Methods of psychological self-defense. How to protect yourself in conflict? Psychological self-defense

Guys, we put our soul into the site. Thanks for that
for discovering this beauty. Thanks for the inspiration and goosebumps.
Join us at Facebook and In contact with

The protective mechanisms of the human psyche are aimed at reducing negative and traumatic experiences and manifest themselves at the unconscious level. This term was introduced by Sigmund Freud , and later developed more deeply by his students and followers, most notably Anna Freud. Let's try to figure out when these mechanisms are useful, and in what cases they hinder our development and better respond and act consciously.

website will talk about 9 main types of psychological protection, which are important to realize in time. This is what the psychotherapist does most of the time in his office - helping the client to comprehend the defense mechanisms that limit his freedom, spontaneity of response, distort interaction with other people.

1. Displacement

Repression is the elimination of unpleasant experiences from consciousness. It manifests itself in forgetting what causes psychological discomfort. Repression can be compared to a dam that can burst - there is always a risk that memories of unpleasant events will break out. And the psyche spends a huge amount of energy on their suppression.

2. Projection

Projection is manifested in the fact that a person unconsciously attributes his feelings, thoughts, desires and needs to other people. This psychological defense mechanism makes it possible to relieve oneself of responsibility for one's own character traits and desires that seem unacceptable.

For example, unreasonable jealousy may be the result of the projection mechanism. Protecting himself from his own desire for infidelity, a person suspects his partner of infidelity.

3. Introjection

This is the tendency to indiscriminately appropriate other people's norms, attitudes, rules of conduct, opinions and values ​​without trying to understand them and critically rethink them. Introjection is like swallowing huge chunks of food without trying to chew it.

All education and upbringing is built on the mechanism of introjection. Parents say: "Don't put your fingers in the socket, don't go out into the cold without a hat" - and these rules contribute to the survival of children. If a person in adulthood "swallows" other people's rules and norms without trying to understand how they suit him personally, he becomes unable to distinguish between what he really feels and what he wants and what others want.

4. Merge

In merging, there is no boundary between "I" and "not-I". There is only one total "we". The mechanism of fusion is most clearly expressed in the first year of a child's life. Mother and child are in fusion, which contributes to the survival of the little person, because the mother very subtly feels the needs of her child and responds to them. In this case, we are talking about a healthy manifestation of this protective mechanism.

But in the relationship of a man and a woman, merging inhibits the development of the couple and the development of partners. It is difficult for them to express their individuality. Partners dissolve into each other, and sooner or later passion leaves the relationship.

5. Rationalization

Rationalization is an attempt to find reasonable and acceptable reasons for the occurrence of an unpleasant situation, a situation of failure. The purpose of this defense mechanism is to maintain a high level of self-esteem and convince ourselves that we are not to blame, that the problem is not with us. It is clear that it will be more beneficial for personal growth and development to take responsibility for what happened and learn from life experience.

Rationalization can manifest itself as depreciation. A classic example of rationalization is Aesop's fable "The Fox and the Grapes". The fox cannot get the grapes in any way and retreats, explaining that the grapes are "green".

6. Denial

7. Regression

Regression allows you to adapt to a traumatic situation due to an unconscious return to the forms of behavior familiar from childhood: crying, whims, emotional requests, etc. We have learned on an unconscious level that such forms of behavior guarantee support and safety.

Regression makes it possible to throw off the burden of responsibility for what is happening: after all, in childhood, parents were responsible for a lot. Abuse of regression leads to the lack of a successful life strategy, difficulties in relationships with other people and the emergence of psychosomatic diseases.

8. Sublimation

Sublimation is manifested in the fact that in an attempt to forget about a traumatic event, we switch to activities that are acceptable to us and those around us: we begin to engage in creativity or sports. Sublimation is a productive defense mechanism that has given the world a huge number of works of art.

It is much more useful both for oneself and for society to write poetry, draw a picture, or simply chop wood, rather than get drunk or beat a more successful opponent.

9. Jet formation

In the case of reactive formation, our consciousness is protected from forbidden impulses, expressing opposite impulses in behavior and thoughts. This protective process is carried out in two stages: first, an unacceptable impulse is suppressed, and then a completely opposite one manifests itself at the level of consciousness, and at the same time it is rather hypertrophied and inflexible.

The psychological foundations of self-defense are often much more important than the physical ones. It happens that a person seems to be able to stand up for himself, but cannot do this, because. he is fettered by fear, dominated by the psychology of the victim, or interfered with by some other psychological barriers. Any such things are considered by a special science - victimology. It is upon her that this lesson is based. The very following information will allow you to better understand what criminals are guided by when choosing a victim, and how to behave correctly so as not only not to become a victim, but also to be able to defeat the enemy without resorting to physical contact.

Research results show that a criminal evaluates a potential target of attack in an average of 7 seconds. During this time, he manages to roughly determine his physical fitness, and so on. Everything is noted: fatigue, depression, physical disabilities, sluggish posture, timid movements, an uncertain look - everything that can play into the hands of an attacker.

But the most interesting thing is that criminals and criminals are not at all masters of psychology or geniuses of observation. Everyone can learn such chips - just know about them and practice a little. So let's dive into this topic.

How the perpetrator chooses the victim

Victimology and criminology say that a potential victim is identified by a villain by a number of characteristic motor features, including general inconsistency in movements (for example, clumsy, sweeping or mincing gait, etc.). In general, there are two categories of people:

• Risk group - physically poorly organized, unassembled and overly relaxed people
• Those who are practically not in danger are strong, physically developed and confident people.

Based on this, it is possible to designate behavior that can save a person from a collision with a criminal. Check out the table below:

Clear differences in victim and non-victim behavior

We already have a lot of people on our site, and you can easily see that all the features presented in the left column are typical for people who experience fear (you can draw an analogy with victim behavior). Therefore, one of the ways to stop looming in the "sight" of the criminal is to work out your fears and learn.

The risk of an attack can be greatly reduced if the potential victim learns to behave confidently. Self-defense can be described as an act of self-confidence in which a person refuses to play the role of a victim. But to achieve this, again, you need the ability to actively defend yourself if necessary.

Confidence is a special type of behavior that helps a person to intelligibly and clearly express their desires and feelings. Confidence is the opposite of passive behavior, when a person is lost in indecisive or uncertain actions. If you are confident in yourself, others have no reason to misunderstand you, because you yourself understand what you need and what you don’t. To put it simply - the basis of the psychology of self-defense is your confidence.

How a confident person behaves

To illustrate the behavior of a confident person, here are some effective tips that will help you defeat an attacker without physical contact (remember that in this lesson we are considering the psychological foundations of self-defense, and it is not assumed that the offender has already entered into physical contact - we will consider these issues in next lesson).

Right words

You can start with examples of the correct responses to threats and aggressive attacks against you. These can be “Now get out of my house!”, “Well, stop it!”, “Yeah, so I turned out my pockets in front of you,” etc. It is important that any such phrases be spoken with conviction and accompanied by an appropriate one, thereby clearly saying that it is better not to mess with you.

To demonstrate their confidence, there is also a special technique, which is often called a “broken record”. It consists in the fact that you constantly and resolutely repeat the same phrase, expressing what you want or do not want, and do this until the enemy retires or yields to you.

To make this technique more effective, you need to replace some words, while maintaining the meaning. For example, “So I turned out my pockets in front of you”, then “The bank is closed far and for a long time”, and then “You are wasting your time - we don’t issue loans, we don’t give loans”, etc. The goal is to persevere and ensure that the aggressor, in this case extorting money, hears you and retreats.

Keep in mind that you do not need to repeat your phrases one after another, as if you were really pretending to be an old gramophone. It is necessary to pronounce phrases technically, preferably in response to the next phrase of the opponent. Otherwise, you will not be taken seriously and will most likely be attacked and pocketed.

Application of anger

As a confident person, you also owe it to someone who attacks you. There are people who prefer to remain calm, and insecure people generally get used to serenely accept any manifestations of other people. But if in ordinary life this can be a plus, then in the case of an attack and frank psychological pressure, such tactics will not lead to good. You must have your own opinion, not allow yourself to be manipulated and forced to do things that go against your desires.

However, it is possible and necessary to show anger not always, but only in situations where it is possible to turn the criminal into fear. In this case, he will be afraid of rebuff, seeing your anger, and retreats. If he himself is in anger, then reciprocal anger promises even greater trouble.

Sublimation of fear

Fear can be both a disadvantage and an advantage. Knowing how to control yourself and your manifestations, as well as having self-discipline, you will form in yourself the ability to act decisively, despite fear and fear.

Learn to cope with your fear and direct its energy potential to self-defense. By acting confidently, you can let any opponent know that you can stand up for yourself, and that you certainly will not be called a victim.

But it should be borne in mind that others, including criminals, are able to feel the emotions of other people, and ostentatious self-confidence will not help you at all. Therefore, you have two options: either flee, or (if there is no opportunity to hide or the situation does not allow) really in front of him.

It is often best to seize the initiative and launch an active counterattack without waiting for the situation to resolve itself (it will most likely get worse). There is one very wise saying that belongs to the 19th century English poet Robert Browning. It sounds like this: "When the struggle is lit in you, consider that you have won half the battle." Learn it as truth, and use it to your advantage.

Many conflicts and attacks occur through the fault of the victims themselves, either demonstrating their “readiness” for an attack (for example, a person was at the “right” time in the “right” place), or behaving pliantly, or openly showing defenselessness. If you can eliminate these factors, the risk of becoming a victim will be greatly reduced.

The above techniques are far from exhausting the entire arsenal of actions that you can perform to avoid an attack or after it has happened. What else can be done?

What to do to avoid an attack and after it

The best option for influencing an attacker or an already attacked person is to try to influence him. If there is a possibility of a peaceful resolution of the conflict, it makes sense to defuse the situation, come to an understanding and avoid a collision.

You may have to give up your pride and self-esteem. And here you need to remember two things: firstly, it’s easier to try to negotiate than to start “cutting” with the enemy, and secondly, it should be understood that the criminal can still attack, and then you will need to fight back. But again, in this lesson, our task is to figure out how to relieve tension and seize the initiative without getting into a fight.

First steps when confronted with a perpetrator/abuser
What do we have to do	What not to do
Speak calmly in a firm and confident tone	Raise your voice, shout
Listen carefully to the person and strive for a mutual exchange of phrases	Move away from the conversation, back away, turn your back to the interlocutor
Try to understand as quickly as possible what exactly the attacker wants	Invade the attacker's personal space: threaten and poke fingers at him, actively gesticulate, etc.
Pay attention to what might annoy the attacker	Ignore the attacks of the attacker, be inattentive, show disdain for the attacker
Make an attempt to take a sitting position with the attacker (often this helps to relieve tension)	Belittle the attacker, communicate with him patronizingly
Set acceptable limits of behavior if the situation allows (for example, you can say: “I will answer your question if you stop insulting me”, etc.)	Enter into an argument with the attacker and even more so threaten him, give orders, hint at the presence of strong connections (especially in a criminal environment)

It is important to keep in mind that not every piece of advice in this table is appropriate for every situation, as there is simply no universal recipe for communicating with attackers. Therefore, you should always evaluate the situation and determine what is best for it.

Another important point to keep in mind is that you can try to thwart the attacker's plans. To do this, you need to act unexpectedly and unconventionally, which will cause confusion in the enemy. Surprise is a very powerful weapon.

In situations where the defender resists, whether physically, mentally, or both, the surprise effect will work against the attacker just as it was originally intended to work against the victim. Moreover, this rule absolutely always works: with pickpockets, and with burglars, and with extortionists, etc. Criminals always count on the surprise, and removing that advantage from them is an important step towards avoiding becoming a victim.

In order to be mentally prepared for attacks of various kinds, we advise you to think at your leisure about what unexpected ways you can disrupt the plans of the attackers. Play several different situations in your head and make a rough scenario of your actions. The more options you come up with, the better prepared you will be for critical situations.

If you can’t defuse the situation, negotiate with the attacker, or throw him into a stupor with unexpected actions, you can try to confuse him. There are several ways to do this too. For example, you can deliberately drop a wallet or money from your hands, and when the villain bends down to pick it up, you can quickly run away or give him a good kick.

You can also point to something that is outside the villain's field of vision (this "something" may even be imaginary). For example, you can pretend that a policeman or someone you know is walking behind the offender, and you turn to him for help. If you make everything as realistic as possible, the criminal will look back and you will again have a chance to quickly hide, push the attacker or hit him in the face with all your might.

Self-defense also involves the use of the simulation method. The bottom line is that you pretend that in a few seconds you will give in to the requirements of the criminal. So, you start reaching for the same wallet in your pocket, and then stun with lightning speed, hitting your opponent or knocking him down. But resorting to physical contact is not necessary: ​​you can simulate a heart attack, an epileptic seizure, a faint, and any other state in which interaction with you will lose all meaning.

When it is impossible to retreat in front of the attackers (for example, you enter the entrance, and there are several drunk guys standing there who are obviously going to cling to you), you can pretend that someone is following you: friend, brother, father, etc. Just turn around and say, referring to an imaginary comrade: “Lech, hold Boxer, otherwise he will bite the guys here!”. While these guys are looking out for Lekha and Boxer, you will get a chance to quickly leave.

A good way in a situation threatening conflict is to compliment the attacker. But at the same time, you need to hold on with dignity and not be humiliated. For example, these same guys want to pester you at the entrance - instead of running away or being scared, you can say: “Nigga you have a team here, guys! Yeah, it's better not to mess with you." It will be very unexpected, the hooligans will be dumbfounded, and you can quickly slip away. It is also possible that they will generally lose the desire to "run into" you.

By the way, if there are several attackers, you need to immediately determine the leader among them, and contact him. It is useful to play on the pride of the leaders, showing respect and indicating that you understand what exactly this person in this situation, as they say, decides. And when something is demanded of you, you can offer several options for fulfilling the requirement in order to gain time and get a head start: “Uncles, let me take the money out of the house, just don’t hit me,” “I have everything in the car, let’s get to it” , “Maybe we’d better go to a more pleasant place for a conversation,” etc.

It is not forbidden to arouse pity and sympathy in the attacker. You can talk about a fatal illness, a quarrel in the family, troubles at work, a difficult day, sick relatives, and generally complain about an unsweetened life, “loading” the enemy with unnecessary information.

As you can see, there are a lot of options for action. The most important thing is to understand the psychology of the victim and the attacker, to figure out what not to do to make the situation more complicated, to remain calm, not to let fear take over your mind and start doing something as quickly as possible. Confident, active and unexpected words and actions are already half of the work done to psychologically neutralize the offender and get out of a critical situation.

However, if you have a desire to professionally master the basics of psychological self-defense, you can study psychological sambo, which includes many effective techniques and methods. We briefly describe its basics below.

Fundamentals of psychological sambo

The task of psychological sambo and its techniques is to protect oneself from the destructive influence of attacks and manipulations, to help oneself in the fight against fear, emotional outbursts, confusion, stunnedness and the psychology of the victim. The skillful application of appropriate techniques allows you to win and restore the ability to effectively interact intellectually with your opponent.

Psychological Sambo involves the use of:

• Clear verbal formulas
• Correct intonation for each situation (sad, cheerful, thoughtful, cold, calm intonation, etc.)
• Thoroughness and slowness in answers
• Competent placement of pauses
• Addressing responses to deeper and broader topics than those covered by a specific impact zone

Pauses play a huge role in psychological sambo. Most of the attackers perceive them as a sign of strength, unless, of course, the defender has lost the power of speech from fear. A proper pause is always accompanied by thoughtfulness and an attentive look into the face of the attacker. If the answer is too hasty, this is regarded as a person's inability to cope with the invasion of his personal space and the desire to "get rid" of the threat as quickly as possible.

In order to influence the attacker, one must not bicker with him, supporting the manipulation and responding blow for blow, but weigh what was said to oneself, study and evaluate it, and then return it to the attacker in a form unrecognizable to him.

There are also several basic techniques of psychological sambo (details are written about them):

• A technique of infinite refinement, where the addressee clarifies in detail and exactly what the attacker wants. Questions are asked such as: “What needs to be done?”, “How do you want me to do this?”, “It would be better if I do ... or ...?” or “Which is more comfortable for you?” etc.
• External agreement technique (fogging technique), where the addressee agrees with some part of the attacker's statement or indicates that what the attacker paid attention to is actually important and interesting and makes you think. Phrases like: “Listen, but really!”, “Right! And I didn’t even think that…”, “How interesting! I’ll have to think about it” or “I’ll think about whether this applies to me”, etc.
• The technique of an English professor, where the addressee in the correct form expresses doubts about the fact that the demands of the attacker do not violate his personal rights. Phrases like: “If I do this, it won’t be me”, “This goes against my self-image”, “I am convinced that this is not the case”, or “I know about a number of my oddities, but they are help me in life”, etc.

Any technique of psychological sambo is not only a method of socio-psychological interaction, but also a method of reflection. Using them in conflicts and attacks, a person makes the attacker think and reminds him that there are more important and serious things than just wallets, money and momentary needs.

With a great interest in the methods of psychological sambo, we recommend that you turn to additional materials - you can find a huge amount of literature on this topic. We want to give a few more tips that will help you manage your condition before and after a possible attack.

How to manage your behavior

There are some simple tricks that you can apply to normalize your mental state in any extreme and critical situation.

First, pay attention to your breathing. If an extreme situation suddenly arises associated with an attack or its threat, look up for a few seconds and take a deep breath, then lower your eyes to the horizon and exhale as much as possible, trying to relax all the muscles of the body. Remember that relaxation is possible only with orderly breathing. By normalizing your breathing in an emergency, you will immediately feel relaxed and more calm.

Secondly, do not allow yourself to fall into despondency and apathy. Try even in difficult situations to look for positive moments, repeating that there is no silver lining. Often, criminals try not to get involved with cheerful and energetic people, especially those who show a sense of humor. Follow the example of Yuri Nikulin: if robbers attack you, say that you have just been robbed around the next corner, and there is nothing left to take from you.

Thirdly, do not disregard your appearance. It is advisable not to stand out from the crowd with too catchy and extravagant outfits, expensive jewelry and trinkets. Such clothes and things attract the attention of others, including those for whom the laws are not written. But you don’t need to wear dark clothes all the time, because. these tones can increase aggression. Look for the golden mean in your wardrobe.

Fourth, stay vigilant. We already talked about this in the first lesson, but still: pay attention to what is happening around, be observant and alert, careful and prudent in actions and deeds. These habits will help you prevent extreme situations before they occur.

And fifthly, take note of a few additional tricks:

• Train your confidence by talking to strangers
• so that people immediately feel your determination
• When communicating with acquaintances and friends, from time to time practice using the "broken record"
• In conflict situations, try to be proactive and offensive
• In everyday life, often perform unexpected and original actions.
• Ask your partner to play the role of a person looking for a reason for the conflict, while you yourself strive to find a peaceful way to resolve it at the very beginning of the conflict.
• Ask your partner to play the role of the attacker, while you yourself try to confuse him and use his confusion to your advantage.
• Ask your partner to play the role of a criminal, and try to understand what exactly he intends to do (at the same time, the partner should play as realistically as possible, i.e. look for a reason to fight, sneak into pockets, etc.)
• Practice simulating a faint, epileptic seizure or heart attack
• Learn to overcome excessive excitement and fear in everyday life, because they arise not only during an attack
• Imagine a situation that a car drives up to you, and suspicious-looking young people will forgive you for suggesting something. How will you behave?
• Imagine that you are entering the entrance, and a rogue type is standing near the elevator door and invites you to enter the elevator together. What are you going to do?
• Imagine that you are thrown into the trunk of a car and are being driven somewhere. What are you going to do?
• Imagine that, returning home late at night, you notice a pursuer who clearly intends to attack you. What are you going to do?
• : try on the mask of a weak, lethargic and defenseless person; a mask of a strong, strong-willed and self-confident, etc.

Following all these recommendations, you should pay attention to your mistakes and blunders. In self-defense and personal security, they can be very valuable. Study other people's stories and their mistakes. Naturally, you should not project everything onto yourself, thereby attracting problems, but maintaining a healthy attitude towards self-defense issues is required strictly.

The psychology of a victim differs from the psychology of a non-victim in that the latter attaches great importance to security and work on oneself. The well-known phrase “Forewarned is forearmed” has a huge meaning, and therefore it should be made one of your life credos. And speaking specifically about weapons, we will move on to the next lesson, in which we will talk about the best means of self-defense and their choice.

Do you want to test your knowledge?

If you want to test your theoretical knowledge on the topic of the course and understand how it suits you, you can take our test. Only 1 option can be correct for each question. After you select one of the options, the system automatically moves on to the next question.

I found an excellent article about the psychological foundations of self-defense and self-defense: V. Mokshin. Psychological methods of self-defense against intruders. - Fundamentals of safety and life.

The psychological foundations of self-defense are more important than the physical foundations. So, if a person uses the data described below, then, in fact, he will not need physical impact.

This article echoes a series of articles about the Intention to Win, which has already been touched upon earlier on our website. So, let's move on to the article. A couple of comments and a few changes have been added to it, which, in our opinion, will improve the understanding and applicability of the material.

Victimology, that is, the science of victim behavior, can explain how a street robber or rapist is guided in choosing a victim. Studies have shown that it takes an offender an average of seven seconds to assess the potential target of an attack - his physical fitness, temperament, etc. The offender notes everything: uncertainty of the look, timidity of movements, sluggish posture, physical disabilities, mental depression, fatigue - in a word, everything which will play into his hands.

This does not mean that criminals are mindfulness geniuses or super observant people. Literally a week of training - and you will also be able to notice these signs.

To find out the main features of the personality of a potential victim, pedestrians were filmed on videotape. The recording was shown to prisoners serving time for various crimes. And here is the result. The vast majority of the convicts, who were interviewed individually, chose the same people from the extras who, in their opinion, could become easy prey.

It turned out that criminals usually identify potential victims according to some distinctive features of their movements. This may be their general inconsistency, clumsiness of gait - too sweeping or mincing. Two categories of people have been identified:

the so-called "risk group". They can be conditionally called squishy: they are poorly physically organized, relaxed and unassembled.

and those with little or no risk of being targeted. These are self-confident, as they say, "well tailored, tightly sewn", they look and step confidently.

First of all, it is important to know what behavior can help you avoid encountering intruders. The following table helps answer this question:

We on the site so far have little touched on such a part of self-defense as emotions. But note that the list of traits in the left column is typical for a person in the "Fear" emotional tone. So a simple “I will not be a victim” will not get off here. But more on that in future articles. We return to the main text.

Well, now about how to learn to behave confidently, thereby reducing the risk of attack by intruders.

Self-defense is an act of self-confidence. It is a refusal to accept "victim status". So the training of aggressiveness and self-confidence turns out to be an integral part of the self-defense system. What's the point of training technique if you don't have the courage to apply it!

Assignment: Give some examples from your life when you implemented the “act of self-confidence”, that is, when you successfully carried out self-defense?

But what is confidence? Confidence is a special type of behavior that helps us express - clearly and intelligibly - our feelings and desires. It is the opposite of passive behavior, where our utterance is often lost in vague or indecisive actions. Confident behavior, therefore, does not give rise to misunderstandings. You know what you want and what you don't want.

Consider the typical responses of a confident person to unsolicited attacks and threats. You should work on such answers, pronounce with conviction and with appropriate gestures: “Come on, don’t mess with me”, “So I gave you my bag”, “Stop it right now!”, “Get out of my house!”.

Task: give some examples from your life when you showed confidence - that is, did not give rise to misunderstanding of your words or actions.

How can you show your confidence? There is a confidence-building technique called "broken record" where you keep repeating what you want or don't want, in a determined tone, until the listener either relents or leaves. To effectively apply this method, it is necessary to replace some words, while maintaining the general meaning of the statement. For example, "You dare not enter my house!" changes to "So I let you in!" or “Why hang around here in vain, I won’t change my mind: you won’t enter the house” - and so on until your statement is accepted. The purpose of using the broken record method is to show perseverance.

Important note: your statements must be submitted in a new unit of time with the intention of being understood. Otherwise, you will really be perceived as a broken record or an answering machine. And they will act accordingly - that is, they will not pay any attention to your words.

Also note that this technique can be used not only when someone attacked you - but in any case, when you need to be understood.

Challenge: Successfully perform the broken record technique on people several times.

Learn to show your anger in front of the aggressor. Many people try to never get angry, preferring "a quiet life by any means." Most insecure people accept other people's behavior too easily. Meanwhile, you should not forget that you should also have your own opinion. Remember that you are not obliged to do anything that would be contrary to your desires. This is your life.

A little higher we have already touched on emotions. Now let's go back to them briefly. The paragraph about anger does not apply in all cases of life. It is applicable only when the attacker is in the "fear" emotional tone. He is afraid of rebuff, receives it in the form of anger - and runs away without salty slurping. However, if the attacker is on the “anger” tone himself… Well, in that case, you should learn to run fast and long.

Task: give some examples of why you should be able to show your anger?

In the face of aggression, a trained person does not act like a superman who knows no fear. Training develops self-discipline and self-control. It forms the ability to act properly in spite of fear. The ability to cope with fear and direct it into the mainstream of successful self-defense is the result of the efforts spent on the exercise.

Task: What is the ability to cope with fear?

By your confident actions, you make it clear that you are ready to stand up for yourself and should in no way be perceived as a potential victim.

Also keep in mind that "showing" confidence, "showing" the absence of fear at the moment when you are really afraid, may not help you. Many people can feel other people's emotions. Criminals are no exception (at least some of them are). So either you run away or you really are not in the “fear” tone.

In many cases, it is better for you to take the initiative and go on the offensive yourself, rather than waiting for events to develop, which can lead to even more complication of the situation. As Robert Browning, a nineteenth-century English poet, said, "When the fight is kindled in you, consider that you have won half the battle."

Task: give an example from your own life that confirms Browning's words.

Many conflicts and attacks occur through the fault of the victim herself, who shows by her appearance that she is either “ripe” (turned up in the wrong place and at the wrong time), or malleable (too easily accessible), or defenseless (drunk, scared, excited, too trusting ). By eliminating these factors, you will greatly reduce the risk of becoming a victim.

Task: analyze your behavior for “maturing”, pliability and defenselessness - and eliminate at least a few (or better all) factors that make you a victim.

First of all, you should try to influence the potential aggressor by persuasion methods. At the same time, it is permissible even to forget for a while about your own pride. However, you must always be aware of the fact that the offender can attack at any moment and be ready to fight back.

If there is a possibility of a peaceful resolution of the conflict, it is worth trying to relieve tension, reach a mutually acceptable solution, or even seize the initiative.

Success in relieving tension or taking the initiative in a dangerous situation depends on your own actions.

* Or will not force. It happens differently.

** Most often, this sentence comes from the lips of the aggressor in the form of "Let's go, let's go." But if he forgot then you can remind

*** You may have noticed, but this paragraph conflicts with the previously mentioned “do not be afraid to show anger”. It seems that the authors of the article themselves understand that anger is not always useful. But they don't know what to do with it. However, you already know when anger works.

**** Why not encroach, if wisely? Read more in the article “Safe distance. Own safe space”

So, not all tips from this table are perfect. But of course, there is no one recipe for all occasions!

Task: give a few more examples of how to act in a collision.

The next important security factor is the ability to disrupt the plans of the attackers. This can be done with the help of unexpected, unconventional actions, causing confusion for attackers.

Exactly, surprise is what you need. Read more in the article “Surprise in self-defense”

If the victim resists, whether it be a word, a physical action, or both, the surprise factor works against the perpetrator in exactly the same way that it should have worked against the victim in the first place. This is true in all circumstances, regardless of the type of incident: extortionists, purse rippers, burglars, they all rely on surprise. Depriving them of this factor is the first step to avoiding the unenviable fate of the victim.

Challenge: Come up with MANY examples of how you can thwart your attackers?

Do not freeze, but use the same important principle - surprise. Let us give a rather striking example of unexpected actions.

Success story: it happened in Italy. A criminal who tried to rob a pensioner lost his finger. An unknown person attacked a quiet old man who seemed to him absolutely harmless when he left the post office, having received his monthly allowance there. He tried to snatch the purse from the pensioner, but the old man, without hesitation, bit off the finger of the robber. Mad with pain, the robber rushed to run, forgetting about the wallet. On the same day, the bandit went to the clinic, not suspecting that the meticulous old man, although he kept his money, decided not to leave the attack without consequences and told the police. The carabinieri soon arrived in the hospital ward, showing the criminal his finger. Alas, the victim was forced to give up his own finger, so as not to end up behind bars. However, the police did not take his word for it: a forensic medical examination was scheduled.

Challenge: Again, give MANY examples of unexpected actions in self-defense.

The more examples you come up with, the less you will need to think in a critical situation.

If the conflict cannot be hushed up, you should use affordable and effective self-defense techniques.

There are many ways to confuse an attacker. For example, if you drop money on the ground, the aggressor may bend down to pick it up. This will give you the necessary moments to escape, and if escape is not possible for any reason, it will leave the enemy’s face vulnerable to a kick.

In the same situation, you can point out what is currently out of sight of the aggressor. Pretend that you see a policeman behind him. If the intruder looks back, you thereby gain valuable time again. Turning your head can throw your opponent off balance, which you should immediately use: a push or a blow to the face will further upset his balance, and you will accordingly have more time to escape.

You can pretend that one of your friends is approaching behind the back of the aggressor. By accompanying the gesture with a call for help addressed to imaginary people, you can take advantage of the confusion of the aggressor.

Another variant of the distraction technique is known as the simulation method, where you convince the attacker that you are about to give in to his demands and hand over, say, a purse, wallet or tape recorder, and you yourself take the opportunity to stun him by hitting him in the face, in the groin or in the throat , which will give you the seconds you need to escape.

Assignment: And again, give MANY examples of unexpected self-defense actions.

Simulation can take many forms. Real life example: when the robbers demanded all the cash from the head of the post office in Broadstairs, he, holding his heart, crashed to the floor and shouted for the criminals to call an ambulance. As a result, the frightened robbers fled with nothing. When the intruders fled, the head of the department got to his feet and called the police station.

If there is no way to retreat in front of superior enemy forces, play the role of a person with powerful support, who is about to be approached by reliable defenders (father, older brother). For example, entering the entrance, where the drunken company is located, the boy shouts, turning back (depicting that he is shouting to his backward father): “Dad, hold Jack! No matter how he breaks the guys in the entrance! - and, taking advantage of the confusion of hooligans, quickly passes by.

If you are detained and things are going to a conflict, try to make a compliment, divert the attention of the attackers to themselves. Hold on with dignity, do not be humiliated. For example, a girl who should not have expected anything good from tipsy guys in a dark alley turned to them with a request: “Guys, I see you are not timid! Walk me out to that house. I live here".

In a difficult situation, when several people attack you, identify a leader among them. Contact him. Try to play on his ego. So, one of the strongest sambo wrestlers in Altai, a very strong man, was squeezed from both sides on the roof of the train by armed criminals. Sambo techniques did not guarantee safety here. And then he turned to the leader of the gang: “Commander, I will take some of your guys under the wheels with me! Let's talk better on the ground during the stop. If you need money, vodka, I have something ... ”And this appeal worked: the guy was left alone.

Task: and back, give MANY examples of unexpected actions in self-defense.

In a situation where a criminal demands something from you, try to offer such options for fulfilling the requirements in order to gain time, change the conditions or place of the collision, change the balance of power in your favor. The most typical use of this technique for women. They invite rapists to their homes: there is music, wine, comfort. They declare that they like the man, but the meeting place (park, street, elevator, entrance) does not suit them. They bring a gullible villain home (not necessarily to themselves), and there ...

Task: give examples of using the considered protection technique.

If you think possible, try to arouse sympathy, pity in the attacker. Say that you are terminally ill, that you are going to get medicine for a seriously ill mother, that your father is under investigation, and you have to take care of your younger brothers. For example, a teenager says to the robbers: “Uncles! Let me go or my mom might die. I urgently need to buy medicine for her. She has diabetes."

If you were abducted in a car, you can tell the attackers that one of your relatives saw everything and remembered the number of the car, the appearance of the abductors. It is known that by the number of the car (if it is not stolen), its owner can be found very quickly. In this way, the Barnaul girl Natasha secured herself, who told the unlucky kidnapper that she was accompanied to the bus stop by her brother, who has a professional memory for car numbers: he is a taxi driver. And it worked. Not every criminal would like to deal with taxi drivers.

Task: Compare the listed methods of self-defense. How similar are the recommendations? What is their difference?

In the event of a sudden occurrence of an extreme situation associated with the threat of an attack or the attack itself, you can perform a technique, look up, while taking a full deep breath, and lowering your eyes to the horizon, exhale the air smoothly, freeing your lungs from it as much as possible, and at the same time relax all the muscles . You can relax the muscles only when the breathing is in order. It is worth breathing evenly and calmly in an extreme situation, as the muscles relax too, and you will calm down very quickly. A few full breaths and exhalations - and everything is in order.

Task: practice this exercise regularly; don't expect problems.

Do not allow the manifestation of despondency and apathy. Strive to be or at least look cheerful, energetic in movements, speech, actions. Strive even in a difficult situation to find something good, pleasant or funny. Attackers prefer not to deal with people who are energetic, cheerful, endowed with a sense of humor. Yes, and humor itself can often help in an extreme situation.

In this regard, the case that happened with Yuri Nikulin is typical.

Late one night Nikulin was returning from the circus. There was not a soul on the dark streets of the city. Suddenly he was detained by armed robbers. Threatening with weapons, they demanded money from him. Nikulin was not taken aback. He laughed and stunned the robbers: “What are you, guys! I just got robbed around that corner! Catch up with those guys, they have all my money!” The unlucky robbers had to be content with communicating with the great artist. But in the dark they did not see Nikulin and let him go without asking for autographs.

Watch your appearance. Try not to stand out from the surrounding people with excessive extravagance, bright and unusual clothes, expensive things and jewelry. All this attracts the attention of not only law-abiding citizens, but also criminals. When choosing clothes, dark colors (dark brown, black) should be avoided, as they can increase the aggression of people around.

Task: pay attention to how people who are usually lucky, who rarely get into dangerous situations, who get out of the water "dry" behave. How do they achieve this? What can be learned from their experience? Strive to notice your mistakes and oversights to ensure personal safety. Learn from the bad experiences of others. Try not to make such miscalculations in the future.

Many may object: if you constantly think about danger, you can get to the point that you will startle at every sound, you will see an enemy in every person ... However, being vigilant and being cowardly are not the same thing.

Being alert means paying attention to what is going on around you. Vigilance is a state of mind. In the context of self-defense, it is also a state of mind in which observation is brought to such an automatism that it is used at the subconscious level and is not associated with any effort. Vigilance should only become conscious when danger is either seen or suspected. Caution and vigilance can be developed in oneself to such an extent that they become second nature. Thanks to these habits, you will know how to avoid an unpleasant situation before it arises.

And, of course, none of the tips is guaranteed to help if you do not work out their application in model situations with varying degrees of complexity. Tasks must be completed with a partner, since it is he who will evaluate how natural and complete the tasks turned out. Accordingly, I recommend doing the following practical tasks:

Talk to the "stranger" in such a way that he feels your confidence, readiness to stand up for himself.

In a collision with an "intruder", refuse to fulfill his requirements so that he feels your determination and courage.

Practice self-confidence with the broken record technique.

Try to behave aggressively, offensively, proactively when meeting with the “attacker”.

When faced with a "hooligan" try to act unexpectedly, in an original way. Disrupt his plans, puzzle him, create unforeseen circumstances for him.

Try to find a peaceful solution to the conflict at the very beginning, when the intruder is trying to find a reason to clash.

When meeting with the “aggressor”, try to relieve tension: speak in a confident tone, address the interlocutor with respect, etc.

When meeting with the "aggressor" try to confuse him, then to take advantage of his confusion.

During the “collision”, divert the attention of the “attacker”: call your father, hail a policeman, etc.

In a difficult situation, mislead the “attacker”: feign fainting, illness, deafness, etc.

Try to behave in such a way that the “attacker” suspects: “Something is wrong here! What good, his friends will come!” etc.

Depict an accommodating person, ready to fulfill the requirements of the “attacker”. Taking advantage of the fact that his caution is blunted (puts "booty" in his pockets, etc.), act unexpectedly and decisively: "hit" or run away.

Practice overcoming excessive excitement, fear.

Try to behave with the "attackers" in a way that will play on their ego.

Talk to the “attacker” in such a way as to buy time, move events to the place you want, change the balance of power in your favor.

Practice speaking like this with the “attacker” in order to arouse sympathy, pity in him.

Try to act in such a way that the "aggressor" has no desire to deal with you (vomiting, runny nose, etc.).

You pass by a car. You are asked to come up, tell about how to get to the market, shop, etc. What are your actions in this situation.

A suspicious man is standing at the elevator door, offering to enter together. What will you do in such a case?

You have been kidnapped and taken in a car. Talk to the "intruders" in such a way that they decide not to touch you and let you go in peace.

You are walking along a deserted evening street. Suddenly you notice that you are being pursued, preparing for an attack. What are your actions in this situation?

During the "collision" depict a person who is weak, lethargic, incapable of fighting back. Lure the vigilance of the "attacker", act quickly and decisively (hit, run away).

During the game, demonstrate such a level of self-confidence that the "attackers" have doubts whether it is worth continuing the attack, whether it will turn out to be a big trouble for them.

During game “collisions”, try to determine what your partner is up to: just asks for a smoke, asks about something, or is looking for a reason to fight, attack, etc. Your interlocutor should sincerely play either an attacker or just a passerby (in the pocket of him, respectively, different objects).

When confronted with a partner, try to determine in which case cruelty, insidious plans are hidden behind kind words. In another case, you need to discern inner softness and kindness behind the severity and rudeness. A partner playing the role of a kind aggressor or a rude kind man must show some acting skills.

Working in pairs, try to play decisiveness and even aggressiveness with words, intonation, facial expressions, and gestures. Try being aggressive in a form of refined politeness, such as, “Yes, of course, I'll give you a jacket, I like you so much. My older brothers also really “love” such brave guys!”

You were attacked. You are being threatened. They demand things, money, etc. Try to use humor. Act like you're laughing, but it's not the "intruders" who are laughing, but your financial capabilities, as if you were just robbed, etc.

Play the situation when you were attacked by an "armed robber". Act in a way that reduces the risk of him using weapons against you.

You have been attacked. You were left without things, etc. Describe the appearance, speech, demeanor, clothing, physique, and other signs of "criminals". To begin with, practice describing those who are now in front of you. Then give a description of the person, turning away from him.

6.2. PSYCHOLOGICAL SELF DEFENSE (PSYCHOLOGICAL SAMBO)

The task of psychological sambo techniques is to protect oneself from the devastating consequences of a barbaric attack and manipulation, to help oneself cope with stunnedness, confusion, and an emotional storm in the soul. SAMBO techniques allow you to gain the time needed to regain self-control and restore your ability to function in the intellectual layer of interaction with a partner. We are talking about self-defense, not self-defense, since at least three important differences can be distinguished between these concepts: 1. They usually defend the weak, but the strong can defend themselves if they are attacked. 2. You can defend yourself in any territory, while defending on your own land. 3. The best way to defend is a counter attack, defense is the transformation of the material and form of the attack into new material and a new form for the emotional neutralization of the situation. Psychological Sambo requires: a) the use of clear speech formulas; b) correctly chosen intonation - for example, calm, cold, thoughtful, cheerful or sad; c) solidity in the answer, which is achieved: ? pausing before answering; ? slow response; ? the orientation of the response into a space deeper and more extensive than that which is the immediate zone of collision. A pause is perceived by the majority of attackers as a sign of strength, unless, of course, the addressee is silent not because he “has lost the power of speech.” The pause should be accompanied by a thoughtful facial expression and an attentive (even to some intentness) look into the face of the interlocutor. Too hasty response means that the addressee is not able to cope with the intervention and is in a hurry to "throw" the nucleus thrown into him, as they try to throw away a hot potato. However, to tossing a hot potato is to engage in manipulation or to respond with an attack for an attack. Contrary to the attacker's expectations, the addressee keeps the potato for some time, examines, examines, weighs it - and only then returns it to the invader in an unrecognizable form. Self-defense requires calmness and thoughtfulness, perhaps even sadness. Once in a training session, I used the metaphor of a six-winged Seraphim majestically bathing a barbarian attacking him or an imposing manipulator with his wings. one. Majestic wing flapping. 3. Verbal response: And indeed ... To fly, you need something other than wings ... Calm, thoughtful and sad intonations of the answer leave space for reflection, and therefore contribute to the transfer of interpersonal intervention into an informational discussion. The use of other intonations, for example, assertive or caustic, will mean a retaliatory attack, again throwing a potato. In the case of using the technique of an English professor, it is sometimes acceptable to use a cheerful intonation (see below). Cold intonation can be used only in those cases when the addressee uses the technique of external agreement and at the same time wants to make it clear that he is forced to agree with the manipulator, although this may not be very pleasant for him. Each of the techniques of psychological sambo is not only a method of socio-psychological interaction, but also a method of reflection. Using speech formulas appropriate to these techniques, we bring ourselves back to reflection. The answer to the interventionist in the technique of psychological self-defense means that we remind both ourselves and him: not only hot potatoes fly, but also swallows, snow, comets, airplanes ...

1. Self-defense or self-defense - response actions of the state, legal entity or private person, taken to ensure the rights violated by the attack of another state, legal entity or private person.

1. Compared to any historical period, we live in the most civilized society. Many laws are designed to protect and maintain order. Not a day goes by without innocent people suffering from various acts of violence. Seeing the inability of the authorities to cope with crime, people seek to protect themselves and loved ones. Every person, being a member of society, has the full right to defend himself against unlawful encroachments on life and health.

It is this goal that leads many to engage in martial arts. A martial arts teacher is obliged to do everything in his power so that people can feel safe and live without fear for their own future. They can do this by teaching self-defense techniques and when and how to use them.

There are many different techniques that are equally applicable in different situations. Explore your needs and determine at a glance which techniques are most appropriate for size, strength, age, and physical ability.

Beginners are primarily taught simple and effective actions that they can easily remember and apply in various circumstances.

It is extremely important for novice athletes to feel the practical effectiveness of the techniques being studied. Arriving home, they will try to test the effectiveness of new techniques on friends and relatives. Therefore, when introducing students to techniques directed against the vital and most vulnerable organs (eyes, throat, groin, nose, shins, knees), be sure to understand that a properly executed attack can be extremely dangerous to the health of their loved ones.

Athletes who have moved to higher stages of training are introduced to holding joints and throws. Learning these techniques should be slow and gradual, before the athlete must fully learn to comply with all safety rules. Before throws are introduced into the training program, you will be taught how to fall correctly, otherwise you will not avoid back and neck injuries.

In addition, learn to immediately stop putting pressure on the joint as soon as the partner gives the appropriate signal, thereby feeling the enemy. Being trained under the competent guidance of a qualified instructor, athletes will be able to fully and safely master complex and effective self-defense techniques.

When teaching self-defense techniques by a coach, it is extremely important to focus on the fact that none of the learned techniques can be applied in practice outside the training hall, unless there are good reasons for that. At the self-defense sections, you will definitely be informed how the laws in the country interpret the use of force in self-defense.

1. Self defense rules:

Be able to identify potentially dangerous situations;

Avoid dangerous situations. This is the best way to self-defense;

Avoid combat if possible by any means;

If the attacker demands material values, it is better to give them to him. Do not risk your life for money or other property;

Active self-defense is the last resort. In this case, act decisively, quickly and powerfully, making full use of all knowledge and skills.

1. Psychology of self-defense:

1) Calm down and relax;

2) Try to humanly negotiate with the attacker;

3) Try not to anger your opponent;

4) Try to divert the attacker's attention and make him relax and attack when he least expects it;

5) For the sake of saving a life, do not hesitate to use all possible methods of self-defense.

psychological self defense

psychological foundations of self-defense,

psychological methods of self-defense,

psychological self-defense of the individual

Psychological Sambo requires:

a) the use of clear speech formulas;

b) correctly chosen intonation - for example, calm, cold, thoughtful, cheerful or sad;

c) solidity in the answer, which is achieved:

□ pausing before answering;

□ slow response;

□ the orientation of the response to a space deeper and more extensive than that which is the immediate zone of collision.

A pause is perceived by the majority of attackers as a sign of strength, unless, of course, the addressee is silent not because he “has lost the power of speech.” The pause should be accompanied by a thoughtful facial expression and an attentive (even to some intentness) look into the face of the interlocutor. Too hasty response means that the addressee is not able to cope with the intervention and is in a hurry to "throw" the nucleus thrown into him, as they try to throw away a hot potato. However, to tossing a hot potato is to engage in manipulation or to respond with an attack for an attack. Contrary to the attacker's expectations, the addressee keeps the potato for some time, examines, examines, weighs it - and only then returns it to the invader in an unrecognizable form.

Self-defense requires calmness and thoughtfulness, perhaps even sadness. Once in a training session, I used the metaphor of a six-winged Seraphim, majestically bathing a barbarian attacking him or an imposing manipulator with his wings.

The use of other intonations, for example, assertive or caustic, will mean a retaliatory attack, again throwing a potato.

In the case of technology English professor sometimes it is acceptable to use a cheerful intonation (see below). Cold intonation can be used only in those cases when the addressee uses the technique of external agreement and at the same time wants to make it clear that he forced agree with the manipulator, although it may not be very pleasant for him.

Each of the techniques of psychological sambo is not only a method of socio-psychological interaction, but also a method of reflection. Using speech formulas appropriate to these techniques, we bring ourselves back to reflection. The answer to the interventionist in the technique of psychological self-defense means that we remind both ourselves and him: not only hot potatoes fly, but also swallows, snow, comets, airplanes ...

Techniques of psychological sambo.

Infinite Refinement Technique.

Detailed and accurate clarification of what is the target of the attacker or manipulator

A. You always tie your tie crookedly! When will you finally learn?

B. What would you recommend to change?

The use of this technique helps to consistently stay in the cognitive "layer" of the study of the problem. The ability to raise a question that requires a meaningful and detailed answer activates both one's own intellectual efforts and the mental activity of a communication partner. In order to raise a question, and in order to answer the question in essence, you need to think, which means that part of the energy charge is transferred from the emotional flow to the rational one. In addition, we win the time that the partner spends thinking about the answer. Thus, having found the strength in ourselves for the first clarifying question, we then get the time and energy in order not to let the feelings overwhelm us. The ability to extract an important clarifying question from a situation should be so refined and practiced that it does not let you down in a critical emotionally tense situation.

Possible answers in the technique of infinite refinement:

- What do you think is the most vulnerable to criticism in this sentence?

- What needs to be changed?

- And what color (style of clothing, style of speaking, turn of phrase) would be more appropriate?

- What would you advise?

Another variant of the infinite refinement technique is a detailed explanation of one's own position to the partner. You can conditionally call it "self-refinement".

Possible answers in the technique of self-refinement:

- You see, I'm really easy to offend, and for three reasons. First, I try to strive for excellence. Any misses and failures introduce me into a state of extraordinary longing. For example, last year...

- Let me explain everything to you. The fact is that every Monday I draw up a detailed plan for myself, including from 3 to 10 points ...

Technique of external consent, or "fogging".

Expressing agreement with any part of the partner’s statement or with the fact that what he drew attention to is really important, is of interest, makes you think, contains a valuable rational grain, enriches our vision of the problem, or even ... corresponds to the truth,

A. You look terrible in jeans!

B. You may be right.

This technique is especially effective against unfair criticism or outright rudeness, such as:

A. Don't be so self-confident!

B. Maybe.

A. Tell me, why are you looking at me so intently?

B. And really, that it's me ...

A. You could be more polite to me!

B. Yes, it is worth working on it ...

After "fogging" the critic falls silent, smitten. This technique has been described in works devoted to confidence training, mainly for women (Cotter S. C, Guerra J. J., 1976; Smith M. J., 1979). A confident person outwardly agrees, but at the same time may not change his position.

The technique of external agreement is important because it addresses the most important human need - to be in agreement. When a partner agrees with us, we plunge into an atmosphere of warmth, acceptance, even happiness. It's disarming. The person with whom they agree wants to be agreed with him further.

The technique of external agreement with a partner can be used in a wide variety of ways. In many of them, consent is no longer something completely “external”, not real. On the contrary, it is a readiness for agreement and a coordinated joint movement in solving a problem.

The partner will appreciate that we are at least willing to take his point of view into consideration. We, agreeing at first only “outwardly”, in words, give ourselves a chance to gradually find points of real, “internal” agreement. Here are the possible answers:

- What an unexpected thought! Will have to think it over...

- And indeed!..

- Right! And I don't even know!

- I will think about how I can take this into account in my work.

- You know, I have to agree with you, although it is difficult for me to do it right away.

- I often think about it myself, but have not yet come to any definite conclusions.

- I'll see if this has anything to do with me.

Broken record technique.

In response to the attack, the addressee formulates a capacious phrase containing an important message to the attacker or manipulator. This phrase should be such that it can be repeated several times without violating the meaningfulness of the conversation. In fact, it should even be somewhat ahead of the conversation. It should contain what the interlocutors will come to on the third round of the conversation. They could have come to this on the first round if the attacker hadn't been so energized.

The broken record technique was described in the article "Women in Society" by Lyn Fry (Fry L., 1983. P. 264). Suppose a woman decides something definite for herself, for example: “I don’t want to discuss this issue today, because I need to mind my own business.” She then simply states this and continues to repeat her phrase until the message reaches the addressee. You need to be wary of distraction to side topics, for example: "I take into account that it is convenient for you to discuss this issue today, but I really need to do my own thing."

Application of the "broken record" technique

Manager A. You absolutely vainly ordered to take a person from

my department to prepare this presentation!

Manager A. I myself needed her today, you understand? You

put me in a difficult position!

Manager B. This won't happen again.

Manager A. And anyway, why do you think that you can through my

head to dispose of my employees?

Manager B. This won't happen again.

From the above dialogue, it is clear how important intonation is in this self-defense technique. As in a record that is "stuck", the phrase must be pronounced every time with the same intonation. Neither "metal" nor "poison" should appear in the tone of voice.

Repeating the same capacious phrase over and over, containing an important message to the attacker or manipulator, each time with the same intonation.

M. I thought you could understand me better ...

M. What's the use of talking if you don't understand

elementary things.

A. I am ready to listen to you again.

M. Maybe you just don't want to understand me?

A. I am ready to listen to you again.

Technique of the English professor.

In this technique, the partner correctly expresses doubts that the fulfillment of someone's requirements does not really violate his personal rights.

I formulated this technique based on my own experience. Once a colleague invited me to the 1st Medical Institute (in St. Petersburg) to be an interpreter in therapeutic sessions of a professor from the UK, a specialist in group psychoanalysis.

- Payment is not expected, - said a colleague. - But you will see from the inside how the group analyst works. You understand, this is an invaluable experience.

- Is this the first session?

- No, this is the third session, - answered the colleague.

I was surprised that the group was meeting for the third time, but it still did not have its own translator. After all, there are other connoisseurs of psychotherapeutic experience ... After all, I am not a professional translator, but a psychologist. However, I was very curious to attend such a session. From my previous experience, I already knew that being an interpreter of a strong psychotherapist is a special, incomparable experience, a unique and enriching merging with the world of the Master.

And so I come to the general meeting of the course. It turns out that three teachers work with the course. The first speaker is a lady professor. Gorgeous, melodic, beautifully articulated English. I understand her perfectly. The second professor speaks. His English is already less clear to me, but if I constantly strain all my abilities, then I could translate it. Finally, the third professor, the oldest of all, George, begins to speak. Oh God! I don't understand a single word! No one! And then a colleague confidentially informs me in my ear: “This is yours!” Here it becomes clear to me why George still does not have a permanent translator.

“Listen,” I say. "Can't you give me another group?" I really don't understand what George is saying.

“No, you can’t,” the colleague replies. - Don't you worry! The group members will help you, they are already used to it. And I can't give you another group...

- But why?

- Yes, none of the translators will agree to exchange with you, - he answers.

So I had to translate a person whom I practically did not understand. Luckily, I mostly had to translate for him what the band members were saying. The classes were structured in such a way that the group actually worked independently, and George and I sat side by side on the couch, and I whispered my translation of what was said in the circle into his ear. Only from time to time did George take the floor and say only one or two phrases that needed to be translated. The horror was that I could not translate even this little! But every time he said something really significant, deep. Literally uttered something of great significance. Later, when I began to understand him better, the deep meaning of his words often struck me. I still remember many of his sayings. But in those moments it was a painful experience - to know how important it is for the group to understand the essence of his statements, and not be able to translate them ...

In the evening I left the institute in a state of mental warp. All evening and all morning I struggled to find words, and the next day I came early to have time to say something important to George. Waiting until we were alone in the room, I said:

- George, could you speak a little slower and in shorter sentences so I can translate more accurately?

George froze as if struck by thunder. I became uncomfortable. He seemed to be fighting with himself. Finally he said:

- I'm afraid not... You see, speaking quickly and in long sentences is... it's part of my personality.

I realized that it was impossible to continue the conversation. I needed to calm down.

“Sorry,” I said. - I'm sorry... I'll go get ready... See you at the session!

"See you, Elena," he replied with a polite smile.

I went to the landing of the stairs and lit a cigarette. I was angry with George. Professor, it's called! We are doing a common thing, why not help a friend? After all, we are on the same team, in the same team. How could you refuse my request?

And then, from somewhere on the side, something loud, fast and energetic suddenly rolled over me. It was one of the members of our group, who came from Zaporozhye.

“Elena,” she said defiantly, “doesn't it seem to you that you are translating for George what we say is somehow wrong?”

What the hell is this? I did not expect a blow from this side.

- What exactly was wrong? - I asked (the technique of infinite refinement never fails me - thanks to it I gain strength even in a difficult moment).

- Well, how do you translate, for example, the word "sleep" 5 ?

- How to "engage in sexual intercourse," - I answer.

- Don't you think it's too academic?! she asks forcefully.

- Of course, academically, - I answer. - But, you see... academicism is part of my personality.

And the whole situation changed instantly. My interlocutor fell silent, nodded and smiled!

This technique stops and softens the attack, although it can be emotionally distressing for the attacker.

Possible answers in the technique of an English professor:

- This is the subject of my beliefs..

- If I do this, then it will no longer be me ...

- It doesn't fit with my self-image.

- I appreciate some of my oddities and prejudices, because they help me find extraordinary solutions.

From the book of Elena Sidorenko "Training of influence and opposition to influence."