What should be silent. First, silence is a breeding ground for negativity.

If you've ever been in a situation where you need to get the attention of an entire class or people, you must have noticed that the best thing to do is to keep quiet.

When a teacher or speaker is silent, the audience begins to take an interest in him. The lecturer's silence sends a signal: something has happened. And the listeners will try to focus to understand why the communication has stopped.

This applies not only to public speaking, but also to everyday conversations. When we are silent, people concentrate and we capture their attention.

Sometimes we say too many unnecessary words, we explain ourselves too much. If the question is met, it means that it is the best answer to it. We can also soften the harshness of a negative response with silence. By not saying "no" directly, we avoid being rude and verbose. Perhaps silence as an answer is the best way out of a difficult situation.

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Another example: someone said something that we do not agree with or that we find offensive. By restraining ourselves and keeping silent in response, we send a powerful signal: “I don’t like it, I don’t agree with you.”

Silence engages body language

And gestures are often more expressive than spoken words. Facial expressions, gestures, eye contact and tone of voice speak volumes. The ability to decipher and correctly understand body language can be a powerful tool to use in everyday communication: to connect with others and build strong relationships.

Silence is an expression of compassion

There are moments in life when silence is tantamount to expressing sympathy and signals that you understand the other person.

Sometimes the right words just don't exist.

Pain or grief is difficult to soothe by talking. But to show how we care about another and worry about him is very simple with the help of silence.

Silence is a courtesy

We are constantly surrounded by information noise. on the radio and TV, music in elevators, shops and offices, notifications on smartphones and tablets… Moreover, the people around us also do not let up and are constantly talking. The feeling that we have to communicate for the sake of communication as such, in order not to be excluded from social life, is breathtaking.

We are fighting the information noise around. And when we keep our word, we frantically try to cram as much information as possible into a minimum amount of time.

But when we are silent, we show the interlocutor that we listen to him carefully and respect every word he says.

Thus, silence is a powerful tool that can make you a good speaker. Silence is a great power that must be used.

Practice being silent.

What to do in such situations? Keep silent? Reply? And when exactly is it worth answering, and when is it really better to remain silent? Psychologists, as always, know the answer. Well, or at least trying to find a way out of this unpleasant situation.

So, you are in a situation where you really want to express everything that you think, but this will be the beginning of the end. How do you know when you can speak your mind and when it is better to remain silent?

Psychologist and Ph.D. Leon F. Seltzer offers his vision and identifies eight situations when it is better to bite your tongue.

Option number 1. When you can offend someone, but do not affect the resolution of the situation in any way

If you understand that this is your personal assessment of the situation and it may offend the interlocutor, but it will not help to solve the problem at all, it is better to remain silent. Some people can be very responsive and friendly, but also very impulsive and touchy (and this is a very common combination). As a rule, in this state they do not accept someone else's point of view.

What to do if they annoy you with their actions? Try to internally analyze this conflict for yourself personally, draw conclusions and try to deal with your disappointment internally, and not express your point of view to your opponent.

Option number 2. To the question: “Is it true that I turned out terribly in the photo?”

This question usually has two answers. First - you will try to convince him of the opposite, at least out of politeness, even if the person really looks terrible. The second is the truth, whatever it may be. Both of these options are not very suitable, since in the first case a person will go in a terrible way to a meeting or to, and in the second he will be very upset. You can only speak directly like this to a person with normal self-esteem, who normally treats criticism.

In this case, it is difficult to be original, since this is precisely the “better to remain silent than to speak” option.

Option number 3. When the interlocutor deliberately causes negativity in you

Very convenient, by the way, because later you can say that you started it and accuse you of being rude. Very often, passive-aggressive people behave in this way, who seem to do nothing special, but by their behavior and actions they try to evoke maximum negative emotions.

When criticism is expressed (albeit constructive), you automatically turn on self-defense mode, and this is quite natural. In this situation, Leon advises not to interrupt, to silently listen to everything and try to answer very restrainedly or keep your opinion to yourself, saying that you heard the opinion of the interlocutor.

Option number 4. When the interlocutor is nervous, and your answer will piss him off even more

Before you try to explain something to a too excited interlocutor, just remember yourself in this state - “I don’t hear anyone but myself”, right? In this case, it is worth giving a person the opportunity to speak out, let off steam, and only after that carefully express his opinion. Any attempts to do this during the release of aggression will not lead to anything good and can aggravate the situation, since in this state any arguments, even the most logical ones, can be turned upside down.

Option number 5. When the interlocutor tries to piss you off even more

Anger is a very bad emotion, which is desirable to keep at a controlled level. But some especially gifted people know how to infuriate even the most calm. If you feel that rage is growing inside you, your heart rate is racing, your hands are starting to sweat, then take a few deep breaths and ... keep silent. Otherwise, everything said in this state (and you obviously won’t say anything good) will be used against you in the future.

It's hard to resist, but it's possible. To do this, Dr. Leon Seltzer recommends at least occasionally practicing - it helps to be collected and very calming.

Option number 6. When someone teases you

Responding to ridicule is a thankless task, since the original goal of the offender is your reaction, whatever it may be. This is especially true when you are dealing with a professional bully (troll). These people can use any of your answers against you. The only reaction they don't want to get from you is to be ignored. So don't please them and ignore any attempts to piss you off and get you to respond.

Option number 7. When you are involved in a conversation on topics that you do not understand

There are people who always try to speak only on those topics in which they are professionals, knowing that their interlocutor does not understand anything about it. This is such a peculiar way to raise your self-esteem and humiliate your opponent. Another option is people who always consider themselves right and who simply cannot be argued with.

Never argue with idiots. You will sink to their level, where they will crush you with their experience. Mark Twain

Will you argue with an idiot?

Option #8: When Your Reaction Amplifies the Unwanted Behavior

The simplest and most eloquent example is a children's tantrum with wallowing on the floor. Thus, the child tries to evoke at least some kind of reaction in you, and then begins to hysteria even more. This is when the child accidentally fell, skinned his knee and begins to sob softly, carefully watching your reaction. If you get alarmed and begin to hysterically ask if everything is all right with him, a quiet sob of 100% will turn into a loud roar. I can confirm this to you as the mother of a 7-year-old boy.

When you raise the child with a calm face and say that it’s okay, everything will heal, the child will whimper a little and calm down, but if you start running around him in a panic, constantly asking if everything is all right with him, you are guaranteed a tantrum. Not only because he really hurts, but also because in this way he can beg you for something tasty or a toy as a consolation prize. This behavior doesn't always work with parents who are used to it, but it almost always works with grandparents as well. Unfortunately, some adults behave the same way.

When you read the advice of psychologists, everything seems very clear and simple to implement, but when it comes to actions, emotions turn on and all useful information becomes just empty words that you once read in a smart book or article. It seems to me that these eight tips from Dr. Leon F. Seltzer are quite simple to follow.

Just before you open your mouth and answer, count to yourself at least up to three, take a deep breath, exhale and ... keep silent. ;)

“It’s better to keep silent, don’t say anything, everything will somehow resolve itself!” How often do we say these words to ourselves when we want to avoid conflict. And for a long time we hang in silence, as if we are falling into the abyss of alienation. This dangerous game can drag on for weeks, months, and sometimes years. What is the danger of silence and why is this the worst option for resolving the conflict? Let's discuss...

First, silence is a breeding ground for negativity.

does not yet mean the absence of thought, that is, mental silence. Because no matter how much a person would like to isolate himself from the situation, to order his thoughts not to come into his head, he cannot. Sooner or later they appear there, accumulate there and, without being subjected to careful analysis and selection, grow and multiply to gigantic sizes (from a fly to an elephant, you know). More than one bitch grew up on the fertile ground of silence. They create huge mental blockages, dark mysterious corridors, rushing into which, a person turns into a creature that is easily controlled by darkness.

Silence is the most favorable environment for dark demonic beings who simply adore it, bathe in it like in a boiling cauldron, grow fat and gain strength. At the same time, a person also sometimes experiences pleasure from collecting dirt inside himself and sees in this a special charm of negative pleasure. You say to him: “Yes, stop grinding sawdust already, forget it and forgive!” Where there! Don't come near me, I'm offended once and for all!

Therefore, the most insignificant quarrel, which could be resolved at the same moment by simple explanations, swells inside to unthinkable proportions and one day falls on the head of an unsuspecting opponent, seemingly out of the blue. In fact, all this is a natural result of silence.

Secondly, silence does not solve problems

Silence does not resolve conflict. It drives him into the depths, into the subconscious, so that someday there will be an explosion. The unresolved manifests itself on another level: illness, mental disorders, stress, suicide, etc. And the problem itself, even hidden in silence, attracts accompanying, related problems. One, two, three, until a person begins to suffocate from their abundance. Negative attracts negative, and off we go exponentially. Therefore, sometimes it is really better to speak out sharply and immediately, and maybe even fight (depending on the degree of tension and temperament), than to keep it all in yourself.

Thirdly, ignorance is psychological murder.

Silence is ignoring, fencing off the problem and the person, and, in principle, humiliation. “Yes, what to talk to him. He still doesn’t understand anything and never will!” Such an attitude is very difficult for people to perceive, because a person is a social being and self-identifies only in contact with other people: in communication, in conversation. When he is artificially deprived of this opportunity, he suffers, falls into a state of absence of himself, experiences uncertainty, depression and humiliation. "I am nowhere and my name is nobody." After all, silence means that he was rejected, pushed away. Some resourceful manipulators use ignore to destroy a competitor. Because at this moment he is most weakened. Depressed and almost killed by demonstrative silence, he makes mistakes more often and becomes the subject of additional negative evaluation. Already not only from the side of the one who gave him an execution by ignoring, but also from those around him. Well, it's just that the heart bleeds to watch ... And to be in his place - you won't wish the enemy.

Fourthly, the silent woman collects shelves

There is another dangerous side of silence. It lies in the fact that during the "silence" a person becomes gloomy, withdrawn and unhappy. And it happens in both directions. And the one who suddenly fell silent, and the one against whom the silence is started. They walk, are silent, huddled in their holes, closed with a hundred locks. Do you think it's sweet for them? Of course not. So they climb like cockroaches in search of something to profit from and where to find a society of grateful listeners, sympathizers and admirers with supporters. This is how the number of unhappy negatively inclined people increases, because more and more new participants are involuntarily involved in the conflict. It's hard to be alone in your silence, you need support. Sometimes such silent people create around them a whole army of those who, in one way or another, sympathize and participate in their silent war. Who listens to the reasons for the fighting silent actions and sighs sympathetically. And who borrows pouted lips for himself and joins the vow of silence against someone. It's so nice to be silent with someone "good" together against someone "bad"...

As you can see, this way of resolving human conflicts is absolutely not suitable for harmonizing relations, but only harms them.

A short silence is good

But sometimes silence is very helpful. Especially in the acute stage of the conflict, when a person is excited, when his brain is frantically trying to find a way out of the situation and resorting to all kinds of protective means, sometimes not the best. And sometimes - frankly dangerous to others. As a result of excitement, in a state of passion, a person can say a lot of superfluous things, he does not think over the words, he says what has accumulated and hurt. Surely, he will later regret these words. Therefore, in such a situation, it is better to remain silent and give yourself time to cool down. You will be able to calm down and find more suitable and not at all offensive words in order to resolve the contradictions.

However, verbal is still more useful for the parties to the conflict than silence. If before that the opponents were silent and the reason for dissatisfaction and negativity was not clear, then after voicing everything changed, everything became more or less clear. For this, in fact, conflict is needed. He exposes problems. It is only necessary to try so that it is resolved constructively and does not grow into a problem with a lot of unnecessary words expressed in the heat of the moment.

People, especially in the family, very often hide their desires and problems, think that this is not the time to talk about it, or, believing that in this way they will maintain good relations and will be able to avoid sharp moments of breakup. But the property of any negative is that it accumulates, we have already talked about this. Just like joy. If a person experiences happiness, he will never harm his neighbor. And vice versa, if you are in the negative, the negative grows like a snowball and rolls on everyone who did not have time to hide.

What is the way out?

You should not fall into silence for more than a couple of days. During this time, you will have time to calm down, think and understand everything, look inside yourself, evaluate your capabilities and desires, and understand the reasons. And with a cool head, tell the person with whom a tense situation arose. If silence lasts for years, this is a signal of a large number of unresolved conflicts. A very disturbing signal. As a rule, people who are involved in such artificial relationships are sick and unhappy, embittered and aggressive. And flare up out of the blue for any reason.

When you set conditions for someone: “We will not communicate with you, and you will be happy! You have your own life! We have our own!” - then this is not always happiness, especially between relatives. In this situation, there will be no peace. It is an illusion that you will not affect the life of your neighbor if you ignore him, that is, keep silent. Very quickly, people realize that it is almost impossible or very difficult to create a situation of isolation between close relatives. People will still collide one way or another, and the pain of silence will increase the gulf of inhumanity between them.

There are also some moral issues that need to be taken into account. Because if this silence is dragged on between the mother and adult children, even in the absence of direct conflicts and clashes, it will deeply hurt both sides. Since it is impossible to break maternal and family ties.

So please don't be silent. You always have the opportunity, instead of being silent, to find the right kind word to break the vicious circle. Overpower yourself, humble your pride and hostility. Become a person, not a pillar of salt without a heart. Do not turn another person into a humiliated outcast, no matter how guilty he is before you, because it is painful and cruel. And most importantly - inhumane and destructive to your own soul. Our task on this earth is not to isolate ourselves from others and live our lonely life, but to find happiness, to give happiness to someone. And happy is the one who is respected, noticed, reckoned with and loved. We become happy only by living in peace and harmony with other people and communicating with them.

Ecology of life: Why are people silent? Five reasons for silence that will answer this difficult question.

Why are people silent

Why are people silent? Five reasons for silence that will answer this difficult question.

How difficult it is to get in and out of situations of awkward silence. For example, having arrived on vacation - to sit in a rented apartment for rent in Odessa and try to find what to say to the girl you like of your mutual friends. What does silence mean for each of us? How does it affect our inner world and our relationships with people?

Five reasons for silence:

1. The person does not know what to answer. He, as it were, grows numb in this uncertainty. A person is silent when he does not understand the question or does not know how to respond correctly.

2. A person is silent because he does not know how to correct the current situation. Sometimes we come across people and understand: tell or don't tell a person - it will not help.

3. He is ignored. What if a person by such behavior shows that you do not sympathize with him? This is worth thinking about. Maybe the person does not want to help you and does not know how to refuse correctly. In such situations, it is worth sorting out the relationship with him and talking directly about your guess. Suddenly, everything will be decided, and you will become best friends?

4. The person is just tired. This is another reason why people are silent. Especially after a difficult and eventful day at work, people are already emotionally exhausted and do not want more communication.

5. Sometimes words are not needed. If we are talking about silence, then it is worth considering the fact that sometimes we ourselves should remain silent. Silence with a friend is a conversation of a completely different kind. Sometimes words are not needed to support a loved one. This should also be remembered.

We are all different people. Some, due to weakness, excessive modesty, and perhaps even isolation, are not able to express their opinion. You should find the right approach to such people and not pester with various questions and reproaches.

Remember that expressing your thoughts is the basis of psychological health. No one can read minds, so try to be more social. Then there will be mutual understanding among us. published