How to teach a child to fall asleep on his own without tears and motion sickness. Dr. Komarovsky on how to teach a child to sleep in his own crib How to teach a 6-month-old child to fall asleep on his own

Is it possible from the first days of a baby's life to learn to understand his "language" and begin to fully communicate with him? How to understand the character of a newborn in order to care for him, taking into account his personal characteristics and temperament? Are there simple and reliable ways to solve common problems in infancy, such as "unreasonable" crying or not wanting to sleep at night?

Tracey Hogg, specialist in newborn care, talks about this and much more. Her many years of experience and recommendations have helped so many families, including stellar ones, to cope with the difficulties of the first year of parenthood and raise happy and healthy babies. All of Tracy's advice is extremely practical and accessible to everyone, and the techniques she offers are extremely effective - perhaps because her approach is based on a respectful attitude towards newborn children, albeit small, but personalities.

Why this book is worth reading

Tracey Hogg is one of the most famous authors of parent-child literature, she is recognized along with the eminent Adele Faber, Elaine Mazlish, William and Martha Sears;
a must-have for all parents who have newborns: you will understand what to expect and learn to cope even with what you did not expect;
the author will competently and kindly explain to every mother and father how to raise a happy child in love, respect and care;
parents around the world call Tracy the modern Mary Poppins for her actionable advice;
modern pediatricians recommend the author's books to parents all over the world.

Who is author
Tracey Hogg is rightfully considered the modern Mary Poppins; all over the world, young mothers use her technique to fall asleep babies on their own.
The author was a nurse, and in order to help babies, she had to learn to understand their language and decipher the signals they sent. Thanks to this, Tracy was able to master their non-verbal language. After moving to America, she devoted herself to caring for newborns and women in childbirth and helping new parents.

How to teach a baby to fall asleep on his own and sleep peacefully through the night?

My newborn baby was about two weeks old when I was suddenly deafened by the realization: I will never be able to rest again. Well, never is perhaps too strong a word. There was hope that by sending my son to college, I would still be able to sleep peacefully at night again. But I was ready to give my head for cutting off - as long as he is a baby, this does not shine for me.
Sandy Shelton. Good night sleep and other lies

Sweet dreams, my dear!

In the first days of life, the main occupation of the newborn is sleep. Some sleep in the first week up to 23 hours a day! Of course, every living being needs sleep, but for a newborn it is everything. While the baby sleeps, his brain is working tirelessly to create convolutions necessary for mental, physical and emotional development. If the child had a good night's sleep, he is collected, focused and happy with everything - just like an adult after a good rest. He eats heartily, plays enthusiastically, radiates energy and actively communicates with others.

The body of a child who does not sleep well cannot function normally because his nervous system is depleted.

He is irritable and uncoordinated. The baby is reluctant to take the breast or bottle. He doesn't have the strength to explore the world. Worst of all, overwork exacerbates the sleep problem. The point is that bad sleep habits create a vicious circle. Some babies are so tired that they are physically unable to calm down and fall asleep. Only when there is absolutely no strength left, the poor things finally turn off. It hurts to watch how the baby literally stuns herself with her own crying, trying to isolate herself from the world, she is so overexcited and upset. But the worst thing is that even this hard-won dream turns out to be shallow and intermittent and sometimes lasts no longer than 20 minutes. As a result, the child almost constantly lives "on the nerves."

So, everything seems to be obvious. But you should know how many people do not understand this simple thing: to develop a healthy sleep habit, an infant needs parental guidance. So-called sleep problems are typical because many parents are unaware: they, and not their children, should decide when the baby goes to bed and how to fall asleep.

In this chapter I will tell you what I myself think about this, and many of my thoughts will certainly come into conflict with what you have read or heard from others. I'll teach you how to notice a baby's fatigue before it becomes overtired, and what to do if you miss a valuable window of time when the baby is easy to put to bed. You'll learn how to help your baby fall asleep and how to eliminate sleep-related problems before they become a persistent problem.

Down with delusion: light sleep

Now the minds of parents are owned by two radically different "schools" from one another.
The first includes adherents of co-sleeping, whatever it is called, whether it is "sleeping in the parent's bed" or the Sears method. (Dr. William Sears, a California pediatrician, promotes the idea that babies should be allowed to sleep in their parents' bed until they ask to have their own bed.) This method is based on the idea that the baby a positive attitude towards sleep and putting to bed should be developed (here I am “for” with both hands) and that the most correct way to this goal is to carry it in my arms, nurse and stroke it until the baby falls asleep (which I categorically object to). Sears, the method's most influential promoter, perplexed in an interview published in Child magazine in 1998: "How can a mother be tempted to put her child in a box of bars and leave him in a dark room all alone?"

Proponents of parent-infant co-sleeping often cite traditions from other cultures, such as Bali, where newborns are not let go until they are three months old. (But we don't live in Bali!) Members of the La Leche League believe that if a baby is having a hard day, mom should stay in bed with him, providing him with the extra contact and care he needs. All this serves to “strengthen the attachment” and create a “sense of security,” so supporters of this view believe it is quite possible for mom and dad to sacrifice their time, personal life and their own need for sleep. And to make it easier for them to do so, Pat Yerian, co-sleeping advocate opined in The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding, urges disgruntled parents to change their minds: “If you can take the step towards greater tolerance [of your baby waking you up], you will be able to enjoy those quiet moments of nighttime interaction with a newborn who needs your hands and affection, or a little older baby who just needs to be with someone next to you. ".

At the other extreme is the delayed response method, often referred to as "Ferber" after Dr. Richard Ferber, director of the Center for the Study of Children's Sleep Disorders at Boston Children's Hospital. According to his theory, bad habits associated with sleep are acquired, which means that they can be weaned (with which I completely agree). Accordingly, he recommends that parents put the baby to bed when he is still awake and teach him to fall asleep on his own (I also agree with this). If the child, instead of falling asleep, begins to cry, actually turning to the parents with an appeal: “Come, take me away from here!” - Ferber advises to leave crying unattended for longer and longer periods of time: the first night for five minutes, the second for 10, then 15, etc. (and here Dr. Ferber and I diverge paths). Dr. Ferber’s explanation is given in Child magazine: “If a kid wants to play with a dangerous object, we say “no” and set boundaries that may cause him to protest .... The same thing happens when we explain to him that there are rules at night. Sleeping well at night is in his own interest.”

Perhaps you have already joined one or the other camp.
If any of these two methods suits you and your child, fits your lifestyle, do not hesitate, continue in the same spirit. But the fact is that I often get calls from people who have already experienced both of these approaches. Usually events develop as follows. One parent initially favors the idea of co-sleeping with their child and convinces their partner or partner that this is the best thing to do. In the end, there really is something romantic in this - a kind of return "to the origins." And night feedings are no longer a problem. The enthusiastic couple decide not to buy a crib at all. But a few months pass - sometimes quite a lot - and the idyll ends. If mom and dad are very afraid of “sleeping” the child, then they themselves can lose sleep due to constant fears, and someone develops a painful sensitivity to the slightest sound made by the baby in a dream.

The baby may wake up frequently—every two hours—and demand attention. And if it is enough for some kids to stroke or hug them tightly so that they fall asleep again, then others think it's time to play. As a result, parents are forced to roam around the apartment: one night they play with the child in the bedroom, the other they doze in the living room, trying to catch up. Be that as it may, if both of them were not 100% convinced of the correctness of the chosen method, internal resistance begins to grow in one of them who succumbed to the persuasion of the other. This is where this parent grabs the “Ferber” method.

The couple decides it's time for the baby to get her own bed and buy a crib. From the point of view of the baby, this is a revolution, the collapse of the familiar world: “Here are my mom and dad, they put me to bed with them for several months, rocked me, roamed, spared no effort to make me happy, and suddenly - bang! I was rejected, evicted to another room, where everything is alien and frightening! I don’t compare myself to a prisoner and I’m not afraid of the dark, because my infantile mind does not know such concepts, but I am tormented by the question: “Where did everyone go? Where are the native warm bodies that have always been there?” And I cry - otherwise I can not ask: "Where are you?" And they finally show up. They stroke me, ask me to be smart and sleep. But no one taught me how to fall asleep on my own. I'm still a baby!"

In my opinion, radical methods are not suitable for all children. Obviously, they did not suit the children whose parents turn to me for help. Personally, I prefer to stick to what I consider the golden mean from the very beginning. I call my method "smart approach to sleep."

Three phases of sleep

Falling asleep, the child goes through these three phases. The whole cycle lasts about 20 minutes.

Phase 1: "window". Your child cannot say, "I'm tired." But he will demonstrate this to you by yawning and other fatigues. Before he yawns a third time, put him to bed. If this is not done, he will not proceed to the second phase of falling asleep, but will cry.

Phase 2: "off". The beginning of this phase is marked by the characteristic look of the child, frozen, directed to no one knows where - I call it "a look into the far distance." The child holds it for 3-4 minutes, and although his eyes are open, in fact he does not look anywhere - his consciousness hovers somewhere between reality and sleep.

Phase 3: "sleep". Now the child resembles a person who dozed off on the train: the eyes close, the head falls on the chest or to the side. It seems that he has already fallen asleep, but it was not there: the eyes suddenly open wide, the head jerks back to its previous position, so that the whole body trembles. Then the eyelids close again, and everything repeats again and again from three to five times, after which he finally sinks into sleep.

What is a smart approach to sleep?

This is the middle way, refusing any extremes. You will notice that my approach takes some of both of these principles, but not all, because, in my opinion, the idea of “let him cry and sleep” is not compatible with a respectful attitude towards the child, and co-sleeping makes parents sacrifice their own interests. My principle takes into account the interests of the family as a whole, the needs of all its members. On the one hand, the baby must be taught to fall asleep on his own - he must feel comfortable and safe in his own bed. On the other hand, he also needs our presence to calm down after stress. You can not start solving the first problem until the second is solved. At the same time, parents also need proper rest, time that they can devote to themselves and each other; their life should not revolve around the baby around the clock, but they still have to give the baby some time, effort and attention. These goals are by no means mutually exclusive. Next, I will tell you what a reasonable approach to sleep is based on, and with this in mind, you will solve all the problems that lie ahead of you. Throughout the text of the chapter, I will give examples of the practical implementation of each element, so that it would be easier for you to master the first "C" of my wonderful PASS (Nutrition - Activity - Sleep - Free time for parents - read more about this in other chapters - approx. Maternity.ru).

Go where you want to go. If the idea of co-sleeping appeals to you, explore it thoroughly. Is this how you would like to spend every night for three months? Six months? Longer? Remember: everything you do is teaching your child. So, if you help him fall asleep by holding him to your chest or rocking him for 40 minutes, you are actually telling him: “So you should fall asleep.” When deciding to go this way, you must be prepared to follow it for a long time.

Independence does not mean neglect. When I say to the mother or father of a newborn baby, “We have to help her become independent,” they look up at me in amazement: “Independent? But, Tracy, she's only a few hours old!" “When do you think we should start?” I ask.

No one, even scientists, can answer this question, because we do not know when exactly the baby begins to comprehend the world in the full sense of the word. "So start right now!" I urge. But teaching independence doesn't mean stopping crying alone. This means meeting the needs of the baby, including picking her up when she cries - because by doing this she is trying to tell you something. But once her needs are met, she needs to be let go.

Watch without interfering. You may remember that I already gave this recommendation when talking about games with a baby. It is also true for sleep. Every time a baby falls asleep, it goes through a sequence of certain phases (see "The Three Phases of Falling Asleep"). Parents should know this sequence well so as not to violate it. We should not interfere with the natural processes of the child's life, but observe them, giving the crumbs the opportunity to fall asleep on their own.

Don't make your child dependent on crutches."Crutch" I call any object or any action, having lost which the child experiences stress. It is not necessary to hope that the baby will learn to fall asleep on its own, if you suggest to him that daddy's hands, half an hour of motion sickness or mommy's nipple in her mouth are always at his service. As I noted in Chapter 4, I approve of the use of pacifiers, but not as a plug for a crying baby. Putting a pacifier or breast on a baby to shut his mouth is simply impolite. Moreover, if we do this or endlessly carry the crumbs in our arms, cradle and rock, in order for her to fall asleep, we actually form her dependence on the “crutch”, depriving her of the opportunity to develop self-soothing skills and learn to fall asleep without outside help.

By the way, a "crutch" is not at all the same as a transitional object - say, a plush toy or a blanket - which the child chooses himself and to which he becomes attached. Most infants under seven or eight months of age are not capable of this - the "attachments" of very young children are for the most part formed by parents. Of course, if your baby is comforted by a favorite toy hanging in her crib, let her have it. But I am against any things that you give her to calm her down. Let her find her own ways to calm down.

Develop rituals for daytime and nighttime sleep. Putting the baby to bed during the day and in the evening should always be a routine. I never tire of emphasizing: babies are incredible traditionalists. They prefer to know what's next. Studies have shown that even very young children, trained to expect certain stimuli, are able to anticipate them.

Learn about your baby's sleep habits. All “recipes” for how to put a baby to sleep have a common drawback: there are no universal remedies. One suits one, another another. Yes, I offer parents a lot of recommendations of a general nature, including introducing them to the phases of falling asleep that are common to all, but I always advise you to carefully look at your child, the one and only.

The best thing is to keep a sleep log of your baby. In the morning, write down when he woke up, and add entries for each daytime sleep. Note when he was put to bed in the evening and what time he woke up at night. Keep a journal for four days. This is enough to understand how your child’s sleep is “arranged”, even if it seems that there is no system in this.

For example, Marcy was convinced that her eight-month-old Dylan's daytime naps were completely erratic: "He never goes to sleep at the same time, Tracey." But after four days of keeping a journal of observations, she noticed that although the time changes slightly, Dylan always falls asleep briefly between 9 and 10 a.m., sleeps another 40 minutes between 12:30 and 2:00 p.m., and by five in the evening always turns out to be very cranky and irritated and passes out for about 20 minutes. This knowledge helped Marcy plan her day and, last but not least, understand the behavior and mood of her baby. Given Dylan's natural biorhythms, she streamlined his daily life, providing him with the opportunity to fully relax. When he began to act up, she better understood what was the matter and whether he wanted to sleep, and reacted faster.

The Magic Road to Happiness

Remember Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz had to walk down the yellow brick road to find someone to help her get home? After a series of mistakes and disappointments, she finally found this helper - her own wisdom. In fact, I help parents go the same way. Whether or not your child gets healthy sleep is up to you, I explain. This needs to be learned, and the process of learning is initiated and carried out by the parents. Exactly! Babies need to be taught how to fall asleep properly. The path to healthy sleep consists of the following steps.

Create conditions for sleep. Since babies are in dire need of predictability, and repetition is the mother of learning, the same thing should be done and said before every nap and night. Then, at her childish level of understanding, the baby will realize: “I see, so I’m going to sleep now.” Do the same rituals in the same order. Say something like: "Well, my joy, it's time to bye-bye." When moving your baby into her room, stay calm and speak quietly. Don't forget to check if it's time for a diaper change so she's not in the way. Draw the curtains. At the same time, I say: “Goodbye, sunshine, see you when I sleep,” or, if it happens in the evening and it’s dark outside: “Good night, month.” I find it wrong to put the baby to sleep in the living room or in the kitchen. It's disrespectful to say the least. Would you yourself like your bed to be in the middle of the trading floor and people loitering around? Of course not! This is what the child does not want.

Catch signals. Just like adults, babies yawn when they get tired. Yawning is a natural response:
a tired body does not function optimally, and the amount of oxygen that enters the brain due to the work of the lungs, heart and circulatory system is slightly reduced. Yawning allows you to "swallow" more oxygen (try to mimic a yawn and you will feel that the breath becomes deeper). I urge parents to respond as much as possible to the first yawn of the baby - well, at least the third. If you overlook the signs of drowsiness (see "Signs That It's Time for Baby to Sleep"), then certain types of children, such as mimosas, will quickly turn into tantrums.

Advice. To create the right mood for the child, draw his attention to the pleasant aspects of the rest. Sleep should not seem like a punishment or a struggle to him. If you say “time to sleep” or “you’re tired, you need to rest” in such a tone as they say “get out of sight, ugly boy!”, then the child will grow up in the belief that they are sentenced to daytime sleep, as if to exile in Siberia, juvenile delinquents to deprive them of every pleasure.

The closer to the bedroom, the quieter the speech and the slower the movements. Adults like to read a book or watch TV before bed to take their minds off the day's worries. Babies need to relax too. Before going to bed, nightly bathing, and from the age of three months and massage will help the baby get ready for bed. Even before a day's rest, I always put on a soothing lullaby. For about five minutes, I sit with the baby in a rocking chair or on the floor so that she gets more tactile sensations. If you want, you can tell her a story or just whisper sweet words. However, the purpose of all this is not to put the child to sleep, but to calm him down. Therefore, I immediately stop pumping the baby as soon as I see a “look into the far distance” - the second phase of falling asleep - or I notice that her eyelids are drooping, telling me that she is moving on to the third phase. (As for bedtime stories, it’s never too early to start, but I usually start reading aloud at about six months old, when the child can already sit and listen intently.)

Advice. Do not invite guests at the time when you put the child to bed. This is not a performance. The child wants to participate in everything. He sees the guests and knows that they have come to visit him: “Wow, new faces! You can look and smile! So what, mommy and daddy think I'll fall asleep and miss it all? Well, I do not!"

First in bed, then in the land of dreams. Many people believe that the child can be put to bed only when he falls asleep. This is mistake. Put your baby to bed at the beginning of the third phase - there is no better way to help her learn to fall asleep on her own. There is another reason: think about how the baby feels when falling asleep in your arms or in a swinging device, and waking up for some reason in the crib. Imagine that I wait until you are asleep and drag your bed out of the bedroom into the garden. You wake up and you can’t understand anything: “Where am I? How did I get here? Only, unlike you, a baby cannot conclude: “Oh, it’s clear that someone dragged me here while I was sleeping.” The child will be disoriented, even scared. Eventually, he will no longer feel safe in his own bed.

Putting the child to bed, I always say the same words: “Now I will put it to you, and you will sleep. You know how great it is and how wonderful you feel afterwards.” And I keep a close eye on the baby. Before lying down, she may become restless, especially when she shudders all over, which is characteristic of the third phase of falling asleep. There is no need to immediately pick up the child in your arms. Some children calm themselves down and fall asleep. But, if the baby is crying, gently and rhythmically pat her on the back - let her feel that she is not alone. However, remember: as soon as she stops fiddling and whining, you need to immediately stop stroking her. If you do this for longer than she really needs, she will begin to associate strokes and pats with falling asleep and will no longer be able to fall asleep without it.

Advice. I usually recommend laying the baby on his back. But you can also arrange it on its side, propping it up with two towels rolled into rollers or special wedge-shaped pillows that are sold in most pharmacies. If the child sleeps on its side, make sure that the side changes.

If the road to dreamland is bumpy, give your child a pacifier. I like to use a pacifier in the first three months of a newborn's life - the period when we form a daily routine. This saves the mother from having to replace the pacifier with her own presence. At the same time, I always warn that the dummy should not be used uncontrollably - it should not turn into a "crutch". With a reasonable approach of parents to this issue, the baby selflessly sucks for six to seven minutes, then the sucking movements slow down, and, in the end, the pacifier falls out of the mouth. The baby has already spent as much energy on sucking as it takes to relieve tension, and safely leaves for the realm of sleep. At this point, some well-intentioned adults come up and say, "Oh, poor thing, you've lost your papilla!" — and shove it back. Do not do this! If the baby needs a pacifier so that the sleep is not interrupted, he will let you know about it - he will begin to whimper and make gurgling sounds.

So, every time the PASS mode brings you to the first "C", follow the above rules - for most babies, this is enough for them to have positive associations with sleep. Let the baby be led into the land of dreams by the same familiar steps, because for him, predictability means safety. You will be surprised how quickly your baby will learn the skills necessary for a reasonably organized sleep. She will even wait for bedtime, because it is so pleasant, and after sleep you feel much more cheerful. Of course, problems cannot be avoided: for example, if a baby
overworked, if she is teething or has a fever (see section on Normal Sleep Problems). But these days are the exception to the rule.

Remember, in order to fall asleep for real, the child needs 20 minutes, and in no case try to speed things up. You will only disrupt the natural process of falling asleep, and the baby will get nervous. For example, if a loud noise, a dog barking, or a slamming door—or whatever—disturbs her in the third phase, she will not fall asleep, but, on the contrary, will wake up, and everything will have to start all over again. The same thing happens to adults when they are about to fall asleep and suddenly a phone call breaks the silence. If a person is irritated or agitated, it can be difficult for him to doze off again. Babies are people too! They're just as nervous, the sleep cycle starts all over again, and you have to wait another 20 minutes for your child to fall into a deep sleep.

If you missed the "window"

If the baby is still very young and you have not had time to thoroughly study his crying and body language, it is more than likely that you will not always be able to respond to his first, second or third yawn. If you have an "angel" or "textbook", it's okay - these kids need a little attention and affection to quickly bounce back. But with other types of babies, especially mimosas, it's good to have a little trick or two in the bag in case you miss phase one because the baby is about to get overtired. Yes, and sudden noise or other interference at any time can disrupt the natural process of falling asleep, and if the baby is very worried, he will need your help.

First of all, I will tell you what you should not do in any case: do not rock. Do not walk around the room with your child, do not shake him
too energetic. Remember, he's already overexcited. He cries because he has had enough stimuli and crying helps to distract from sounds and from light. You don't need to whip up the activity of his nervous system any more. Moreover, it is with this that the formation of bad habits usually begins. Mom or dad carry the child in their arms or rock to sleep to help them fall asleep. When his weight exceeds 6.5 kg, they try to get him to fall asleep without these "crutches". Of course, the child protests, as if to say, “No, dear ones, we don't do that. You always rock me."

If you do not want to fall into this vicious cycle, do the following to help your child calm down and disconnect from external stimuli.

Swaddling. After long months in the fetal position, the newborn is not accustomed to open space. In addition, he does not yet know that his arms and legs are part of himself. An overworked infant must be given a motionless position, because he is terribly frightened at the sight of randomly moving limbs - it seems to him that someone else is plotting something against him. In addition, these impressions additionally load the already overexcited nervous system. Swaddling is one of the oldest techniques to help a newborn calm down. It may seem old-fashioned, but modern scientific research confirms its effectiveness. To properly swaddle your baby, fold a square swaddle diagonally. Lay the child on the resulting triangle so that the fold is approximately at the level of his neck. Place one arm of the child on his chest at an angle of 45? and tightly wrap the body with the appropriate corner of the diaper. Repeat on the other side. I recommend swaddling during the first six weeks of life. After the seventh week, when the baby makes the first attempts to put his hands in his mouth, you need to give him such an opportunity. Bend his arms at the elbows and leave the palms unwrapped, closer to his face.

Soothing touch. Let the baby know that you are there and always ready to help him. Rhythmically pat him on the back, imitating heart beats. You can also repeat "shh... shh... shh..." - this will remind the baby of the sounds that he heard in the womb. In a low, soothing voice, whisper in his ear, "It's okay" or "You'll just sleep." For some time after you put the baby in the crib, continue to do what you did while holding him in your arms - clap, whisper. The transition from your hands to your own bed will become less abrupt.

Eliminate visual stimuli. Visual stimuli - light, moving objects - are painful for an overworked baby, especially for a mimosa. So we shade the room before we put the baby in the crib, but for some babies this is not enough. If your child is already lying down, place your hand over their eyes—do not place them over their eyes—to shield them from visual stimuli. If you are still holding it, stand motionless in semi-darkness, and with a very overexcited child, in a completely dark room.

Don't go after the child. It is very difficult for parents to cope with an overworked baby. Endless patience and determination are needed, especially if bad sleep behavior has already become a habit. The child whimpers, the parents continue to stroke him, the crying becomes louder. Overwhelmed with stimuli, the infant cries in increasing amounts until it reaches a deafening cry - very clear: "I have no more strength!" Then he takes a breath, and everything starts anew. Usually, the increase in crying occurs three times, until, finally, the child calms down. But already on the second run, many parents lose their nerves, and in desperation they return to the usual “medicine”, whether it is motion sickness, breast offering or a terrible shaking chair.

This is where the problem lies. As long as you keep interfering, the baby needs your help to get to sleep. It doesn’t take a lot of time for a baby to form a dependence on a “crutch” - just a few times is enough, because he still has a very short memory. Wrong start - and every day when you repeat your mistake, the unwanted behavior of the baby will be reinforced. I am often asked for help when the weight of a child reaches 6-7 kg and it becomes burdensome to shake him in your arms. The most serious problems arise when the child is one and a half to two months old. I always tell parents, “You have to understand what's going on and take responsibility for the child's bad habits because you created them. And then the most difficult thing will come: be determined and persistently instill in the baby new, correct behavioral skills. (For more on forming bad habits, see Chapter 9.)

Peaceful sleep until morning

A chapter on baby sleep would be incomplete without talking about when babies stop waking up in the middle of the night.

Let me first remind you that your baby's "day" is 24 hours. She does not distinguish between day and night and has no idea what it means to "sleep until morning without waking up." This is your desire (and need). Sleeping through the night is not an innate property, but an acquired skill. You must teach her to do this and give her an idea of the difference between day and night. To this end, I give parents the following reminder tips.

Be guided by the principle "how much has gone, so much has arrived." For example, if in the morning he was very capricious, and instead of the next feeding, he fills up an extra half an hour, you leave him alone, knowing that he needs this rest (if he lived on a tight schedule, you would wake him up). But don't forget common sense. Do not let your baby sleep more than one feeding cycle during the day, i.e. more than three hours, otherwise he will not sleep at night. I guarantee that no baby who sleeps six hours during the day without a break will sleep more than three hours at night. And if your child does this, you can be sure that he has confused day and night. The only way to “call him to order” is to wake him up, and his nighttime sleep will arrive exactly as many hours as the daytime has gone.

"Fill tank full." It sounds rude, but in order for a baby to sleep through the night, he must have a full stomach. So from the age of six weeks, I recommend the following two doses: paired feedings - every two hours in anticipation of a night's sleep - and "sleepy" feedings just before you yourself go to bed. For example, you give your baby a breast (or a bottle) at 18:00 and at 20:00 and arrange a "sleepy" feeding at 22:30 or at 23:00. During this last feeding, the baby does not wake up, so its name should be taken literally. In other words, you carefully take the baby in your arms, lightly touch her lower lip with a nipple or nipple, and let her saturate, and your job is to try not to wake her up. When she finishes sucking, go without spitting up. During "sleepy" feedings, babies are so relaxed that they do not swallow air. Keep silent. Do not change the diaper unless it is wet or soiled. With these two tricks, most kids can skip nighttime feedings, as long as they've consumed enough calories for five to six hours.

Advice."Sleepy" feeding of an artificial person can be entrusted to dad. At this time, most men are already at home, and they usually like such an assignment.

Use a blank. If the pacifier doesn't turn into a crutch, it's a great help to help you skip nighttime feedings. A child weighing 4.5 kg or more who consumes at least 700-850 g of formula milk or has six to eight breastfeeds during the day (four to five during the day and two to three paired at bedtime) does not need another feeding during the day. nights so as not to die of hunger. If he wakes up anyway, then it's all about the sucking reflex. This is where a dummy comes in handy if you use it correctly. Let's say your baby usually needs 20 minutes of nighttime feeding. If he wakes up crying, requires a breast or a bottle and is content with five minutes, having sucked out some drops, it is better to give him a pacifier.

On the first night, he will most likely suck her for those 20 minutes until he falls into a deep sleep. The next night, perhaps, it will cost 10 minutes, and on the third, he will not wake up at all at the usual time of night feeding, but only tinker in his sleep. If he does wake up, give him a pacifier. In other words, instead of a bottle or breast, a pacifier is quite suitable. Gradually, the baby will completely stop waking up for this.

That was the case with Cody, Juliana's son. Cody weighed 6.8 kg, and Juliana, after careful observation, realized that the boy wakes up at 3:00 out of habit. Cody sucked from the bottle for about 10 minutes and immediately fell asleep. Juliana asked me to visit, first of all, to make sure that her conclusion was correct (however, from one description of her, I realized that she was right). Besides, she wanted Cody to unlearn waking up at this time. I spent three nights at their house. The first night I took Cody out of the crib and gave him a pacifier instead of a bottle, which he sucked for 10 minutes, as he used to suck on a bottle. The next night I left him in his crib, gave him a pacifier, and this time he sucked for only three minutes. On the third night, as expected, Cody whimpered a little at 3:15 but didn't wake up. That's all! From that moment he slept peacefully until six or seven in the morning.

Don't run up to the child. The sleep of an infant is intermittent, so it is unwise to respond to any sound. I often convince parents to get rid of the damned "baby monitors" that amplify any sigh or squeak of the baby to their ears. These gizmos turn parents into freaky alarmists! I never tire of repeating: you need to understand the difference between a response and a rescue operation. If the parents are responsive to the child's needs, the child will grow up confident and not afraid to explore the world. But if his parents continuously "rescue" him, then he is imbued with doubts about his abilities. He does not develop the character traits and skills necessary to explore the world and feel calm and comfortable in it.

Hello! Today I would like to raise an interesting topic: how to teach a child to fall asleep on his own. In fact, this is a problem for most mothers - not everyone will be able to close the door without paying attention to the cries of the child. And it's even good!

This approach leads to big problems in the psyche. In fact, there are a lot of simpler, easier ways, which I will now talk about.

First you need to decide at what age the baby should already sleep alone. It depends on many factors, including character.

Sometimes a child feels calm even in a year - a loner who does not need constant attention and care. And sometimes even two years is not yet time. The child can be quite sociable and loving society. Therefore, it is not always worth excommunicating him from his parents as soon as possible.

The ideal age is between one and three. You should not follow this with manic persistence, but you must adhere to it. Firstly, at this age the child is more independent, so he willingly does everything himself. Secondly, he no longer needs constant night feeding.

Don't be manipulated

The first thing to remember is that teaching someone to sleep on their own is a real challenge. Of course, all this is only a matter of time, and at the age of ten he himself will calmly ask for his room. But, as mentioned above, the baby should learn to sleep on its own much earlier.

The whole process will certainly be overwhelmed with a mass of manipulations from the child. He will scream and cry like a baby after his birth. He will throw tantrums, bringing himself to nervous exhaustion. The baby will in every possible way deny independent sleep, and the crib will shake with indignation.

But all this is nothing more than skillful manipulation. By this age, a beloved son or daughter understands that you will gladly fulfill any of his whims, you just have to cry. Therefore, as soon as you leave the room, he will immediately resort to his favorite tactics. And it will work.

Of course, no mother can stand just silently waiting and watching, and it’s harmful. There is only one way out of this situation.

Once you decide to implement independent sleep, please be patient. Heard screams - wait at least a couple of minutes. After that, go to the child, showing that everything is fine and you are there. Exit again. Now wait four minutes.

Go to bed at a certain time

In addition, it is necessary to accustom the child to this habit. Just laying him down and going out will not work - excited by his own fear, the baby is unlikely to fall asleep, especially if he slept for at least an hour during the day.

It is necessary to instill in him a temporary habit. Here are a few ways to lull your baby to sleep. One more additional condition is added to them - it is necessary to put the child to bed at a strictly defined hour.

If for a month he fell asleep at ten o'clock in the evening, one day the baby himself will ask for a crib right in the middle of the game. At this age, the biological clock is quite malleable and not really formed, so laying the foundations of a daily schedule is very easy.

The main thing is not to be lazy. Even if you yourself are used to falling asleep at about twelve o'clock, in no case should you accustom your child to this. This behavior is simply unacceptable. By knocking down his regimen and setting his biological clock to the image of an owl, you can really ruin his school days. Which is better: to temporarily change your habits a little, starting preparation for sleep earlier than usual, or to watch a sleepy son or daughter for twenty years? I think for every mother the answer is obvious.

A bed must be a bed

Further: do not forget that the baby is still not a full-fledged person with a perfectly developed thinking. So far, he only knows this world, looking at you, people passing by, household items and so on. He still speaks indistinctly, does not always understand you, and may not even know how to read.

And he cannot be told that he should fall asleep in the crib. If you lie down in it to eat, play, just sit - the bed will be associated with the floor. And, therefore, falling asleep in it is optional.

Many mothers lock their baby in bed when they are busy. It would seem that this is bad? The kid is safe, he won't knock anything over himself. So is it worth spending money on a special arena?

Costs. The fact is that if you put the child in the crib only at night, he will automatically associate it with sleep. And human associations are powerful tools. Again, after a couple of months, the bed will provoke rapid falling asleep. And mom's dances with a tambourine will not be needed.

The main thing is to let him know. You can often repeat to the child, they say, and now we are going to sleep. Let's go to bed. And no more problems. A tired baby at the right time and in the right place does not have enough strength even to squeal indignantly.

Dispel unnecessary fears

It is worth asking the child why he does not want to sleep alone. Believe me, you can hear a lot of reasons, and not the usual "I just want to." Do not think that children do not understand anything. It is possible that some thing in the room causes fear in them.

I will give an example from life. When I was still a child, I accidentally stumbled upon a cartoon on TV. I no longer remember the exact plot, but one fragment was well remembered: the white body of either a boar or a wolf was covered with worms, making him possessed. Then I was very scared and could not sleep alone for another month. And all why?

Yes, because there was a white pillow on the TV. Naturally, my fantasy immediately associated it with a cartoon, and in the dark it still swims terribly. It was worth mentioning this, as the pillow was removed from the TV and independent sleep returned to normal.

A child can also be frightened by shadows in the corners. Well, you must admit, even if you are already an adult, sometimes you still tremble at night. Everything seems to be normal, I just got up for a drink, and something flickers behind me.

That's scary for a child. So learning to be independent is a complex psychological process.

Explain to him that everything is fine, remove fear triggers from the crib.

Light is our everything

An ordinary night light or a switched on lamp will become an assistant in this matter. Do not skimp on additional lighting. Believe me: one small lamp on the nightstand near the baby's bed will not hurt.

Nightlights have dimmed light, as a result, it will not consume a lot of electricity and interfere with sleep. You can buy a beautiful lamp, then the child himself will love it and often look at it.

Do not be afraid: this habit is unlikely to reach adulthood. However, even if so: in a dream with a nightlight there is nothing like that. Especially if a person has a very rich imagination.

Over time, make the light of the nightlight quieter and quieter. Not immediately, but gradually - you do not need to become a tormentor for the child. You just need to put him to bed with a bright lamp first. After a couple of weeks - a little dimmer. And so on, until he finally gets used to sleeping in the dark. That's all painless training.

By the way, you can find projector nightlights on sale. They will help you in this difficult task. The kid will look at the ceiling, at the monotonously spinning light figures, and, without noticing it, will fall asleep very quickly.

You or the toy

There is another option for very sociable children. For starters, as expected, lie down with him. Talk at night, play interesting games. When the baby starts to sleep, leave. The beginning is standard, isn't it?

Buy him a big toy, like a bear. If he loves him, the whole thing is almost over.

After a while, when the child falls asleep again with you, put this bear (or other toy) under his arm. Even if he wakes up, try to leave. You can tell him a funny story about how this bear is his keeper to help him fall asleep. The kid will be delighted.

Then, when a little time has passed, leave early, leaving a toy in your place. Thanks to the fairy tale, everything will do without unnecessary scandals and quarrels. The child will simply fall asleep hugging the bear.

Finally, after a while, just put him to bed with the toy. Accustomed to falling asleep like this, the baby should not resist, everything will go according to a pre-planned plan.

And when the baby grows up a little, he will not need toys. Simple restful sleep at the right (did you read the very first tip?) Time.

The latter method can be combined with a very useful thing - reading fairy tales. Ask about what would be interesting to read to the child. And start before bed.

Buy lots of books. Of course, the electronic version would be cheaper, but thanks to paper, you can also teach your child to read. Just start reading out loud, out loud and with expression. If the kid is interested, show him certain letters.

Over time, ask him to read a word on his own.

In addition, after listening to an interesting story, the child will fall asleep very quickly. The main thing is to pick up a funny book. Any kolobok will get bored very soon. Look to contemporary fairy tales.

This is how self-sleeping can help you do two things at the same time. This method will help at the same time prepare the child for school much better than preparatory courses and kindergartens. In the same way, you can learn numbers or writing over time. The main goal: to occupy the child with something monotonous, from which he will quickly get tired and begin to fall asleep.

By following at least a couple of the above tips, you can easily teach your child to sleep without you, without unnecessary nerves and worries. You don't have to wait and procrastinate. Everything is fast and simple.

And how did you wean the child? Tell us about your experience in the comments! If you liked the article, share it on social networks and subscribe to the blog. Health to you and your children!

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Tracey Hogg's method of how to teach a child to fall asleep on his own at 3, 4, 5, 6, 9 months without tears and motion sickness in his crib (personal experience and advice).

If you started the technique, be persistent (primarily with yourself), because otherwise it will turn out that your child has been experiencing discomfort all this time in vain, and you, in fact, mocked him. Realistically assess your desires and opportunities. When I decided that we would now sleep separately with Maxim, I realized that he was ready, but I was not ...

How did we get to this

“Maximka, my boyfriend is cheerful, very active, loves to scream and misbehave at his 7 months old. From birth, I understood how important it is to teach my child to fall asleep on his own, since he woke up at night very often, far from always falling asleep on his chest, so practically from the first days of my life, I didn’t rock him, put him in a crib, sizzled a little and left him to fall asleep.

Everything was fine, but one fine night (at 3 months) he did not fall asleep either by himself or with my hand, and I, completely exhausted by hours of lulling, took him to my bed. He fell asleep instantly. After reading 100 Benefits of Co-sleeping and stories from friends about how great it is, we started sleeping together. Not always, of course, there was a period when I was sick and coughed badly at night, he slept in his bed. For daytime sleeps, on the advice of my mother, we went to bed swaddled and rocked, although at that time he was already 5 months old. Everything was great and I was satisfied and slept well.

BUT! the problems started when he became crazy active after 7 months, it was almost impossible to put him to sleep! While he was little, I found time to work during the day, now it has become impossible, during the day he began to sleep for 30 minutes. I wanted to put him to bed early and work 3-4 hours a night, but he also woke up every 30 minutes until I went to bed myself and took him to my bed. I was exhausted, my nerves were on edge, I didn’t get enough sleep, I caught my leg for half the night so that I wouldn’t crawl out of bed. The peak was the night when he bit my chest, woke up 15 times, kicked me, climbed on me, etc. I could not stand such a joint dream! "

Estville's method of "controlled crying"

I think this method is known to almost all parents, most likely someone from relatives or acquaintances told you about it. What it is: you put the baby in the crib and leave the room, waiting for him to "scream" and fall asleep on his own. In theory, you should not pay attention to the cry, and it will be about an hour, and not go into the room, naturally the child should be full, healthy, in a clean diaper, etc. Three nights are enough, provided that you do not break down and start comforting the baby.
I am categorically against this method, I will explain why.

Even an absolutely healthy child can scream at himself vomiting or fever.
I can’t imagine how you can endure the wild cry of your baby for more than 5 minutes, except with headphones.
Crying is the only way for a child to express their needs, fears and emotions. If he can't speak yet, you can't say for sure that he's 100% okay.
A small child does not understand where and why her mother went, if now, when he needs her so much, she is not there, then she may not return at all.

The child in the morning will be happy and rested, if he is still very small, then he is unlikely to remember this, but the worst thing is that you will LOSE his TRUST! Children understand everything, only on a sensual level.

Another thing is when the child is already accustomed to sleeping in his crib and can be a little naughty before going to bed, when the nature of crying is fading, not turning into an op, the baby seems to lull himself to sleep with him, you can leave him alone.

PU/PD method (Pick up/Place in the crib) by Tracey Hogg

I read about this method in the book Sleepy Mom Secrets by Tracey Hogg.
Philosophy:

We perform all the rituals before going to bed (bathing, feeding, fairy tales, quiet music, lullabies, etc.), we calmly tell the child that it's time to rest, recuperate and sleep (explain your actions regardless of how old the child is a month or a year), kiss, put in the crib.
If the child begins to whimper (whining, whimpering, moaning, howling) - we put our hand on him and rhythmically shush, stroke his back, pat, shake, slightly “press down” especially active ones (one thing!), Avoiding visual contact.
As soon as it starts to calm down, we remove the sound of shhhhh, clapping, leave the hand (that is, we calmed down a little and give the child the opportunity to calm down on his own), after a few seconds we remove the hand. The most important thing is to teach the child to calm down on his own and fall asleep, and not to rock with his hand or a lullaby, this is the same as on his hands.
If she cries a lot (loudly with tears, sobs, hysteria, wriggles) - we take her in our arms, we console her, immediately after we calm down, we put her back in the crib.
If your baby already has a lot of addictions by the time of training (he fell asleep only with his mother, fell asleep on his chest, in his arms), you may have to pick up and put back 20 and 100 times and this procedure will take an hour or two, be to this ready. After three such days, the result will be very noticeable, believe me. In the same way, we put it on daytime sleep.

How not to abandon the method

Think of a plan, discuss it with all your family members, it can be stressful and better if you have a partner to help or at least support you.
Start on Friday so that the weekend is ahead and you have the opportunity to relax during the day.
If you feel like dropping everything and again breastfeeding or rocking, think about the fact that your nerves and the nerves of the child were wasted, you just made fun of him and yourself.
Remember that you will make a real gift for the child by teaching him to fall asleep without help!

What are our successes

Using the Tracey Hogg method, she taught Maxim to fall asleep on his own in the crib and without tears, but with my presence in the room. Now I am learning to sleep on my own without Maxim, it turns out to be very difficult! It was even such that I couldn’t fall asleep all night without him, and he sniffed contentedly in his bed. Last week, we experienced another growth spurt, when it was impossible to put him down by any method, woke up 10 times a night ... and this happens. It’s just that now I know that he knows how to fall asleep and sleep on his own, if he doesn’t, then something is bothering him and I should forget about the rules for a while.

22/02/2017 new! Maxim is now 1 year and 7 months old. I am grateful to the Tracey Hogg method for teaching him how to sleep in his own crib. How things are now: we go to bed at night after all the rituals, clearly pronounce that now is the time for sleep. I put Max in his crib, which stands next to my bed, he lies down himself and closes his eyes. I lie down next to (I don’t go anywhere!) On my bed, sing a couple of songs to him according to my mood, pat him on the head or on the back and he falls asleep, and I go to work. For me and him, this is an ideal option, I love the moments when before going to bed we exchange tenderness and after my lullabies he falls asleep sweetly. There are moments when I don’t feel like singing anything or Maxim starts to act like hooligans, then I just lie quietly next to my eyes closed.

Tenderness before going to bed for me is an opportunity to charge my son with my love and set him up for a restful sleep, during the day this bully is generally difficult to catch. Techniques with leaving the room were postponed until 3 years.

One more method to note.

KARITANE TECHNIQUE after 4 months

2. 5-10 minutes of quiet activities.

3. Lay your baby to bed in your preferred position.

4. Stroke for a short time (pat, lightly shake with one hand - choose one thing for yourself) and, singing a lullaby or the sound “shhhhhhhhhh”, leave the room.

5. If the child burst into tears when you left, let him cry for 1-3 minutes.

6. Return to the room and soothe the baby (patting, rocking the bed, singing a lullaby) for 3 minutes.

7. Leave the room again for 3 minutes. If you think this is too long, increase your time outside the room from 1 to 3 minutes.

Some babies find it helpful to have a quiet, monotonous sound in the room to stay awake - it can be a humidifier, a radio playing softly, lullabies, any kind of calm and relaxing music.

8. Repeat step 6.

9. Repeat point 7. Depending on the age of the baby and how you and your partner feel when the baby is crying, the time of your absence is gradually increased by 1 minute.

Aged 7-9 months - 7 minutes.

Steps 4-9 can be continued for no longer than 45 minutes. If your baby has not calmed down and/or fallen asleep after 45 minutes, take him for a walk, give him a gentle massage or a relaxing bath. This should take no more than 30 minutes. Then repeat all the steps from the beginning.

Listen to the nature of your baby's crying and decide according to the situation - how soon to enter the room and repeat step 6. If the baby is crying so much that you cannot calm him down - pick him up and comfort him in the usual way (except for feeding). Try not to let the baby fall asleep in your arms; as soon as the child calms down - put him back in the crib and repeat the whole procedure from the beginning.

All parents want their children to sleep peacefully and through the night without waking up. But adults do not always take into account the peculiarities of the child's psyche and its abilities relative to age. Falling asleep on your own, like any other skill, needs to be mastered by age. When the child is physiologically ready for this.

The child is not yet ready for this physiologically and psychologically.
Success in learning at such an early age does not guarantee the ability to fall asleep independently after six months
Inaccurate application of SP teaching methods can become unsafe and harm the mother-child relationship

For the first six months, the baby is completely dependent on the adult.

Emotionally and physically, the baby depends on a significant adult, more often on the mother. In the process of emotional communication, care for the baby, feeding, an emotional connection and closeness with the baby is formed. It also depends on how his needs for food, warmth, changing diapers and communication are met. Attachment for the first six months is formed in close tactile and emotional contact with the mother, which is important to consider.

At an early age, the baby still does not know how to calm down on his own, he still needs the help of an adult when falling asleep.

What do you think "independence" means? What can a baby do on his own at such an early age? What independence in 2 months? But, undoubtedly, with age, the independence of the child grows and manifests itself in his new motor skills.

For about six months, the baby is faced with psychological separation - the process of natural separation of the mother from the child and him from the mother, which also indicates the growing up of the child. This is a two-way process. Not only does the baby move away from the mother - he can already crawl away, for example, but the mother also allows him to do this in a safe environment and next to her. So the baby masters the space, learns the world around him, gets acquainted with new emotions and impressions from the fact that he began to look differently at the world and the loved ones who surround him - no longer lying on his back, but in a coup or on his stomach. And here it is very important how much the adult stimulates and encourages these impulses of independence, and, accordingly, the growing up of the baby. After all, it happens that a child at 6-7 months old is ready to do something himself, but the parents are not ready for this: they are afraid, protect the baby from a lot, do something for him, although he already knows how to do it himself. In such a situation, it is important for adults to deal with the questions: “Why is this convenient for me?”, “My baby’s independence is what for me?”.

Sometimes, in that the mother is not psychologically ready for the fact that her baby has matured, the mother begins in some situations to feel not as significant as before, there is a feeling that the child no longer needs her so much. Such experiences have various hidden psychological reasons: a difficult relationship with a spouse, the search for affection in caring for a baby, a difficult relationship with mom and then the fear of “not giving back” something to her little treasure, and maybe mom herself in such a relationship with child feels special and most significant.

But the independence of the baby and his growing up do not make the mother less significant, sometimes on the contrary, in order to pass, the baby first needs mother's support - he sticks to his mother, is constantly in her arms, does not let go of her hand in order to get safety, take a step forward and " let go" mom until the next crisis event.

And at each age stage of the child, mother's love will manifest itself in different actions and deeds. Even when a mother stops breastfeeding, she does not become less important to her baby. She does not begin to love him less, just as he loves her. And with age, other manifestations of mother's love and care develop. Think about how you care about the baby? Remember, is this love and care different now from the one that was at an early age of the baby? Are there new ways to say and show your warm feelings to a child?

Why do we recommend self-sleep training after 6 months?

At about 6 months, the baby becomes more mobile, he is already actively turning over and learning to crawl. By 6-7 months, self-regulation processes begin to start, which allows the baby to learn new ways of calming and find his own.

At this age, actions unrelated to the presence of an adult at the time of falling asleep can act as self-soothing: children can fall asleep on their own if there is sometimes a pacifier, a sleepy pet, thumb sucking, “squeezing” a blanket, “purring” under their breath “lullabies-mantras” .

By 6-8 months it is important to develop independence, to contribute to the maturation of the child, to encourage this. And - this is like any other skill that can and should be taught to a child if he is ready and healthy (IMPORTANT! To exclude medical reasons, we recommend contacting a pediatrician).

What can help at this age prepare the child to fall asleep on his own?

Check sleep conditions. Do not be afraid to create ideal conditions for sleep and stop worrying that this will prevent your baby from sleeping at the slightest rustle in the future. Usually such exactingness to sleep conditions concerns very sensitive babies. Remember that it is important for children to create comfortable conditions for sleep. Children more than adults need ventilation and coolness. room at bedtime, do not worry that this will confuse the child. Darkness helps to sleep better, because the "sleep hormone" begins to be actively produced in the dark, so it is easier for children to relax their eye muscles and keep their eyelids closed. In addition, children are less distracted by examining and studying the environment.

Rituals. How much we write about It's so simple, and so effective, yet many parents ignore the importance of bedtime rituals. Why do rituals work? The child needs consistency and predictability. When the same actions are repeated every night before going to bed, it helps to tune in to sleep and be ready for it. This predictability is soothing and relaxing. You can try introducing the rituals gradually. Add more relaxing activities before bed, think about what kind of quiet activities are pleasant for both you and your baby. Try to enjoy the process yourself. Enjoy the time you spend alone with your baby, fully devoting yourself to each other. And remember that with age, the rituals for falling asleep are supplemented and saturated - what you did with a 5-month-old baby will already be boring for a 1-year-old baby.

Choose your comfort mode. By 5-6 months, it begins to form with 3-4 daytime sleeps. At this age, you can try to fix the time of bedtime and morning awakening, as well as the first morning sleep 1-1.5 hours after getting up. Watch your baby, focusing not only on, but also on the signs of fatigue of your baby, on his. Record and analyze your observations. They will help you build an individual regimen for your child. But remember that waking time increases with age and the regime gradually changes. Be prepared for this. In the evening, you can search for a comfortable bedtime for several days. We call this time the "sleep window" - the beginning of the production of the "sleep hormone" melatonin, the time when the child falls asleep faster and easier. This will make it easier for you to go to bed and reduce the time it takes you to fall asleep.

Daytime nap in bed. The recommendation to avoid primarily concerns morning naps (first nap) and afternoon naps (second nap). Sleeping in a stroller is a poor-quality sleep that does not allow the baby to rest properly. It is important to gradually accustom the child to sleep in First form a positive attitude towards the crib, then try to organize the first sleep in bed, and after that the afternoon nap. After a few days, you can sometimes shift the child to sleep - sleepy, ready to sleep on one of the dreams in his crib. It is important to teach not only to wake up in your bed, but also to fall asleep, to teach you to be aware of the moment of falling asleep in your bed.

Gradually reduce yours while the baby falls asleep: swing a little less, stroke, sing.

Remember that during the regression period of 7-10 months it is better not to accept hard rules. Start teaching SZ when the child has gone through a sleep regression.

Remember that the effectiveness of the child's education and how he falls asleep on his own largely depends on the psychological readiness and mood of the mother.

If the mother is not ready to teach the baby to fall asleep on his own

It may be that at 6-7 months of the baby, the mother is not ready to teach the child to fall asleep on her own. And that's okay, that's mom's choice. So it’s important for mom to work out some important topics, but for now it doesn’t suit her. Much depends on how comfortable the whole family is in the current situation with the child’s sleep and whether you want to change something. We always repeat - if everything suits you, then nothing needs to be changed!

It is important to understand that there are cultural differences and peculiarities of upbringing. In the West, the child becomes more independent faster, the relationship between mother and children is more restrained, the baby separates from the mother early, the mother herself separates from him psychologically and physically at an earlier age, mothers go to work earlier and send their children to kindergarten very early. For European and American mothers, there is no internal conflict or contradiction about this - this is acceptable and familiar to them. But mothers in the CIS and Russia often do not like such a sharp and early separation from the baby. In the Russian-speaking zone, mothers are more sacrificial, child-centrism becomes a real distinguishing feature - most mothers are not ready to go to work early and leave the baby with someone, most often mothers do not encourage the independence of the child, they are very protective and try to do a lot for him, because our children are a little later become independent. This is neither good nor bad. This is fine. And these cultural differences should be taken into account, otherwise the mother has an internal conflict that prevents her from achieving her goals: “I want to teach me to fall asleep on my own in a separate room, but I myself like to sleep with him so much and I’m afraid that he will lie there alone without me” - and as a result, the training stops at psychological work with my mother, her readiness.

In most cases, they help the mother find her inner resources, find a balance between "needs and wants", come to the golden mean between the personal desires of the mother and the needs of the child.

Sleep, Malysh consultants help parents overcome difficulties with children's sleep, prepare them for falling asleep on their own, undergo SZ training under the strict accompaniment of psychologists and specialists in children's sleep. which we use in our work was developed in America, but we adapted it for Russian-speaking mothers, taking into account cultural characteristics. The soft distance method helps to teach the baby to sleep on his own, with minimal mother's help and with a non-traumatic experience for the child.

And if the baby does not know how to sleep on his own and he constantly needs contact with his mother when falling asleep, then you can and should work with this - teach the baby to fall asleep on his own. It is the same skill as walking or talking. Someday a child will learn to do it himself, but with the help of an adult, he will be able to master a new skill faster and more efficiently.

It rarely happens, but it happens ... And not because you are a bad parent! It's just that there are such temperamental and stubborn children who do not want to give up.

For this reason, many sleep experts recommend teaching your baby to fall asleep on his own (in other words, "let him cry").

Yes, I admit that sometimes it's necessary to let your baby cry - but it shouldn't be the first thing you do. We can all open the door by kicking it, but wouldn't you rather turn the handle?

Think about whether the baby had any mental trauma, if there were any fears, if there were any big changes in his life (a change in a children's institution, at home or a nanny), if he witnessed family quarrels, etc.

After thinking about all this, you can think about accustoming to falling asleep on your own ... But you need to do everything right!

Three Methods for Sleep Training

Over the past twenty years, experts have identified three strategies for coaxing crying, resisting babies to sleep:

"Once and For All" (also called "Eradication").
Longer and Longer (also called Gradual Eradication).
"Pick up/Put down" (also called "Fade out" or "Mom's next").

Below is a brief overview of these methods, as well as my recommendations for choosing a course of action.

Once and forever

With this method, you put the baby in bed, say goodnight to him, and then walk away and ignore all his screams and cries until the morning.

Experts who advocate the use of this method believe that children should be allowed to cry in order not to be spoiled. But there are many reasons why I recommend that you abandon this approach:

If your child throws up or accidentally hurts himself, you won't know until morning.
Your sudden absence may confuse the child, he may feel abandoned.
The baby will be very upset if he is sensitive and shy by nature, and also if he is stressed after the events of the day.
Some timid and sensitive children are simply not able to calm down without receiving support and comfort.
It is very disrespectful to ignore the cries of those we love.
Because of this, parents feel terrible (they experience anxiety, guilt, disbelief in their own strength, a sense of their own inadequacy).

Research shows that this approach can be effective. But is it right to show the child that he is safe all day long, let him know that “mom and dad will help”, and then destroy this trust as soon as the sun goes down?

Longer and longer

First, determine what your child's temperament is.

Is he stubborn, stubborn and energetic? If so, then be prepared for the fact that you will have to act harder and that the child will cry for an hour or more.

Is your baby timid, sensitive and cautious? If yes, then you will have to look at him more often (albeit briefly) to calm him down and show that he has not been forgotten.

And if the child is very sensitive, afraid of something, or has experienced some kind of trauma or big change, I strongly recommend not to use this approach and move on to the next (“Pick up / put down”).

If you do choose this approach, here's how to proceed. After the usual preparation for sleep:

Put the baby in bed, turn on white noise, say "Good night" and leave the room. (Older children are helped by small favorite toys or gizmos.)
Look back at your baby after three minutes of crying. (Turn off bright lights in the hallway, leave only a nightlight in the room.)
Do not enter the room, but just open the door ajar and stick your head through the gap for a few seconds (enough to check if the child is hurt or sick). Say something gentle and encouraging, such as, “Good night, dear. I'll kiss you as soon as the morning comes," then leave.
If the baby continues to cry, come back in five minutes, do the same and leave. If the baby does not calm down, come back after ten minutes, then come back every fifteen and say the same thing all the time. (That's why this approach is called "Longer and Longer".)

Perhaps you are afraid that if you show your baby only your face, he will cry even more. But your task is to show the child that you love him and care about his feelings, but you have decided not to go in and not give in to unreasonable demands.

Resist the temptation to stay long. In the event that you talk with the child longer and get closer to his crib, the baby will most likely only cry even more (this is how most children react, but not all). This is because (1) you are upsetting the baby (it's like holding a bag of potato chips in front of a hungry baby, but only giving him one) and (2) you are teasing him (the baby is hopeful that his screams have reached him). goal, but then you leave the room again).

Get ready for a tough first night. You will have to be tough. And during night awakenings, you will need to repeat the whole process.

Usually the second night goes just the same or a little worse, but on the third night things get better. And on the evening of the fourth day, most children fall asleep quickly and sleep until morning.

(Note: your baby may puzzle you by crying again on the third or fourth night and crying for an hour. This can happen if he is unwell, if he is very persistent and stubborn, or if you behave inconsistently - talk too much, get too close or stay with him for a long time.If you find yourself in this situation, do not despair.Just make sure that everything is fine with the child and stick to the chosen plan.)

Do not use the Longer and Longer method when putting your baby to bed. An irritated child can cry all the time allotted for him, and then feel unhappy until the evening. Fortunately, after a night's sleep is established, daytime sleep will automatically improve. So just continue to have a flexible daytime nap and don't forget your favorite toy and the right white noise.

Here are some more tips to help you succeed:

Make sure both parents agree on the chosen course of action.
Drop the idea that if you let your baby cry, then you are a bad parent (this is not true at all). If, despite a perfect sleep routine and proper sleep trappings, your little one is still awake, gentle sleep training can make everyone happier.
Start sleep training at the end of the week or before your day off so you can rest the next day.
If you have a persistent, rebellious, independent and stubborn baby, do not be surprised that on the first night he can cry from thirty minutes to an hour ... and even longer!
If your toddler sleeps in the same room as a sibling, have an older child sleep in your room or living room until school is over. And turn on white noise for the elder so that he does not hear crying.
If you live in a one-bedroom apartment, put your baby in the bedroom while you temporarily move into the living room.
Warn your neighbors of your plans so they don't get worried and call the police! (Offer a white noise CD to neighbors so they can sleep when your baby cries.)
Since you won't be able to visit your baby often to change a diaper, apply a thick layer of cream to protect the skin on his buttocks.
Sometimes the pain gets worse when we lie down. So if you think your baby is teething and it's causing him pain, ask your doctor if you can give medicine thirty minutes before bedtime.

Take note: if after half an hour you feel that you are about to break down and you need to go save your crying angel, you can do it. You should always listen to your intuition. But remember that if you behave inconsistently, you can unwittingly convince the child that screaming will allow him to get what he wants.

Explosive reaction - deterioration before cure!

Your immediate reaction in the first 3-6 months of a baby's life actually shows him how much he needs to cry so that you come faster. This is good, because your baby should know how to call you if he really really needs you.

Unfortunately, just like the boy in the story who raised the false alarm by yelling "Wolf!", some children call out to their parents louder than the fire alarm, even if it's not urgent. What's worse is that they can scream incessantly if their parents don't come. (This is especially likely if they are overtired and naughty.) So if you decide to use the Longer and Longer method to train yourself to fall asleep, don't be surprised on the first night that the baby screams louder and more insistently than ever before. In fact, this behavior is absolutely normal on the first and second nights.

Psychologists refer to this as the "explosive reaction to the termination of reinforcement" - the child bursts into tears before the pattern of behavior comes to an end (or, as they say in the language of psychology, the pattern of behavior "extinguishes").

It will probably take two to four days for the baby to understand that there is now an exception to the "you cry - I come" rule that you have been teaching him for the past four months. So gather your strength before this test and remember that difficulties will end quickly.

Pick up / put down - decision without tears

The Pick Up/Down Method (also called Fade Out) is my recommendation for parents who want to avoid tears at bedtime. It takes more time both daily (from half an hour to an hour and a half) and in general (from four days to two weeks), but can be very effective and less traumatic than other strategies. It is especially suitable for those babies who have a lot of changes in their lives, as well as restless or fearful children.

Here's how to use it:

Put the baby in the crib (wake him up if he is already asleep).
If she cries, take her in your arms and calm her down. Show that you understand his feelings by talking in a calm tone: “I know, I know, my sweet. You just say: "Mom, take me in your arms!" It's hard to sleep, isn't it, my dear?"
After the child has calmed down, put him back in the crib.
If she cries, pick her up... and repeat the whole cycle over and over again.
Rock, pet, talk, and feed as little as possible to reduce your child's dependence on these sleep trappings that require your participation.

This approach requires a lot of patience. For the first few nights, you may have to pick up your baby and put him down again about fifty times!

As always, turn on low-frequency white noise for all periods of daytime and nighttime sleep and offer your baby a toy or other thing that is pleasant to the touch. And start training before your day off, so that the next day you can sleep a little longer in the morning or take a nap in the afternoon.

Also, you should be aware that the "Pick/Put" method does not work well if:

you over-encourage your child (talk to him, play, breastfeed) every time you take him in your arms;
you have a stubborn, persistent and purposeful child who just does not give up. (In that case, you can revert to the Longer and Longer method.)

With the Once and For All and Longer and Longer methods, you are the one who sets the desired bedtime. But with the Pick Up/Down Method, you start at the time your baby wants to sleep, and then move the start of this procedure fifteen minutes earlier and do this every other night until the time you want is established.

What if the child vomits during sleep training?

One mom from a small island in South Korea wrote, “Our daughter Na Young is now eight months old. For about a month she has been waking up every hour and crying until we take her in our arms. If I sleep with her in my arms, she sleeps for at least two hours, but then I don't sleep at all. I tried to just let her cry, but every time she choked and vomited.”

Some babies cry so hard that their stomach muscles tense up and stomach contents are thrown out. Naturally, when this happens, parents can feel terribly guilty. We want to immediately wash and soothe our children before we put them to bed again.

But it's not that simple: If you pity and caress your child too much after they've vomited, you may inadvertently let them know that vomiting is a quick way to get the attention you want.

But what do you do if your baby throws up on the first night of sleep training?

Wash him quickly, avoiding long hugs and soothing conversations. Make sure he is not sick, change the sheets in the crib and change the baby, and then put him back to bed. Say "Good night" and follow the chosen plan again. If you go too far with caresses, the baby may perceive them as encouragement and vomiting will become a habit.

How to teach you to fall asleep on your own if you and your baby sleep in the same bedroom

Teaching sleep to a child who sleeps in the same room as you is possible, but definitely difficult.

When a child sees you, he will naturally try again and again to persuade you to take him in your arms. That is why - if at all possible - I advise you and your spouse to sleep in the living room, and let the child stay in the bedroom while you teach him to sleep. Or consider using the "Pick/Put" method instead of "Longer and Longer".

But just in case you don't have a choice, here are some tips to help you get started:

Install a screen in the room or hang a sheet so that the child cannot see you.
If the child is over nine months old, try to interest him in advance with a small toy or gizmo.
Turn on loud white noise so your baby can't hear you breathing, talking, or snoring (this way, your crying will be less disturbing to you).
You can start accustoming to falling asleep on your own during periods of daytime sleep. So the baby will react faster when you begin to introduce a new system in the evening.

Beware - You Can Still Be Depressed

I hope you have not experienced the rush of anxiety and loneliness that is typical of postpartum depression (PDP). However, it is important to know that while PPD usually happens soon after the baby is born, it can also sneak up on you many months after giving birth and last up to several years. So if you feel sad and anxious, don't hesitate to ask for help.

And remember that by addressing your child's sleep problem, you can move forward in your fight against depression. One group of researchers reported that 45% of mothers recovered from depression by improving their children's sleep patterns.

Reeducation: how to help a child after he deviates from the routine

Don't be surprised if you need to teach your child to fall asleep on their own again a couple of months after you did it the first time. Children may revert to the old pattern for a variety of reasons, including illness, travel (jet lag), frightening events, or major life changes.

Fortunately, this deviation from the usual order can straighten itself out in a few days. However, if the problem persists, simply go back to your chosen sleep training method and work through it step by step. Usually every time everything turns out faster and easier.

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