Unexpected pregnancy what to do. Unplanned pregnancy, what to do? Problems that may arise

Everyone knows that according to statistics, almost 80% of families are visited by a stork unscheduled, or rather at the moment when they were least expected. But this is precisely the wonderful miracle of nature.

So, you found out that you are pregnant, although you have not yet planned such an important step in life. A woman who sees two stripes on a test or a result is overwhelmed with a variety of feelings. These are surprise, happiness, fear, joy, confusion and similar emotions. All these feelings arise simultaneously and beat in the head of a woman. When emotions subside a bit, the question “what to do?” comes to the fore.

Unplanned Pregnancy: What Went Wrong?

Let's start with the fact that the very concept of "pregnancy planning" appeared in the everyday life of the inhabitants of our country not so long ago: literally in the last century. In the families of our ancestors there were as many children as the health of mothers allowed them to endure and give birth. After all, abortions were a very dangerous and criminally punishable event, in most cases ending either in the death of a woman or her severe injury. And no means of contraception have been invented yet.

The modern approach to childbearing has changed somewhat. A man and a woman decide for themselves how many children they are able to give all the necessary conditions for a full life. But no matter how careful the calculations of a couple in love, nature will not always be ready to put up with them. And she sometimes introduces her unexpected adjustments to family plans.

Everyone knows from the lessons of sexual education at school that none of the methods of contraception under any circumstances will give a 100% guarantee of protection against conception. Therefore, absolutely every woman who has an active sex life has a chance.

I found out I'm pregnant - what should I do?

If your assumptions about a sudden pregnancy are not confirmed by the doctor's conclusion, then there may be no reason for worrying at all. Accurate diagnosis of pregnancy can only be in the third week of delay, and the outcome is determined only by the results of ultrasound.

Only one positive cannot be evidence of an unplanned pregnancy.

Tests often give a false positive result, especially if the woman is taking hormonal contraceptives.

The delay itself is also caused by hormonal disruptions in the body. And many of the first signs of pregnancy are quite vague, so if you try hard, you can always find them.

In the event that an unplanned pregnancy has been confirmed, you should

Calm down and calmly, without panic, look at the situation that has arisen.

Before making a hasty decision about, consider all aspects of this situation. Even if initially you do not consider the possibility of maintaining the pregnancy. It is desirable if you do this alone, and no one will influence your train of thought, guided only by their own interests.

Any antenatal clinic or private clinic can offer you different types of abortions. But, going for this operation, a woman must understand that all the real consequences will be only under her personal responsibility.

No doctor can guarantee you the possibility of having children in the future. Especially if the woman had never given birth before the abortion.

Remember that accepting such a situation and taking responsibility for the life and health of your own child is a decision worthy of a wise, adult and courageous woman.

Interesting! Maternity leave: release or burden?

First of all, decide what you are most worried about - marital status, how will your parents react, possible problems at work, health, financial condition? There are a lot of such questions immediately, but this has its advantages. The more questions, the more responsible you are and the more serious you are about having a baby in your life.

The next step is to answer all the questions for yourself.

Why am I afraid of pregnancy?

On closer inspection, it often turns out to be not so scary. In fact, there are two main issues - the material side and your health. Parents, most likely, will be happy with their grandson, they will help both physically and financially, and work is generally not worth the nerves.

Let's try to consider the specific reasons for women's fear of pregnancy:

1 Unreliable partner (fear of being a single mother). Just because you're not married doesn't mean you can't have a baby. If your partner is a responsible and conscious person, then he himself will immediately offer to formalize the relationship and live together. If not, then as practice shows, it is better for a child to grow up without a father at all than to see how dad, instead of earning money and helping his wife, drinks, walks and offends mom.

By the way, according to the same statistics, the easiest way to get married is a single woman who has a child from 2 years old.

2 Financial aspect. No one has yet canceled financial assistance for children from the state. And if you work, you will also receive maternity leave. Thus, firstly, the marital status of being “married” is not yet a guarantee of material well-being, and secondly, as they say, “they gave birth even in the war”, and even in our time it is even more possible to raise a child.

3 Cramped living conditions. Too small apartment, living with parents, rented apartment / room are important factors in planning a pregnancy. Before it's too late, you should think about any possibilities to settle this housing issue. By the way, living together with future grandparents sometimes brings more benefits than inconveniences. Where else can you find such irreplaceable, and, most importantly, native helpers?

4 Crisis in relations with a man. In some cases, an unplanned pregnancy can cause a deterioration in the relationship between partners. Especially when the potential parents have different opinions about the fate of the baby.

The only way to resolve the conflict is a calm and confidential conversation. Learn to share your opinions and experiences without getting emotional. Try to find out what exactly you are doing wrong, and how this situation can be corrected.

The arrival of a new family member is somewhat stressful for both parents. Now everything will be different: new roles, new responsibilities. By discussing all issues openly, you are more likely to find a common interest than silently and alone trying to prove your truth.

5 Too young or, conversely, the mature age of the future mother and father. Pregnancy that occurred at a young age is usually met with extremely negative society. Parents of newly-made mothers and fathers are against the birth of a child, referring to the inability of the young to give the baby everything necessary.

Not always young parents are infantile and shift the responsibility for the born child to the grandparents.

Often on the part of young mothers and fathers one can meet such tenderness and care towards a child that older parents cannot provide.

In late pregnancy, you should take a very responsible approach to your own health and carefully listen to the testimony of doctors. Pregnancy in adulthood can face some complications, so now it is worthwhile to realistically assess your strengths and capabilities. The most important issue is your health, the health of the mother of the unborn child.

Interesting! False pregnancy: what is it?

Fortunately, with the modern development of medicine, only a very small percentage of women have contraindications for bearing and giving birth to a child that are incompatible with life. And, as a rule, this is either known from childhood or with such diseases it is almost impossible to conceive.All other women need to monitor their health and lifestyle at least from the moment they found out about the pregnancy.

Therefore, you need to be as less nervous as possible, give up bad habits and switch to proper nutrition.

6 Fear of losing your job. Yes, motherhood does involve a career break. But not all childless girls feel the need for self-realization as acutely as mothers who have gone on maternity leave. Pregnancy and maternity leave are not time spent in captivity. You will have plenty of time to collect all your creative ideas and ideas. The fact that not all employers are happy to see a pregnant woman among their employees is a fact. But it is in your power to find the company that will value your skills and abilities, and not a temporary position.

Pregnancy enters your dreams in two main ways. The first is dreams about yourself during pregnancy, the second - your real pregnancy is a PUSH EVENT and sets its certain content.

Anyone can get pregnant in a dream: this possibility is not limited by either sexual or age barriers.

Generally speaking, pregnancy serves as a symbol of creativity, puberty, or wealth. However, there are many situations that require further interpretation.

If you are a young woman dreaming of pregnancy, at the same time having no real intention of becoming pregnant, such a dream may indicate that you are in the initial transition stage to a new stage of introspection.

One of the YUNGU ARCHETYPES is the archetype of the parent with the prevailing instinct to preserve the family.

To see oneself engaged in activity in this position is to observe one's exit from the CHILD stage and transition to the adult level.

If you are sexually active but have no intention of getting pregnant, this dream can be a harmonious accompaniment to your monthly cycle.

In connection with such a dream, ALARMS of the "what if" type may arise, which require reflection and resolution.

A man who sees himself pregnant in a dream is often in a situation where his masculinity or participation in the reproduction of the population is in question.

Such doubts often come to the mind of men who see themselves as less active in this regard than they would like to be.

Sleep acts as a compensation, emphasizing the creative side of their PERSONALITY.

Pregnant men give birth not only to children, but also to something that somehow justifies their mission in this world.

The fact of pregnancy in real life can lead to a variety of events in dreams.

By their nature, these events can be anything from the most cruel to the ludicrous.

This is not surprising, since in real life pregnancy is a source of a whole range of sensations - from excitement to euphoria.

Other types of dreams that occur during pregnancy may relate to adultery, the DEATH of a partner, chronic health problems, pregnancy loss due to an accident or miscarriage, birth defects in a child, twins, triplets, etc., as well as increased fertility, where conception and gestation occur more often and regardless of protection.

Dreams of infidelity or the death of a partner often occur as a response to feelings of insecurity due to a change in the appearance or frequency and nature of sexual relations during pregnancy.

Dreams of chronic health problems and defects in the child belong to the category of negative WILL-BEING, and are also the result of the excitement experienced by women in this position.

Dreams of multiple births and repeated pregnancies are the most difficult.

Sometimes, at a certain stage, pregnancy overwhelms a woman. This is a consequence of fears about the ability to properly cope with the role of MOTHER.

Multiple pregnancies can be a visual representation of these fears.

Interpretation of dreams from Loff's Dream Interpretation

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Dream Interpretation - Pregnancy

Dreams about pregnancy promise a better future to everyone.

For a young woman, this is a play of natural forces, a rehearsal that prepares her for a real pregnancy and childbirth.

But in other cases, for people who are not concerned about this problem.

For men, such a dream portends novelty In work, acquisitions, acquaintances.

Pregnancy in a dream symbolizes the bearing of some plans.

But the birth of a child indicates that the first step towards achieving the goal has already been taken, you just have to raise a child.

Bring your actions to their logical conclusion. Such phenomena as marriage, pregnancy, childbirth, death are natural for people.

But in dreams these events happen incomparably more often than in life.

They are especially significant for the dreamer if they are impracticable or unlikely in real life.

For example, pregnancy and childbirth in men or an elderly woman, the death of a healthy person, a wedding with a celebrity, and the like.

Next to the symbol of pregnancy and childbirth is, it would seem, their antipode - the symbol of death. Death in a dream is not the same as real death.

To die in a dream means only getting rid of some aspect of your life, which is a thing of the past for you.

Therefore, death in a dream is also a rebirth to a new life.

And although death may dream of the sick, worried about their lives, it almost never heralds the end of life.

On the eve of a real death, people see extremely optimistic dreams: moving to another country, flying into space, and the like.

Of course, such exotic travels do not always portend death.

Often they are followed only by significant changes or unusual life circumstances.

Interpretation of dreams from

ANXIETY OF UNEXPECTED PREGNANCY.

In the eyes of the expectant mother, confusion and confusion. How? When did it happen? Why now? What will we do? Why now? What to do now 7 How to tell your partner? What about work? And not one hundred such questions attack the thoughts of a woman. And in the hands of the test - and a pregnancy test. With two stripes.

B Most women are willing to give a lot to get pregnant like this - "suddenly." They invest in this opportunity all means and forces - both physical, moral, and material. But, as you know, the medal has two sides. And what for some will be a long-awaited and happy event, others can be confusing. An unplanned pregnancy causes such a shock because a woman has a lot of questions and all of them do not yet have an answer.

Do not worry, it seems to you at that moment, but as soon as the veil of the first, most exciting news about pregnancy falls, the expectant mother begins to worry about very specific questions. Here we will look for answers to them together with you.

UNCERTAINTY IN OWN POWERS

Even if the pregnancy proceeds without problems and is perceived as the happiest event, a woman is overcome by fears and insecurities. The most common fear is the fear of one's own psychological unpreparedness for the birth of a child, responsibility for it and the lack of skills in caring for a newborn. However, we hasten to reassure you: the maternal instinct will take its toll. And even if the baby has already been born, and you don’t know how, say, to swaddle and don’t know how to clean the baby’s nose and ears, knowledge of these subtleties comes in the first days after childbirth. And this is facilitated to a large extent by the realization that the baby does not have to rely on someone else's help. This responsibility is pleasant and encourages the accumulation of experience, just on an intuitive level.

Often a mother is not sure that she will be able to pay enough attention to the child, that she will not be able to educate and give herself completely to her baby. Dear future mothers! There is not a single person on planet Earth who knows exactly how to properly raise children. There are, of course, many books and scientific papers on this subject, but if you pay close attention, the advice in them often contradicts each other. And why? Because pedagogy, mathematical calculations, the arrangement of stars in the sky will never replace a mother's heart. After all, only a mother who knows a child from the first seconds of life can bring him up as a good person.

For this, it is not at all necessary to have a higher pedagogical education. You just need to believe in yourself and love your baby. So put aside all your doubts and fears. You can do it and be the best mom in the world!

IF ALREADY HAVE A SMALL

Often a woman is terrified, because at the time of the onset of pregnancy she already has a baby in her arms. This causes panic. You are afraid of failing. Will there be financial opportunities to provide for a new family member, how to cope with two babies at once, especially if the age difference turns out to be about a year? Is the body ready for a new pregnancy and other questions require an immediate answer.

But, as a rule, the answers to these questions will come a little later, when you see your baby for the first time on an ultrasound, hear the beat of a small heart, the first movements and feel other joys of pregnancy. Then you will understand that there is nothing more important than this new life. And all difficulties can be overcome when the goal is so bright - your baby. Funds for the maintenance of the baby will definitely be found, because folk wisdom says: "God gave the child, God will give for the child." Not so many material goods really need crumbs.

However, let's not embellish reality. Yes, the first 10 months, as a rule, are very difficult with two babies: Mismatch of regimes, physical fatigue of the mother, jealousy of the older child, night feedings ... But already from about 10 months, babies usually play well with each other and often just inform their mother about what are going to do. Well, at an older age, children of the same age are attached to each other, like twins - because they do not remember and do not know life alone.

WILL I STAY SLIM

An important role in a woman's attitude to the news of pregnancy is played by her psychological preparedness. Those who plan a baby in advance have accepted the need to leave their careers for a while, they are ready to lose their former beauty for a while (although this is a controversial issue), accept dietary restrictions. And on the "unexpectedly pregnant" all this falls like snow on their heads. Most expectant mothers are lost in this situation. But as mentioned above, there are no unsolvable problems. Little by little, everything will settle down and a new stage of life will be established with its joys and sorrows. After all, you can work remotely, do not lose beauty, and the diet during breastfeeding will not be very strict at all.

It doesn't matter if your pregnancy was planned or not. The important thing is that a small heart beats in unison with your heart, to which YOU will give LIFE! And away from anxiety and uncertainty! If you conduct a thorough medical supervision of pregnancy, think more about the child and love him simply for the fact that he came into your life, everything will work out for the best! And one day, in the delivery room, you, smiling, whisper: “Thank you, baby, for this surprise!”

DOCTORS SAY THAT IF PREGNANCY HAS COME IN, YOUR ORGANISM IS READY FOR IT.

They say that "unwanted children should not be." What can this phrase mean? Does this mean that an unwanted pregnancy should be terminated? Or is it necessary to find the strength in yourself to accept the situation and love the child? Probably, every woman is looking for an answer to this question on her own. The first way is chosen, unfortunately, not infrequently. Abortions have tragic consequences for both a woman's reproductive system and her mental health.

Let's talk about those situations when a woman, despite the undesirability of pregnancy, decides to keep it. The reasons for maintaining such a pregnancy may be different: the fear of losing the opportunity to have children due to complications after an abortion or a direct ban on abortion by doctors based on the woman’s health, the resistance of her husband and relatives, etc. But the result is important: one way or another, a woman is preparing for the birth of a baby and future motherhood. From a psychological point of view, if a woman nevertheless decided to keep the pregnancy, the situation is not hopeless, and the expectant mother is able to accept the child and in the end say words of love to him: “It's good that I have you!”.

4 situations when an unplanned pregnancy scares

There are rarely situations when pregnancy is undesirable in itself: this happens only in exceptional cases of the complete absence of maternal instinct. Most often, the reason for this is the accompanying circumstances.

1. Pregnancy happened at the wrong time

The most common situation is when pregnancy is, in general, desirable, but not now, but “sometime later.” You need to finish your studies, or climb the career ladder, or solve the housing problem, or officially formalize the marriage, or “still take a walk.” Yes, there are many reasons to postpone this event for a couple of years! But two stripes on the test declare themselves, and you need to make a decision.

Katya, 22 years old: “The pregnancy was completely inopportune: I studied, my husband and I were not yet scheduled, and I’m still too young! I sobbed, thought about terminating the pregnancy.

But the future husband, and the parents supported me, assuring me that everything would be fine. The realization of the value of my special position came to me at a critical moment: at 11 weeks I was admitted to the hospital with the threat of termination of pregnancy. Only then I realized: I love my baby and I can’t bear it if I lose him. Fortunately, everything ended well, and now I'm looking forward to the birth of our daughter."

In general, such a situation is the most “easy”: having survived the initial shock and reaction of rejection, the woman recalls that she thought about having a child, even dreamed about it, albeit “theoretically”. As a rule, women manage to cope with a negative attitude on their own, most in the first month after they learned the news and decided to continue the pregnancy. Further, expectant mothers are already beginning to rejoice and love the child. Usually the help of a psychologist in a situation “what if it’s not the right time!” it is not required, the support of loved ones and your own attitude to the positive is enough.

2. A pregnant woman does not have moral or material support

There are situations in which the birth of a baby is completely undesirable for a woman. For example, she does not have a permanent partner, a casual relationship has occurred, and it is almost useless to rely on the support of the father of the child. Before the woman there is a prospect.

Many single mothers would not call their pregnancy unwanted, they say they appreciated pregnancy from the very beginning and were ready to deal with life's difficulties. But, undoubtedly, a certain number of women in this situation consider pregnancy a burden. And if they decide to keep it, they will have a difficult time. An event that so unexpectedly broke into their life paints it in gray tones, and a woman can begin to blame the unborn child for many troubles.

Arina, 28: “My best friend got pregnant unexpectedly after a vacation in the south. Her age was "running out", and she decided to leave the child. But I don't know if it's good for him. A friend blamed her pregnancy for everything, was angry at toxicosis, weight gain (“spoiled figure”), the need to go on maternity leave. She considered the child to be the culprit of all failures, and this is a heavy burden for the baby. Of course, I try to convince her, but it seems to me that one cannot do without the help of a professional psychologist.

Changing the situation depends on the woman herself, on her readiness to change her point of view, to try to find a positive in the situation. After all, women often concentrate on the negative, that is, on what they are losing, but they don’t even think about what they are gaining. Therefore, you need to try to find the good that motherhood can give, and for this, loving your children. In many cases, the help of a professional psychologist is needed.

3. "I don't want to have children, but everyone says I should"

There are women who are not attuned to motherhood (“You can be happy without children”), who consider motherhood an obstacle to their own freedom. Perhaps they would not want to get married and would carefully protect themselves from unwanted pregnancies. But these are “social” women, and the norms of society are important to them. As she gets older, it becomes more difficult to explain to others why she is not married and/or why she does not have children. Yes, and relatives (husband, parents) are waiting for heirs. And now a woman decides to have a pregnancy, although planned, but, nevertheless, unwanted for her. A woman may be aware of her unwillingness to have a child, or there may be a situation where this unwillingness is unconscious. In the first case, it is easier to work with the problem, as with everything that "lies on the surface." In the second case, the unwillingness to have a child “undermines” the woman from the inside: pregnancy is accompanied by poor health, the expectant mother “forgets” about taking the necessary medicines, and is “not able” to give up bad habits.

Larisa is 35 years old, the first saved pregnancy, 13 weeks. She turned to the psychologist of the perinatal center in the direction of an obstetrician. In the past there were several abortions, during this pregnancy - early toxicosis, several threats of interruption with hospitalization. Larisa seemed “cold”, she was reluctant to talk about pregnancy, she called the child “fetus”, referring to the fact that it is more scientific. The woman was married a second time, the first husband left her because of her unwillingness to have children and abortions performed without his knowledge. The second husband did not insist on children, but the pregnancy came by accident, and here he was persistent. Larisa said: “I give birth for them (husband, mother), let them babysit.”

It took several months for Larisa's coldness to decrease and her attitude towards her unborn child to become warmer, and a desire to take care of him after birth appeared.
In a situation of "secret unwillingness" it is also necessary to look for the positive beginning that the birth of a child brings, to focus on what is acquired, and not on restrictions. Since the birth of a child is eagerly awaited by native women, you need to seek support from them, try to “infect” with their joy. And if possible, see a psychologist!

4. Recently I wanted to, now I don’t!

The situation is difficult when pregnancy, initially desired, becomes unnecessary already in the course of its course. This usually happens when the motives for having a child were “outsiders”, not related to the value of parenthood:

• the child was needed in order to, but he still broke off the relationship;
• the child was needed to solve the housing problem, but it became clear that he "won't help" in this;
• only a child of a certain gender was needed, but it turned out that the sex was “not the same”;
• the child was a way to show adulthood, to separate from parents, but dependence on them increased even more due to the need for their participation in pregnancy and assistance after childbirth.

It is characteristic that in this situation the pregnancy could have been planned, although the woman should not have allowed the pregnancy, guided by extraneous motives, since this almost always brings disappointment, if not during pregnancy, then after the birth of the child. Since the baby is not a goal, but only a means for the realization of some other goals, then, having “worked out” in this capacity or “failed” with the task, it becomes unnecessary.

However, such situations are not hopeless, because a woman has the initial experience of accepting a child, albeit without much love. If pregnancy has begun to be perceived as “unnecessary” in the process, then the expectant mother needs to be helped to find new guidelines, new benefits, preferably related to the child himself and the value of motherhood.

What happens to a woman who finds out about an unplanned pregnancy?

Psychologists have found that every woman, having learned about an unplanned pregnancy, goes through several stages of understanding the situation. You will probably recognize yourself in this description.

A surge of emotions: from surprise and joy to horror

This stage lasts from several minutes to several hours. When pregnancy is unexpected, the range of emotions is wide: from despair to joy. An unexpected pregnancy is not always undesirable, and sometimes a woman feels that although the child was a surprise, she already loves him. But if the first impulse is “I don’t need this!”, the woman experiences strong negative emotions: despair, even anger. Such emotions require an outlet, and a woman sheds many tears, which at this stage is even healing.

Marina, 24 years old: “I am not married, I recently finally got a good job. I started dating a young man. It seemed that he was in love with me, I was also fascinated. But after a few months, I discovered that I was pregnant. I did not know what to think, a lot depended on the reaction of the man. But he didn't want a baby. I remember the despair that I experienced, because it seemed to me that we had real feelings. And now I'm alone with the problem. Then I thought of the child only as a hindrance and punishment ... "

Gradual awareness of the situation

It can last from a few days to three weeks. It is necessary so that the emotions of a woman, whatever they may be, subside somewhat and she can begin to reason and build her life in a new way. But the strength of feelings is still intense, although it decreases towards the end of the stage. Moms-to-be, for whom the news of a child came as a surprise, need more time to believe that life-changing changes are taking place in their lives. As a rule, this stage for them is the path from disbelief (“It simply cannot be!”), Through the search for evidence that the test was wrong, to the realization that pregnancy is a fact.

Marina continues the story: “... I did tests for several days in a row, but they only confirmed the initial result. I sobbed for several days, trying my best to stay in front of people. She didn’t say anything to her mother, because she herself couldn’t believe it yet. Of course, I could have had an abortion, but something was stopping me, and besides, I knew that there was still time if I made this particular decision. After ten days, I realized that the emotions had calmed down. I decided to tell my mom about it. After groaning and groaning, my mother said: “Well, I wonder who will be - a boy or a girl.” I didn’t want anyone - neither a boy nor a girl, but for some reason her words made it easier ... "

If the pregnancy is unexpected and still perceived as unwanted, try to find support in the person of relatives, friends and, above all, the father of the child (if possible). If necessary, cry, but do not drown in a stream of endless tears. Seeing that loved ones do not perceive the birth of a child as a tragedy, it will be easier for you to look at the situation from a new point of view. Talking to others quickly creates a sense of reality and helps you start thinking about the future with hope.

A surge of new feelings

This period lasts about a month after the end of the previous stage. A woman who realized that there is life inside her, and experienced the first flurry of emotions, began to believe that everything is really real, is imbued with new feelings. Even with a planned pregnancy, often such feelings are confusion, anxiety, self-doubt. When the pregnancy is unexpected, the uncertainty can be even stronger, because a woman has to think through many points that, during a planned pregnancy, the spouses discuss in advance, before starting planning.

In the event of an unwanted pregnancy, it is not the worries associated with ensuring the best possible course of pregnancy that come to the fore. A woman worries about the future, says goodbye to the picture of the future that she had before, which may be accompanied by negative emotions in relation to the child who "violated all plans." At this moment, it is important to draw a new picture of the future, “writing” the appearance of the baby there. Don't think of past plans as something unrealistic. Much can be done by adjusting the timing. The first step in loving a child is to stop perceiving it as a hindrance.

“... I almost decided that I would keep the pregnancy. We have a negative attitude towards abortion in our family, and I was also afraid of complications that could prevent me from getting pregnant later. I did not feel love for the child, moreover, I blamed him for ruining my life. I was young, free, building a career, but I turned out to be quickly getting fat and useless. It seemed to me that the prospects for the future (successful marriage, good job, career) were finished forever. However, a colleague at work unexpectedly helped me. At work, no one knew that I was pregnant, I tried to carry on as usual. And somehow during the lunch break, Masha and I got into a conversation. Her story was very similar to mine: an unexpected pregnancy, alone in a strange city, without the support of the father of the child. Now her daughter was 6 years old, and I was struck by how warmly she spoke about her.

Masha admitted that at first she also could not come to terms with the changes in her life, she blamed the unborn child. But love came with the daughter's first smile. Looking at Masha, I realized: it is possible to cope with the situation by becoming a good mother and remaining a beautiful woman and a promising employee ... "

Emotion stabilization

Its onset is connected with how quickly the previous stages proceeded, and suggests that the woman began to adapt to a new situation for herself and is ready to rebuild her life, taking into account her “special” position. It is now that new eating habits, daily routines, a new attitude towards oneself and others begin to form. Even, perhaps, not yet feeling love for the child, the woman still begins to behave in accordance with the “special position”. She begins to plan her future, to think about who can help her. At this stage, feelings for the child may remain at the same “cold” level, but still, “warming” most often occurs. The expectant mother begins to look at other children, imagine her child (“I won’t let mine behave like this”; “I’ll dress mine up too”, etc.). For many, the turning point is the beginning of the period of baby movements.

“… So, I kept the pregnancy. Of course, the future frightened me, because I would have to go on maternity leave, and what to live on, also with a child? But the parents promised to support us, including financially, and my friends were ready to give away the things from which their children grew up. I remember a moment that was a turning point for me. It wasn't the first move, no. It was no movement at 20 weeks. That's when I really got scared, but not for myself, but for my baby. At that moment, I realized that I already loved him, but before that I had not allowed myself to feel it. Fortunately, everything worked out. From that moment on, I became a "crazy pregnant", and then the same mother. Of course, there were many difficulties, but no less joys. Now, when my life is adjusted, when my son is 5 years old, and I am married to a wonderful man, I do not regret anything!”

To accept an unwanted pregnancy…

The situation of each woman is unique, no matter how similar they may seem at first glance. That is why there are no unambiguous recommendations on how to accept pregnancy. Each has its own path and hostility, and love. Only the woman herself can change her own attitude towards the unborn child, and each such path is unique. We can only give very general recommendations.

Seek support from loved ones. Find people in your environment whose loyalty you have no doubt and who will be ready to support you. Sometimes, in especially difficult moments, you will be able to lean on loved ones, and this will give you the determination to move on.

Specify the image of the child. Try to imagine your baby - first as a baby, and then older. Imagine how he looks at you and smiles. Imagine how he says: “Thank you, mom, that I was born. I love you, mommy". This will help you feel: inside you is a dear little man for you, and not at all an enemy who “ruined” your life.
Play associations. Take a piece of paper and write down all the words or phrases that you associate with the words "mother" and "child". Count the number of positive, negative and neutral. Let the positive ones become the basis for accepting pregnancy and future motherhood, and reflect on the negative ones and try to find a positive replacement for them.

Draw an image of the future. Take paints and paper and draw your future. It can be a concrete image, or it can be just abstract strokes. Then take a closer look, and if the drawing seems gloomy to you, take some bright colors and paint the picture so that it becomes more joyful.

Try to be positive. Look at how parents and children communicate with each other. Talk to those who are parents. Most likely, you will hear many kind words about children, about the joy that communication with them brings. Ask about the difficulties - and you will know that they are completely surmountable.

Contact a psychologist. Of course, many women are able to cope on their own, but if possible, still contact a specialist. Psychologists have psychotechnologies that allow you to go through the path of acceptance faster, which is very important in a situation where not only the mother herself, but also the unborn child suffers from a negative attitude.

So, an unwanted pregnancy can become desirable, and a child can be loved. Whatever the circumstances, it is the woman who has the final say on whether the "nine months" will continue. And if a woman keeps her pregnancy, then in this way she chooses life. There is already a potential for love and acceptance in this step that needs only to be allowed to unfold.

It would seem that absolutely every healthy family from the very moment of its formation simply cannot imagine its life without the appearance of a baby. Ladies, by the way, prepare, as a rule, for this episode for many years - even in the sandboxes we play mother-daughters and we know that sooner or later we will give birth to our exact copy, which we will give a worthy upbringing, which will delight us to the most advanced age, to help always and in everything and before our eyes to achieve some unthinkable success. Yes, some people really prepare for children with special zeal, but what if the pregnancy arose without any plans at all? In what cases can pregnancy be called just like that, and what should a dumbfounded woman do in such incidents?

The main, and most unpleasant case of such a format is the so-baptized "fly". Such a pregnancy pops up most often from some random hot relationship, when all you want is to have a good time, but certainly not to have children. It can be any situation - a party in a circle of not quite familiar people, a trip to the sea on a beautiful azure beach, or just a desire to relax with a nice person. You come off to the fullest and are sure that no consequences await you, but in just a few weeks you will find out the news, which at first emotions sounds like a real sentence - you are pregnant.

What to do in such a situation? Of course, only the woman herself has the right to decide how to deal with an unwanted pregnancy, because, firstly, this is her body, which will have to endure either the pregnancy for all ten months, or the consequences of an abortion. Here you have to make a decision on your own and no one has the right to tell you - it's only your life and your future. It’s great if you are morally and financially ready for the birth of a child, and there are relatives around who are ready to support you in this situation. But do not forget about the biological father of the child - if you still decide to give birth, he definitely has the right to know that he will soon have an heir. a woman should not deal with such situations alone, because two are involved in the process of conception.

Unnecessary pregnancy in the family. Yes, it also arises that you live an unimaginably wonderful family life, but in the near future the child simply does not fit in with your plans - it solves both the financial issue and just the moral connection of this issue - regardless of the reasons, the issue of such a pregnancy that comes unexpectedly , you must decide mutually with your spouse - perhaps he will somehow influence your decision and you will become happy parents of the best baby.

Violence. The most unpleasant variant of an unnecessary pregnancy is a "flight" as a result of rape. As a rule, such pregnancies are interrupted most often - mothers are afraid of heredity, but, of course, only a woman should decide.

Know that it is impossible to prick nature - she knows exactly when you can become parents and when to send you a little miracle.