If it is difficult for a person you care about, you should be there. Even those who do not want to appear weak are waiting for a kind word. This makes it easier to deal with problems. Yes, circumstances are not always conducive to this. But if you are alive and well, did not fly on an expedition into space, then there are many ways to support a loved one without a personal presence. One option is messengers.

In dark times, bright people are clearly visible.

Erich Maria Remarque

In order for these words to touch you on a positive side, we offer a complete list with examples of supportive messages that you can send. Copy SMS and immediately send to the recipient.

Universal

In your own words

* * *
I want you to know that even in this moment you are not alone. There are many like you. Lots of. You just don't know. And this confirms the fact that it can be experienced!
* * *
To reach the goal, you must first of all go. If something happened, then you are not standing still. This is just an event that met along the road of life. Nothing just happens.
* * *
The biggest mistake you can make in life is the constant fear of making mistakes.
* * *
Life is not suffering. It's just that you suffer from it, instead of living and enjoying it.
* * *
There is no point in looking for a place where you will feel good. It makes sense to learn how to create it well anywhere.
* * *

* * *
When you feel very bad, raise your head. You will definitely see the sunshine.
* * *
When you really want something, the whole Universe will help to ensure that your desire comes true.
* * *
You can only see what you believe. Believe and you will see.
* * *
Fuck everyone who doesn't believe in you. Remember once and for all: faith in your own strength is the main incentive to achieve your goal.
* * *
If you don't believe in yourself, you won't achieve anything. Therefore, avoid those who make you doubt your own abilities.
* * *
Do not waste your thoughts, emotions and feelings on unworthy people.
* * *
Helping others improves your own life.

In verse

* * *
While we are alive, we can fix everything ...
Realize everything, repent ... Forgive.
Do not take revenge on enemies, do not dissemble loved ones,
Friends that pushed away, return ...
While we are alive, you can look back ...
See the path you came from.
Waking up from terrible dreams, push off
From the abyss to which they approached.
While we are alive ... How many have managed
Stop loved ones that are gone?
We did not have time to forgive them in life,
And to ask for forgiveness, - Could not.
When they leave in silence
There, from where there is definitely no return,
Sometimes it takes a few minutes
Understand - oh my God, how guilty we are ...
And the photo is a black and white movie.
Tired eyes - a familiar look.
They already forgave us a long time ago
For the fact that they were too rarely around,
For no calls, no meetings, no warmth.
Not faces in front of us, just shadows...
And how much was not said
And not about that, and not with those phrases.
Tight pain - guilt final touch -
Scraping, cold skin.
For all that we have not done for them,
They forgive. We cannot ourselves...
* * *
When a tear drips from pain ...



You sit quietly in silence ...
Close your eyes, and realizing that you are tired ...
Tell yourself alone...
I'll be happy! Through thick and thin!
* * *
Yes, everyone is missing something...
That snow for some reason quickly melts,
That morning comes late
There are no warm days.
There is always something lacking.
But, living the rest of the days,
Suddenly I see - there is no lack
Nothing ... just not enough years
To stop getting angry
To life and enjoy it.
* * *
You don't have to live to get to heaven
And you need to create a paradise!
Do not slander, do not betray
And don't steal the lives of others.
Sometimes an atheist
According to my conscience
Closer to God than an artist
What is in the cassock for people ...
Once God is in the heart, then heaven is in the soul!
And if it's dark
You can't get to heaven already
Hell no matter...

Loss of a loved one

parents

* * *
Hold on! In memory of my mother. She wouldn't want to see you in despair.
* * *
The death of a loved one is an irreparable grief. I understand how hard it is for you. Be strong in spirit.
* * *
A bright memory of her forever in our hearts. She was a good person, you need to continue to carry out her mission.
* * *
We sincerely mourn and condole with you at this bitter moment.
* * *
We will carry a bright and kind memory of him throughout our lives.

child

* * *
Accept my condolences! There has never been a better one, and there never will be. But in yours and in our hearts, he will remain a young, strong, full of life man. Everlasting memory! Hold on!

* * *
Condolences to you! You need to find the strength in yourself to survive these most difficult minutes and difficult days. In our memory he will forever remain a good man!
* * *
Let me express my most sincere condolences on the occasion of a heavy, irreparable loss!
* * *
For all of us, he will remain an example of love of life. And may his love of life illuminate your emptiness and grief of loss, help you survive the time of farewell. We mourn with you in difficult times and will remember him forever!
* * *
It is very bitter to lose loved ones and relatives, but it is doubly difficult when young, beautiful and strong leave us. God rest his soul!
* * *
I would like to find words to somehow ease your pain, but are there such words on earth at all. Hold on for the sake of blessed memory. Everlasting memory!

Husband/wife

* * *
Love never dies, the memory of it will always light up your heart. You just believe in it!
* * *
A loved one does not die, but simply ceases to be near. In your memory, in your soul, your love will be eternal! Be strong!
* * *
The past cannot be returned, but the bright memory of this love will remain with you for life. Be strong!
* * *
I grieve with you at this difficult moment. But for the sake of children, for the sake of loved ones, you need to survive these mournful days. Invisibly, he will always be there - in the soul and in our eternal memory of this bright man.

Relatives

* * *
My condolences! It hurts to think about it, it's hard to talk about it. I sympathize with your pain! Everlasting memory!
* * *
Little consolation, but know that we are with you in grief of loss and sincerely empathize with your entire family! Everlasting memory!
* * *
Please accept my sincere condolences! What a man! As she lived modestly and quietly, she left humbly, as if a candle had gone out. Heavenly kingdom to her!

Friends

* * *
I know he meant a lot to you. They say heaven takes the best. Let's believe in it and pray for his soul!
* * *
You were like sisters, I understand your feelings. I want to share this grief with you. How can I help you? You can always count on my support.
* * *
He was a good person. I understand how difficult it is for you right now. Time heals wounds, you must be strong for the sake of your best friend. he wouldn't want you to sag.
* * *
I am very sorry that this happened. I'm truly sorry! You hold on. Your friend is watching you from the sky. Make him proud of you. For the sake of your friendship.

Disease

Addressee

* * *
God does not send such trials to a person that he is unable to survive. So you can, and you will definitely cope with it. I believe!
* * *
Listen to the advice of doctors and take care of yourself. For the sake of a happy future and people who care about you.
* * *
I'm sorry about what happened. Remember, you can always count on me.
* * *
The soul would not have a rainbow if the eyes did not have tears. You'll be fine.
* * *
Everything will be fine. You will get better and life will be filled with bright colors, remember: after the black stripe there is always a white one!
* * *
Believe in your recovery, because a good mood and optimism can play an important role. Everything will be fine! It cannot be otherwise!
* * *
Let it be bad now, but then everything will be fine. Everything will change and the pain will recede. God will give strength to endure everything, do not lose hope, hold on.
* * *
Think positive, believe in recovery, do not succumb to illness, fight! It's hard, but you have to keep going! We love you and believe that together we will definitely overcome the disease.

close person of the addressee

* * *
He (she) will definitely recover, you just need to believe and not lose hope.
* * *
Everything will be fine! We are always there. If you need help - get in touch.
* * *
Think only about the good! The disease will pass, he (she) will recover. It won't always be bad. You just have to wait.
* * *
We will pray for him (her), and you hold on!
* * *
God does not send trials that a person cannot survive. And she can! We are sure of it! If you need our help, please contact us. Let's do our best and get better!

Treason

Husband

* * *
Everything in life is for the better, only we understand this over time. The pain will subside, and you will look at the world with different eyes. And then there will be already much worthy people nearby!
* * *
Darling, everything will pass, everything will be fine. I know you are a strong woman, you can handle it. He didn't deserve you. Find the strength to endure this pain. And believe me, all the good things are ahead!
* * *
Everything will be alright. You are a self-sufficient and smart woman. Gather the pain into a fist and throw it away along with all the memories.
* * *
Start life from scratch, do not think about the past. This can be learned. You can do it!

If a close friend has a similar situation, for example, find out and help her with good advice.

Wives

* * *
A woman does not cheat with her body, she cheats with her soul - remember these words. Why do you need a person who betrayed? Find the strength within yourself to get through this. And the sooner you do this, the sooner something good will knock on your life.
* * *
When you leave, you need to leave! Find the strength not to return to the place where you were once betrayed. If you need moral support, you can always contact me. I think you deserve better treatment!
* * *
Respect yourself and understand that you are not on your way with this person. She doesn't deserve respect. Forgive her, let her go and make room next to you for a more worthy woman.

Find out and help the man make the right decision.

guy

Life filters people who don't deserve you. Be grateful to the higher powers that they take care of you and remove from your life those who do not make you happy. It's hard for you right now, that's okay. But over time, you will be convinced that everything is only for the better.
* * *
Don't worry, this is not the last man on Earth.
* * *
He doesn't deserve your suffering, be strong.
* * *
You are beautiful, interesting and smart, so therefore you are not threatened by loneliness.
* * *
I will always support you, you deserve the best. Remember this, and do not humiliate yourself.

Girls

* * *
Consider that in this way, forces from above filter people who you do not need. Head higher and forward, the light did not converge on it like a wedge.
* * *
You're a strong guy, you can cut her out of your life. I will always support you!
* * *
You're a good guy, it's her own fault that she didn't value you.
* * *
Everything will be fine, the girls themselves will hang around your neck, you're a macho!

In verse

* * *
How people's lives filter. Noticed?
But she is smarter and wiser,
Yesterday we slept in the same bed,
Not even among friends today.
* * *
Braga is stronger in someone else's glass.
The chest is larger in someone else's wife.
When half a step to the abyss,
we are no longer needed.
I understood one of the truths
that the pig will find dirt everywhere.
Not enough bullets to shoot at the rats
that escape from the ship.

Changed

* * *
Don't blame yourself for what happened. It is human nature to make mistakes. Let this mistake teach you a great lesson: every sunset is the beginning of a new, bright dawn.
* * *
I don't blame you, and I don't support you. You didn't become a bad person after that, you just made a mistake. Do not try to fix the problem, try to fix your thoughts, and then, I am sure, the problem will be solved by itself.
* * *
You can't forget it. But you can stop blaming yourself, and then you will remember it less often.
* * *
There are reasons for everything, and I'm sure you had them too. Do not blame yourself. The one to whom you are really important will not reject you even after what happened, and will give you the opportunity to explain. The important thing is that you sincerely regret it, and have drawn the right conclusions. There are many examples in the world when, after betrayal, people really begin to appreciate each other and are more afraid of losing than those who remain faithful. The former faced the problem head-on, and can assess all the risks. I wish everything goes well!

Betrayal

Friend

* * *
A person who betrayed love can be justified, but a person who betrayed friendship cannot! Draw the right conclusions, and learn to live without this person.
* * *
Pull yourself together and understand that a real friend could not do this to you! Dry your tears and start singing!
* * *
They say that true friends cannot be replaced, your friends easily replaced you. Conclusion - there were no "real". Everything is ahead, believe me!

* * *
I wonder what your former best friends are doing now, probably saying nasty things about you to those they used to say nasty things about. You don't need such people. You are the best and hang out with the best!

Colleagues

* * *
Life provides us with experience in the form of communication with different people. Smoky and not so good or bad. Learn from this lesson and move on. Now you are one situation more experienced! And that's a plus!
* * *
Let this be only a good lesson for you, not suffering. Draw conclusions about this person and communicate with him only at work.
* * *
The main thing is to remain a person in this situation, do not act out of spite.
* * *
Don't sink to someone else's level, and don't let other people drag you down.

Relatives

* * *
You will now calm down, because you have already been given the full measure of our sincere sympathy. And now there is no time to cry, the matter is waiting.
* * *
I understand that it is hard to realize his betrayal, but now you see who surrounds you. And you can change that by talking only with the worthy.

Dismissal

In your own words

* * *
Each finish is the start for something completely new.
Everything will be as it should be. Even if it's different.
* * *
I understand how difficult it is for you right now. But you hold on, you're strong (s), you will succeed.
* * *
If you want to discuss something, you can always count on me.
* * *
Everything will definitely be fine. Everything will end well, and if it's not good yet, then this is not the end.
* * *
You are a good worker, you still have everything ahead of you!
* * *
Everything will work out, you will find the job of your dreams, most importantly, take care of your health.
* * *
I can't go through this for you. But I can live it with you. And together we can do everything.
* * *
Chaos and trouble precede great change - remember that.
* * *
Most likely, the problem will not disappear in 24 hours. But in 24 hours your attitude to this problem can change. Let's change this together. You can always count on my help.

In verse

* * *
“She has no chance,” circumstances declared loudly.
"She's a loser," people shouted.
“She will succeed,” God said quietly.
* * *
You will win - I know for sure.
You will get through - I believe in it.
And not bent and not broken
You hits and losses.
Let it be smooth only on paper -
Although there are many trials
You will overcome step by step
All of them! Through thick and thin!

Accident

In your own words

* * *
Honey, you will get better and soon we will run to discos :)
* * *
Everything will be fine, no one is to blame for what happened!
* * *
The guardian angel protects you, because he gave you a chance to live.
* * *
Nothing terrible happened, everyone is alive, and this is the most important thing.
* * *
I'll come to you for tea, bring cookies and heal you :)

In verse

People, cherish every day
Treasure every minute.
We only live once on earth
Rejoice, it's morning again!

God gave life and blessed us,
May we walk on the right path.
After all, it is not in vain that He instilled a soul in us,
To ask later, beyond that threshold.

Live, love, help each other
We must, it cannot be otherwise.
And for this - God's grace,
And spiritually you will become richer.

Years fly by unnoticed
Rejoice and enjoy life!
Do not skimp on kind words
Please everyone and smile more often!

Animal death

Briefly in your own words

* * *
I sympathize. It's like losing a loved one. I understand you. Everything will be fine, hold on.
* * *
Just believe that your dog is there - invisibly nearby.
* * *
I understand how you feel, time will pass and you will feel better.
* * *
You've been in worse situations. And nothing, you did it! And you'll be fine, I'm sure!
* * *
Everything will be fine! We will get through this together.
* * *
I can see how dear he was to you, but keep on living.

Find out and help a person who is ill. For him, this is the same as losing a loved one.

Depressed

In your own words

* * *
Believe in the word that there is something to live for. You're just closed to it right now. Time will pass, and life will take on colors. Trust me, faith will help this fact happen faster.
* * *
Remember, it won't always be like this. We'll laugh at this together.
* * *
Life is not suffering. It's just that you suffer it instead of living and enjoying it. Remember this as soon as sadness wants to take possession of you.
* * *
Most people are as happy as they allow themselves to be. Allow yourself to be happy.

In verse

Or maybe just get up on the other foot,
And instead of coffee, take and drink juice ...
And turn your usual steps
In the direction where there will be more use ...

And on this day, do everything wrong:
Put from the end to the beginning of the number,
And the most insignificant trifle
Fill with good and high meaning.

And do what no one expects
And laugh where you cried so much
And the feeling of hopelessness will pass
And the sun will rise where the rain dripped.

From the circle wound by fate
Take it and jump out at the station of the unknown...
You will be surprised - the world is completely different,
And life is more unexpected, and more interesting.

Motivating

In your own words

* * *
The fate of the person who sits in the seat does not move either. Go ahead, I believe in you!
* * *
You cannot change the direction of the wind, but you can always raise the sails to reach your goal.
* * *
There is no point in looking for a place where you will feel good. It makes sense to learn how to create it well anywhere ...
* * *
Remember that when you really want something, the whole Universe will help to make your desire come true.

In verse

Look into your eyes again.
Fly forward again.
Just back - you can not.
Everything that has passed does not count.

And it's easy to let go.
Believe: movement is life.
The past is far away
Just don't turn around!

Beloved girlfriend/wife

In your own words

* * *
My love, everything will be fine, you are strong! I'm always there, remember that!
* * *
Honey, you can always rely on me!
* * *
Remember: we ourselves invent problems, barriers, complexes and frameworks for ourselves. Free yourself - breathe life and understand that you can do everything. I love you and that's the main thing.
* * *
You are the best woman for me in the whole world, remember that. Smile and never sour.

* * *
Darling, there will always be people who will hurt you. You have to keep trusting people, just be a little more careful.
* * *
The secret of happiness, my dear, is to enjoy every little thing and not get upset over every stupid thing.
* * *
You are the best man on the Earth. And the best will be fine. You just need to be a little patient. Remember - sugar at the bottom. As long as you have me, we can handle it.

In verse

* * *
If only, baby, I could
When it's so hard for you
Substitute two wings on the fly
Under your weary wing.
If I could make it
Disperse the clouds above you
So that you forget all the worries of the day
And peace returned to again.
It's a pity, but I'm just a woman - not God,
My heart is with you, and you hold on.
So that you can withstand the storm,
I pray quietly for your life.
* * *
Who hung their nose so low?
Who is sad for no apparent reason?
So I want you to be happy again
Do not invent stupid things!
Let your mood jump
Look at the colors in life again!
Happiness lies ahead
Well - give me a smile quickly!
* * *



There is no point in any line.

And a glass - for success ahead.

Girlfriend / friend

In your own words

* * *
This world is yours, just be yourself always!
* * *
Remember that you will always be the winner in any situation.
* * *
Any problem must be met with a smile. The problem will think that you are stupid and run away :)
* * *
Tomorrow, the one who reads this SMS will find his happiness :)
* * *
Until tomorrow comes, you will not understand how good you were today. Therefore, believe in the best, and do not give up. You are the best friend in the world!
* * *
You, the best and most faithful friend, I am very glad that I have you.

In verse

* * *
When a tear drips from pain ...
When the heart beats with fear...
When the soul hides from the light...
When all life is torn from grief ...
You sit quietly in silence ...
Close your eyes, and realizing that you are tired ...
Tell yourself alone...
I will be happy! Through thick and thin!
* * *
Each of us has a breaking point
When the heart gets heavy
When we feel like we're falling off a cliff
And life becomes like a black spot ...
Each of us has a ray of hope
And someone very close and dear
Will not let you fall into the abyss
And he will say: "Don't be afraid, I'm with you!"
* * *
Smile! There is no place for sadness
In such a beautiful and young soul.
After all, we are sad, to be honest,
There is no point in any line.
Every day is filled with new happiness
And a glass - for success ahead.
You are capable of many things in life
Just believe, don't give up and wait!

Military

In your own words

* * *
You are doing a great job - protecting your homeland! You are strong, may the guardian angel always be there!
* * *
I'm proud of you, you are my protector! I am warmed by the thought that we will soon meet and be together.
* * *
Honey, you're strong, you can handle it! Remember that my thoughts are always with you! We'll meet soon, remember that.
* * *
For me, the military is an example of courage and strength. Therefore, you have no right to give up, life has rewarded you with a worthy position, which is already in your blood. I believe in you! You are the best!

In verse

* * *
Forget everything, don't fall low
Be brave, be happy, dream
Don't take everything too close
And don't take it at all.
Words are just someone's opinion
They mean nothing.
Be strong in battle and change your mind
At the call of your heart.
* * *
Problems were, are and will be,
You don't have to suffer because of them.
Around there are films, books, people -
Find something to keep yourself busy.
Learn to learn from mistakes
(Of course, better on strangers).
And do not be ashamed of stuffed cones,
Life is like that, where would we be without them
Be a positive person
Love people, love yourself
Fill your life with cheerful laughter
Take a deep breath and ... live!
* * *
Our whole life is just a moment,
Dependent on us.
And from diapers to wrinkles
There is a bridge as long as "now".
And we will remember yesterday,
We want to wait tomorrow...
But heaven has its own game ...
Seven rules and reasons.
Live without breaking them
To save the soul.
When the war ends
You will be appreciated...
No need to look for logic
After all, you can not have time
Kiss relatives,
And sing the song of the heart...

Video to the material

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A PHOTO Getty Images

“My friend was very upset by the departure of her husband from the family,” says Elena. “She was dependent on him both emotionally and financially, and to support her, I tried to help her find a job. I persuaded friends to take her on a trial period, it seemed to me that a new occupation would help her get out of a state of emotional numbness. However, she took my efforts with hostility.” “Here is a clear example of what a sincere desire to help can lead to,” says social psychologist Olga Kabo. - It is likely that at that moment the friend needed not active proposals, but silent sympathy. And effective help with work would, perhaps, be useful a little later. Researchers at the University of Louisville name two main forms of behavior of people seeking to calm someone down. The first involves specific support and psychological assistance in resolving the problem, the second comes down, rather, to silent sympathy and I remind you “everything passes, this too will pass.” “These two dissimilar strategies can be equally effective in helping different people,” says psychologist Beverly Flaxington. – The only problem is that we often, for various reasons, choose the one that is not suitable for a particular situation. A person perceives our words as false and insensitive. And we understand that not only did not help, but, it seems, upset him even more. Psychologists recognize that choosing the right words for comfort can be a daunting task.

What should (always) be considered?

• How well do you know the person and understand their problem
• Human temperament
• His ability to deal with a problem on his own
• The depth of his feelings
• The need, from your point of view, for professional psychological assistance

One factor in how we perceive outside support is a sense of self-confidence. A study by the University of Waterloo (Canada) 1 showed that people with low self-confidence are more likely to reject attempts by loved ones to help them find a more optimistic and constructive outlook on things. And this distinguishes them from those who are more confident and, as a result, open to rethink what happened and take action. Obviously, you will be more helpful to less confident people if you are simply there and share their experiences, without any attempt to change your view of the situation or simply distract yourself from it. But for people with a fairly high level of confidence, your active support would be more effective. Understanding the needs of another person does not happen overnight - it takes time to get to know and understand them well. There are also existential problems that it is important for a person to meet and cope on his own. There are people who at the moment do not feel the need for attention and prefer solitude. At the same time, psychologists identify a number of rules that should be followed if a loved one is in trouble.

Note Strategies

Be there. Sometimes words lose all meaning. And the best thing you can do is just be there. Call, invite to visit, in a cafe or for a walk. Stay in touch without making your presence intrusive. “Just try to always stay within reach for a loved one,” suggests social psychologist Olga Kabo. – It seems to us that it is negligible, just to respond to calls and be ready to listen. But for your loved one, this is a huge support.”

Listen. Many of us are not easy to open up. Be patient and support your loved one when they are ready to talk. “When a person began to speak, cheer with a few phrases,” advises Olga Kabo. - If tactile contact is important to him, you can take his hand. After that, don't interrupt and just listen. Do not give any assessments or advice - just be attentive to the words. Your interlocutor needs to get rid of the burden of negative emotions, and a frank story about what happened, about your feelings and experiences, is the first step to recovery.

Be delicate. Of course, you have your own point of view. However, it may be important for a person to speak out. And if your thoughts go against the way he currently sees and experiences the situation, this will cause him even more pain. It is possible that your constructive (as you think!) advice can come in handy. But not now, but when the acute period passes and your loved one will be able to treat what is happening more sensibly and balanced. Let him know that you will be there and support any decision. “You can help the person look at the problem from a different angle by asking questions. It is important that they remain neutral: “What does this mean for you?”, “What would you like (want) to do next?” and, of course, “Can I help you with something?”.

Be positive. Remember, right now a loved one needs your support, which means that it is important that you have emotional resources to help. Empathizing, do not let the despair and sense of hopelessness that your interlocutor may be in overwhelm you too. It is worth thinking and acting like doctors. Try to draw a distance between your life and what happened to your loved one. Think: yes, what happened is hard. But he needs time to live and accept the situation in which he is immersed. You look at it from the side and therefore keep a more sober look.

1 D. Marigold et al. "You can"t always give what you want: the challenge of providing social support to low self-esteem individuals", Journal of Personality and social psychology, July, 2014.

Hearing

The main thing is to be sure to let the person talk. Do not be afraid of the flow of revelations and panic: no one requires you to be active and immediately solve all problems. It is also better to leave questions, advice and universal wisdom for later: at this stage, a person just needs to know that he is not alone, that he is being heard, that they sincerely sympathize with him.

To listen does not mean to freeze like an idol and be silent until the very end of the monologue. This behavior is more like indifference. It is possible and even necessary to show “signs of life” in order to console a loved one: say “Yes”, “I understand you”, sometimes repeat words or phrases that seemed key - all this will show that you really care. And at the same time it will help to gather your thoughts: both to the interlocutor, and, by the way, to yourself.

This is a gesture

There is a simple set of gestures to help sympathizers. An open posture (without arms crossed on the chest), a slightly bowed head (preferably on the same level as the head of the person you are listening to), understanding nods, an approving grunt in time with the conversation and open palms are subconsciously perceived as a sign of attention and participation. When it comes to a loved one with whom you are used to maintaining bodily contact, soothing touches and stroking will not interfere. If the speaker becomes hysterical, and this also often happens, then one option to calm him down is to give him a big hug. By doing this, you will, as it were, inform him: I am near, I accept you, you are safe.

It is better not to experiment with unfamiliar people in relation to bodily contact: firstly, you yourself may feel embarrassed; secondly, a person with a rigid personal space can be repulsed by such behavior. It is also worth being very careful if you have a victim of physical violence in front of you.

no change

You can not go in cycles in stress, many of us believe. “Pull yourself together!”, “Find a reason to be happy” - these are the standard set of phrases that the culture of global positiveness and lightness of being hammers into our heads. Alas, all these attitudes in 90 cases out of 100 have the opposite effect and do not help to comfort a person with words at all. Sacredly believing that it is necessary to look for pluses in everything, we learn not to work on the problem, but to fill it with a mass of conditionally positive experiences. As a result, the problem does not disappear anywhere, and it becomes more and more difficult to return to it and try to solve it every day.

If a person constantly returns to the same topic, it means that stress is still making itself felt. Let him talk for as long as it takes (assuming you endure the process yourself). See how it got easier? Fine. You can slowly change the subject.

If specifically

What words to comfort a person? Often, the person in trouble feels like a social outcast - it seems to him that his misfortunes are unique and no one cares about his experiences. The phrase "Is there anything I can do to help?" seems banal and insipid, but nevertheless it shows your willingness to share the problem and be in the same boat with the victim. And it’s even better to offer something specific: “Do you want me to come to you right now and we will discuss everything?”, “Dictate a list of what you need - I’ll bring it within a day”, “Now I’ll call all the lawyers I know (doctors, psychologists), maybe what will they advise” or simply “Come at any time”. And even if the answer is an irritated grumbling in the style of “No need, I’ll figure it out myself,” the very desire to help will have a positive effect.

Help should be offered only if you are really ready for exploits, wasting time, money and emotions. Do not overestimate your strength, promising what you cannot deliver, in the end it will only get worse.

supervised

Assurances like “Don’t touch me, leave me alone, I want to be alone” often speak not so much of the desire to cope with the situation alone, but of excessive obsession with the problem and, unfortunately, a state close to panic. Therefore, it is not recommended to leave it alone for a long time. Unless for an extremely limited period of time, while being close and keeping abreast.

Quite often the mood to withdraw into oneself provokes the excessive curiosity of others, sometimes even those who are not close at all, their excessive pity, patronizing attitude. Nobody likes it. Therefore, when you see someone in such a state in front of you, you should moderate the level of your feelings and sympathy (at least externally) and make it clear that you are not going to teach him life or crush him with authority, but at the same time you sincerely want to help.

He she

We are accustomed to believing that a woman is an emotionally unstable creature and is always prone to hysterical reactions, while a man is strong and resistant by default, therefore he is able to cope with stress alone. However, this is not entirely true.

Recent studies by scientists show that a socially isolated man tolerates stress much worse than a woman left alone with herself: he is more prone to withdrawing into himself and depression (and girls even increase immunity in force majeure situations!). And the problem that we, emotional, will survive and still forget, can torment the male brain for a long time. Psychologists believe that such a protracted reaction is a consequence of the fact that boys from childhood are taught to be silent and monitor their reputation more than a state of psychological comfort.

A man needs comfort, but actions will bring it rather than words. How to console a loved one? Your arrival, a delicious dinner, an unobtrusive attempt to stir up will work much better than verbal confessions. In addition, the active behavior of someone nearby brings men to themselves. And also let him know that it won’t hurt him to speak out and you don’t see anything wrong with that.

Saving those who help

Sometimes we get so carried away with saving drowning people that it becomes an obsession. Which, by the way, the victim himself indulges: having got used to your readiness to listen, he, without realizing it, turns into your personal energy vampire and begins to dump all negative emotions on your fragile shoulders. If this goes on too long, you will soon need help yourself.

By the way, for some people the opportunity to help someone turns into a way to get away from their own problems. It is absolutely not worth allowing this - sooner or later there is a risk of coming to a full-fledged nervous breakdown.

If after long and, as it seems to you, therapeutic conversations, you feel squeezed out like a lemon, fatigue, sleep disturbances, irritability appear - you should slow down a bit. In this state, you are unlikely to help anyone, but you can easily harm yourself.

Depression

We like to use the diagnosis of "depression" with or without cause. And although only a specialist can diagnose this disease, there are still common signs, in the event of which you need to urgently seek qualified help. This is:

Apathy, sadness, the prevalence of bad mood;

Loss of strength, motor retardation or, conversely, nervous fussiness;

Slowing down speech, long pauses, freezing in place;

Decreased concentration;

Loss of interest in habitually joyful things and events;

Loss of appetite;

Insomnia;

Decreased sex drive.

At least a couple of symptoms from the above - and you really should find a good psychotherapist for the victim.

Text: Daria Zelentsova