Немного словарного запаса для рассказа историй на английском.

Здравствуйте всем! Вы когда-нибудь пытались рассказывать какую-нибудь историю на английском? Ставлю на то, что да! Когда Вы просто разговариваете со своим другом например, конечно же Вы хотите рассказать ему о том, что случилось с Вами и что нового в Вашей жизни. Это вполне естественно, и мы делаем это каждый раз, когда говорим с людьми.

В этой статье я бы хотел рассказать Вам небольшую историю, просто выдумать что-нибудь для Вас. И потом мы вместе посмотрим на некоторые интересные моменты и фразы, которые я буду использовать.

История на английском языке.

Итак, вот эта история:

«Other day I went to the cinema. I had plenty of time till the next train home. So I made up my mind to watch that new movie by Quentin Tarantino which was called «Django Unchained». To be honest , I’m not a big fan of westerns, but I’m crazy about all the Tarantino’s movies! So I just couldn’t miss it! What’s more , I had so much free time that I could watch even two movies!

When I came to the cinema it turned out they didn’t have the tickets for «Django Unchained». I was really upset. But it was not a surprise, because the cinema was so crowed and it was the premiere, so all the tickets had been bought away very quickly. So the only thing I could do was just to seat and wait for my train. I went to the nearest fast foodand had a bite there.

For some reason I decided to come back to the cinema and ask them one more time about tickets for «Django Unchained». Believe it or not , but they said that they really had the last ticket! The point was somebody had just returned his ticket, because he couldn’t watch the movie in that time. I was so glad! So that day I managed to watch «Django Unchained»! The movie was great, I liked that! After it finished I came back to the Railway Station and went home!

I was lucky that day for sure !»

«На днях я ходил в кинотеатр. У меня была масса времени до следующего поезда домой. Так что я решил посмотреть новое кино от Квентина Тарантино, которое называлось «Джанго Освобожденный». Честно говоря, я не большой фанат вестернов, но я без ума от фильмов Тарантино! Так что я просто не мог пропустить этого! Более того, у меня было столько времени, что я мог посмотреть даже два фильма.

Когда я пришел в кинотеатр, оказалось, что у них нет билетов на «Джанго Освобожденный». Я был реально расстроен. Но это было не удивительно, потому что кинотеатр был наполнен людьми, и это была премьера, так что все билеты были раскуплены очень быстро. Таким образом, единственное, что я мог сделать было просто сидеть и ждать свой поезд. Я пошел в ближайший фаст фуд и перекусил.

По какой-то причине, я решил вернуться в кинотеатр и еще раз спросить их про билеты. Хотите верьте, хотите нет, но у них действительно был один билет! Дело в том, что кто-то только что вернул свой билет, потому что не мог пойти на тот сеанс! Я был очень рад! Таким образом, мне удалось посмотреть «Джанго Освобожденный» в тот день! Фильм отличный, мне понравился! После того, как он закончился, я вернулся на вокзал и поехал домой!

Несомненно, в тот день мне повезло!»

Разговорные фразы из текста.

Не смотря на то, что из перевода и так уже понятен смысл выделенных фраз, я все же приведу еще несколько примеров с ними ниже:

Первая фраза — «other day» . Это означает «совсем недавно, один или два дня назад, на днях». Например:

Other day I passed the exam.

(На днях я сдал экзамен)

Other day I went to the bank.

(Недавно я ходил в банк)

«Plenty of time» . Это означает «иметь много времени». И не только времени. Например:

I had plenty of time to do that.

(У меня была масса времени)

I had plenty of opportunities.

(У меня была масса возможностей)

I have plenty of books.

(У меня очень много книг)

«I made up my mind» . Это означает «Я решил».

to make up smb mind — решать, принимать решение.

I made up my mind to go to University.

(Я принял решение поехать в университет)

I made up my mind to stay home.

(Я решил остаться дома)

«To be honest». Фраза означает «Сказать по правде, честно говоря». Например:

To be honest, I don’t like you.

(Честно говоря, ты мне не нравишься)

To be honest, I don’t know where to go.

(Честно говоря, я не знаю куда идти)

«I’m crazy about».

«To be crazy about something» означает сходить с ума по чему-то, реально обожать.

I’m crazy about English.

(Я без ума от английского языка)

«What’s more». Фраза означает «более того, там более»:

What’s more, I like swimming!

(Более того, я люблю плавать!)

What’s more, he is our friend!

(Более того, он наш друг!)

«It turned out». Классная фраза, означает «Оказалось…»:

It turned out, we are lazy.

(Оказалось, что мы ленивые)

It turned out, he was wrong.

(Оказалось, он был не прав)

«had a bite».

«To have a bite» означает «перекусить». Простая и хорошая фраза:

Yesterday I had a bite at the cafe.

(Вчера я перекусил в кафе)

Let’s have a bite!

(Давай перекусим!)

«For some reason». Это означает «по какой-то причине, почему-то». Например:

For some reason, I’ve done it.

(По какой-то причине, я это сделал)

For some reason, I didn’t ask him about it.

(Почему-то, я не спросил его об этом)

For some reason, I don’t like this song.

(Мне почему-то не нравится эта песня)

«Believe it or not» — хотите верьте, хотите нет.

Believe it or not, but I know what I saw!

(Хотите верьте, хотите нет, но я знаю, что я видел!)»The point is…» — дел в том, что…

The point is I like you!

(Дело в том, что ты мне нравишься!)

The point is you should learn English hard!

(Дело в том, что тебе следует учить английский усердно)

«I managed to…». Классная фраза, означает «мне удалось, у меня получилось»:

I managed to visit that museum.

(Мне удалось посетить тот музей)

I managed to buy the best seats.

(У меня получилось купить лучшие места)

«For sure» — несомненно:

I like this game for sure.

(Несомненно, мне нравится эта игра)

For sure I’ll be there.

(Я несомненно там буду)

Вот так вот, друзья. Надеюсь, что Вы будете использовать эти фразы в своей и развивать свой английский.

Продолжайте и берегите себя!

» Как рассказывать историю?

Doctor: Could you pay for an operation if I thought that it was necessary?

Patient: Would you think the operation was necessary if I couldn"t pay for it?

Teacher: Tom, your homework, in which you wrote about a cat, is very much like your brother"s story. How is that?

Tom: Nothing strange about that, we have only one cat at home.

Little Girl: Mother, my cat can talk.

Little Girl: I ask her what is two minus two and she says nothing.

Mother: What are you jumping up and down for, Paul?

Paul: I took my medicine and forgot to shake the bottle.

Hello! Is that Ted Wells?

Yes. Who is speaking?

Who? I don"t hear.

I say Sam: Sid, Ada, Mary. Do you hear?

Yes, I do. But which of you three is speaking now?

Mother: You are seven today. Happy birthday to you, Tommy.

Tommy: Thank you, Mummy.

Mother: Do you like to have a cake with seven candles on it for your birthday par-ty?

Tommy: I think I better have seven cakes and one candle, Mummy.

Tourist: Excuse me, but does this bus stop at Tenth Street?

Passenger: Yes. Watch me and get of one station before I do.

Tourist: Thank you.

Are you still looking for your dog, Bill?

Why don"t you put an advertisement in the paper?

What"s the use! The dog can"t read.

The waitress brought the soup to everyone in the dining-room of a small hotel. Mr. Smith got the last plate, and the waitress stayed for a moment beside his table; she was looking out of the window.

“It looks like rain,” she said.

“Yes,” said Mr. Smith (he had tasted the soup), “and it tastes like rain too.”

Mr. Gray was on holiday by the sea. He was staying in a small hotel but it was not о good hotel. The meals were very small. One day he sat down to dinner. His plate looked wet. He held it up to the waiter and said, “This plate is wet. Please bring me another.” “That"s your soup, sir,” replied the waiter.

At last the visitor had to say something about food.

“I don"t like this pie, Mrs. Fiddles,” he said. “Oh, don"t you?” said the angry landlady. “I was making pies before you were born.” “Perhaps this is one of them.”

“I"m doing very well in my driving lessons,” Betty said. “Yesterday I went 50 miles per hour. Tomorrow I"m going to try to open my eyes when I pass another car.”

The policeman stopped a woman driver for going too fast.

“When I saw you coming round that corner, I said to myself, “At least 45” the officer told her.

“Well,” was the answer. “I always look older in this hat.”

“Why were you driving too fast, madam?” the policeman asked.

“My breaks aren"t very good”, she answered, “and I was hurrying home before I had an accident

A gentleman was sitting quietly in a first-class compartment. Two ladies got in. One of them saw that the window was open, and she shut it

before sitting down.

“Open it again,” said the second lady. “I"ll die of suffocation if there is no fresh air.”

“I won"t open it,” said the first lady. “I"ll die of cold if the window is open.”

A quarrel started, and it continued until the gentleman-spoke:

“Let"s have the window shut until this lady has died of suffocation, and then we can have it open until this lady has died of cold. After that it will be nice and quiet in here again.”

The young doctor had just finished his train-ing. He didn"t know what the patient"s illness was.

“Have you had this before?” he asked.

“Yes, doctor.”

“Oh! Well! You"ve got it again.”

John Smith couldn"t sleep, so his doctor gave him some sleeping pills. He took a pill that night.

He felt well when he woke up, and he went to work cheerfully.

“I slept very well last night,” he told his boss.

“That"s good,” his boss said. “But where were you yesterday?”

“My boyfriend is wonderful,” said Helen. “He is rather nice, I must say,” said Kate. “He tells everyone that he is going to marry the most beautiful girl in the world,” said Helen.

“I am so sorry,” said Kate. “Perhaps he will change his mind and marry you after all.”

When a girl shows a ring and says that she is going to be married, it is usual to ask: “Who"s the lucky man?” It"s a silly question because everybody knows that the lucky man is her fa-ther.

“I love you so much! Do you think you could live on my salary?”

“Of course I could. But what would you live on?”

Mr. Brown finished his breakfast. Then he asked the waiter to bring the manager of the hotel.

"Yes, sir, what can I do for you?" said the manager when he arrived.

"You must have a very clean kitchen here," said Mr. Brown.

"That is very kind of you to say so, sir,” said the manager. "But what makes you think we have a very clean kitchen?"

"Well," replied Mr. Brown, "everything tastes of soap."

"What"s the meaning of this fly in my

"I don"t know, sir. I"m a waiter, not a fortune teller."

A man was just finishing his lunch in a restaurant. The waitress asked if he would like coffee.

"Yes, please," he replied.

The waitress went away but came back quickly and asked, "With cream or with-out, sir?"

"Without cream," he replied.

Then, after a much longer wait, the waitress returned. "I"m very sorry," she said. "There is no more cream. Will you have it without milk?"

Little Tommy liked to ask questions. One day he asked his father one more question. His father did not know the answer. "Don"t ask me so many ques-tions," he said. "You have already asked me nearly a hundred questions today. I didn"t ask my father half as many ques-tions."

"Well, Daddy, perhaps you would know more of the answers to my questions if you had asked more," said Tommy.

Mr. and Mrs. White had a very good table in their dining-room. It was made of the best wood. When Mr. and Mrs. Brown visited the Whites, little Tommy White was hammering nail after nail into the costly table.

"Isn"t that a rather expensive game?" Mr. Brown asked.

"Oh, no," Mr. White answered. "I get the nails at the shop on the corner. They are really quite cheap."

Billy didn"t ask for a cake. He reached past the lady visitor and took one.

"Billy!" said his mother sharply. "Haven"t you got a tongue?"

"Yes, Mum," Billy replied. "But it won"t reach as far as the cakes."

How Many Were There?

The police in a big city were looking for a robber. One day they caught him and took him to prison. But while they were taking photo-graphs of him — from the front, from the left, from the right, with a hat, without a hat — he suddenly attacked the policeman and ran away.

Then a week later the telephone rang in the police-station, and somebody said, “You’re look-ing for Bill Cross, aren’t you?”

“Well, he left here for Waterbridge an hour ago.”

Waterbridge was a small town 100 miles from the city. The city police immediately sent four different photographs of the robber to the police in Waterbridge. Less than twelve hours later they got a telephone call from the police in Waterbridge. “We have caught three of the men,” they said happily, “and we hope to catch the fourth this evening.”

The Sea on Strike

Many years ago, a London theatre performed a play with a terrible storm at sea in one of the scenes. The waves were made by some boys who jumped up and down under a large piece of green cloth. Each boy received a shilling a night for his work.

The play was very popular and the hall was usually full. But the director of the theatre wanted to make still more money from the performances, and he decided to lower the boys" pay from a shilling to sixpence. This made the boys angry, and they decided to go on strike for a shilling a night.

During the next performance, when the storm began, there was enough loud noise on the stage, but the sea was absolutely calm, not one wave could be seen. The theatre director immediately ran behind the stage, raised a corner of the green cloth and shouted, “Waves! Waves! Why aren"t you making waves?!” One of the boys sitting under the cloth asked him, “Do you want sixpenny waves or shilling waves?"

“All right, all right!" the director said. “I"ll give you a shilling, only give me the waves!”

Tremendous waves immediately began to appear on the sea, and everybody agreed that they had never seen a better storm in the theatre.

An Anecdote About Mark Twain

One of Mark Twain"s hobbies was fish-ing, and he used to go fishing even in the closed season when fishing was not al-lowed. Like many fishermen, he some-times invented stories about the number of fish he caught.

One day during the closed season, Mark Twain sat fishing under a little bridge. A man crossing the bridge saw him fishing there. The man stood watching Mark Twain fishing, and then he asked, “Have you caught many fish?"

“Not yet,” Mark Twain answered. “I"ve only just begun. But yesterday I caught thirty big fish here.”

“That"s very interesting,” the man said. “Do you know who I am?"

“No,” Mark Twain said. “I don"t think I ever saw you before."

“I"m the fishing inspector for this dis-trict," the man said.

"And do you know who I am?” Mark Twain asked quickly.

“No, of course not,” said the inspector.

"I am the biggest liar on the Mississip-pi,” Mark Twain told him.

Tea Leaves

There was a time when drinking tea was almost unknown in European countries; many people had never even heard of tea. This anecdote is about an old woman and her son, who lived at that time.

The woman"s son was a sailor, and every time he returned from a far-away country, he brought his mother a gift. Naturally, he tried to bring something unusual that she could show to her friends.

Once, the young man came back from India with a box of tea for his mother. She didn"t know anything about tea, but she liked the smell, and invited all her friends to come and taste it. When her son came into the room, he saw cakes and fruit and sweets on the table, and a big plate filled with tea-leaves. His mother and her friends were sitting round the table, eating the leaves with butter and salt. Though they all smiled, it was clear that they didn"t enjoy eating the leaves.

“Where is tea, Mother?” the sailor asked.

His mother pointed to the plate in the middle of the table.

“No, no, that is only the leaves of the tea,” the sailor said. “Where is the water?”

“The water!” his mother said. “I threw the water away, of course! out of the set!” He smiled to himself, lit his pipe and began reading his favourite book

Короткие рассказы на английском языке (short English stories)- адаптированные и в оригинале. Для начинающих, продолжающих и совершенствующихся. Для тех, кто только начинает изучение английского языка или тех, кто не хочет забыть его. Лучшие рассказы английских и американских писателей с захватывающими сюжетами особенно подойдут тем, кто изучает английский язык самостоятельно.

Если Вы заглянули на эту страничку, дорогой читатель, значит Вы хотите прочитать что-нибудь на английском языке. Вы можете выбрать книгу, рассказ или небольшое произведение , а заодно и посмотреть его экранизацию. Давайте вместе совершим путешествие во времени, скажем, в век XVIII, познакомимся с эпохой, ее типичными характерами, а заодно и с величайшими писателями, которые жили в то время. Они говорят с нами через несколько веков, вложив слова в уста героев своих произведений. Хорошая книга — понятие относительное. Ведь вкусы у нас разные, поэтому и произведения на нашем сайте Вы найдете разные. Однако несомненно одно — все книги, которые мы предлагаем, достойны того, чтобы их читать. Ведь это не просто лучшие книги на английском языке — это классика английской и американской литературы. Итак, открываем книгу и отправляемся в другой мир. Не потеряйтесь!

Chemist"s Bad Day

Upon arriving home in eager anticipation of a leisurely evening, the husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained, "It"s the druggist - he insulted me terribly this morning on the phone." Immediately the husband drove downtown to accost the druggist and demand an apology. Before he could say more than a word or two, the druggist told him, "Now, just a minute - listen to my side of it. This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went without breakfast and hurried out to the car, but I"ll be damned if I didn"t lock the house with both house and car keys inside. I had to break a window to get my keys. Driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket. Then, about three blocks from the store I had a flat tire. When I finally got to the store there was a bunch of people waiting for me to open up. I got the store opened and started waiting on these people, and all the time the darn phone was ringing its head off. Then I had to break a roll of nickels against the cash register drawer to make change, and they spilled all over the floor. I got down on my hands and knees to pick up the nickels - the phone is still ringing - when I came up I cracked my head on the open cash drawer, which made me stagger back against a showcase with a bunch of perfume bottles on it, and half of them hit the floor and broke. The phone is still ringing with no let up, and I finally got back to answer it. It was your wife - she wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer. Well, Mister, I TOLD HER!"

Мы в Lingvistov часто говорим, что наша задача - это интересное изучение английского языка. Когда вас захватывает сам процесс и вы видите его смысл, то английский язык без сомнения учится быстро и безболезненно. Поэтому мы решили разнообразить повседневность, наполненную грамматикой и скучными учебными текстами, и предложить подборку анекдотов на английском языке! Смешные истории на английском языке помогут вам в развитии языковых навыков, пополнять ваш словарный запас и просто улучшат настроение.

Woops Sorry About That

Marvin, was in the hospital on his death bed. The family called Marvin’s Preacher to be with him in his final moments. As the Preacher stood by the bed, Marvin’s condition seemed to deteriorate, and Marvin motioned for someone to quickly pass him a pen and paper. The Preacher quickly got a pen and paper and lovingly handed it to Marvin. But before he had a chance to read the note, Marvin died. The Preacher feeling that now wasn’t the right time to read it put the note in his jacket pocket. It was at the funeral while speaking that the Preacher suddenly remembered the note. Reaching deep into his pocket the Preacher said “and you know what, I suddenly remembered that right before Marvin died he handed me a note, and knowing Marvin I’m sure it was something inspiring that we can all gain from. With that introduction the Preacher ripped out the note and opened it. The note said “HEY, YOU ARE STANDING ON MY OXYGEN TUBE!”

TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell "crocodile?"

GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L"

TEACHER: No, that"s wrong.

GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.

Bad Date Joke

“Hi Sarah, listen I only have a minute. I’m about to get picked up for a blind date, can you call me in a half hour just in case it’s going bad? Yes? Ok great! We’ll speak.” Raquel gave herself a quick spray of perfume, checked herself out one more time in the mirror, and headed outside to wait for the guy. Sure enough after twenty minutes Raquel was discreetly checking her watch. After ten more long minutes her phone finally buzzed. Raquel listened for a few seconds, grimly pursed her lips, and turned to her date, “I feel terrible, but my Grandmother is terribly sick, and I must go home now .” “No problem!” Said her date with a big grin, “in a few more minutes my dog was going to get run over!”

The child and his mother

A curious child asked his mother: “Mommy, why are some of your hairs turning grey?”

The mother tried to use this occasion to teach her child: “It is because of you, dear. Every bad action of yours will turn one of my hairs grey!”

The child replied innocently: “Now I know why grandmother has only grey hairs on her head.”

Homework

PUPIL – “Would you punish me for something I didn’t do?”

TEACHER – “Of course not.”

PUPIL – “Good, because I haven`t done my homework.”

* * *

TEACHER: Clyde, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother"s. Did you copy his?

CLYDE: No, sir. It"s the same dog.

* * *

TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?

SIMON: No sir, I don"t have to, my Mom is a good cook.

* * *

TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father"s cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn"t punish him?

LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.

Math, Physics, & Philosophy

Dean, to the physics department. "Why do I always have to give you guys so much money, for laboratories and expensive equipment and stuff. Why couldn"t you be like the math department - all they need is money for pencils, paper and waste-paper baskets. Or even better, like the philosophy department. All they need are pencils and paper."

Mental Patient

John and David were both patients in a Mental Hospital. One day, while they were walking, they passed the hospital swimming pool and John suddenly dove into the deep end. He sank to the bottom and stayed there. David promptly jumped in and saved him, swimming to the bottom of the pool and pulling John out. The medical director came to know of David"s heroic act. He immediately ordered that David be discharged from the hospital as he now considered him to be OK. The doctor said, "David, we have good news and bad news for you! The good news is that we are going to discharge you because you have regained your sanity. Since you were able to jump in and save another patient, you must be mentally stable. The bad news is that the patient that you saved hung himself in the bathroom and died after all." David replied, "Doctor, John didn"t hang himself. I hung him there to dry."

News Stand

A newsboy was standing on the corner with a stack of papers, yelling, "Read all about it. Fifty people swindled! Fifty people swindled!" Curious, a man walked over, bought a paper, and checked the front page. What he saw was yesterday"s paper. The man said, "Hey, this is an old paper, where"s the story about the big swindle?" The newsboy ignored him and went on calling out, "Read all about it. Fifty-one people swindled!”

School Question

Mother: "Why are you home from school so early?"