Features of the national depression.

On January 19, under the heading "Test of the pen" in "Rech", a tenth-grader Milana Bileva's article "I don't want to connect my life with Cherepovets" was published. Today we publish responses to it - members of the Youth Parliament of the city conducted their survey.

Ivan Evfits, 25 years old, member of the Youth Parliament of Cherepovets:

Guys can be understood. Naturally, at this age, when you are looking for yourself, your place in life, you are looking for prospects everywhere, including in other cities. It seemed to me that in Cherepovets I would not be able to fully realize myself. My opinion began to change after I went to the army. During the service he was in several Russian cities, communicated with colleagues. Understood: dissatisfied majority. Even Muscovites are dissatisfied. Some do not like the fuss and constant traffic jams, others do not like the lack of clubs and cinemas. It seems to everyone that "the grass is greener in the neighboring garden." At the moment I am 25. I have a profession, a job. I am married and have a daughter. I can draw conclusions for the last ten years. I see how our city is developing. I see how kindergartens, schools, sports grounds are being built. Enterprises are being built that will provide new jobs. On a weekend evening, I can easily find what to do and where to go. It is impossible not to recognize the fact that Cherepovets is steadily developing in all areas. I do not urge young people not to leave Cherepovets. Everyone has the right to decide where his place is. Young people always left for big cities - ten years ago, twenty and fifty. This happens in every city. But someone will definitely return to his native Cherepovets, where he feels comfortable in every district and yard. Therefore, I do not think that a tragedy should be made from the desire of young people to leave. The city has something to keep us.

Aigul Kurbanova, 26 years old, member of the Youth Parliament of Cherepovets:

I suppose that moving from one city to another is a frequent and inevitable phenomenon.

Some of the young people will leave, others will come in their place. It is possible that there will be fewer arrivals than those who left, but in any case, such a movement is, perhaps, a natural process. The only thing that confuses me is the categorical statements of young people that they do not want to associate their future life with Cherepovets. It is not surprising to hear this from very young guys: maximalism, you want to embrace the immensity. The guys in the last years of the university and after training, probably judge less categorically. But, on the other hand, such a reaction of young people is a kind of litmus test, an indicator that young people see few opportunities in the city.

Even if the guys are wrong, the fact remains: many want to leave and leave.

In order to keep young forces in the city, it is probably necessary to create additional opportunities and show off those that already exist. I am not an expert, but I can assume that this applies primarily to jobs. Our city is called industrial for a reason. There is always more demand for technical specialties, and even more so in our city. It is sometimes difficult for humanitarians in Cherepovets to find a place with a decent salary. What can I say? I think that you should not be offended by the youth for this, you need to work with them, listen to them and hear them so that our Cherepovets is not left without young forces, without a reserve. It seems to me that the future of the city directly depends on this.

Alexander Bulygin, 29 years old, member of the Youth Parliament of Cherepovets:

At such an age, when you still don’t provide for yourself and you don’t have experience in independent life, when you haven’t actually met maximalism and life difficulties in your blood, you can’t form an independent opinion! Hence the conclusion that the opinion is imposed by the environment: parents, the media, the Internet, where everyone is unhappy and where it is shown how and what is better in other places. My conclusion is simple: in order to avoid this, young people need to be shown what we have. Show that the city has opportunities for development.

Anastasia Aleksakhina, 18 years old, member of the Cherepovets Youth Parliament:

I love my city very much. Cherepovets is a "cauldron with opportunities", where you can realize yourself and your ideas, achieve some kind of status. The rule of six handshakes works well here: walking down the street, you meet a lot of acquaintances, and thus you feel the value of the place where you grew up. Yes, indeed, not all areas of education are in our city, and this causes an outflow of young people. Why don't they want to come back? Probably, the majority are in anticipation of the freedom and energy of the big city, which they could not get from us. This is a personal opinion of everyone - he wants to stay in his hometown or not. For me, for example, Cherepovets remains a priority. I am in love with this city and the people who live here. I have many relatives here, and although I am currently educated in St. Petersburg, I think I will return to Cherepovets. You can rush to other cities for new sensations, but having received them, return to your native places.

Daniil Yakunov, 21 years old:

Many schoolchildren have such stereotypical ideas about our city, because they do not see all the opportunities that are available in Cherepovets. As a rule, the best graduates leave. And there are people who are not motivated to progress. Rescued by ambitious guys from the regions who come to study with us.

Schoolchildren choose, in their opinion, a more attractive path, a more comfortable environment, instead of changing something for the better and creating comfort for themselves here. It is a mistake to believe that big cities are waiting for us with all their conditions. You need to plow a lot to realize your potential. And some do not stand up - come back. The capitals are more developed culturally. This is part of what makes them attractive.

I really liked the idea in the article about travel, mobility and the lack of attachment to the place of birth or to a big city. Such a position exists, but not for many it suits. A lot of courage is needed for this, since all patterns are crumbling.

I can't say with certainty that Cherepovets is the city where I want to live all my life. But in the next few years, I’m definitely not going anywhere, unless I have to leave for a master’s program.

After leaving school, I also had thoughts about leaving, there were the same stereotypical ideas. I like Peter, I applied there and even passed the competition, but at that time I was very conservative, I was afraid to take risks. And life circumstances told me that there was no need to leave. With all the merits of St. Petersburg, sometimes it seems to me that a big city is not for me: you can visit, but not live there.

Now I'm glad I didn't leave. I found and saw many opportunities in Cherepovets.

And with career guidance, everything changed a hundred times, I was disappointed more than once. By the time of admission, I had no special interests and inclinations, so I entered, one might say, by intuition, which eventually failed. But I managed to fix everything.

Alexander Chuprikov, 21 years old:

People aged 19 constructively described why they do not want to stay in Cherepovets, because there really are few opportunities in the city. But Moscow and St. Petersburg have long been filled with such guys. I doubt that they are all awaited there with great joy. I think you should do what you like and what suits you. The word "motherland" is abstract. I do not think that the homeland is where you were born. Homeland is where you feel good, where you feel needed and where you can realize your ideas and dreams. Everything else is imposed by society and stupid stereotypes. And teenagers at the age of 16 are maximalists. At this age, most want to leave.

I think that Cherepovets is a working-class city, so one cannot fully realize oneself in some special creative profession. If you stay, you automatically choose stability, which, in my opinion, is good, but not for everyone. The bigger the city, the more opportunities, so everyone wants to leave.

Nazar Bochin, 11th grade student:

I thought about this question for a very long time. As a result, I made the following conclusion.

I will do my best to leave this city. But not because he is bad or not loved by me, but because I see my future in St. Petersburg.

I believe that in big cities there are much more chances and opportunities than in Cherepovets. Although, on the other hand, it to some extent depends on the person himself.

I want to study, work and develop in St. Petersburg. Of course, in my free time I will come to my hometown. I grew up here, and all the brightest life events took place in Cherepovets. It was this city that gave me my friends.

Arkady Smirnov, 20 years old, member of the Cherepovets Youth Parliament:

I can say with confidence that approximately 350 - 400 students I know are not going to leave the city.

For example, the profession of a doctor is very difficult, but very interesting. In a medical school, there are high requirements for examination scores during admission. You may have to resort to finding an organization that could issue a target referral. And doctors without work experience are more in demand in cities like Cherepovets. Ambition must be backed up by opportunity.

The dream of a political career is good. But before becoming a person with political weight, you need to work for the benefit of people, and this is easier to do in your hometown, where you are known and can be supported. You need to decide whether you want to help or realize your interests. Undoubtedly, big cities are more active in the political sphere, but this is far from being the main part of our country.

Not all areas are implemented in local vocational schools, so the education of Cherepovites in universities in other cities is very positive. For example, the absence of book publishers is a chance to start a business without competition.

I would not be so categorical that self-realization is almost unattainable for creative people in our city. If you wish, you can find yourself in the theatrical field. Undoubtedly, there are more such opportunities in Moscow, but the competition and requirements there are much higher. I consider Cherepovets a good start for a creative career.

Of course, many young people are attracted to traveling to unknown and distant countries, sharing experiences and emotions, but sooner or later we strive to go home - and that's good.

Everyone would like to wish good luck in realizing their goals and desires.

And do not forget that our city is full of opportunities and prospects for young people. Personally, I will stay in Cherepovets. I like this city and I want to make it even better.

Fedor Tarasov, 11th grade student:

The words "Cherepovets" and "Motherland" have long become synonymous for me. I was born here, raised here and I plan to live a long and happy life! Yes, big cities look attractive at first glance, but such industrial centers as Cherepovets have always played an important role in the life of the country. Ivan Milyutin called our city "a field where dreams turn into deeds." It has remained so to this day. My dream is to live in a beautiful, comfortable, attractive for young people and economically developed Cherepovets. Our common task is to preserve and increase the achievements of our ancestors, to do everything in our power to develop the city and the entire Vologda Oblast.

Escape or rescue.

What is it? Evacuation? Betrayal or caring for your family? The search for your happiness and your own fulfillment or salvation from persecution? How to call a person's desire to leave for Bulgaria from Ukraine, Russia or another country?

Moving to a country with a different mentality for your own personal reasons, which can be very diverse, is always gained by a person and no one has the right to judge him for such a decision? Especially ardent patriots, rogues, old farts and all other representatives of the Motherland, including those who are essentially restricted to leave and those who cannot leave. For various reasons.

All people want to live with dignity. No frills are needed for the bulk of thinking people. The minimum is to have food, a roof over your head, reasonable laws and the attitude of authorities and officials. Everything is simple. A person needs very little to be happy. Most are brought up that way. But if there is not even that, the most minimal, then a natural question arises - “Where is it better to live?”. Hence the whole system of emigration. It has existed since prehistoric times. Sapiens always migrated in the direction where there was food and shelter. The herds followed the leader. And individuals - leaders went on their own, leaving the herds and settled alone.

So now, emigration, like hundreds of thousands of years ago, forces individuals to look for better conditions on the planet for living in society for themselves, for their children and for their parents. And no laws can stop you from leaving in search of happiness.

A reasonable person is always looking for a better life for himself, his children, his parents. If he feels uncomfortable in his own country, then the thought of moving to Bulgaria, for example, is realized quickly. Makes a decision. comparing desires with opportunities. If there is even a small chance, then the desired becomes an achievable reality.

Desires do not come by themselves without forces capable of fulfilling them.

Observing the mentality of emigrants, I notice:

Normal people go to normal countries, find an opportunity to get a job, the possibility of recognition of their specialties and the opportunity to receive social support in the country of their new residence. USA, Britain, countries of the normal European Union, South America.

Others choose such countries where they can dump with a minimum amount of money. Sometimes without a specialty, without money, with the aplomb of an unsatisfied ego, with a lack of understanding about later life and the question - "What to do in a new country?" remains open, they do not go to normal countries and do not enter, they begin to settle in countries with the impossibility of finding a job and a complete lack of social support and assistance to new emigrants.

The minimum life support for an emigrant family of three in a new country cannot be less than 15-20 thousand euros (food - accommodation - study - dressing - cultural studies - travel and other items of expenditure).

These 20,000 euros a year must either be owned or earned. If you just have it, then the amount of imported stocks will inevitably tend to zero.

The minimum emigration entry to normal countries is either a large amount or the presence of a quirky mind that allows you to create a reasonable - real emigration legend and get a social package, study in the country and work.

The annual expenses for a family of three in Italy are already 30,000 euros, and in Scandinavian countries from 50,000 euros per year.

What remains is Bulgaria for emigration - a country with a small initial entry for a poor or penniless emigrant. Gentlemen and ladies from different countries come and appear in the country of ever-red tomatoes, beautiful and good, but without money and capital, unable to earn money, eat up what they brought, sit down on the most severe economy of everything and get angry at those who managed to get better in Bulgaria.

What is good and what is bad in Bulgaria.

The inability to get a job as an emigrant is the main disadvantage that I see in Bulgaria. Or maybe laziness smog the applicant for a job.

Pros of moving to Bulgaria

Minimum emigration entry into the country (by money)

A wide list - who can get a residence permit in Bulgaria.

Quality and cheap food-accommodation in Bulgaria

Ease of opening and managing a business

Ease of country reporting

Low taxation of business in Bulgaria

Possibility to produce in Bulgaria and sell all over Europe.

The proximity of the language and mentality of the population

The conclusion is simple - open your own business in Bulgaria and stop whining, and start working and earning worthy of yourself. That's why we conduct seminars - "Opening and managing a business in Bulgaria" where we teach how to do everything right and develop, promote your business. How to find sources of passive income in Bulgaria. Other everyday questions - how to live or survive in Bulgaria.

Everyone chooses a country for life based on their capabilities. Maybe Bulgaria is a transit for someone, for moving to normal EU countries or the States. I know such gentlemen and ladies who applied for a residence permit in Bulgaria, lived here for a couple of years and advised new arrivals, and then, having prepared the documents, they moved to America, Sweden, Canada. Age 50-55 years. And they live peacefully and normally there.

Later they told me how to move to the USA with a Bulgarian Personal Card and to Canada and Sweden. So in this topic, I act slowly.

To get settled in a new country, you need quite a bit:

1. Get status of residence

2. Settle, assimilate in the country

3. Find a job and use your skills

4. Create and open your profitable business

5. Quietly work and live in a new country

Life is Beautiful. Be kind, take care of yourself and others
Good country Bulgaria

For several days, the topic of emigration from Ukraine has been actively developing in social networks. It is discussed with a "plus" or "minus" sign, but the very fact of a heated discussion indicates that the majority of Ukrainians at least once assessed their chances and opportunities to start life anew in another country. "KP" in Ukraine" talked to real and potential migrants and found out what consequences this process can have.

What is the difference between a mayor and a manager?

“I could have left. In the electronic declaration, the mayor has $1.1 million, 3.6 million hryvnia, his wife has $346 thousand and 1.5 million of their native currency in cash. This is not counting several apartments, houses and land plots.

I did not think about leaving Ukraine until the summer of 2014. The company, where he worked as a manager and received about 7 thousand hryvnias, was closed. I couldn't find a job for more than 2,000. And the wife was on maternity leave - the child was not even a year old. I will not hide, I was also afraid that a summons to the ATO would come, - says Anton Smotretsky. - Historically, our family lost the "5th Count" long ago, my father was a military man, he retired. Couldn't help us. And then I remember that on the line of my grandfather there is an opportunity to go to Israel as repatriates. Now we live on the shores of the Mediterranean Sea.

Anton says that he got a job as a simple worker at a factory. Stamps some details. More precisely, the robot stamps, and he watches the automation. The wife works as a nanny in the kindergarten where their child goes. There is enough income to rent an apartment, eat sandwiches with red caviar, go on excursions around Europe twice a year.

But I had to quit smoking - it's very expensive here. And beer only on weekends, - a 27-year-old former resident of Kiev talks about his simple life. - At first, my father condemned me a little "for escaping", he and his stepmother actively supported the Maidan. But two years have passed, and now they are also in Israel. They said that if there is a chance to be in a more prosperous country, they need to be used.

The main reason forcing people to leave their country is the economy. It’s not so easy to leave, like Anton’s family, not everyone can. Most potential migrants start by looking for work abroad.

Poland gives the most vacancies

The last large study on the number of Ukrainians who travel abroad was conducted in 2012. According to data collected by the State Statistics Committee, in the three years preceding this year, 1.5 million people left Ukraine for work. But these are only those who found legal income and left relatives in Ukraine. Illegal emigrants, according to sociologists, may be the same number. And there is no information about how many families left permanently.

Large-scale studies were no longer carried out. But based on the data provided by recruitment agencies, we can conclude that there are more people wishing to leave for Europe and the United States,” says Irina Maidanik, senior researcher at the Institute of Demography and Social Research.

This was confirmed to KP in Ukraine at the Pelekh employment agency.

The largest number of jobs now gives Poland. The number of applicants over the past three years has grown by more than 20%, - said the agency employee. - The average age of those leaving is from 23 to 55 years. Recently, we even managed to get a 62-year-old married couple to work at a juice factory. But young people certainly have more chances.

Sociologists note that, in addition to low wages and unemployment, the events in Donbass became an additional motive for emigration. Here is what a native of Donetsk, Irina Novitskaya, said about herself:

My husband and I made the decision to leave Ukraine forever six months ago. I graduated from fitness trainers courses, received an international certificate. We even microchipped our mutt dog and regularly examine it at the veterinarian, as they do in Europe. We will no longer be able to return to Donetsk, at least we hardly believe in it. There is no housing in Kyiv. We plan to first find a job in Poland, and from there move to Germany for permanent residence. I hope everything works out for us.

"You'll Never Be Yours There"

A big post about emigration was written on Facebook by MP Mustafa Nayem, the instigator of Euromaidan.

“Leaving the country in search of a better world, we capitulate as a generation... For me, the issue of emigration is, first of all, a matter of dignity, pride, and if it’s quite simple, I simply don’t want to give up. The fact is that Ukraine, which we have We didn't build it, we inherited it from the "elite", which either plundered the country, or by inertia continued to build a miserable copy of the scoop," the deputy writes.

According to Nayem, those who leave the country run the risk of becoming a guest in another world at best, a second-class stranger at worst.

"Yes, it's hard here. Yes, a lot of things - compared to how it could be - look wild. Yes, there are problems with security, medicine, education, and it's difficult to plan for the future. That's all true. But it's stupid to think that "by obtaining citizenship and passing through passport control, you will automatically become part of society in another country. This is an illusion. You will never be your own there," the people's deputy is sure.

Natalia Petrova, a resident of Kiev, has had relatives working abroad for many years. My brother and daughter-in-law teach at the University of Houston, my nephew writes computer programs in Norway.

They left Ukraine at the invitation and are highly valued as specialists. We settled in very well and made many friends. My brother invites me to his place, but I don't want to leave, - says Natalia. - Firstly, everything is going well for me in Ukraine so far, and secondly, the profession of a journalist is unlikely to be in demand. But if I am left without work and the prospect of receiving a pension, I will have to go. Just to save your life.

STATISTICS

Who's leaving first

According to a survey conducted last summer by TNS Online Track, 65% of respondents admitted that they would like to emigrate from Ukraine. Whereas in 2014 such a desire was expressed by 42%.

Migration of people around the world is a natural process, - says Irina Maidannik, Candidate of Sociological Sciences. - For the country, it has both positive and negative sides. The positive ones are that there is an influx of funds that Ukrainians earn abroad. If people return, the money is invested in business development. But there are still more negative ones. Many labor migrants are looking for any opportunity to gain a foothold abroad and bring their families there. And according to the theory of migration, it includes the most gifted, active people of working and productive age. There is a depopulation and transformation of qualitative indicators of the population in the country.

Simply put, we risk losing smart and enterprising people. And even ... beautiful girls. In recent years, Ukrainian brides have become more active than before, looking for partners abroad, they told KP in Ukraine in the women's club Dreams Come True.

So far, emigration has not acquired large proportions. But the real numbers should alert. According to the results of last year's survey of the Ukrainian Institute for Social Research. Alexandra Yaremenko, out of 50% of respondents who admitted that they are thinking about emigration, 20% are already taking concrete steps, 15% are saving money for moving, 3% have made a final decision and are collecting documents.

Photo: UNIAN

The reason for the discussion of the problem of emigration in the Ukrainian segment of Facebook was the post of the former editor of the AIN.UA project Artur Orudzhaliev. On January 18, he posted a photo of himself holding an American passport. Make America Great Again, read the caption, marked "happy." The next day, Orudzhaliev wrote that “in Ukraine, the air is saturated with an atmosphere of emigration. Any article on this topic is doomed to popularity in social networks, and he turned out to be right. Many politicians and experts joined the discussion. KP in Ukraine gathered different opinions.

"Emigration is not tourism"

Dmitry Shimkiv, Deputy Head of the Presidential Administration:

I went to Denmark and was one step away from obtaining citizenship (I just had to write an application) ... I had the opportunity, but I returned to Ukraine, and then the story is known ... Everyone decides for himself ... where to live, where to work, where And how to self-actualize...

More than 70% of my talented classmates went abroad many years later... I have many friends who returned and achieved success in Ukraine... everyone has their own destiny, their own choice, their own circumstances... Emigration is not tourism. .. Just remember this and draw your own conclusions ...

And finally, those wishing to emigrate to the United States (not to be confused with temporary work, the creation of companies, etc.) should remember that US citizens pay taxes in full on all income received in the world, despite the fact that they are residents.

"In the West, you are accepted for who you are"

Sasha Borovik, former adviser to the governor of the Odessa region:

In the West, the rules of the game are completely different. Here everyone has equal opportunities. Here you can fall and start all over again. The system works for you, not against you. There is a choice here, and you are protected by the rule of law. Here is the concentration of capital, ideas and smart people - among them you find friends and business partners.

Ukraine today is a country that has been ridden and raped by the mafia, corruption, bureaucracy, and now a country by war. In Ukraine, there is an atmosphere of distrust among the people. It is almost impossible to succeed in Ukraine in such conditions.

There were three simultaneous waves of mass emigration in Ukraine: to the West, to Israel and to Russia. No other country has suffered from such a brain drain. Today, the brain drain from Ukraine is also accompanied by the departure of workers. They also leave Europe - as a rule, to America. But then, for the most part, they return more qualified and in demand on the labor market.

In the context of a visa-free regime, the West is very afraid of a huge wave of immigration from Ukraine. The visa-free regime provides for the process of its freezing if mass emigration follows. And it will be if the Ukrainians do not build a system in which there will be conditions for a normal life. For all 40+ million, not for a select few, as it is today.

"The best is in the field of entrepreneurship"

Ilya Kenigshtein, Advisor to the Mayor of Lviv on innovation:

I agree that the air in Ukraine is saturated with the atmosphere of emigration. This is all because it is not impregnated with the atmosphere of entrepreneurship. I have lived abroad for almost 20 years, working in the IT field, and I have a good feel for myself what this means.

I think that in Ukraine today, on the contrary, there are a lot of opportunities. From which our acquaintances Americans, Israelis, Germans, Poles and others are drooling. That's what they say: "You have almost no competition in Ukraine, take any direction and develop it."

Foreigners, especially those who are engaged in business, bite their elbows when they hear about our problems. Of course, to a certain extent they are mistaken - as those who dream of a carefree life abroad are mistaken. But the fact remains: in the West, if you want to launch any project, you quickly realize that all niches are occupied and there are almost always more talented, creative and faster ones.

I can say one thing: the best way to emigrate is to emigrate to the business sector. There is such a country, and a visa is not needed there. So that later, if you try hard, get the opportunity to live where you were born, live well and always have the opportunity to see the world.

"Emigrant traitors are the same stupid thesis as traitor immigrants"

Max Nefedov, Deputy Minister of Economic Development:

Emigrants-traitors are the same stupid thesis as traitors-immigrants. Each person has the right to his own destiny, his own happiness and his own mistakes. I myself dream of working for several years in a metropolis with a different rhythm of life sometime in the future.

Just as a bunch of Ukrainians go to study, work, share experiences around the world, so do foreigners come to us, create a business here, raise children, and sometimes even go to the power to repay their debt to their new homeland. And this is normal, and this will become more and more. The world is globalizing, borders are being erased.

But complaining: "Ukraine is not trying to attract anyone. It is not trying to keep anyone. ... Everything that is happening around is the genocide of the state of Ukraine in relation to its citizens in its purest form" - this is not about emigration. It's about "Dad, why aren't you a millionaire? Why don't we have a Mercedes?"

There is no "state of Ukraine". The state is all of us. Those who take bribes - and who work 15 hours a day to help someone.

"Government is to blame"

Mikhail Kukhar, economist at IMF Group Ukraine:

- "It was not us who built this country for 25 years," Mustafa (Nayem) writes, forgetting to mention that emigration flows have grown many times in the last three years, when Mustafa and his friends came to power... But by and large they are normal guys. Well, it's far from the worst of those at the top.

Mustafa and his friends, of course, are not to blame for the fact that these 5 years of losses fell on "their term." And judging by this remark, Mustafa did not understand that his "original" sin is that he staged a revolution in his own country. What made most of the subsequent points of his bright political program virtually unfeasible ...

Bouts of aggression. Leave or stay?

Hello. Sorry, I don't give my real name. It is very embarrassing to write, but help is urgently needed.

The situation is such that I am prone to attacks of aggression, during which I am afraid to kill my mother. The background is as follows - my mother married a man from prison, he drank and mocked us all his life (until my 39th birthday), all this fell on me as a child, but I carried this cross as best I could and was a support for my mother. Mother, in turn (yes, I blame, but without details the situation will be inaccurate) did not protect me from this person (I don’t want to call him father, because there are reasons for this).

When I had a serious opportunity to get married five years ago (in the USA), I could not take advantage of this opportunity, my mother was very conducive to this, she called the person a scoundrel, etc., although this person loved me (I think), even sent me money. He came on a visit from America, and wanted to come again to propose to me, but I rushed about like a caged animal - I had nowhere to receive him, and in December I considered it indecent to put him in a hotel, in general I got confused, ran around in search of rented accommodation all over the area, the agencies answered that you need to pay a minimum of 3 months, and this was unrealistic, given that the person came for no more than 10 days. I was afraid to ask for money for 3 months from a man, I thought that he would not believe in it, and would think that I was a scammer and so on. The situation was aggravated by the fact that my mother brainwashed me every day, saying what a scoundrel he was (because he did not propose on the first visit and did not even talk about it). In general, I had a mess in my head, and I wrote to the man that our meeting was impossible and so on, but he did not end the relationship, continued to write, albeit with less enthusiasm, and even then sent me an invitation for a US visa, but The US Embassy denied me a visa. I didn't know, but they refuse all unmarried women a tourist visa, because. many do not come back, this was explained to me at the travel agency after, and they said that it was a deliberately losing situation when I applied for a tourist visa using an invitation from a man.

It all ended with the man leaving a few months after this refusal of a visa, and in the end he wrote that it was a sign for him - that they did not give me a visa, besides, according to him, he met a woman on the spot. I loved this man very much, the first time after his departure, I barely survived, only the fact that I believed (and hope that I believe) in God saved me from suicide. I really felt bad. I walked through the streets without seeing the road, I was almost crushed by cars and so on.

Now, 5 years later, God gave me a meeting with another person, and it seems that things are going to get married, but with delays, but the situation repeats itself, the mother uses any excuse to speak badly about our relationship, saying that I have nothing available , hints that this is all a lie, and so on. At the same time, a person has already come to me 2 times, and also helped with money and so on. In my opinion, he is a very good person. But my mother, under the pretext of "warning" constantly pours poison into my soul, trying to distort my faith in the seriousness of this person's intentions. I understand that a mother (she is 76) needs care and attention at her age, she does not go grocery shopping on her own. But I don't want to devote my whole life to my mother, I absolutely don't want to, don't blame me. She can hire social services to bring and buy food, but she does not want to do this.

Yes, my mother is full now, But I am lonely and miserable without my own family and children. I am a woman, I want to be like everyone else, to live like everyone else, understand me, I cannot look at other people's children without a shudder, I want my own. I lost my time before my 40s (and probably already lost the ability to have children) by messing around with my mother, solving her problems with her drunken husband, and yes, today my mother is full, but that's because I lost my family with a man from America, and I loved him very much, for example, after 5 years, this morning, my heart ached with pain when I remembered him.

All I want to say is that my mother does not want to solve any of her problems, I think she does it on purpose. It is scary for her to stay in the same apartment with a man with whom she did not divorce in time (she felt sorry for him). And he hated her all his life, mocked her, drank, beat, and now, in her old age, of course, she is scared with such a person. I understand it, but I don't want to ruin my life. My mother agrees to move to me when I get married, it seems (but she understands that they will not immediately give a visa to another country for family reunification, they say it takes 5 years, and the mother probably suspects that she will not live). in fact, she hinders me with all possible methods, saying nasty things, etc. while she says she wants me to arrange my life.

I don't trust her anymore. She already betrayed me once, when I lost a man from America. And I think that she betrayed my personal happiness. Having no reason, she called a person names every day, poured all this dirt into my ears - in order not to be left alone.
Help me what should I do. Today after another portion of dirt, I almost killed my mother.
I already told her to stop being negative, but she keeps doing it. Silence, elimination on my part - nothing helps. It is worth talking, again using any pretext to say negative.

I'm afraid of going to jail, I really don't control myself in outbursts of anger.
I now have the option to go to another country now to this new man, he offered me. But the situation is such that he is in the process of divorce, and divorce is not a quick process there because of the division of real estate. He says that everything will be finally decided by the end of February.

Tell me, I really need your advice, should I go now, should I trust this man (what if he doesn’t marry me after his divorce? Will he only make me a mistress? There is always a risk. And then I will have to return here in disgrace) Or I should go anyway, because it's dangerous for me to stay here. I can go to jail.

Tell me, I don't know what to do.
I will be grateful for the advice, I will read all the comments, I will not be able to answer, sorry.

zenshina_bez_nameni

I've left. Left Perm for Moscow. It was a year and a half ago. For those who are thinking, planning to leave, thinking about it, here are some of my thoughts...

The city is like a house, an apartment. People move from one apartment to another when it becomes crowded. They have more things, their family grows, children are born and grow up. Then people save money, borrow from friends, relatives, buy a new apartment and move. It's the same with the city. When you feel that it has become crowded in your city, you have no one to talk to, you are overwhelmed with different thoughts, new ideas that are not something to implement, but even discuss in your hometown with no one, then, indeed, you need to change place of residence, i.e. city. And definitely to a bigger city.
Moscow is a very big city. And compared to Perm too. Arriving in Moscow, your attitude to people, to life, but, most importantly, to yourself changes in many ways. In Perm, it seemed to me that I know a lot, I can, I understand what I do in life. And sometimes it even seemed that I was the most important specialist on the planet in the field of transport planning and traffic management. Arriving in Moscow, you quickly realize that this is not so. You understand that there are also worthy people who are no worse than you, and sometimes better versed in issues that you considered exclusively yours. And this means there is someone to talk to, something to discuss, something to argue about and there is something to strive for. In Moscow, life is more dynamic. There are much more events per unit of time than, for example, in Perm. Therefore, people walk the streets a little faster and cars on the roads move much more dynamically. Life passes more dynamically and more interestingly, as they would say before, "a year - in two".
When should you change your place of residence? Probably, in those short periods of your life, when you are not bound by any obligations to elderly parents or small children, or rather not tied to their place of residence, place of study, place of treatment.
In order to leave, it is necessary, of course, to save up money, to provide yourself with resources for the first time. You need to start, of course, with renting an apartment, which should last from one month to one year. If you are of active working age and strive to realize yourself in Moscow, then it is better to choose a place of residence in the center. Only then you will understand the true meaning, feel what you came for. And the apartment that you will rent for the first time will contribute to this. An apartment in Moscow is needed in order to live in Moscow, and not to live in an apartment. On the other hand, having rented or bought an apartment in a remote residential area, you will most likely quickly realize that it only prevents you from realizing yourself in Moscow.
The housing issue is the most important issue when changing residence. If you manage to solve it, then everything else is solved much easier. The cost of goods and services, products, transport, communications will not differ much and will not be critical for you. What you will miss is nature. You will have to forget about activities such as a trip for mushrooms or weekend barbecues in nature. Living in the center of Moscow, going out into nature is a problem in itself. And nature, which you remember from your previous place of residence, begins in Moscow after 50-100 kilometers from your new home. And this trip requires a significant amount of time, not to mention the fact that you still need to try to find a place in nature that you are used to.
In Moscow, the budget provision per person is five times higher than in Perm. This means that, having become a full-fledged Muscovite, namely, having registered in the city of Moscow, you will receive much more public services than in your hometown. And together with transport facilities, roads, parks, squares and territories, five times more money will be spent on you than in Perm.
I don't know about school and preschool education, so far I've only tested healthcare. And it's definitely better in Moscow. It is better organized, it is better technically equipped. Although, just like in Perm, no one will express a desire to work with you personally. You will be actively sent for tests, for various procedures, studies, but nobody will be particularly interested in delving into your illnesses and their history.
In Moscow, you will probably notice that people will smile at you more often, greet you more often. This also applies to neighbors in the stairwell, at the entrance, in various government agencies, in shops, in the service sector. You will not miss friends, the usual barbecue gatherings in the country in nature or in the bath. But friends will come to you in Moscow, visit you, and you will talk about your life in Moscow and show them your new place of residence, your new city. And it is also fascinating in its own way.
To leave or stay - everyone decides for himself, depending on what he expects from this life, what he aspires to. But I want every person to realize that at every moment of time he has such a choice - to leave or stay, and that there are no obstacles and prohibitions, that everything in life a person decides for himself.