How to get rid of all resentment. The main meaning of resentment

In this article you will receive step by step instructions to how to forgive and let go of an offense, as well as learn why it is possible to rejoice in offenses, why you are offended, and how to stop doing this now and forever. At the beginning of the article there is also a video in which I reveal this topic: the causes, consequences of grievances and ways to react differently.

What is resentment

Resentment is unjustified expectations. You expected one thing from a person, but he acted completely differently. Perhaps you did not know him well enough, since you expected something else from him. Each person is unique, and we cannot predict how any of our environment will act in a given situation. No need to think for others and expect something from them. We can only decide what to do for ourselves.

Watch a video about the causes of resentment and how to stop being offended and start reacting differently:

Why insults should be happy

Resentment is your growth zone. If you are offended by someone's criticism, then most likely you really think of yourself in this way. For example, you were told that you are fat and that you could do with losing weight. If you are offended by this, it means that you yourself think so about yourself. And the offender just let you see the place where you are insecure. And if you have a completely different opinion about yourself, you are always confident in your beauty, or you simply don’t care what kind of figure you have, then you will respond with a laugh to such a statement. So the offender will not catch you on the hook, and his words will fly past you.

If you are offended by something - mark for yourself what it was. This is your growth area. The place where you need to learn to love yourself, grow, develop, improve yourself. So smile at your offender and thank him. Rejoice - it helps you see growth areas and change for the better.

Thus, if a person offended you, then by doing so he showed you where you treat yourself badly. Start to develop in those areas in which you are offended. And in time, no one will be able to offend you.

How to Forgive and Let Go of Resentment - 5 Steps

Let's move on to forgiveness. The time of the technique is from fifteen minutes, but it all depends on the depth of your resentment. You will need a pen and four sheets of paper, with a few more in reserve. Take them and sit somewhere quiet where you won't be disturbed. From my own experience and the experience of clients, I can say that if you don't do it now, you probably never will. Do not let resentment continue to take away your strength and energy, do not give it more opportunity to influence your life. Release yourself from this heavy burden right now.

The main condition of this technique is to be fully involved in the process. Do not be lazy, feel and write down everything that is necessary. This is your life, and in your hands is its release from resentment.

So, how to forgive and let go of resentment - 5 steps:

Step #1: Black list of grievances

Well, have you already armed yourself with a pen and pieces of paper? If not, do it now. Why put off your happy life for tomorrow?

So let's get started. Take the first sheet of paper and write the name of the person you are most offended by in the top middle. Below, write a list of all your grievances with this person. Write in as much detail as possible.

You will probably discover grievances that you did not even suspect. Maybe you will make some discovery. For example, you will finally understand why you have been holding a grudge all this time.

Everything in this life we do with some benefit for ourselves. Sometimes this benefit is unconscious, or in other words - secondary. This means that you, without knowing it, carry resentment with you through life, because you yourself want it.

For example, in childhood, when you were offended, your relatives immediately showed increased attention to you, your friends pitied you. And you remember at the subconscious level that resentment is accompanied by such pleasant bonuses. Having matured, you have learned to cope with many things, but you still love attention and care. And so sometimes you allow yourself to be offended.

Another example of secondary benefit is pleasant memories. Many remember insults from their school years and, throughout their lives, mentally returning to their school offenders, communicate with them in their head. For example, at school, Marina was offended by a classmate because he did not reciprocate her sympathy. After many years or even decades, Marina is still offended by him and from time to time mentally returns to those episodes that aroused the emotion of resentment in her. What benefit does she get? She liked her classmate. She likes to think about him. Perhaps he is one of her fondest school memories. Marina has many mixed feelings for her classmate, but resentment is the strongest of them. And so it seems to her that she is only offended. But in fact, her sweet memories are charged with a huge number of other emotions.

Think about what your secondary benefit of each of the grievances is? Think of a different way to satisfy each benefit and write it down. And from now on, start to benefit in a new way that you have invented.

Step #2: Feel the hurt one last time

Take the second piece of paper. Write a letter to your offender on it. Let it begin like this: “Dear (name), I have a grudge against you because ... I hate you because ... it hurts me because ... I am offended by you because ... I feel rage, hatred for what…”

In this letter, it is important to describe your feelings, sensations, emotions. And feel them as if it is happening now.

When prescribing, reproduce the offense in memory. Remember everything in the smallest detail: what day it was then, what happened before that, what you felt at the moment when you were offended. How did you feel the next day. What exactly was said to you, which particular of these words or actions touched you? If another person did the same to you, would it offend you or not? Why was this person important to you?

Imagine, remember everything as if it were yesterday. Bring through yourself again all the feelings and emotions that you experienced that day, and also remember everything that you felt towards the offender until today. Replay in your head each of the grievances that you once had against this person.

Perhaps those memories and feelings that you have long forgotten will come up. Describe them too. Feel your hurt like never before. After all, today you say goodbye to her forever.

Step #3: Take charge

Third step and third leaf. Resentment is your choice, which is most often not realized. Between stimulus and response there is always a choice - how to respond. So, between insulting and resenting him, there is a choice whether you are offended or pass by. The problem is that, as a rule, you do not have time to realize this and are offended immediately. The first time you choose your response to an insult is as a child. For example, a neighbor boy called you a fool, and you were offended. Since then, year after year, when you have been in a similar situation (you have been insulted or criticized), you have unconsciously chosen to be offended again and again.

If you tend to be offended often, then you are probably in the role of a victim. How to get out of it, read this.

Have you ever noticed that some people don't take offense when criticized? They deliberately chose this. Or they were lucky - their parents taught them not to be offended by criticism in early childhood. And you start learning it now. It won't be easy, and it won't work right away. But gradually, with effort, you will get what you want.

Whenever something unpleasant is said or done to you, take a mental pause. You have a choice how to react. Make this choice. While you are offended, you go on about the offender. But this is your life, and it is up to you to decide whether to follow someone's lead or live the way you want.

So, the third step and the third sheet. Start it like this: “Dear (name)! I understand that I myself chose to be offended by you then. I bear full responsibility for the fact that I was offended, for the fact that I hated you ... ”Continue for yourself. In this letter, write to your abuser why you chose to be offended. What exactly hit you then. All this time you have shifted the responsibility for the offense to the offender. But now you are taking responsibility. You were not offended, but you were offended. It is possible that your abuser had no idea that he was saying or doing something wrong. But even if he did it intentionally, it only means that he achieved his goal. He got you hooked. You were offended, and all this time you thought about him and about his act. You went with him.

Now and forever, take responsibility for your grievances. People are not to blame for anything. You choose to be offended.

Step #4: Forgive and let go

Begin the fourth sheet like this: "Dear (name), I forgive you for that ...".

Write everything you wanted to say but couldn't. Put in this letter all your love, all the warm and pleasant feelings that you have for this person. Imagine him sitting in front of you and talk to him mentally. Surely, he will be glad to hear that you have finally forgiven him. He will accept your kind words and reciprocate. Imagine all of this as you write your forgiveness letter.

Thank your abuser for letting you see your growth zones. Now you know where you need to grow and develop, what qualities to improve.

After completing the proposed technique, you should feel better. During the technique, you should feel unity with the offender and the completion of what was not completed then, on the day when you were offended. The main condition is to re-live to the maximum in this technique your resentment, all the emotions and feelings that fill you. Do it sincerely and with all your heart. Only you can free yourself from this heavy burden.

Now you can do this technique with all the people and resentments that you have accumulated. Grievances take a huge amount of energy and strength, therefore, after performing the technique, you will feel how you are filled with energy. She comes back to you.

If by any chance you ever think back to that unpleasant episode in the past that you just worked on, I recommend that you apply the fifth step.

Step #5: Anchor Exercise

It suddenly happened that you again, perhaps out of habit, remembered your old grievance. In this case, add one more to your memory. After the abuser says those nasty words (or does nasty things) to you, he comes close to you, makes eye contact, takes your hands and says, “Please forgive me. I didn't mean to hurt you. Do not feel angry with me. Let go of your resentment."

Each time you think back to that hurt, add that new episode to your memory. Over time, a new episode will be fixed in your thoughts along with resentment, and you will only remember them together. Be sure that soon you will forgive once and for all.

Conclusion

Now you know much better how to forgive and let go of resentment. Five steps for forgiveness have been presented to your attention. If you, without being lazy, do all the proposed steps as expected, sincerely and wholeheartedly - do not hesitate, you will be able to find the strength to forgive and let go of resentment.

Get fully involved in the process. Only in this way will you be able to free yourself from resentment and forgive from the bottom of your heart.

After you have forgiven your main offenders, start working on choosing how to respond to unpleasant words and actions. Remember, between stimulus and response is always your choice. Before reading this article, you chose to be offended. Now start choosing other emotions or remain neutral.

And don't forget to download my book How to Love Yourself. In it, I share the most effective techniques with which I myself once raised my self-esteem, became confident and fell in love with myself. This book will teach you to generally act only out of self-love! A person who loves himself does not hold grudges. Learn this and you by reading my book.

If you are having difficulty in forgiving an offense, you can contact me for individual psychological counseling. I will help you forgive once and for all and take a deep breath, letting go of the heavy burden of the past.

You can book a consultation with me via in contact with, instagram or . You can get acquainted with the cost of services and the scheme of work.

Subscribe to my Instagram and YouTube channel. There's a lot of good stuff in there!

Choose not to be offended, and then you will not have to forgive!
Your psychologist Lara Litvinova

How to stop being offended Who among us at least once in our lives has not asked this question! Sometimes we take offense at a person without even thinking about why and why. And resentment grows inside us, grows stronger, causes mental and physical suffering, and harms health. Studies show that a good half of the cases of the appearance of a malignant tumor are provoked by lingering resentment. So what to do to not only get rid of such a burden, but also to prevent its occurrence in the future?

Reasons for resentment

First of all, let's find out the reason for the appearance of resentment. The root of all troubles lies in self-doubt. We will not analyze now where it came from. Let's follow the chain. Lack of self-love and insecurity always go hand in hand. But after all, each of us really wants love and happiness! But since we do not consider ourselves capable of giving this, we shift this mission to people close to us. That is, we begin to associate certain expectations with them. And when a person for some reason does not justify them, we are seized with resentment and anger. He was given such an honor, given trust, and so on ...

Further more. We begin to cherish and cherish these emotions, constantly reinforcing them with new “evidence”. After all, the person will continue to not meet our expectations. As a result, we have a bunch of problems in life: illness, depression, dissatisfaction. And the list is far from complete!

Take responsibility

Do you want to get rid of all this? First of all, take responsibility for your life, destiny, happiness, love, luck, for everything that you succeed or fail to do. Make this responsible decision once and for all. It is difficult, but possible - after all, the incentive is large enough. On one side of the scale is the hopelessness that you have now, and on the other - a life filled with meaning, joy and love. The choice is obvious.

And when you manage to take responsibility, one simple understanding will come: a person does not have to live up to your expectations. They are yours and only yours. And after realizing this fact, there will be nothing to be offended by.

Incidentally, this is the useful advice women who sin with grievances against a man who is next to them. Stop torturing him and yourself. Sit down and figure out in yourself what is the root of your resentment. And if he does or says something that hurts you, tell him about it. Perhaps he just does not realize that he is hurting you, because. for him, such behavior is in the order of things. No one loving man, having learned about the pain that causes you, will not continue to act in the same spirit.

In general, in order to protect yourself from insults, you just need to learn how to talk about what you like and what you don’t; what brings joy, and what, on the contrary, upsets. None, not even the most close person can't read your mind. And the language was just given to man for communication.

How to let go of resentment?

If you see that someone hurts you on purpose, do not be offended and do not get angry. Have pity on him and let him out of your life. Why regret? Thus, he simply wins back on you for some of his failures and complexes. He is an unhappy person. Isn't that pitiable?

But this is what concerns today and the future quiet life. And what to do with the already accumulated cargo? There are several effective methodologies How to let go of past hurts.

forgiveness meditation

One of them is meditation. There are many ways, choose any suitable. For example, like this:

Choose a time when no one will disturb you (evening is better). Turn on relaxing music, lie down on the bed, close your eyes and calm down. Then slowly go over in your head the people on whom you hold a grudge. And mentally say to yourself: “I forgive ... for something ...”. And so on, until you sort through all. If you feel like crying while meditating, don't hold back. Tears in this case cleanse. It may not help the first time. Then repeat the exercise every day until you feel that the burden of resentment has subsided.

How to let go of resentment towards your mother

And another important factor for getting rid of mental heaviness. In most cases, in order to shake it all off and start living anew, we need to get rid of resentment ... at our mother. In most cases, this applies to women. Although this also applies to men. An overbearing or quick-tempered mother is capable of inflicting such a childish insult on her child that he cannot cope with even becoming an adult.

A carelessly thrown word about the daughter's appearance can instill in her uncertainty and fear. And the child will not even know where the legs grow from.

Accept your mom for who she is. Do not swear at her, take for granted the fact that she cannot do otherwise. Act as a lawyer for her, forgive with all my heart. And live on.

We hope that after reading this article, you will decide for yourself to get rid of resentment and anger, giving yourself a chance for a different, happy life. We wish you this with all our heart!

Video on the topic of the article

How can you forgive someone who hurt you? Is it possible to get rid of the pain that burns the soul, obscures the eyes, does not allow to think soberly? System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan helps to understand the mechanisms of resentment and forgiveness, build harmonious relationships with loved ones and enjoy life...

And again this pain! The heart contracts, it is difficult to breathe, the pulse beats in the temples, and the question in the head: Why? Why is a dear person so cruel and unfair to me, capable of hurting me, offending, insulting, betraying me? After all, I'm with him with all my heart! I'm ready to give my life for him! How to learn to forgive and let go of resentment?

Resentment is a very powerful negative emotion. She, like chains, fetters and immobilizes a person, does not allow her to live normally and breathe deeply.

It is especially difficult to experience resentment against close people, because with them we are as open as possible, we have unlimited trust, we do not expect a dirty trick and we find ourselves vulnerable. It is not easy to forgive an insult when pain breaks the heart, and the mind does not find the slightest justification for the words and actions of loved ones.

We have heard thousands of times that you need to be a smart and wise person, be able to forgive each other, learn to forget the past in order to live joyfully and well. But for a person who is in captivity of resentment, all these are just empty words that sound like a mockery.

How can you forgive someone who hurt you? Is it possible to get rid of the pain that burns the soul, obscures the eyes, does not allow to think soberly?

There are many tips on how to forget the offense, all kinds of techniques that promise to acquire the ability to let go and forgive. Someone tries to read affirmations, someone in a Christian way obediently turns the other cheek for a blow, and someone thinks that it is best to delete the offender from your life, breaking off all relations with him.

Unfortunately, in practice, these methods do not always work or help for a short time. And in the next critical situation, old grievances flare up or new ones flare up, poisoning life with bitterness and disappointment. And it’s not possible to run away from everyone, because often we are offended precisely by the closest people - spouses, parents, our own children.

System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan helps to understand the mechanisms of resentment and forgiveness, build harmonious relationships with loved ones and enjoy life.

Psychology of resentment and forgiveness. How it works?

It would seem that no one knows the feeling of resentment, because life does not skimp on injustice, and even native people are angry and cruel, obsessed with themselves, do not remember the good, do not appreciate what we do for them.

But in fact, not everyone thinks so, but only those who really tend to be offended.

Resentment is not a disease, not a curse and not a bad habit, but a feature of the psyche inherent in a certain type of people - the owners of the anal vector.

These people have a heightened sense of justice. Any imbalance in one direction or another causes them a feeling of deep discomfort.

Owners are people of honor, fighters for justice and equality, they are straightforward and unsophisticated and expect the same in return.

For them, family is a special value, equal, stable relationship based on mutual respect and trust. For the sake of the family, such a person is ready to sacrifice a lot. But it is very important for him to feel that close people will truly appreciate it.

Not receiving worthy, in his opinion, confirmation of his merits, respect and praise, a person is offended, feels pain and disappointment. And the phenomenal memory given to him by nature plays a cruel joke with him. Instead of collecting and storing important information, gaining valuable experience and passing it on to the next generations, he begins to accumulate his grievances, remembering every situation, every word, look, deed that caused pain.

In most cases, people do not intentionally seek to offend us, to cause pain and suffering. It's just that we are all different and by nature we have - properties and desires that determine the character, our reactions and behavior, perception of the world and other people.

It follows that those around us go through life guided by their own desires, values, and priorities that are different from ours.

Because of such a difference of interests, all kinds of quarrels and misunderstandings arise, giving rise to insults, quarrels, conflicts.

Not knowing how the human psyche works, we look at the world and other people through the prism of our desires and needs. We expect people to treat us the way we would like it, or the way we behave towards them. Not getting what we want, we get upset, worried, upset, and a person with an anal vector is offended.

Since our maximum expectations are directed to the closest people, to those to whom we devote all our time, attention, strength, they most often become the cause of resentment.

People who need to learn to forgive, because you can’t just take them and tear them out of your heart, erase them from your memory, these are ours -

parents, especially mother,

spouses or lovers

children.

How to forgive the closest people? Mum

The dearest person who gave us life is my mother. And we are deeply indebted to her. In the life of a person with an anal vector, mother plays a special role. Mom is not just a family, a person who provides comfort and care, gives a sense of security and safety, she creates a connection between generations, is a bridge connecting the owner of the anal vector with such a valuable and dear past. It is associated with his first life experience, the ability to build relationships with other people.

It happens that the mental properties of mother and child coincide. This means that when she looks at her child through her system of values, through the prism of her desires, she will not have internal contradictions and problems with the child. And he will feel comfortable in the family.

And vice versa, if the mother has, for example, then she has opposite properties. She is flexible, knows how to do everything quickly by nature and can start to push her baby, pull, rush, expect quick results from him where he needs time to think or adapt to a new situation.

The child falls into stress, his reactions slow down even more, it is difficult for him to concentrate, and most importantly, it hurts and hurts because his beloved mother does not understand his condition, does not feel the discomfort he experiences, does not come to the rescue, but, on the contrary, demands the impossible. The situation is aggravated if she still does not notice the efforts and efforts of her baby, forgets to praise and appreciate the results of his work.

The child's soul is in turmoil, an insult creeps into it, which the child is not even aware of, cannot admit to himself. After all, mom is a person whom he considers holy, infallible. And how can you forgive and let go of resentment if a person is not even aware of it? He carries it in himself all the time, resentment affects his whole life, grows and multiplies.

The owner of the anal vector is inclined to generalize the events happening to him. He will project the first bad experience of relations with his mother onto other people: “What to expect from others if your own mother does not understand, does not appreciate, does not praise.”

Understanding the nature of your mother's psyche, her desires, character traits, conditions that influenced her life, gives an understanding of the reasons why she behaved this way.

She did everything that she considered right and necessary, that was in her power and corresponded to her essence. It is not her fault that she did not understand herself or the child.

When awareness comes, then the question of forgiveness exhausts itself. We do not let go of resentment - it lets us go.

How to forgive a loved one? Pair relationships

A similar scenario plays out in relationships with spouses and loved ones. According to the laws of nature, people with different properties and qualities are most often drawn to each other. On the one hand, this is historically justified, because such partners, complementing each other, create a stable couple capable of surviving and raising offspring. On the other hand, differences and mismatch of interests, desires and values often cause misunderstanding, lead to conflicts, quarrels and insults.

For example, a woman with an anal vector prefers a leisurely course of life and home comfort, she is crystal honest and devoted to her spouse. And the skin partner needs movement, novelty of sensations, change of scenery, and in the absence of realization at work, he can look for changes in the form of flirting on the side. By betrayal, he plunges his wife into an abyss of suffering and pain.

How can you forgive a person and free yourself from resentment if he broke your heart? Forgiveness is out of the question! Resentment against a man digs into the heart like a splinter, does not let him live, longs for revenge. Nothing brings relief. Relationships turn into a nightmare, into an endless series of resentments and accusations, pain and disappointments. If the family breaks up, a bad experience is fixed for life, forcing each person to see a potential traitor and traitor.

Understanding yourself and your partner, you can learn to build a qualitatively new relationship based on mutual trust, respect for each other's differences. What is small for us may have great importance for a loved one. If you remember this, it is no longer difficult to turn off the light behind you, close the tube of toothpaste or put your slippers back in place. We stop counter act and start mutual act, move towards each other, thanks to which all possible reasons for misunderstanding and resentment leave life:

How to forgive and let go of resentment? Children

Children are of particular value to the owner of the anal vector. It is important for him to give them the best, to educate good people, to instill time-tested traditions, to teach everything that he himself can do. He is confident in his rightness and wants to be the best parent for his child. He tries to maintain his undeniable authority in the eyes of children and become an example for them. And that is why he is so painfully worried, angry, offended when they are not at all in a hurry to be like their father, follow his advice, follow in his footsteps.

How to learn to forgive your children and let go of resentment when their behavior is contrary to parental ideas about life, contrary to his desires?! A parent with an anal vector expects obedience, respect, reverence from the children, and what does not meet his expectations is perceived as negative, wrong, hostile, causes misunderstanding and gives rise to resentment.

It is very important to understand that we look at our children through ourselves, we are trying to impose our views, habits, interests, our perception of life on them - when their perception may be fundamentally different from ours.

Not knowing how the psyche works, not realizing the differences between their properties and the desires of children, despite all the love and good intentions, parents often make mistakes, preventing children from growing and developing properly, building their lives.

Children are not at all like their parents. They have different desires and aspirations, and they live in a different time. What filled us with joy and pleasure in childhood is no longer able to satisfy the needs of our children. What we could only dream of has long become a familiar reality for our children. The world is developing rapidly, and with it the volume of desires is increasing, which are the “engine”, the key to development and movement forward.

Understanding our true needs, desires and differences between our children and us, we can help them develop their natural talents and abilities, succeed in life and become happy.

How to learn to forgive and let go of grievances: results

Gives knowledge about the structure of the psyche, about what drives us and the people around us. It helps, false beliefs, unrealistic expectations, teaches you to perceive people as they are.

We are not offended by our beloved cat because it does not sing like a nightingale, and the faithful dog cannot fly, just as we stop being offended by people because they do not possess certain qualities.

The ability to forgive and let go of grievances is developed along with the ability to think systematically. A new worldview gives the ability to adequately perceive oneself and other people, understand the motives of their behavior, anticipate their reactions and manage them.

You no longer need to accumulate and multiply your grievances, suffer or hatch plans for revenge, it is better to direct your energy to something important, interesting, useful - to study Yuri Burlan's "Systemic Vector Psychology".

Proofreader: Natalia Konovalova

The article was written based on the materials of the training " System-Vector Psychology»

Each of us, regardless of age and life experience, faced such situations when close or not very people acted in such a way that after that it became very painful. Someone had more such situations in life, someone had less, and everyone has their own story on this matter. As a result, we tend to experience a very unpleasant feeling called resentment, and very often it long years lives within us, poisoning life very strongly. This strong and destructive emotion, with prolonged exposure to the body, can cause significant harm to health, up to malignant neoplasms. From the point of view of energy interactions, resentment on a subconscious level is a hidden death wish for the offender, which will certainly return and eventually transform into problems in the most different areas life.

That is why it is very important to learn to forgive, to get rid of the negative that happened in life and thereby make room for both positive emotions and feelings, and for joyful events in life.

Representatives of various religions, as well as numerous psychologists and teachers, speak about the importance of forgiveness. They all agree on one thing - if the offender appeared in a person's life, then this does not happen just like that, undeservedly. This means that for some reason we need to go through this difficult and painful lesson, learn to love regardless of the circumstances, learn to forgive and change something in ourselves. For example, often when women are offended by their close men, this is a sign that a woman does not love herself enough, or is so immersed in caring for others that she completely loses her true self, or she experiences subconscious, that is, implicit, aggression towards a man. Below I suggest you get acquainted with the various techniques so that you can choose the one that is right for you. It is worth mentioning that forgiveness is not an easy job, almost always you have to relive the pain that was once experienced, it is not always possible to immediately let go and forgive, but the result that you achieve by freeing yourself from this burden is worth it. You will feel freer and lighter, and life will sparkle with new colors. If there is no resentment within us, then a place is made in the heart for the creative energy of love, a person, as it were, radiates from within, and this becomes noticeable to the naked eye. If we know how to accept and forgive, then both people and ourselves become much more comfortable and joyful with ourselves.

Before you start using any method, I recommend that you take the following steps. The first is to try to understand that no matter how painful and hard it may be for us, there is something to learn in the current situation, and even if we cannot understand this yet because of strong emotions and the feeling that we were treated unfairly, that this happened with us there is a deep meaning and the opportunity to become better and qualitatively change something in your life through overcoming the test. Secondly, try to remember all those with whom you have been offended and are still offended, make a list for yourself and single out among them those with whom the strongest emotions are associated. Thus, you will have two groups of people, but choose who to forgive first for yourself: it’s easier for someone to first get rid of minor grievances and then move on to strong and painful ones, for someone vice versa.

Method one. Prayer.

This tool is especially suitable for those who are close to any religion. In each of them there are prayers that can help to cope with resentment, there are saints who can be turned to for help.

Regardless of whether you belong to any religious denomination, in a temple or at home, you can simply imagine the offender in your mind and say the following words repeatedly:

With gratitude, love and God's help, I forgive you (name) and accept you completely and completely. I ask your forgiveness for hurting you with my thoughts or actions and I ask (Name) to forgive me for negative emotions, thoughts and actions towards you.

Method two. Forgiveness Meditation by renowned author Louise Hay.

Find a comfortable place where no one will disturb you. Close your eyes, if you want, you can turn on soft pleasant music, light scented candles. Relax completely, from the top of your head to your toes, try not to be distracted by extraneous thoughts and completely immerse yourself in yourself and your feelings. After you have completely relaxed, imagine that you are in a darkened theater hall. There is a small stage in front of you. You see on this stage the person who hurt you. This person may be alive or dead, and your hatred may be both in the past and in the present.

When you clearly see this person, imagine that something good is happening to him, something that is of great importance to this person. Imagine him smiling and happy. Hold this image in your mind for a few minutes and then let it disappear. Then, when the person you want to forgive leaves the stage, put yourself there. Imagine that only good things happen to you. Imagine yourself happy and smiling. And know that there is enough goodness in the universe for all of us.

This exercise dissolves the dark clouds of accumulated resentment. Some will find this exercise very difficult. Every time you make it, you can draw in your imagination different people. Do this exercise once a day for a month and see how much easier life becomes for you.

Method three. Methodology "Forgiveness Meditation" by A. Sviyash.

Choose a person in relation to whom you will work with the thought form of your negative experiences. For example, let it be your father.

Start mentally repeating the phrase several times in a row:

With love and gratitude, I forgive my father and accept him as God created him (or: and accept him as he is). I apologize to my father for my negative thoughts, emotions and actions towards him. My father forgives me for my thoughts, emotions and actions towards him.

This formula works most effectively for erasing negative emotions in relation to living people with whom you periodically meet and experience discomfort, but can also be used for dead people. The same form is used when working with events, any phenomena, and even with Life.

With love and gratitude, I forgive my Life and accept it in all manifestations as God created it (or: and accept it as it is). I ask forgiveness from my Life for my negative thoughts, emotions and actions in relation to it. My Life forgives me for my thoughts, emotions and actions in relation to it.

This technique should be performed for each person for whom you experienced negative emotions for at least 3-4 hours in total. And for those whom you barely remember, you can get by with 20-40 minutes. When you feel warmth in the center of your chest, in most cases this will mean that you have no negative emotions left in your body in relation to this person. And try to remember all the people with whom you could have had any negative experiences.

Method four. Technique of Forgiveness by Margarita Murakhovskaya.

Imagine that you are walking down a country road. Around the flower meadow. The road divides a vast field strewn with beautiful wildflowers. You hear the buzzing of insects, the singing of the lark in the high sky. You breathe easily and calmly. You slowly move along the road. A person is walking towards you. And the closer he gets to you, the more you begin to understand that this is your father. This is your dad, only in his youth. You come up to him, take his hands and say: “Hello, daddy. Please forgive me for not being the way you wanted me to be. Thank you for everything, for what was and what was not. Daddy, I love you very much. I forgive you for everything. I forgive you for not being there when I missed you so much. I forgive you. You owe me nothing. You are free". You begin to notice how your father is turning into small child. He is about 3 years old. You look at this baby, and you want to take him in your arms, hug him gently to yourself and say: “I love you. I love you very much". Small child turns into a tiny one, it fits in the palm of your hand. You place it with tenderness and love in your heart, in your soul. Where he feels comfortable and at ease. You take a deep breath in and out and move on. A person is walking towards you. And the closer he approaches you, the more you begin to understand that this is your mother, only in your youth. She is now as old as she gave birth to you. You come up to her and take her hands and say: Hello, mommy. Forgive me, please, for everything, for hurting you sometimes. Sorry for not living up to your expectations. And I forgive you for everything. For what was and what was not. I'm sorry that when I needed your support so much, you were not there. “I forgive you with love. Now you are free. Thank you for everything, for the fact that thanks to you I was born. Thank you for your tenderness and care.” You begin to notice how your mother is turning into a little girl of 3 years old. She is standing in front of you. You take her in your arms, press her gently to you and say: “I love you very much. You are the closest and dearest." It becomes so tiny that it fits in the palm of your hand. You place it in your heart, in your soul. Where she will be warm and comfortable.

You take a deep breath in and out and move on. In the distance you see the figure of a man. And the closer you get, the more you begin to understand that it is you. You look at yourself and say, “Well, hello. Please forgive me for everything. For always appreciating you. I really love you very much. You are the closest and dearest person to me." You begin to notice how the person in front of you becomes a three-year-old toddler. You take him in your arms, hug him to you, say: "You know, I love you, I love you very much." This wonderful baby becomes very small, it fits in your palm. You place it in your heart, in your soul, in your inner world.

Now your inner child, inner parent, inner adult is with you. These parts help you live and function effectively. You are walking down the country road again. You breathe easily and freely. You have peace of mind. And now everything in your life will be different, because you are different. You are filled with self-love and your parts are in harmony. Take a deep breath in and out and open your eyes. After you have established contact with yourself, you can work on forgiving other people according to the same scheme.

Method five. Forgiveness technique S. Gawain.

Step 1. Forgiveness and liberation of others.

Write on a piece of paper the names of all the people who you think have ever hurt you, done you wrong and unfairly. Or (and) those in relation to whom you still feel (or have experienced before) indignation, anger and other negative feelings. Next to each person's name, write what they did to you. And why are you offended by him. Then close your eyes, relax and visualize or imagine each person one by one. Have a short conversation with each of them and explain to him or her that in the past you felt anger or resentment towards him (her), but now you intend to do everything in your power to forgive them for everything. Give them your blessing and say, “I forgive you and release you. Go your own way and be happy."

When you are done with this process, write "Now I forgive and release you all" on your piece of paper and throw it away or burn it as a token that you are free from these past experiences.

The great advantage of the technique proposed by S. Gawain is that you forgive not only others, but also yourself. That is, you get rid of not only anger and resentment, but also guilt and the shame associated with it.

Step 2: Forgive and free yourself.

Now write down the names of all those whom you think you have ever hurt or wronged. Write down exactly what you did with each of them. And then close your eyes again, relax and imagine each of these people in turn. Tell him or her what you did and ask them to forgive you for it and give you their blessing. Then imagine them doing it - i.e. forgiving you.

When you're done, write down or across your piece of paper, "I forgive myself and take all the blame here, now, and forever!" Then tear up the paper and throw it away (or burn it again).

Method six. "Three-Step Exercise for Writing a Healing Letter" by E. Basse and L. Davis.

This technique gives a person the opportunity to experience support and approval, regardless of the reaction of the subject who offended him (her).

First letter.

The work begins with you writing your first letter to the abuser, in which you describe in some detail the details of the abuse, your feelings about the abuse (also in great detail), how it all affected your life. This letter may well contain demands for certain forms of retribution and/or apologies that you deem appropriate for your abuser.

Second letter.

After that, you write a second letter - the one that you think the offender could write or actually write to you if he had such an opportunity. It may state what the offender said to you during that very, memorable situation of insult. That is, it should contain the answer that you are generally afraid of.

The third and most important letter.

And now you have to write a letter in which you state the answer that you need. This is, of course, an imaginary response from the person who offended you. An answer that he could write if he wanted to take responsibility for the insult and express his regrets and remorse for what he had done. In other words, the third letter is the one that you need most of all: the letter that you, alas, have not received and are unlikely to ever receive. Therefore, it is precisely the writing of the third letter that can become milestone your liberation - because in it you can express (and receive) the apologies, feelings of support and regret that you so lacking.

Healing letters are most effective in all those cases when the person who caused the insult is out of physical reach - for any reason (for example, due to his death). In this case, the letters, as it were, complete the external and internal conflict with those who refused or did not have time to take responsibility for the insult.

Method seven. Emotionally corrective experience (by J. Rainwater).

Write down the episode that disturbed or offended you in the form of a short story written in the present tense and in the first person. Restore all the events as accurately as possible (unless, of course, they have become a serious psychological trauma for you). Restore all dialogues and describe your feelings.

Now rewrite history the way you would like it to happen. Slap the offender, go towards the pursuer and defeat him. At least somehow, but take revenge on the tormentor. Or love the person you hate.

Do whatever you want. Create new dialogues. Describe your other feelings. And come up with your own ending and denouement.

Much has been said about the fact that the ability to forgive offense and let go of the past is the highest spiritual gift. However, some people see nothing behind this, except beautiful phrases and popular expressions. Nevertheless, even doctors agree that it is people with a "touchy" behavioral type of character that are most vulnerable to diseases and various ailments.

There is a belief that a person who carries a lot of negative energy in himself acquires cancer over time and shortens his life. And although this assumption has not been studied in practice, it still has a significant statistical background.

People says: “It's easy to offend - it's very difficult to forgive". And indeed, the one who causes us mental pain sometimes does not think about how slowly we die, bearing in ourselves a lump of pain inflicted on them.

How to learn to forgive insults to loved ones, former lover, colleagues? How to find the strength to forgive and live happily ever after?

Abstraction from what is happening

"To be offended and indignant is like drinking poison in the hope that it will kill all your enemies." (Nelson Mandela).

If you were really hurt, try to create negative motivation for yourself. Close your eyes and imagine what will happen if you begin to carry a grudge in yourself throughout the rest of your life?

Your offender will go his own way, definitely happier than yours;
You will constantly bear in yourself a lump of pain that will grow with you all the time allotted for you. Gradually, you will stop rejoicing at everything that happens, and you will begin to look for one, the most destructive path - the path of revenge;
Your life will not be limited to one current wound. From your offenders you will count their tens, hundreds, thousands. And all this time, your own "poisonous" lump will accumulate, like an avalanche. And, be sure, one day it will fall on a completely innocent, close and dear person to you;
Your resentment will turn into a strong and destructive negative energy capable of killing all sorts of bright feelings. You will lose joy, faith, gratitude, respect, love, and loyalty. All this is absolutely disastrous for any union, even if it is extremely strong and durable. Think about the fact that you run the risk of losing all the people destined for you by fate, following the lead of your own negative emotions;
You will project your negativity onto any emerging relationship, laying a foundation of baseless suspicions and subconscious conflict in them. A touchy person can safely put an end to personal life and intimate relationships, as they will collapse before they even begin;
You will begin to see in every person a potential enemy, a traitor and a traitor, even if he does not deserve it at all and treats you with all his heart;
Sooner or later you will begin to take revenge. Namely, revenge gives rise to fatal, fatal mistakes that can derail your entire destiny;
You will definitely start to get sick, even if you now have enviably good health and physical condition. Touchy people suffer from cancer, suffer a lot in front of own death. And often only on their deathbed do they come to the mental absolution of their opponents. It becomes very bitter for them to realize what they have wasted their own lives on, never getting happiness.

It is also useful to consider whether your feelings of resentment are real. Understand the main thing: all our negative emotions are the fruit of our own imagination. Outsiders do not know exactly about your suffering. Just imagine - none of the seven billion knows why and why you feel bad! This means that your negative feeling has no material or even moral embodiment.

All the bad things that you carry in yourself are only the fruit of your imagination. Your own projection of the inner content. His mirror reflection. It is worth considering: if the world around is so bad, then what are you good at, and what good are you feeding it with?

Do not drag along the fictional and the past

It is also important to understand that the resentment that you carry in yourself may be your fantasy at all. For example, you suspected your loved one of infidelity when you found the number of an outside girl in his phone book.

You survived a crushing breakup, shed a sea of tears and brought down on young man a centner of curses.

You accumulate anger, distrust, indignation in yourself, and yet there was no betrayal on his part! That ill-fated contact turned out to be just the number of a former classmate or colleague. Your man dearly loved only you, and did not even think about carnal pleasures with other women. But your rage turned out to be destructive, and now you have lost your true happiness, leaving in your soul only anger and resentment for a non-existent act.

If you are not sure of someone's actions against you, you have no moral right to condemn a person and appropriate to him the fruits of your own spiritual licentiousness. Is it worth saying that wishing him harm and taking revenge for imperfect deeds is completely criminal on your part?

If your resentment is completely real reason, and you are thinking whether to forgive your offense or revel in the thirst for revenge, stop for a second and decide - is your enemy an offender, or an adviser? The fact is that each person appears in our lives for a reason. It either brings with it happiness or experience.

Now you are burned and in pain, but imagine how much such stress can be avoided thanks to this person! Mentally say "thank you" to him and let him go. Take into account your bitter experience, and boldly move on through life. It is easier to offend than to forgive, but only a spiritually mature person can forgive and give thanks for a difficult lesson.

positive motivation

In order not to talk unfounded about how important it is to forget, accept and let go, we suggest that you do the last task in reverse. Just imagine how your life will change if you let go of the situation, thank life for a difficult but productive lesson, and sincerely forgive the one who hurt you.

How to forgive an offenseby creating positive motivation?

From now on, you will not be easily hooked and rebuilt in a destructive way, you will be calm and balanced, your life will acquire new bright colors;
You will learn to enjoy the simple and banal things that surround you in everyday life. Your life will be filled with high energies and happiness will rule it;
You will be constantly accompanied by success as an integral part of the life of a strong, spiritually pure person;
You will be able to easily build relationships with new people who appear around you. Resentment overshadows the rudiments of wisdom, clouds the mind and deprives of adequacy. A person who is morally clear of destructive thoughts looks at others with more sober eyes, which means that they are less likely to make mistakes in them;
You will learn by your own example how easy it is to forget and forgive an offense, and therefore, you will become even stronger for subsequent lessons;
You will become more attractive the right people because they are drawn to strong and strong-willed individuals without petty addictions.

Consider that the person who harmed you is only a human, not the Almighty. Tell yourself: " I forgive him, I understand his weaknesses and shortcomings, I do not demand more from him than he is able to give».

You will certainly feel the power of forgiveness and intuitively feel the correctness of your direction. You will gain self-irony, learn to treat your own mistakes easily and constructively. You will learn to replace negative emotions with promising actions.

How to forgive andreally let go?

Think about how fleeting life is. Enjoy every moment of it and do not let negative experiences crowd out your own happiness;
Pray. Not only about yourself and loved ones, but also about the person who hit you. Ask God to forgive him;
Do not go back mentally to your past relationships. They have gone and will not return. Put an end to it and move on, because a lot of interesting and exciting things await you ahead;
Replace resentment with indifference. Throw the image of your ill-wisher out of your head. He is not worthy of your attention;
Be kind, friendly and sympathetic to strangers. Help people, feel your importance in this world, get simple joys from your ability to empathize and help others.

« Forgive all your offenders, and you will be rewarded with good”- it is not without reason that all religions and wise teachings speak of this. Do not let destructive emotions and feelings into your life. Let it be ruled by love, peace, tranquility and harmony!