usually begin to hint that it's time to talk about something else.

Unfortunately, many people are so passionate about themselves that they do not notice these signs. In this case, communication is interrupted. It’s good if only this time, and sometimes a person is forever written down as a fool and further communication becomes impossible.

Therefore, you should always focus on the interlocutor, and not on yourself.

Misunderstanding of emotions

It often happens that the same topic evokes different emotions in people. And that's okay. Normally, a person instantly reads other people's emotions, but for various reasons this may not happen.

In this case, a real disaster can happen. For example, I once watched a picture of one girl telling another some kind of anecdote about the maternity ward, filled with black humor. What she didn't know, however, was that another woman had recently experienced a similar tragedy. Everyone around her strongly hinted to her to stop, but she did not notice any hints or emotions of another woman. At the end, she also laughed out loud. Needless to say, they had no more communication?

Language misunderstanding

Everyone understands that communication between people who speak different languages difficult. However, problems with different understanding of words can also arise within the same language.

Usually, this reason does not interrupt communication, but it makes it quite difficult. When a person doesn't understand something, they usually don't want to stress too much about it and just prefer to talk to someone else.

Therefore, if someone is not interested in communicating with us, then we should check whether the terminology that we use in a conversation with this person is clear. It is possible that he simply does not understand us.

You should always speak to a person in a language he understands.

Misunderstanding of values

If a person has some specific experience, then it is not always necessary to share it. Many people may simply not appreciate knowledge in some matter, but consider a person dangerous, rude, cynical, or maybe boring.

Lack of understanding of one's place in society

There is a hierarchy in human society. This is a given that many ignore, but in vain. If a person does not understand his place in society, then he may talk to other people in an inappropriate way.

In particular, he can make the same mistakes that we discussed above. For example, showing disrespect without even realizing it.

Fear of communication

The second group of reasons due to which difficulties in communication arise are the reasons associated with. These are internal reasons that are associated with lack of awareness and negative experience, or lack of experience.

Fear of presentation

One of the main fears is the fear of presentation. What it is? It is the fear of expressing one's thoughts, emotions and feelings. It arises from the fact that a person does not know how the other person will react.

If, due to misunderstanding, communication is interrupted by one of the parties, then in case of fear, it may not even begin.

On the one hand, a person strives to avoid misunderstanding, and on the other hand, for this reason, he cannot gain experience and information that can provide this understanding. It turns out a vicious circle.

How to break this circle? Obviously, misunderstanding is less of a problem than fear, because it involves at least some communication. Fear is almost guaranteed to put an end to it. This means that it is much better to take a risk than not to try at all. In this case, there is at least a chance of success. In addition, we are almost guaranteed to gain experience and information.

Unfortunately, it is rather difficult to cope with fear on your own, but you can always turn to specialists.

Fear of rejection

Fear of rejection, like other fears, arises from a lack of positive experience. This can be either a lack of experience, or a negative experience when a person showed up, but they did not want to communicate with him.

This fear can be overcome by having a positive experience in some safe environment where a person will not be rejected, even if he somehow fails to show himself. For example, this can be done at an appointment with a psychologist.

Fear of ridicule

The fear of ridicule is a special case of the fear of rejection. However, this fear is stronger and often associated with real negative experiences.

You can also deal with this fear by having a positive experience. However, in this case, it is necessary to analyze in detail the circumstances in which this experience was obtained.

Disgust and Difficulties in Communication

A person can remarkably be able to communicate and find understanding with others, not to have any fears. However, the problem may be that other people reject it "on the way". Let's analyze the main reasons.

Disgust at appearance

Meet by clothes. People can be repulsed by many things, but the most prejudiced people experience poor hygiene. unwashed hair, dirty clothes, bad smell- that is guaranteed to scare everyone around.

Disgusted by reputation

People may not want to communicate because they have some defamatory information about a person. These may be some facts from the biography of a person, his lifestyle or reckless statements.

The problem of interest

Communication is a complex thing, in which everything should be in moderation. Perhaps the main ingredient of communication is interest. Like salt, it should be in moderation.

Overinterest

When a person feels excessive interest in communicating with him, it is scary.Why does he want to communicate so much? Does he want to cheat? Is he some kind of scammer? And yes, it's kind of annoying. Well him! Such thoughts come to mind to a person with whom they really want to communicate.

Lack of interest

With a lack of interest, communication turns out to be insipid and boring. Interest is the reason for communication. If it is, then any other negative tendencies can be overcome. If it doesn't exist, then everything else doesn't matter.

How to generate interest? I will write about this in .

The sphere of everyday communication (household communication)

1. The concept of "culture of speech".

2. Types of speech culture: selection criteria, characteristics, prominent representatives.

3. The place of the Russian language among other languages of the world.

4. Forms of existence of the national language.

5. Literary language as the main form of the national language.

6. general characteristics functional styles literary language.

7. Non-literary variants of the language: main features, differences from the literary language.

8. The concept of "language norm". Norm types.

9. Information about the language norm in different types dictionaries.

10. Types of speech activity. The main directions of improving reading and listening skills.

11. Text: basic properties, types of connection between separate semantic parts.

12. Factors that determine the construction of the text.

13. Oral and written forms of speech.

14. Functional-semantic types of speech.

15. Written scientific speech: language features.

16. Writing genres scientific speech: composition, language design of typical structural elements.

17. Language tools and speech norms of texts of different genres of official business style.

18. Communicative qualities of good speech.

19. General rules training public speaking and requirements for it.

20. Introduction (beginning and plot) and completion of the speech, their types and functions.

21. Techniques for presenting the content of speech. Types of composition.

22. Persuasive speech: logical and psychological aspects.

23. Dispute: types and rules.

24. Tricks in the dispute: types, methods of neutralization.

25. The main features and difficulties of the modern pronunciation norm: the pronunciation of vowels and consonants, some combinations of consonants.

26. Characteristics of stress in Russian. Stress standards.

27. Semantic and stylistic selection of lexical means.

28. Words-paronyms and accuracy of speech.

29. Tautology, pleonasm and brevity of speech.

30. Difficult cases the use of nouns (genus, Im. and Gen. n. pl., declension of surnames).

31. Difficult cases of using an adjective ( short form, degrees of comparison) and the name of the numeral (declension, collective numbers).

32. Difficult cases of using pronouns and verb forms.

33. Word order in a sentence. Coordination of the main members.

34. Coordination and management in modern Russian.

35. The use of participial and adverbial phrases.

36. Russian spelling: principles and rules.

37. Russian punctuation: principles and rules.

38. The concepts of "speech etiquette" and "etiquette formula".

Rhetoric

Test №1

Fundamentals of speech communication

I. Answer the theoretical questions

(When evaluating answers, knowledge of scientific terminology and argumentation with examples from the media, fiction will be taken into account)

1. What is the difference between official and everyday communication? What are the characteristics of each of these types of communication? Give examples of texts that are similar in general content, but differ in the nature of the relationship between the participants in communication.

Communication- this is the interaction of people with each other, which is of a special nature, expressed in contacts and communication. Verbal communication is seen as a continuous flow of thought and conversation. No conversation takes place in isolation, and individual words or a group do not yet constitute communication. Any spoken phrase is mediated by the influence of the past and has an impact on the future.

the sphere of everyday communication (household communication)

Communication area including:

1) family communication;

2) communication outside the family: on the street, in a store, in a market, in public transport etc. In the sphere of everyday communication, the use of language does not lend itself to official regulation by society, it is determined by the desire of the individual himself and the unwritten conventions of the collective. A number of minority languages of the Russian Federation are used mainly in the sphere of everyday communication: Eskimo, Aleut, Tofalar, Archa, Khvarshinsky languages.

Everyday communication takes place between well-known people, it comes down to maintaining contact and solving everyday problems. Its peculiarity lies in the fact that this communication is dialogic in nature, proceeds in a dotted way, the participants in the communication know each other well and therefore communicate at a reduced distance, without saying in detail what in question. This is a conversation about the obvious and easily understood. It is for this type of discourse that I.N. Gorelov’s remark is true that verbal communication only complements non-verbal communication, and the main information is transmitted by facial expressions, gestures, actions accompanying speech, etc.1 The specifics of everyday communication are reflected in detail in studies colloquial speech. Everyday communication is a natural initial type of discourse, organically assimilated from childhood. This type of discourse is characterized by spontaneity, strong situational dependence, pronounced subjectivity, violation of logic and structural design of statements. Phonetically, fuzzy fluent pronunciation is the norm here. Communicating at the everyday level, people resort to reduced and jargon vocabulary, although statistically colloquial words make up no more than 10% of the lexical fund of statements in colloquial speech. The most important characteristic of units of colloquial speech is their specific denotative orientation, these words are indicative in their purpose (that is why they are easily replaced by non-verbal signs), in addition, in a narrow circle of well-known people, a limiting (limiting, password) function of communication is implemented, communicants use those signs that emphasize their belonging to the corresponding group (family, group words) and are incomprehensible to outsiders (Karasik V.I. O types ..., 2000, 6). The fuzziness of pronunciation correlates with the semantic fuzziness of units: the meanings of words are very mobile, words are easily replaced by approximate substitutes, this is a speech dominated by pronouns and interjections: “Well, what are you doing?” - "Yes, I'm here, here ..." - "Oh, okay."

- Aren't I tired when I go to work every day?

This is the wrong formula of behavior, the problem is not solved, the contact takes place at a primitive level, the level of purely personal emotions. The correct formula would be the following behavior.

I'm tired of washing dishes five times a day every day!
- I understand you, but I also go to work every day. Let's make a deal, I'll do the dishes on the weekends when I'm free. Or, if you like, we can plan a schedule, and alternate between even and odd numbers. Game
A level of communication based on improvisational forms that can be frivolous, playful, even grotesque. So, several friends, talking animatedly and exchanging jokes, do not notice how a rather long logical chain is being built. The coquetry of women is also one of the clearest examples of communication at the level of mutual play.
This level of communication is directly related to the sense of humor, it is very important for any informal relationship. For example, family relationships are unlikely to be harmonious enough and constantly updated without mutual play and humor.

It happens that people with a certain type of character use the game level in conversations that require a completely different level of communication. It does not mean at all that these people are not capable of serious actions, it is simply a consequence of a certain mindset. Such people belong to the hyperthymic psychotype (cheerful, energetic people). By the way, if we are overly annoyed by such optimists, maybe we should think about whether we take life too seriously?

Spiritual

The name shows that this level of communication is characterized by the greatest degree of disclosure of one's own and immersion in the personality of the interlocutor. This level sometimes requires considerable internal effort, which not everyone is capable of. The spiritual level of communication is used by some especially close relatives and friends. Confession to a priest, a sincere story about oneself will certainly require a particularly deep spiritual level of communication.
A special feature of the spiritual level of communication is the unhurried pace of speech, the reason for which is a special trusting attitude towards the interlocutor, to communication with him.

Situation: She shows Him a notebook of her school poems, and He, instead of showing interest, lets out a remark: “I thought you were talking about something serious.” This pattern of behavior is fundamentally wrong. She invites Him to fellowship on spiritual level He perceives it at the level of primitive business. "Hmm, you made good sonnets," he must say, even if it's not entirely true.

Mask level

Everyone can count many masks. The interlocutor involuntarily puts on a mask of friendliness, seriousness, politeness, because sometimes it is simply psychologically impossible to invest all your mental resources and charm in communication. It is also necessary to take into account not only verbal contacts - no less than we encounter someone just with a glance, we silently shake someone’s hand, energy is also spent on this, and we defend ourselves with the help of masks (MirSovetov talked about this in more detail in the material "" ).
Note that when you speak not entirely sincerely, you put on a mask so as not to get hurt from your own insincerity. Such a concept as a lie is directly related to the mask system. The level of masks also includes the concepts of "Formal level", "Level of maintaining contact", "Level of standard conversation" (according to Budgetal). The formal level is characterized by maintaining a certain impression about oneself and maintaining a certain distance. The level of maintaining contact is the communication of people in a more relaxed manner, communication at the level of facts and opinions. The standard conversation level is an everyday dialogue between close and familiar people.

If necessary, use masks, sometimes your true mood should not be shown to your interlocutors, since any deviation from the norm may be misunderstood. Your bad mood when communicating with a client, or your overly high spirits at a wake will not be entirely appropriate.

It is worth noting that constant communication in a mask often interferes with the manifestations of one's own "I". Suppose, if it is appropriate to be polite and restrained on the street, then in communication with your beloved, friends, it will even be dangerous.

In Buddhist and Taoist philosophies, the techniques of "putting on masks" are well developed, and thus the mask is a path to self-improvement - suppressing the shortcomings of one's "I" with the help of a mask. For example, if you want to get rid of, you put on the mask of a bold, decisive, even somewhat arrogant person.

Communication in a critical situation

There is also a special level - communication in a critical situation. Such situations contribute to the removal of masks, more fruitful subjective contact, joint.

The faster a person determines at what level to communicate with the interlocutor, the more successful the contact will be. It is sometimes impossible to determine at what level the conversation will take place, however, the clothes and manners of a person are the first thing to consider. When meeting, it is best to start a conversation in a mask of restrained politeness, moderately open and friendly, but in no case with familiarity or with gloomy isolation. The handshake is very important. It should not be either sluggish or such that the bones of the interlocutor crack - you should not set a goal to suppress the communication partner in advance. It is better for women not to shake hands, although this is done quite often, it is better to limit yourself to a slight bow of the head.

Of course, communication is extremely difficult research task. However, you should not look at the problem of communication from the pages of scientific publications about psychology, perhaps you should think about the fact that communication is also just nice!

State educational institution higher professional education

OMSK STATE TECHNICAL UNIVERSITY

NIZHNEVARTOVSK BRANCH

abstract

In the discipline Culturology, Culture of speech and Russian language

Subject

Completed by student: Alchinov D.A.

Group: EE-122NV

Checked by: Saryanova R.Sh., Ph.D.

Nizhnevartovsk

Ability to communicate………………………………………………………………page 3
Culture of everyday communication……………………………………4

Verbal and non-verbal communication……………………………………4
The process of communication, communication ...…………………………………………… 5
Classification of communicative acts……………………………………6
Installation……………………………………………………………………………………7
"Orientations" in communication…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
Language…………………………………………………………………………………………12
Etiquette…………………………………………………………………………………… 13

Rules for everyday communication……………………………………16
Bibliography……..…………………………………………….………17

Ability to communicate

Can you COMMUNICATE?

I'm sure everyone will say, "Yes, of course." But what form does this communication take? Often communication takes place in the form of a conversation or correspondence. At the same time, everyone knows that the concept of COMMUNICATION is much broader than our usual: "Hello!" "Till".

If we look into the past, then we, people who consider themselves modern, will become somewhat ashamed. Indeed, already, starting from the 16th-17th centuries, many spoke more high level. Now we justify ourselves to ourselves, they say, "a mad age, we have no time to sit down, what can we talk about." And, consoling ourselves with this thought, we continue to communicate at the same low level.

Assuming that "I know how to communicate" means "I know how to communicate correctly", and this is the only way to understand the question posed, then the answer to it can be considered as insufficiently modest. Although speech plays a huge role in people's communication, everyone knows perfectly well that people, for example, loving people, do not

need words to express their feelings and thoughts. It is enough for them to see each other. This fact has its confirmation in L. Tolstoy's novel "Anna Korenina" where in the scene of Kitty and Levin's explanation, when they, without uttering a word, write with chalk on the green cloth of the table for card games only the initial letters of words that make up very complex sentences in terms of syntax and content.

Culture of everyday communication
Verbal and non-verbal communication

Of great importance in communication between people is the facial expressions of the interlocutors. Have you ever had to communicate with someone with the help of glances, gestures? Of course I had to! But if you understood each other, then this understanding was the result of a very difficult work.

In addition to all of the above, it is necessary not only to speak with the interlocutor (gesticulate, pronounce words, write), but also understand his gestures, views. If you succeeded, then you have only a little left: so that the interlocutor understands you. It would seem that if he answers, then, therefore, he understands. In all simplicity, this is not always the case. When scientists try to explain some phenomenon or fact, they decompose it into its component parts, and then describe each of them in detail. It turns out pretty detailed description, laid out as if "on the shelves". So we will try to decompose

communication into parts and, having understood, describe them.

The process of communication, communication

So, the process of communication, communication. Firstly, it consists directly of the very act of communication, communication, in which the communicants themselves participate, communicating. And in the normal case, there should be at least two of them. Secondly, communicants must perform the action itself, called communication, that is, speak, gesticulate, manipulate facial expressions. Thirdly, communication is characterized by some content, form, meaning.

Communicative acts are different, for them it is possible to define a communication channel. When talking on the phone, such a channel is the organs of speech and hearing; in this case, it is an audio-verbal (hearing-verbal) channel. The form and content of the letter are perceived through the visual (visual-verbal) channel. A handshake is a way of conveying a friendly greeting through the kinesi-to-tactile (motor-tactile) channel. If we learn by clothes or individual features that our interlocutor, for example, is a Bashkir, then the message about his nationality came to us through a visual channel (visual), but not through a visual-verbal one, since no one verbally (verbally) told us anything reported.

As important component communicative act are the motives of the participants in communication, i.e. their goals and intentions. Suppose a teacher wants to tell something to students in a lecture so that they learn something. It happens that one of the students does not want to learn this something at the same time. Then talk about intentions. Communication in such cases is either difficult or comes to zero.

Finally, everyone is well aware that a person during an act of communication can say one thing and think another, i.e. lies or simply keeps silent about something due to some circumstances.

In a number of cases, it is possible to detect dissociation (i.e., mismatch) of the form and content of the message. Criminalists, for example, are well aware of the importance of observing the facial expression, intonation, and appearance of the person being interrogated during testimony. Yes, and you and I, not being specialists, can often determine the veracity of the interlocutor, especially if we know him well.

Therefore, if we want to be understood correctly, it is necessary that both form and content harmoniously merge with each other without introducing elements of dissociation. And the communication channels must be free from "noise" (this is how experts call any, not only sound, interference). When talking, it is not good to turn away, to engage in extraneous matters (for example, flipping through a book). Naturally, you need to choose the optimal voice volume - speak loudly enough, but not deafen, the optimal communication distance. Bad underlining is not such a harmless flaw, if you think that it can make it difficult to understand what you are saying.

Communicators can be divided according to the following characteristics: age, gender, professional, general cultural, educational. At the same time, a feature that can be called "the level of formation of a culture of communication" is also important.

Classification of communicative acts

If we consider the communicative acts themselves by their types and types, then, depending on the different classification criteria, we would get different varieties:

according to the form of contact: direct, indirect.

Let's say that correspondence is an indirect form of contacting communicants, and a personal conversation is a direct form of contacting;

by type of communication: bidirectional and unidirectional.

For example, reading a book, or watching a movie, or playing the role of a spectator at a performance is a unidirectional communicative act. But if you applaud the actors, or write a letter to the author of a play, a book, or a film director, or reward singers with applause, the connections become bidirectional, mutual;

according to the degree of mutual correspondence of communicants: high,

satisfactory, insignificant, unsatisfactory,

negative. With an unsatisfactory degree of mutual correspondence (in such cases, both communicative incompatibility and even complete psychological incompatibility), it is appropriate to state: "they speak different languages."

Although they do not mean at all different national

languages, and, for example, completely incompatible passions, interests, manners of speaking and communicating in general;

according to the results: from negative ("completely wrong

understood me, perverted my thought") through zero ("not at all

we can understand each other") to the positive ("he understands me,

and I - his"). The scale of negative and positive results is quite stretched: we can understand someone in such a way that he will be delighted, or we can simply cause a nod of approval. Misunderstanding can border on a perversion of understanding. That is why it is necessary to strive for maximum communication success.

Installation

There are people who are not very talkative. They may listen to you with attention, but at the same time you will not see it. It seems to you that they simply do not want to listen to you, but in fact your interlocutor has such a habit and for him this is the norm of communication. Often people behave this way who either have a respected position in society, or high growth and big sizes. Often, when talking with such people, we feel uncomfortable, embarrassed, and sometimes we stop, because. it seems to us that we are not being listened to very carefully or simply ignored. This is often facilitated by our own setting before the conversation. If someone told us something that does not honor the interlocutor, before the conversation, then we have alienation, and, moreover, not always legitimate.

Installation is a very annoying thing. It can interfere with the beginning of a conversation or lead to conflict in the process of communication. Gogol's The Government Inspector confirms this:

"Mayor... Let me suggest that you move with me to another apartment.

“Khlestakov. No, I don’t want to! I know what it means to another apartment: that is, to prison! But what right do you have? Yes, how dare you? .. Yes, here I am ... I serve in St. Petersburg. ) I, I, I...

C about d n and h and y (to the side). Oh, my God, you're so angry! He knew everything, told everyone, damned fools!

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

GORODNICH AND Y (stretching out and trembling all over). Have mercy, do not ruin! Wife, little children... don't make a man unhappy.

Kh l e s t a k o v. No I do not want! Here's another! what do I care? Because you have a family and children, I have to go to prison, that's fine! .. No, thanks humbly, I don't want to."

For all the fictitiousness and conventionality of the comedic situation, she is distinguished by a deep understanding of a very important psychological phenomenon, which experts call "setting". In this case, the mayor and Khlestakov at the meeting reveal their own attitudes, i.e. own

meaningful ideas about what the characters think can or should happen. After all, the mayor was waiting for the arrival of the auditor, believed Bobchinsky and Dobchinsky that the auditor was already here, that he, the mayor, was talking with the auditor, who needed to be softened, attracted to his side, "lubricated" and thereby avoid the collapse of a career. But Khlestakov knew that he was in debt at the hotel, that therefore troubles awaited him, and arrest was not ruled out, since he would not be able to pay off his debts. That is why the mayor does not doubt the strength of Khlestakov's auditor, and Khlestakov - in the intentions of the mayor to arrest him. At the same time, both of them do not notice signs of a different reality, they interpret each other's remarks solely against the background of their own attitudes.

Attitudes of every kind play an extremely important role in the theoretical and practical activities of man and are prominent in the processes of communication. In order not to get into trouble yourself and not to embarrass the interlocutor, you need to know what an attitude is, how it develops in the conditions of communication, how it can be changed and how it should be managed. Do mentally (you can also practice) such an experiment. You and your friend are in the cinema. The lights went out and the screening of the film began. Everyone (and you and your friend too) are closely watching what is happening on the screen. Suddenly you ask a friend (in a whisper, of course, but so that you can be heard): "Remember, please, what is the name of the egg-laying mammal. Platypus, or what?" If the film is not thematically related in any way this moment with your platypus and zoology in general, you can be sure that your question will not even be heard. You will definitely be asked. But after all, if you ask something relevant, concerning the plot of the film, the characteristics of the actor, etc., they will answer you. Even if you ask your question more quietly than the first one. Why? Yes, because "appropriate", "understandable" is what is most likely in a given situation, what is customary to say in a given situation, what is included in the "installation on the perception of this film." Everything else is outside the field of attention, and therefore is not recognized, not understood.

In the conditions of everyday communication, it is not uncommon for someone to suddenly (unexpectedly) begin to tell an incident from his life or, say, an anecdote, at a time when neither one nor the other is expected from him. Some people begin the conversation, as if continuing to develop their own thoughts, in which they were absorbed themselves, and no one present had any idea about them. For example:

"Do you think it's right?!" - I asked irritably one day old man the woman standing next to him on the bus. She was confused: "I'm sorry, but I don't understand you... We don't seem to know you..."

It turned out that an elderly angry man wanted to ... do a favor for a confused woman: standing next to with her compassionate mother put her in the vacant seat

healthy and cheerful daughter of eight or nine years old. It was instead of this girl that the angry woman, who did not pay any attention to what had happened, was supposed to sit down. With his exclamation, which continued the course of his thoughts, the man, as it were, invited to condemn the wrong act of the girl's mother. But is it possible to understand his intentions by exclamation? I had to explain, wasting nervous efforts, wasting time in vain ...

Orientation in communication

It happens that a person has fun, he has a good mood,

Very often we have to deal with a situation where our own joke does not evoke the expected reaction, be it laughter or at least a smile. And if we ourselves do not find anything funny in a friend's joke? How to proceed then? Especially if someone played a joke on someone, and this second one was offended. Usually those people who have a great sense of humor start communication very well, and those who do not have such an important sense of humor find it difficult to start a conversation, get to know each other.

"A person does not understand jokes - write wasted! And you know:

this is no longer a real mind, be a man of at least seven spans in the forehead! "- these are the words of Anton Pavlovich Chekhov. You can agree with this, you can disagree, but the fact remains and not every one of us has a sense of humor. Difficulty detecting in oneself of an underdeveloped sense of humor lies in the fact that there are no people at all who would not laugh, who would not find it funny.But laughter can be caused different reasons. If these reasons are insignificant or cannot be, strictly speaking, reasons for fun, then the saying is appropriate here: "Laughter without a reason is a sign of a fool." For example, it cannot be considered appropriate to laugh at the sight of a fallen fat woman who was walking down the street carrying a heavy bag of groceries. But there are people who find it funny, and the funnier, the more different things roll out of the bag that has fallen, the more there will be a roar. A person who is able to laugh at this is probably not able to think of anything funnier than removing a chair from under a person sitting on it. It can be said with almost complete certainty that such a "joker" has not yet grown up to understand the really funny and knows little or does not know the best examples of humor. But this does not mean that a sense of humor cannot be developed. After all, you can develop an ear for music.

How to do it? To do this, you will have to work a little, although the work will subsequently be rewarded beyond measure with good laughter. It will be necessary to read, probably, humorous essays, novels.

The most common form of communication is conversation. During the conversation, we use the language, whether it is our native or foreign, in any case it is necessary.

Language

Language is a priceless gift that a person is endowed with. "You can't tell with your tongue - you can't spread your fingers" - they say among the people. With the help of words, you can tell about everything. " Main character our language consists in the extreme ease with which everything is expressed in it: abstract thoughts, inner lyrical feelings, "a cry of indignation, sparkling prank and amazing passion," wrote A.P. Herzen.

Language is a tool of man. It is necessary for people to be able to fully communicate. But it's sometimes. And in everyday communication we most often lack exactly the word, and we "writhe, tongueless", trying

to find it, this is the only necessary, correct, exact. "You exhaust, for the sake of a single word, hundreds of tons of verbal ore ..." This is not only about poets and poetry. This is also in everyone who appreciates what has been said, strives to weigh his word, realizing that it is the strongest irritant, can have a huge impact.

effect on a person: "a word can kill, a word can save."

Communication through speech ensures the success of joint activities. When we want to express our attitude towards the confusion reigning around, we say: " Babel!" The origins of these winged words- in biblical legend about the construction in ancient Babylon of a tower to the sky ("pillar of creation"), which ended in failure, as God became angry, confused the languages \u200b\u200bof people - and they ceased to understand each other. “We speak with you in different languages, we cannot find a common one,” we conclude bitterly when there is no mutual understanding, and relations do not add up. Communication through the word verbal communication) consolidates and preserves the experience of mankind, passing it on from generation to generation, because language is an instrument of culture.

In more than 3.5 thousand languages of the world, all the achievements of science, technology, and art are multifaceted. Interest in the native language, the desire for perfect mastery of its written and oral forms always characterize a cultured person. There is no such sphere of communication, wherever a good command of the language and the ability to use this priceless gift bequeathed to us by our ancestors are required.

Do we know our native language? “Of course,” many will answer. “After all, we have been using it since childhood. And at school, we studied all sorts of conjugation declensions there. Here, a foreign, unfamiliar language is another matter.” But it turns out that the "declension of conjugation", and indeed the whole grammar - only component language. And not only in it the essence. The main thing is that language is the most important means of communication.

Etiquette

At all times and in all established societies, human behavior is governed by rules that correspond to specific situation communication. When they pronounce the word "etiquette", I want to add: "court" - since the phrase "court etiquette" is often found. And immediately, magnificent pictures of ceremonies emerge in my memory, brilliant outfits of court ladies with fans and nobles with swords and feathers on their hats. The cavaliers bow low in intricate bows and make complex and deft movements with their hats, sweeping the sparkling floor with feathers; ladies crouch, bowing their heads in wigs. The music of unhurried minuets and the appeal is heard: "Oh, madam, if I were allowed to express my admiration! ..."

It is clear that the challenge to a duel should have been arranged with a spectacular throwing of a glove at the offender's feet with words like: "I have the honor to offer you, sir, to cross your sword with mine tomorrow at dawn at the left wall of the monastery of Saint-Germain!". And the callee had to pick up the thrown glove, which would mean: "challenge to a duel accepted", and answer like this: "I have always dreamed of convenient occasion sir, to give you a fencing lesson at exactly the place and at the time that you yourself deigned to appoint.

But now we will not talk about the etiquette of bygone days, familiar from the novels of Dumas or Walter Scott, we will not dwell on the ceremony of lighting the peace pipe in North American tribes Indians.

There are many books that tell us about the rules of good manners, about behavior in public places, about how to properly set the table, handle a fork and knife, etc., how to invite you to a dance and give up your seat on the tram. The totality of all rules of conduct and verbal treatment constitutes what is called etiquette.

Each action, each appeal must, as you know, be accompanied by rituals appropriate to the occasion: "magic words" please, thank you, etc. You can, of course, forget (if it happened) about this or that verbal formula accompanying the service, finding something else, no less suitable. It is only important to always remember that the essence and meaning of etiquette are determined by the inner readiness of one person to help another and what is called delicacy, tact. In other words, do not impose your society while remaining polite; the desire not to interfere with others, remaining free to perform their own actions. And this means, in the end, that you can’t make noise and interrupt others in a conversation. If you want to express your opinion (including an objection, disagreement with the words or actions of others), you must first inquire whether the interlocutor said everything he wanted, whether he is ready to listen to you. Etiquette, as you may already guess, includes not only verbal forms of expressing politeness and sympathy. The etiquette of words and actions should not conflict with the appearance of a person, his clothes. In other words, etiquette is not fully respected if - with all the correctness and politeness of behavior - young people come to the theater in jeans and colorful T-shirts. Even worse, if someone in bright extravagant clothes joins the funeral procession.

Even when dressing (and even earlier when purchasing clothes), one must keep in mind that clothes, gait, manner of standing, sitting and even laughing form a kind of sign system; one way or another, a dressed person declares something, informs others about himself. For example, Wedding Dress, holiday costume

Signs of the upcoming celebration; a sports suit, a tennis racket in the hands "say" that a person is an athlete; sloppy hairstyle and unkempt jeans - that a person neglects the aesthetic feelings of others. Dirt under the nails and soiled clothes does not at all signal that a person belongs to the working class. They are simply signs of a slut who has neither the rules of personal hygiene nor the concept of the aesthetics of appearance. Loud negotiations during a film show, a hat not removed indoors are signs of bad manners and selfishness.

"They are greeted by clothes, they are escorted by mind," says Russian folk wisdom. In other words, in communication it is important and appearance and the words you said. Etiquette, as we have said,

regulate communication, interaction of people. It is necessary to take etiquette, the ability to communicate seriously, wisely. The rule is quite simple: what may be unpleasant to you is unpleasant to others.

Rules for everyday communication

So, what does it take to communicate properly? It is necessary, first of all, to respect the interlocutor, to listen to him with possible attention, without interrupting and allowing him to speak, not to "noise" the communication channels. It is also necessary to look appropriately so that there is no disagreement, try to say only what we think, so as not to introduce dissociation.

All of the above may or may not be universal way communication, but at least it will help to communicate more correctly and find mutual language with people.

We must not forget what our great compatriot Mikhail Vasilyevich Lomonosov wrote 230 years ago:

"... When the prepared parts for the construction of some colossus lie especially and some, the other does not mutually communicate a certain action to itself, then their entire existence is vain and useless. Similarly, if each member of the human race could not explain his concepts to another, we would not only be deprived of this concordant common affairs of the current, which is controlled by the combination of our thoughts, but if we were almost worse than wild animals ... "