How to raise a teenager son. Features of raising a boy: age stages

Every mother does everything to make her child grow up healthy and happy, and if there is a son in the family, she tries to raise him strong and courageous. However, sometimes these efforts lead to the exact opposite result - the boy grows insecure, withdrawn, he does not develop relationships with friends, he succumbs to difficulties. How to avoid mistakes in raising sons? Psychologist Olga Voronova and teacher Vita Viktorova answer the most common questions of parents.

1. Few parents want their son to join the army. At the same time, it is believed that it is in the army that a boy becomes a real man, since service tempers character. How to be?

If a child has a constant desire to assert himself, insist on his own and give back, it means that deep down he feels vulnerable and defends himself in this way. The reasons for this vulnerability must first be understood.

The army teaches discipline, organization, the ability to cope with difficulties. On the other hand, the outrages that are happening in our army pose a threat to health young man. And hardly anyone will condemn you if you find other ways to teach your son self-discipline and patriotism. Playing sports will help him feel strong, the absence of increased parental care will make him independent, and patriotism is instilled primarily in the family. But if it so happens that your boy is being drafted into the army, set him up for the fact that for two years he will live according to completely different laws and it is better to adapt to these laws than to protest against them. Explain to him that hazing (with which the army authorities do not particularly fight) is present not only in Russia, but also in other much more civilized countries and is aimed at “knocking out” individuality from a soldier, because the basis of the army is unquestioning obedience to orders. Young men with a highly developed "I" suffer more than others. So that these 2 years do not turn into a nightmare, the child must have good physical fitness, be quite sociable and loyal to those around him.

2. What should I do if the boy behaves aggressively - fights, offends other children?

Aggression is inherent in both girls and boys, but boys can show it more openly - this has been considered normal and encouraged from time immemorial, while softness and compliance were considered a disadvantage. Boys aggressively defend their place in the team, fight for leadership. But too high level aggression may indicate self-doubt. The attitude "the whole world is against me" indicates a lack of a sense of security, and this feeling is formed in the family. If the parents (mother in the first place) treat their son with love, do not push the baby away when he is scared, do not shout at him, do not suppress him, then the son has a sense of security. Otherwise, anxiety, fear of the world arise. And then, depending on individual characteristics the child can fight this hostile world or hide from it, curry favor with it. Sometimes increased aggression is the result of an excess of energy, which is suppressed by various norms and etiquette. "Don't run, don't make noise, sit still!" - as a result, the child goes out into the street and fights with the first person who looked askance at him. If your son is growing up to be a big bully, you need to act on two fronts at once. The first is to give an outlet for energy, that is, to enroll your son in sports section. Then aggression will be directed in a normal direction and will benefit the child - he will become more confident in himself, he will feel strength. The second direction is psychological. It is necessary to respect and love the child so that he experiences peace and spiritual comfort, then he will not need to monitor the environment in order to stop any hostile attacks. In a word, if the parents are understanding and benevolent, if harmony and mutual respect reign in the family, the world seems friendly to the child and he does not fight with it.

3. How to recognize a son's inclination to homosexuality and how to deal with it?

There is still debate whether the tendency to homosexuality is congenital or acquired. This tendency can be expressed in the fact that the boy's role-like behavior is disturbed - he does not want to actively assert himself in the team, shows sensitivity, feels more comfortable in the company of girls, enjoys playing their typical games - puts toys to bed, feeds them, sews clothes for them, but categorically refuses machines, etc. By nature, such boys are more affectionate, vulnerable and sensitive than their peers. They do not like to fight, they give in to obvious aggression, but at the same time they like to be in the spotlight. Children are also prone to homosexuality, in which there is a lot of narcissism, that is, narcissism. However, there is reason for concern only if all these oddities appear in combination. In addition, it must be remembered that a child has a clear understanding of his gender by the age of 4-5, and before this age, children only compare themselves with their peers and adults, trying to find similarities and differences. At the same time, kids show great curiosity, which sometimes alarms and frightens adults. However, there is usually no reason to worry. If obvious violations persist even at 8-9 years old, you can already seek advice from a specialist who will determine if there is a problem and how to deal with it. The following factors influence the violation of sexual orientation in boys: dislike on the part of the father or his absence in the life of the child (the unfulfilled need for this love will remain, and the boy will seek it from other adult men), the desire of parents to have a girl and the unconscious imposition of a female model of behavior on the son , abuse by the mother (in this case, the boy perceives women as a potential source of humiliation and avoids them).

If you understand that your son homosexual, or noticed a tendency to it, do not shout at him, do not punish, but sort out the reasons (you may need to change your own behavior) and delicately correct your son's behavior. But in any case, remember that this is your child and you should not reject him under any circumstances.

The most common mistakes that parents make when raising a son.

Too harsh attitude for the sake of cultivating masculinity. Boys, just like girls, need love, affection, care, attention.
The desire to raise a child in his own image and likeness, ignoring individual characteristics.
Quarrels between parents in front of their son.
Making too high demands on the child ("You're a boy!"), Which he cannot meet.
Indulging any whim, pampering (especially if the boy is youngest child in family).
Lack of consistency in upbringing (for the same behavior or act, they are either punished or praised).
Inconsistency in education between parents - one allows, the other prohibits.
Comparison with other children and giving them as an example, criticism.
The constant imposition of negative attitudes (“Do not run fast, otherwise you will fall”, “If you study poorly, you will become a janitor”).
Education in the sciences to the detriment of physical education (the boy must be physically strong and hardy).
Lack of personal positive example.

4. The son sits at the computer all day. How to wean him from this?

Dependence on the computer appears in those children who are generally prone to addiction. Someone becomes addicted to drugs, someone - to alcohol, others - to the Internet. It is important to understand that all of the above is a departure from real life into a fictional world. And the victims of these addictions, as a rule, are children who do not feel the love of their parents. This does not mean that their parents do not care about them. But this concern is not expressed in what the child needs. Buying things, paying for education are not connected in the understanding of children with love. To love means to pay attention, respect, listen to problems. If your son does not receive any of this, he has a feeling of his own uselessness, loneliness, and loss. Hence the desire to go into a world "where everything is easy."

5. How should a father behave in order to raise a normal son?

The behavior of the father is of great importance in, because by his example he shows how a man should behave in certain situations. If the father is the head of the family, the son will be guided by this model and, most likely, will want to play a leadership role in the family that he himself will create. But if at the same time the father is rude and tyrannizes loved ones, the child will feel a lack of love, which can undermine his self-confidence - he will feel weak and vulnerable among the same sex. A too soft dad with an overbearing mother can form a character in which the boy will subconsciously be afraid of women, become henpecked, or he will develop Don Juan syndrome. First of all, the ideal dad should be loving, but at the same time disciplined. Dad should keep his word and go to the zoo if he promised. In general, the principle here is simple - demonstrate everything that you want to instill in your son by your own example and involve the child in this process. And remember the principle of the golden mean - too harsh upbringing (the child perceives this as tyranny) or the provision of complete freedom of action (the son will consider that you are indifferent) are undesirable. As for the feeling of male usefulness, so that the boy does not have complexes, the father must be a respectful, loving and beloved husband, since harmonious relations between parents are the key to a happy life. family life son.

07/04/2016 20:30:28, Lekha

Pay more attention to your child! Less sitting at the computer.

Yeah, i.e. first, parents from homophobia must fight such manifestations "This tendency can be expressed in the fact that the boy's role-like behavior is violated - he does not want to actively assert himself in the team, shows sensitivity, feels more comfortable in the company of girls, plays with their pleasure typical games - putting toys to bed, feeding them, sewing clothes for them, but categorically refuses cars, etc." And then their wives will howl because the husband is aggressive, does nothing around the house, does not help with the child and is generally busy with an exceptional career ...

07/17/2006 08:07:21, Kseni's mother

the article is very good, especially for those who really want to raise a real man. Thanks for the advice.

05/27/2006 11:26:13 PM, Natalie

previous author.
Of course, you are absolutely right that since the parents are imperfect, the child will be even more imperfect (or rather, twice as bad as the parents). And I am already convinced from my own experience that if a father has omissions in culture and upbringing, then this is instantly caught by a still young son, and reproduced in behavior, only aggravated even more.
And it’s better without a dad at all than with a tyrant and a despot.

03/31/2006 09:07:09, Asya

The article contains a lot of "common" truths, "bookish" advice. How about raising a son? own example father, who himself is not without complexes, problems and omissions in education?! Where did you see parents who met all the criteria? I myself was brought up with a strong bias in an incomplete family, my husband is the only and very late child, with all the consequences ... We cannot change in a minute, just because it is written so! What will our child grow up “not right”, and what is the norm, and what is the deviation? Isn't it subjective?

03/30/2006 12:42:53 PM, Mom

The article is interesting and informative. Thank you!

I didn’t like it (:, general phrases, nothing specific, and mistakes in raising boys - this is what is written in small print - these are mistakes that should not be made when raising children of both sexes.
And I also liked about the army: "Go son, serve in the army, everything is different there than in civilian life" :) - these words can be explained to a child, not to a young man :)

03/23/2006 21:58:09, Stas

I would like to ask the authors a question: have they heard anything about the army from the first mouth of a normal guy, and not a sissy, Maria Arbatova, or a fool-journalist who, after mowing down from the army, pours mud on it, trying to justify his fear of service? In addition, there are other thoughts. When "a boy is taken into the army" he, by the way, is already at least 18 years old, and if this is not " hothouse plant"He himself must understand something, and not listen to the stories of a non-serving dad or (by no means at all!) Mom about hazing as an inevitable evil. So he imagined: mom says to her son:" Go, son, serve. There are also grandfathers in foreign armies, I know for sure. Be gray - and they won’t touch you. "Added optimism to the guy. Further: dear ladies, I have to upset you - the army authorities are fighting hazing and how they are fighting, maybe not everywhere, but it’s not necessary to generalize that it’s nowhere at all. He himself served in the unit , where even from the main department (I won’t say which one - a military secret) the commission rolled up for the investigation.The reason - one comrade didn’t have time to pee in the morning before charging (he smoked because), he complained to his mother in a letter (it would be inconvenient for me), that one - to the command : "They bully my sons, they don't let him urinate, they make him endure, and in general he lost weight with me, etc." "For two years he will live according to completely different laws." These laws: the Constitution, charters (a hundred times legislation), the criminal code, international humanitarian law, etc. Of course, no one uses them in civilian life. :) If the word "laws" should be understood not literally, but as certain rules, then there are two of them in the army: regime and discipline, when a young man gets used to them, this is also e, of course, bad. :) Without them, it's better - obviously, in your opinion this is so. And the last. Bulgakov's hero said: "Devastation is not in the toilets, but in the heads." Same thing with hazing. Already a psychologist and a teacher should know that by the age of 18 a person’s personality has basically formed, and a person with a system of views and beliefs that has already developed for the most part, which then manifest themselves, is going to serve. If this did not happen, he did not form as a person, then the fault here is not the army, but, excuse me, yours - parents, teachers, psychologists. Let me remind you of the proverb - "teach a child while it is across the bench, when it is along, it's already too late." Hazing is not an army phenomenon, but a social one; it simply manifests itself more clearly in the army. In any organization (even at school), who always has more work to do? For a young professional. Watch the kids in kindergarten when they think that there are no adults around and there are children in the group different ages, you will see a lot of interesting things. And these will be the children of not only men who served in the army. Where is it from then? And, in the end, why - a grandfather, and not a godfather, a hillock or something like that?

03/23/2006 21:55:59, Stas

Didn't it seem to you that there were mostly general words?

All this, well, or almost everything is true for girls. They also need a full-fledged family, a sense of security, a parental example, all these tips are also applicable to them, and adolescence also ... happens ...
We just need to live together, I think. And to teach a child, no matter if it's a boy or a girl, to build relationships with other people, to be yourself, to be a Human.

03/23/2006 03:36:02 PM, Irina

4ush, especially about homosexualism

23.03.2006 15:00:39, Sv

Comment on the article "How to raise a son?"

How to properly raise boys? My husband swears all the time that I am raising my son as a girl. What is criminal about this? Moms of boys, give me advice, what are the principles of education, teach me how to raise a real man)).

Discussion

So educate as your heart tells you.

a real man must respect a woman, age, be strong physically and mentally) and so on and so forth)
u educate with affection of course))))) and tough measures can be completely entrusted to dad))

"At the second stage, attention is required from parents first of all. Your child went out into the yard, got into a group of boys. You must carefully study what kind of boys they are. Your girl reaches out to her friends in the yard, you must know these girls well. You must know what the children around your child are fond of, what they lack, what is bad in their games It happens very often that the attention and initiative of one father or one mother helps to change to better life an entire group of children in either...

How to properly raise a son? At the same time, it is believed that it is in the army that a boy becomes a real man, since service tempers character.

Discussion

At least give your initial data - who are you, what city are you from, what methods do you own, what literature do you recommend, your work or at least thoughts in the form of a blog on the topic, you should probably have in order to start a conversation on such an ambiguous topic, and not in the form of a question, but in the form of a statement that you are a "pro" in this matter.

we were late, everything that was interesting to us, we already learned elsewhere

Expectant mothers are taught a lot. How to swaddle a baby, how to properly feed him, what toys to buy for him, what temperature the water should be for bathing. But no one tells the mother exactly how her child differs from all the others. No one explains how to properly raise a baby, how to give him that very feeling of security and safety, without which the normal development of all his innate properties is impossible. And we raise children, guided by our own ideas that ...

Probably, every parent eventually asks the question: am I a good father / mother for my child? Am I doing everything right, raising my son, as my parents used to do me? Why are the methods of education that used to be relevant today become ineffective? All these endless questions that are difficult to answer are finally cleared up. In this article, you will read a small part of the answers that Yuri Burlan's system-vector psychology gives to the questions of raising children. Be good...

Today's type of men personally irritates me quite strongly, and all because of the lack of masculinity, because of indecision and inability to make a certain decision, inability to stand up for themselves and the lady of their hearts, because of the desire to get away from the problem further, instead of solve it. Most likely, such men were simply not well brought up in childhood, which is why all these problems came from. It is very important to teach a child from an early age such qualities as courage and ...

Discussion

I come from a family where a mother married a father with a child.
You read the adoption paper. There are many pitfalls that you can run into with the best of intentions.
My sister did not remember her mother at 4. And out of the best of intentions, she will grow up and think about why her mother left her, what is it like for a child. They moved and said that my real mother was her. I never had any favors as a junior. Yeah, just in case, so as not to offend the orphan all equally and equally.
What we got: With the youngest, the whole set of problems of children to whom excessive demands are made. With the eldest, at first ten years of jumping through the bushes in fear that the secret will be revealed. Blackmail appeared bio. And also the child was not problem-free, a lot of time and labor. And the second coming of bio is already in adolescence. Then the parents divorced.
It's embarrassing for mom. She lost so many years and so much herself to her sister! She really raised her. And when my mother became old and disabled, when she really needed help, it is very convenient to have a "real" mother, and the one that she really raised "never forgive the deception."

Here is an example from life, but under different circumstances.
My grandfather raised my grandmother's eldest son from his first marriage from the age of five,
my uncle and my dad's brother. Today, for my daughter, he is the only grandfather.

Why does the child steal? The development of vectors laid down by nature directly depends on education. Unfortunately, when discharged from the maternity hospital, along with the baby, parents are not given instructions for use. Preferably a brochure on system-vector psychology, which would help adults correctly determine the child's vector and direct it in the right direction. Letting the baby go free swimming, as well as anchoring, means raising a loser. The sad reality is that...

Discussion

This is really a problem when two elements collide - anal and skin. About the urethral (in relation to the skin) scary and stutter). Well, how can an anal person with his "I don't need someone else's!" to understand this "petty swindler", who only calms down his biochemistry, violated by us - parents ..
After the training, we begin to understand that at some point the skinner can be allowed to lie .. and if he stole it, then not aggravate it with a strap, but .. talk, explain, ridicule in the end, direct him to get a REAL satisfaction of biochemistry. What is important is that we understand that a person (child) is ruled by his mental, he does not do it on purpose - his desire to steal is only a consequence of his innate magnificent properties and .. our upbringing. But how to be other parents who do not know the system, I can’t even imagine ... ((

I have a friend who was thrown into jail by his parents. Such a handsome skin-sound-visual guy.

How to properly raise a son? Every mother does everything to make her child grow up healthy and happy, and if there is a son in the family How can one cultivate masculinity in a son? The times when a man with a weapon in his hands defended...

Discussion

We already have a second boy. The first one is 6 years old, and I think he is doing quite well so far. Spartan, no. But there is also no pampering. It is obligatory to instill a love for "male" sports - swimming, football, baseball, karate. My husband works with him a lot and he has been in circles from an early age (swimming from a year and a half). I always stop my son when he does something bad and explain why it is not necessary to do this, from a very early age. (for example, Why can't you run and yell in a cafe - because other people are not pleased, they came to rest.) We always argue who did what. We analyze the heroes of fairy tales. Praise and encourage is a must. Kissing is a must. I am very against the fact that you can’t kiss guys - because that’s how they are convinced of parental love. If punished, then the child should understand why he was punished (we have this deprivation interesting activities, cancellation of TV, deportation to his room). You can’t threaten with something that you still can’t do (if you don’t remove the toys, I’ll throw them away - if they said, then you should throw them away). Fulfill your threats (therefore, they must be realistically feasible). And most importantly, devote a lot of time to them.

"Why should a boy stay with his mother when his father and mother are separated?" - should? who told you that? No one owes nothing to nobody. Upon divorce, the child is given
1. to that parent who wants to keep it for himself (it's very simple when one wants, but the other does not)
2. to the one with whom the child will be better (this is when both want to keep themselves)
What is your situation? In my opinion, 3rd - when both want the other to take the child. Then it may turn out that everyone is trying to persuade you to change your mind, and that "when father and mother are separated, the child must remain with mother." But this is and remains just a personal opinion of the people around you, based on statistics - according to statistics, single moms cope with children better than single dads. You can:
1. send others away and do it their way without explaining anything to them
2. explain why your case is special (according to statistics, in 99% of cases, the boy is better off with mom, and you will be better off with dad)
3. agree that your child will be better off with his mother, because it’s not harmful to dream (“I hope that my husband is a responsible and smart person”), but what we hope for and what we dream about is one thing, but reality is different. In life, unfortunately, dreams and hopes often remain so.
I, too, a couple of years ago most of all dreamed about this "how great it would be if my husband was a good father! so that the reb would like to live with him!" etc. etc. Unlike you, everything ended with dreams. I can't do experiments with my child with a 1/100 chance of success.
You write about illusions that you can't live with them. And you yourself live with precisely these illusions: that BM will suddenly become responsible, that he will put the interests of the children above his own .... 9 out of 10 men simply do not know how to do this, they are brought up like that (to be selfish), and their nature males are supposed to be fertilized, and go hunting, or to war, and, maybe, not to return from there ... But females are supposed to CARE about the offspring before it, offspring, self-sufficiency).
Are you waiting for a miracle - that from the mere presence of your son in the BM quarter you will "see the light" and change? Wait, wait...

07/28/2006 11:15:04 PM, skinny

In every family where a boy is born, sooner or later the question arises - how to properly educate him, how to make a real man out of him. Not every parent can answer this question unambiguously.

Raising a boy must begin from birth. As he matures, more and more effort must be put into this process. But, be that as it may, with the right approach, your work will always give positive results.

How you should still raise a boy depends on his age.

Features of raising boys

Rules for raising boys

How to raise a boy from 1 year to 3 years?

At this age, in the matter of raising a child, gender does not matter at all. As a rule, the child is constantly with the mother. Between the baby and his mother there is a thin, but very strong bond.

No matter how actively dad takes part in the life of mother and child, the baby continues to be only his mother's son, her joy, outlet. The child quite sharply perceives even a short separation from his beloved mother.

IMPORTANT: Dad should not feel offended for such behavior of the child. This period in the life of the baby will not last very long. There will come a time when dad will have to become a key figure in raising a child.

Mom should behave in such a way that:

The child knew and felt that he was safe
The child has learned to trust others
The child was always surrounded by mother's love and care.

IMPORTANT: If possible, then kindergartens should be avoided until the age of three, due to the fact that the baby will feel abandoned there. His behavior may change - there will be anxiety, aggression.

Studies show that parents are much less likely to hug their boy child and much more likely to punish him than a girl child. To give confidence in your child's life, increase his self-esteem, you should do the opposite.

IMPORTANT: If you deprive a child of attention and care, he may feel unnecessary, deprived of love.

By the age of three, the child begins to distinguish people by gender, realizes that he is a boy. At this time, it is worth emphasizing his masculine qualities - strength, courage, dexterity. This will allow him in the future to quickly come to how good, important and responsible it is to be a man.

Unlike girls, boys need more effort to develop speech. Therefore, parents should devote a lot of time to games and conversations with their child in order to help him master communication skills.

It should be remembered that realizing one's belonging to male gender, the boy will begin to show interest and to opposite sex. The closest female representative is his mother. This, by the way, explains such a strong attachment of boys to their mothers.

During this period, it is very important to choose the right toys and games. Do not forbid the child to play with dolls or dishes. This will not affect his social role in society, but it will help to start the development of a comprehensive personality.

How to raise a boy 4 years old - 6 years old?

The process of raising a baby at this age is practically no different from the period discussed in the section above. The most important thing that the boy's parents can do is to surround him with great love and care, to give him the opportunity to feel safe.

IMPORTANT: Your behavior will help your baby walk forward with confidence.

How to raise a boy 7 years old - 10 years old?

During this period of life, the boy gradually begins to draw closer to his father and move away from his mother. Sometimes it happens that there is no father around. In this case, the child pays attention to other men from his environment - grandfather, uncle, older brother, neighbor, etc.

IMPORTANT: During this period of the child's life, in no case should the father ignore his son. This may affect the behavior of the child.

A father should get as close as possible to his son. This will help him form a trusting relationship with the child, which will be more pronounced in the teenage and older years of the boy.

IMPORTANT: A man should not be too strict with a boy at this age. He may begin to be afraid of him, withdraw into himself.

A child at this age likes to feel like a man, he becomes comfortable with this understanding.

The salient features of this age period the following:

The boy begins to pay attention with great interest to men's activities, toys
Begins to more closely observe dad, his interests and actions
Starts to fight, defending his opinion, defending himself and his territory

IMPORTANT: In no case do not prevent the expression of negative emotions. It is only necessary to explain how otherwise he can achieve what he wants without using his fists.

Try to fully develop your child. At this age, much attention should be paid to the development of the child's personality:

Read good books choose movies
By the age of 7, a child can independently choose a sports section for himself. Support him. Arguing helps to become more organized, purposeful, persistent, self-confident
Always support your child if he is interested in something. This will help his personality develop comprehensively. Encourage him, for example, if he is interested in astronomy, buy him a children's encyclopedia
Teach your child to be kind. Encourage kindness and openness in every possible way
Teach respectful attitude towards girls, mother, grandmother, aunt. The boy must understand that all women are allowed to be weak
Make your child a responsible person - do not be afraid to entrust small responsibilities. For example, instruct to wash the dishes, put away toys
Learn to be independent. For example, do not rush to help with the decision homework. Provide the opportunity to do it yourself, help only to sort out the mistakes
Give your child the right to choose. Thus, he learns to be responsible for the decisions he makes.
Learn to take care of others. For example, you can have a pet
Instill a sense of compassion. Explain that the weak need help and support. Praise if your child helped the old lady cross the road

If a child is deprived of maternal love and care during this period of his life, the boy is likely to have problems in family relationships in the future. He will be rough and harsh with his wife and children.

IMPORTANT: Mom continues to play an important role in the life of the child, although her role fades into the background. The child must be sure that his mother will always accept and support him.

How to raise two sons?

Raising one son is a responsibility, but raising two sons is a double responsibility. The features and rules for raising boys are the same, the main thing is to remember some principles. If you are raising two boys of the same age:

Raise your sons to be the protectors of your family. A role model, if possible, should be a father

Never single out one of them. They should be absolutely equal for you. Otherwise, resentment may creep in one of them. This will definitely show up in adulthood. For example, a man may become aggressive towards his children.
Don't put off resolving conflicts until later. Get it right on the spot
Teach your kids to compromise. Such skills will definitely come in handy in the life of a man.
Teach your kids how to spend time together. For example, watching movies, cleaning the apartment. This will help them bond with each other, instill a sense of kinship.
Divide your time so that you can be alone with each of the boys. This will help you enter the trust zone of each of them. And they, in turn, feel loved
Don't force each other's interests on your children. They can be diametrically opposed. One draws, the other plays the guitar. Respect the needs of each individual
Every boy should be endowed with a certain set of rights and responsibilities. They must be equal. For example, everyone can watch their favorite cartoon, but everyone has to wash the dishes after themselves.

If you are raising sons of different ages, in addition to the above tips, you should consider:

With the advent of a younger child in the family, the older boy may feel not quite needed, not quite loved. You should explain to the older child that he still occupies an important place in your life.

IMPORTANT: Do not allow jealousy towards you. Every child should feel needed and important.

If the second baby is still quite a baby, then you should ask the eldest son to help you care for him. This will help instill in him a sense of responsibility for his neighbor.

IMPORTANT: If the older child does not want to take care of the younger one, do not force it. This can cause negative feelings for the baby. The older child must come to help you.

The rights and obligations that you give children should be equal, but taking into account age

How to raise a boy without a father?

As practice shows, a single woman can quite cope with the upbringing of her son - to raise a real man. However, there are some rules to keep in mind:

Mom should take care of her health - she will have to spend a lot of energy on raising a boy
During the growing up of a boy, the most important thing for a mother is to choose the right role model in the face of a certain man. For example, it could be an uncle
Mom should certainly remain herself - be a woman, be weak. Give love and attention, accept help from a child. A loving and caring mother for a child is the ideal image of a woman

How to raise a boy to be a real man?

How can a father raise a boy?

In order to create and maintain a strong bond between father and son throughout life, a man should begin to make efforts even before the birth of the baby. It is necessary to support a pregnant woman in every possible way - to dream and make plans.

To raise a boy, a father must:

At an early age, take care of the baby and his mother, help in caring for the child. This will help a man to join the cause, not to feel superfluous, to become disciplined and more responsible.
As the boy grows up, it is worth being alone with him. Giving mom time to rest, a man at this age of the baby will feel a close connection with him.
Always find time to fulfill his fatherly duties. Despite the fact that at an early age the child is closely connected with the mother, he should not feel a lack of paternal attention.
Always, when you want, show emotions - do not be afraid to hug, kiss your son, say how dear he is to you. This will help the child learn to be sensitive and attentive.
Play with your child, frolic. Thus the child also learns the world

IMPORTANT: The child loves those people who play with him

Pay attention and discipline. Do not place this responsibility on the mother's shoulders. The child must know the rules that everyone follows and be prepared to take responsibility for not following them. Try not to beat the child, but resolve the issue peacefully
If possible, devote the child to his affairs, involve him in solving cases that are feasible for his age
Listen to your son, be interested in his affairs and thoughts

How can a mother raise a boy?

As for the upbringing of a boy by a mother, psychologists believe that the following rules should be followed:

Your son is a child. Avoid over-responsibility. This is a serious burden on his mental state. For example, he may be afraid to make a mistake, because. will think you love him
Your son is small, but a man. Treat him with respect. Remember that your thinking is fundamentally different from his thinking.
The child must communicate with his father, and in his absence with any other, but only a positive male figure
Don't overburden yourself with too many household chores. The boy is not the girl. Give him more freedom, let him want to help you
Show interest in the affairs and interests of your child, support him
Talk to your child, teach him to pronounce his emotions. This will help you enter the zone of trust, and the child will avoid emotional upheaval.

Gender education of a boy

Gender education is the formation of ideas about boys and girls, about men and women. The boy must understand what his gender role is, how he should behave in order to be called a boy, and later on a man.

Sex education starts in the family. After two years, the baby is just beginning to understand that he is a boy, but after three years, gender education should be taken seriously.

Parents should follow some rules:

Never compare a boy to girls
Direct the child to certain actions, deeds, characteristic men. Don't forget to praise your child
Show by personal example how this or that gender should behave

Give the child the initiative, support him
Give your child the opportunity to communicate with males of different ages
Give the right to choose, let you be responsible for your actions
Do not impose a lot of household chores on your son, give him more freedom

IMPORTANT: If you take your child's sexual education seriously, you will help your child avoid mistakes in the future, not become an outcast in the team.

When gendering your child, it is important to use the following methods and techniques:

Conversations using pictures, books
Discussion of thematic problem situations
Didactic and role-playing games. For example, "Who am I?", "Family"

Participants gender education your child, in addition to you, are the teaching staff of kindergartens, doctors, the environment of the child.

Physical education for boys

It is a well-known fact that boys are more physically developed than girls. They are more nimble, choose more active games.

However, parents should take care of the physical education of the boy. After all, life little man will not be limited to games. In the future, he will have to do more serious physical work.

From the first days of life, the boy should be accustomed to hygiene procedures.
From early childhood, it is necessary to harden the child, selecting the necessary temperature for bathing water.
You should always dress your child according to the weather, do not overheat the baby. In the future, he will learn to dress himself, for comfort.
Starting from the age of three, it is worth introducing the boy to sports. At the initial stage, a small charge in the morning will be enough

IMPORTANT: If, on a par with the baby, an adult from the boy's environment will be engaged in charging. A personal example will help the baby not to move away from this activity.

If your child shows interest, for example, in football, then you should consider placing him in the sports section.

AT primary school the child can independently choose a sports section. Be sure to support him. Apart from physical development This will help in personal development.

IMPORTANT: Let your baby not become a great athlete, but he will learn how to properly manage his personal time, his life.

Your desire to grow good man, a comprehensively developed personality, as well as your boundless love will help you overcome all difficulties and raise a real man. Approach the issue of raising your son with an understanding of the matter.

VIDEO: How to raise a successful man from a son?

Yes, modern men are increasingly disappointing women with the lack of real masculinity, the inability to be responsible, indecision, the desire to run away from problems. According to psychologists, all these male flaws are laid down in childhood by improper upbringing. Therefore, I propose to approach the issue of raising sons very seriously. Where will real men come from if we don't raise them right?

Rules for raising a son in a full-fledged family - the role of a father in shaping personality

Of course, the role of a woman in the course of education is more important, since it is the mother who spends with the baby most time starting from the moment of his birth. A man, as the breadwinner and head of the family, must spend almost all his time on providing good income and comfortable life child and wife. Therefore, it turns out that a man's role in raising his son becomes secondary.

There is an opinion that a man should be involved in the process of raising a son not from birth, but starting with three years of age . Some fathers even consider raising a child not a man's business. Of course, this is a delusion.

The role of the father in the upbringing of the son is extremely important.

In psychology, there is such a thing as emotional intelligence , the indicators of which will determine the success of a person in the future. Its inception begins at an early age, when the child is not yet a year old, and its level depends on the behavior of parents and the method of education during this period of time. So great importance It has harmony in relationships between mom and dad. The kid at the subconscious level absorbs like a sponge, scenario of own parents' behavior and on what kind of atmosphere prevails in the family, it depends on how his character will be formed.

If the baby grows in conditions of love and harmony, then in his head will be formed positive and joyful picture . As he grows up, he will perceive the world around him with love and desire. disinterestedly convey this love to others, and as a result, be a happy and prosperous person , will build a strong family in his personal likeness.

It is very important that the father starts communicating with the child as early as possible and spends as much time with him as possible!

This will be the best investment formation of a strong male character baby. Father is obliged give your son maximum love and affection immediately in the early days of its existence. Believe me, having missed this moment, in the future to establish emotional contact father and son will be much more difficult.

There are several conditional rules that can be considered as a guideline in the complex process of raising a real man:

Just do not limit his interests to the "boyish" sphere. Passion for sewing, drawing, cooking, perhaps, will develop his creative potential and make your son a recognized culinary or fashion designer.

Of course, there is no single guide on how to raise a real man, and only parents can decide what rules are acceptable for raising their son.

Problems of female upbringing of a boy in a defective family - how to raise a man from a son in a women's team?

Do not believe those who claim that defective boys grow up in an incomplete family.

An incomplete family is not one where there is no one parent, but one where there is not enough parental love!

Of course, without a father there are additional difficulties and problems, but they can be solved.

Here is what psychologists advise you to pay attention to if you are raising a son without a father:

Despite the absence of a father, an example of male behavior in the life of a son should be . It can be a grandfather, uncle, brother, teacher, coach. The more men present in your son's life, the better.

As an example, there may be brave heroes of books and films.

The mother's relationship with the opposite sex also plays a big role. . The stiffness, discomfort, anxiety, aggression that you may experience in the presence of men will be transmitted to your child. In this case, it is better to limit communication with one or two men, for example, a brother and a father, who are most significant for you and for the child.
Be equal with your child . Do not lisp, but also. Too domineering mothers grow up without initiative children, and overly caring mothers have a risk of waiting for a riot at a certain age.

Boys who are emotionally dependent on their mothers do not separate from them even with age, and often live with their mothers for a very long time and cannot marry.

When raising a boy without a father, you need to be weak and feminine and at the same time calm, confident and strong in spirit. But don't try to play both a female and a male role at the same time - just be yourself.

Features of raising a grandson by grandparents, what difficulties will you have to face?

Sooner or later, you will encounter the desire of grandparents to take part in raising a grandson. Sometimes, this desire is completely and completely control the development of the baby , or it happens that it is limited free consultations by phone. One way or another, they to a greater or lesser extent, but still will have an impact on the development of the child.

What gives children communication with the older generation?

Grandparents enrich their grandchildren emotionally which parents often cannot do due to lack of time.
Grandma can become a faithful and understanding friend a child in the adult world, who always listens patiently, reads a book, plays, caresses.
unconditional love grandparents in small doses is necessary for every baby.

What could be wrong with "grandmother's" upbringing?

Both can lead to a trip to a gastroenterologist or even an allergist!

And grandmothers love to do everything for their grandchildren. . And this can lead to inertia and lack of initiative of a person in life. A child brought up in this way is not able to resist the current, is completely dependent on life situation and lose faith in himself.

Is it possible to somehow influence such reckless behavior of grandparents?

To change the attitude of a loving grandmother to her grandson, change your attitude towards her . In people of retirement and pre-retirement age, the needs for love, respect, recognition are sharply aggravated, therefore give your parents a chance to please them on you . Show you care and give them a chance to express their feelings for you. This will make it easier for you to understand.

And to avoid disagreements in education, coordinate with grandparents what is possible and what is not , daily routine, etc.

It is necessary to make sure that all family members adhere to the same line of education, then most problems can be avoided.

A person is born as a rational animal and only in the process of upbringing in society acquires human features. Without the education of real men, any nation is doomed to lose the competition and die out. It's time to educate men!

A real man

Boys and girls are different from the start. Girls from childhood prefer to play with dolls, outfits and relationships, boys are more interested in cars, construct something and fight. You can, of course, raise a girl from a boy, but why? Probably, from a boy it is worth raising a man. A real man.

A real man differs both from a dork and from a man-child. “Let's be honest, whether you are a man or not is determined not only by physiology. And no “feats” in the field of physiology make a sissy a man. And you need to be a real man. At least in order to love you, and never stop loving your - real woman”- the man who took place says to the future man.

A real man - social role and a collective image embodying the best male features. Note that at different times and different cultures the image of a real man could be very different and not always attractive to modern man. To become a real man, you need a lot, and not only the development of a masculine body, but also a warm and deep soul, a strong mind and masculine spirit, as well as attitudes, beliefs and manners that correspond to male culture.

What is male culture and male psychology?

A man lives by reason, not by feelings and emotions. We think over and solve difficult issues, but we don’t worry, we don’t complain, we don’t postpone for ...

A man is demanding, and first of all to himself. He knows what debt is and "must" and the sooner the better. Optimally - from the age of three, from the moment you realize yourself as a person. You can make mistakes, correct your mistakes, and at your own expense.

The man who makes the decisions and who is responsible for their decisions. If a woman is forced to answer for the decisions of a man, this is not a man, but Sissy, man. If a man is responsible for the decisions that a woman made for him, this is not a man, but a henpecked man.

A man knows his masculine responsibilities. Man's honor: to honor the law, to protect relatives and homeland. The man is a protector. A man protects loved ones and what is dear to him. In any case, he lives not only for himself. A man must build a house, plant a tree and raise a son.

A man has his way and his business. At least a man knows how to work and is not afraid of work.

The man feels accomplished and is able to focus on a relationship with a woman if he has figured out the three most important questions for him: who he is, what he does and how much he earns.

Men do not cry. The belief "Men don't cry" is an essential part of a man's upbringing. Crying in and of itself is neither embarrassing nor harmful. It is good to cry with joy, you can cry at a funeral, where it is appropriate and accepted. But in other situations where children and women may cry, men do not. Men do not cry because it is usually meaningless for them, and in order to remain men, that is, strong and reasonable people.

Men are not afraid. The fact that men are not afraid is not a fact, it is a standard. male culture. fear like physiological response organism, sometime can happen in every person (although in varying degrees). But a boy brought up as a man should do what he must, and not pay attention to his fears, and even more so - not be guided by them.

Men's entertainment- to fight and grab something. With all due respect to men, it seems that this value is not of the highest order, and being only a man is not yet the pinnacle of personal development. One of the meanings of a man's life is occupation, capture greater territory and power over her.

Note that at different times and in different cultures, the image of a real man could be very different and not always attractive to a modern person. However, how to achieve the best of this list? What is the upbringing of a real man?

It's easier to write what would be a mistake. When a boy is seen as small and helpless, when he is pitied and protected, when the first thing they worry about is “no matter what happens to him” — under such conditions it is difficult for a boy to turn into a man. Perhaps he will simply rebel and turn into a man through the line of a bully, but this path is dangerous and undesirable. Most likely, a sweet no creature will grow up, possibly brought up, but without will and male determination, capable of feeling, but poorly able to set goals and act.

A real man is brought up only by a man, the male upbringing of the boy should be handled by the father. The father will give examples of male behavior and will treat his son like a man. The father will not regret and sympathize, he will first of all demand, and even his support will be different: support is a challenge.

Raising a boy

As for dancing, it is also an obligatory part of the education of an officer in the army of any country. Firstly, dancing is a different form of sport, and it is not an easy sport: keeping your posture, not lowering your elbows, feeling your partner and hearing music is not an easy task. But it is dances that complete the sport to beauty and gallantry, bring up a future attentive gentleman from a boy, not only a dork and a male.

At the same time, it is clear that the future man is not formed by dancing and sports.

The future man is not a coward. He is not afraid to fall asleep alone in a dark room, he is not afraid to stand up for his own, and even more so for a girl, he is not afraid. He is called brave and courageous. This does not mean that he is not familiar with the feeling of fear, it means that a man can be stronger than his "I'm afraid - I'm not afraid" and can be guided by the concept of male duty. Your son's vocabulary should not contain the words "I'm afraid" or "I'm scared", there should only be a joint reflection with you: "is this business worth such risks or not."
That's why future man is not a cocky cockand not a crazy comrade, who is easy to “take on weakly” and who often himself, for the sake of thrills, is ready to take unnecessary risks: this is stupidity and irresponsibility. A man has no right to risk himself in vain, a man is brought up not to have his father pay for his stupid exploits, or, moreover, to mourn his senseless death by his mother. A real man is one who knows how to be stronger than his boiling blood, who knows how to be guided by reason, not feelings.
The ability to be guided by reason, not feelings- the most important moment in the upbringing of a boy. Guessing games and “it seems” are not accepted, in solving any problem we require creativity and logic, in any issue we train a lively critical mind. A man without a head is not a man. We always demand prudence, without reference to difficult, scary and carried away: the future man must be cold-blooded, his mind is not clouded by emotions, this is realism, consistency and purposefulness. "Why do you say that? Why did you decide so? Your son should be able to think and be able to justify his decisions.
But not only justify, but also be responsible for the consequences of their decisions. y, independently assigning a fee for non-fulfillment or erroneousness of their decisions. To do this, accustom your son to the questions: “Are you ready to take responsibility for the consequences of your decision? How exactly do you answer?"
A man is reliability, decency and responsibility. Therefore, from a very early age, we categorically wean our son from the position of the Victim: complaints, talk about circumstances, unhappy eyes and references “But others ...” are not accepted. "Don't refer to others! You are responsible for yourself!" - It was this commandment from my father that I remembered from childhood.
Also, talk about problems is not accepted.: all “problems” are replaced by setting tasks, and tasks are formulated not about feelings, but about behavior. “Well, if there is a mood”, “I don’t know ...” “Well, somehow ...” - it doesn’t roll. Take it or not. And if you don’t take it, then who should do it instead of you? We teach from childhood: "A man said - a man did." I gave my word - keep it, but before you speak - think. Ability to make quick yet informed decisions taking responsibility is a masculine trait.
The future man must ironically learn: the elders take care of the younger ones, and the younger ones obey the elders. To decipher this formula, let's start with "obey". The ability to pull yourself together, obedience, self-discipline - an indispensable part in the upbringing of the future man. A real leader differs from ordinary employees primarily in that he has self-discipline: in particular, he can form a difficult plan for himself and obey his own plan. An ordinary employee needs a push outside - so this is not quite a man. A real man is able to organize himself: he gives himself a task and is capable of what he has planned for himself - to subordinate himself.

However, the older, stronger one is the one who is responsible for the younger and weaker ones. He does not take away, but protects, he does not swagger, but teaches and keeps order. Ability to be senior- a difficult skill where you need to learn not to shout at naughty juniors, learn patience in the face of their stupidity, learn to teach them, patiently and methodically teach them what is still difficult for them.

And all? No. When this masculine base is formed, some of the best feminine traits will suit any man: softness, delicacy, the ability to be attentive and gentle. ...Your son must learn to be an interesting and well-mannered person.